Experienced Workplace Harrassment?

[Mr&Mrs323i]

I started a new job at a small company last June and so far it has been pretty good until one of my coworkers on two separate occasions pulled the 'chicken flied lice' comment in my presence as well as others.
The first time it happened I was shocked and didn't know how to react as it has been many years since old school yard stuff. I was pissed off but I thought that it was a one-off and let it slide.
This week it happened the second time and in front of another coworker who gave a nervous laugh. This time I was pissed off again and stared at the guy who did it.
Been thinking about it last night as to what approach to take. Either talk to him in person but that means everyone else can hear it or send an email telling him to stop that crap.

Update:
After finally shedding my anger I kept it civil. Started with small talk first thing in the morning when he walked in and since he and I were the only ones in the office I then walked over to his desk, looked him in the eye and in a firm assertive voice said "Hey, you know the times you did that fried rice thing?....Can you stop doing that around me? It really hurt me."
His response: "Uh...okay...". Then I said "Thank you, I appreciate it." There, I kept it civil and not vent.

I'm pretty easy going and did cut him some slack the first time but the second instance was one too many. It may seem very minor to some of you but it has to be nipped in the bud or else everyone else will jump on the bandwagon and mimic that behaviour. I've been fortunate to have worked many years without dealing with this behaviour in the office because everyone is respectful to each other.

Some additional perspective for you observers: I'm about 30 years senior to this co-worker who is in his late 20's and I'm the only asian in this office.

[John 070]

No offense OP, are you a guy or gal.....(determines on how I think it should be handled)

I witnessed something a few weeks ago at a b-day party for kids....

We're all into ice hockey, including an Asian person in question.

So the Asian person was talking with the grandfather of the b-day kid, about hockey. Finally, the grandfather goes where are you from? The person says Connecticut. And out of nowhere, you know what I'm talking about, North Korea, South Korea, where?? And I saw the wife/grandmother make a motion that the grandpa had been drinking and was drunk.

So I dunno, it's not right, but it exists. I was a bit surprised. And the person was Chinese by the way, not Korean, so that was a very ignorant question imho....

and on the harassment thing, once at a meeting, a coworker started sliding her foot up and down my leg...

[Mr&Mrs323i]

Not sure why my sex has to do with it.
Checked my local laws and what transpired constitutes harrassment.

[rr006rbc]

Doesn't matter if you're a guy or a girl. A comment like that would get me fuming here and I'm in Los Angeles where it's a racial melting pot so you would think I would be immune to it all; but I'm not.

Talk to him about it personally before you escalate it. If that doesn't work then take the next measure, HR.

[doozyj]

WTF says shit like that at a professional level these days??? I can understand if this was a close friend joking but a counterpart??? Go to HR so they can document it. Personally talking to him will probably just make the person despise you since we can tell the by his remarks what type of person he already is. Again talk to HR behind close doors as this possibly may be a habit of his.

[Whostheboss]

OP tell the offender straight up that the joke was not funny and offensive. The more you let it go, the more jokes they'll tell.

[CANGRKE70]

Originally Posted by Mr&Mrs323i

I started a new job at a small company last June and so far it has been pretty good until one of my coworkers on two separate occasions pulled the 'chicken flied lice' comment in my presence as well as others.
The first time it happened I was shocked and didn't know how to react as it has been many years since old school yard stuff. I was pissed off but I thought that it was a one-off and let it slide.
This week it happened the second time and in front of another coworker who gave a nervous laugh. This time I was pissed off again and stared at the guy who did it.
Been thinking about it last night as to what approach to take. Either talk to him in person but that means everyone else can hear it or send an email telling him to stop that crap.

Do you remember the date and time of the first comment? Any witnesses?

Most important thing for you is document everything. Go speak to him and summarize the conversation and include it with your documentation. If you feel that he's unapologetic and the behavior will continue, speak with your manager about it and show him the documentation. Most witnesses will do the right thing when faced with protecting a racist in the workplace. Your manager should then either have a very poignant conversation with the employee or kick it up to HR to deal with and investigate.

I work for a company known for it's diversity and that would pretty much constitute termination here.

[V1.47fan]

Op just started working there, might not be a good idea to go to HR even tho He's right.
Something tells me sadly, its that place's culture. He'll be seen as the problem employee.
He should confront the offender in private then if it continues HR and eventually be prepare for plan B bc this company imo will protect the ahole.

[Delta0311]

Originally Posted by John 070

No offense OP, are you a guy or gal.....(determines on how I think it should be handled)

I witnessed something a few weeks ago at a b-day party for kids....

We're all into ice hockey, including an Asian person in question.

So the Asian person was talking with the grandfather of the b-day kid, about hockey. Finally, the grandfather goes where are you from? The person says Connecticut. And out of nowhere, you know what I'm talking about, North Korea, South Korea, where?? And I saw the wife/grandmother make a motion that the grandpa had been drinking and was drunk.

So I dunno, it's not right, but it exists. I was a bit surprised. And the person was Chinese by the way, not Korean, so that was a very ignorant question imho....

and on the harassment thing, once at a meeting, a coworker started sliding her foot up and down my leg...

Maybe the way he said it was a bit fucked up.. I live in NJ and it's pretty normal around here to ask people what their ethnic background is.

[Mr&Mrs323i]

Originally Posted by CANGRKE70

Do you remember the date and time of the first comment? Any witnesses?

Most important thing for you is document everything. Go speak to him and summarize the conversation and include it with your documentation. If you feel that he's unapologetic and the behavior will continue, speak with your manager about it and show him the documentation. Most witnesses will do the right thing when faced with protecting a racist in the workplace. Your manager should then either have a very poignant conversation with the employee or kick it up to HR to deal with and investigate.

I work for a company known for it's diversity and that would pretty much constitute termination here.

Yeah I have witnesses in both occasions.

Its definitely the office culture here. F bombs, GD's, JC's are a daily occurance and it hurts my ears. Totally different environment to my previous places of employment. I only swear when necessary like accidentally hurting myself.

Being the newbie I suppose I have to buck up and take it but not the racial slurs. Have to nip it in the bud today or its gonna stew and eat me up.

[Delta0311]

Dealt with a comment at my job that pissed me the fuck off too. While back I was kicking back with some people while picking up my office mail. One of the ladies there said something about her kids having a flag day in school. Apparently her husband is part Polish and she is Italian. She then went to say that her kids said, "omg we are Polish, we dont want to tell anyone that. don't want them thinking we're stupid"... So she told them that they are right and should only mention that they are Italian.

Being 100% Polak that pissed me the fuck off. Now if this wasn't my place of work and it was about 14 years ago (when i was a lot crazier) I would have probably put the bitch through the wall.. Instead I cut her off and told her I was 100% Polak, off the boat, my mom was a civil engineer and dad was an architect.. Then I simply stated that in this company's totem pole I tower above you so what does that tell you about my Polak intelligence; learn a country's history before you start talking trash..... and then I walked out while, their mouths where dropping..

[V1.47fan]

Originally Posted by Mr&Mrs323i

Yeah I have witnesses in both occasions.

Its definitely the office culture here. F bombs, GD's, JC's are a daily occurance and it hurts my ears. Totally different environment to my previous places of employment. I only swear when necessary like accidentally hurting myself.

Being the newbie I suppose I have to buck up and take it but not the racial slurs. Have to nip it in the bud today or its gonna stew and eat me up.

What was the racial slur?

[overcoil]

Without needing to be schooled on propriety, I woukd say that if the offender were male and the complaintent female, the situation in my opinion would be even more outrageous so the F/M factor is significant to me.
I don't think I would go to HR or submit a written complaint with date/ documentation. My experience is that comments like that in the presence of others usually filter up. I maybe wait for a third strike on the theory the offender will be 'talked to' by that time to quit harrasing.
Confronting the offender in private is always the best route, but I can only guess the dynamics and confronting may be awkward. But without being angry I would say in a light hearted way "... the jokes are freak'n me out..."

[V1.47fan]

I've seen posts on car forums, like "Herra Frush" etc. Usually the mods dont see those as racist.

[Lups]

Originally Posted by Delta0311

Dealt with a comment at my job that pissed me the fuck off too. While back I was kicking back with some people while picking up my office mail. One of the ladies there said something about her kids having a flag day in school. Apparently her husband is part Polish and she is Italian. She then went to say that her kids said, "omg we are Polish, we dont want to tell anyone that. don't want them thinking we're stupid"... So she told them that they are right and should only mention that they are Italian.

Being 100% Polak that pissed me the fuck off. Now if this wasn't my place of work and it was about 14 years ago (when i was a lot crazier) I would have probably put the bitch through the wall.. Instead I cut her off and told her I was 100% Polak, off the boat, my mom was a civil engineer and dad was an architect.. Then I simply stated that in this company's totem pole I tower above you so what does that tell you about my Polak intelligence; learn a country's history before you start talking trash..... and then I walked out while, their mouths where dropping..

Where the hell does that even come from, polaks being stupid? I thought I knew every damn euro stereotype but that's a new one for me. I do know my history a little and I know how these usually are formed but Poland is like the country nobody should have shit on.

[overcoil]

Originally Posted by Lups

Where the hell does that even come from, polaks being stupid? I thought I knew every damn euro stereotype but that's a new one for me. I do know my history a little and I know how these usually are formed but Poland is like the country nobody should have shit on.

Archie Bunker ? Goofing on his superiorly educated son-in-law.

[John 070]

Originally Posted by Delta0311

Maybe the way he said it was a bit fucked up.. I live in NJ and it's pretty normal around here to ask people what their ethnic background is.

Yeah, we don't all have the same sense of political correctness, because everything we are discussing here is not politically correct.

My reason for asking the OP's gender, is I believe if it were male/male, the issue could be dealt with the old fashioned way, pistols drawn at sunrise. Their is an expectation that a man can carry himself, and there is constant challenge in front of his peers. In the OP's case, it happened a 2nd time--seems to be a challenge.

Now if it happened to a female, I believe the action should be more legal etc., i.e. male on female, or female on female. This is just my opinion--we're discussing something that is wrong, and politically incorrect, and offensive, no doubt about it. But we have differing opinions on how to react.

[csu87]

i got suspended from work for posting "inappropriate" things of a guys facebook that he left up when I was in college.

I think it wouldnt have been a big deal, but apparently the guys family was fairly certain of his sexual orientation, and were congratulating him on being courageous and finally coming out...

That being said, I work in the construction industry where just about anything goes in the field, and almost anything in the office. I have been made fun of, insulted, stereotyped... but I dont care because it is either in fun, or because what does it really matter what someone says to me? Hell, at the same job that I got suspended from, another coworker made an entry in the "National Gay Rodeo Association" Wikipedia page, crowning me the 1st place bareback rider of 2009. Didnt know about it for a few weeks.

[Delta0311]

Originally Posted by Lups

Where the hell does that even come from, polaks being stupid? I thought I knew every damn euro stereotype but that's a new one for me. I do know my history a little and I know how these usually are formed but Poland is like the country nobody should have shit on.

Came from the Poles that emigrated here after the 2nd partition of Poland (or Polish Lithuanian Commonwealth). These where Poles from the poor Galicia province, which was then part of Austria-Hungary. Most of them where not educated (couldn't read/write) and tended to do labor intensive jobs when they came to the US. So the language barrier and the fact that they had no formal education got them referred to us the "big, dumb polak". These people basically came from the dirt poor peasant class.

[Lups]

Originally Posted by ScottSinger

Archie Bunker ? Goofing on his superiorly educated son-in-law.

I'm betting two dollars on that being a TV show again?

I find stereotypes hilarious most of the time. I kept my sanity while pushing my mom's car out of a ditch almost daily by remembering that all Finns are great drivers.

[John 070]

Originally Posted by Lups

I'm betting two dollars on that being a TV show again?

I find stereotypes hilarious most of the time. I kept my sanity while pushing my mom's car out of a ditch almost daily by remembering that all Finns are great drivers.

The only stereotype I can think of with Finns is that they're good hockey players? But I remember that when I was in Norway and Sweden, that Finns were not Scandinavians, which I did not understand, I thought Iceland, Denmark, Norway, Sweden, Finland was Scandinavia. I had a Finnish friend Merja way back when and she agreed, not Scandinavia.....

[Lups]

Originally Posted by Delta0311

Came from the Poles that emigrated here after the 2nd partition of Poland (or Polish Lithuanian Commonwealth). These where Poles from the poor Galicia province, which was then part of Austria-Hungary. Most of them where not educated (couldn't read/write) and tended to do labor intensive jobs when they came to the US. So the language barrier and the fact that they had no formal education got them referred to us the "big, dumb polak". These people basically came from the dirt poor peasant class.

Lol

Things have changed since those days, and Poland will make it big in the EU since they have even more experience with dealing with Russia and Germany than most countries Finland included has.

I got to see a Finnish community in Canada on my last trip. I talked with a WW II veteran who left my country after the war because he had lost himself to the front line (his description, not mine). He told me he learned to read and write in Canada and that he worked all his life in the lumber industry. He asked me how things are back home now and I told him that because of lumber, our country had the money to pay for education and because of the men like him we now have the options available such as I have to go cruise through north America in an M4.

We should be subjected to the same stereotype as Poland apparently