Am I The A**hole ?

[DrVenture]

Or is it just obnoxious to quote someone on a post and begin your response with "Wrong..." or "Nope..." or something similar?

My approach, mostly, even when responding to something with an alternate POV, is to avoid quoting and simply post my opinion. So as not to aggravate someone unnecessarily.

And in a similar vein, do others find it annoying when someone cherrypicks one sentence from a post to argue without taking the whole point into context?

What other forum behaviors do people find "anti-social"?

And, yes, I have already anticipated the first response to be, "Nope, ..." LOL

[cmyx6go]

You’re still a newbie here. There are a few “usual suspects” that will behave as you stated but most of us are normal. No, you’re not the asshole. Your posts are always considerate even when you’re dealing with some of the few. Just keep being you.

[vreihen16]

Originally Posted by DrVenture

And, yes, I have already anticipated the first response to be, "Nope, ..." LOL

Wrong.....

[cmyx6go]

I get a kick out of those that ask an opinion on a situation and then go crazy defending their position when they find others disagree. Don’t ask my opinion if you’re not going to consider another point of view!

[dreamingat30fps]

Originally Posted by cmyx6go

I get a kick out of those that ask an opinion on a situation and then go crazy defending their position when they find others disagree. Don’t ask my opinion if you’re not going to consider another point of view!

This is really the only one that gets me. We definitely have a few of those on here. They should add a disclaimer to their posts... *Only respond if you are going to reaffirm my already existing choice/decision as anything else you may suggest or recommend is most definitely stupid and a horrible idea. Mmmmkay thanks!

[cmyx6go]

Originally Posted by dreamingat30fps

This is really the only one that gets me. We definitely have a few of those on here. They should add a disclaimer to their posts... *Only respond if you are going to reaffirm my already existing choice/decision as anything else you may suggest or recommend is most definitely stupid and a horrible idea. Mmmmkay thanks!

The problem is, they don’t state their position up front. They post a situation and ask for thoughts. They never say upfront what they think. They then go batshit crazy on anyone - which is pretty much everyone - that has a different view. I know those posters and don’t even bother to respond to them anymore.

[RickFLM4]

Originally Posted by cmyx6go

I get a kick out of those that ask an opinion on a situation and then go crazy defending their position when they find others disagree. Don’t ask my opinion if you’re not going to consider another point of view!

Like that “Is it ok to throw a bag of dog shit in my neighbors’ trash can” thread started in Arizona.

[M_Six]

Maybe I should post this is in the "You Know You're Old When..." thread, but I always have to Google acronyms. I had never seen AITA before. Should we call that other thread YKYO?

[Esteban]

Originally Posted by RickFLM4

Like that “Is it ok to throw a bag of dog shit in my neighbors’ trash can” thread started in Arizona.

Was thinking of this guy when I saw this thread.

[DrVenture]

Originally Posted by cmyx6go

I get a kick out of those that ask an opinion on a situation and then go crazy defending their position when they find others disagree. Don’t ask my opinion if you’re not going to consider another point of view!

Yeah, and you can usually see it coming a mile away. Thanks for your previous comment too.

I'd bet that 50% of my posts, I write, then consider how much potential aggravation I might get mostly from inappropriate inference, then simply delete.

[DrVenture]

Originally Posted by RickFLM4

Like that “Is it ok to throw a bag of dog shit in my neighbors’ trash can” thread started in Arizona.

Ooof. The AZ heat! I can smell it from here.

[DrVenture]

Originally Posted by M_Six

Maybe I should post this is in the "You Know You're Old When..." thread, but I always have to Google acronyms. I had never seen AITA before. Should we call that other thread YKYO?

I admit that I sorta purposely didn't make it clear. I figured it would be fun for people to figure out.

[M_Six]

Originally Posted by DrVenture

I'd bet that 50% of my posts, I write, then consider how much potential aggravation I might get mostly from inappropriate inference, then simply delete.

I'm like that on Reddit. Sometimes the blowback from the know-it-alls just isn't worth the effort of posting.

[Esteban]

Originally Posted by DrVenture

Ooof. The AZ heat! I can smell it from here.

This character starts a thread, gives his opinion, then argues with you through the whole thread if you don’t agree with him. A fun one was his road rage thread.

[vreihen16]

Originally Posted by DrVenture

Ooof. The AZ heat! I can smell it from here.

That's not the heat...it's the dog poop that someone threw into your garbage can rather than carry it home to their own!!!!!

https://www.bimmerpost.com/forums/sh....php?t=1917153

[Maynard]

Best AITA post ever, perhaps one of the funniest things on the internet period (especially for cat people, or those who deal with morons). To really appreciate it you need to follow the backstory detail add-ons.

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAssho...eotypes_about/

[Lady Jane]

I posted that before in the 'Favorite quotes' section. And I think it's a good philosophy to adopt. Especially on the internet with so many anonymous contributors.

[DrVenture]

Originally Posted by Lady Jane

I posted that before in the 'Favorite quotes' section. And I think it's a good philosophy to adopt. Especially on the internet with so many anonymous contributors.


Attachment 3529556

There is a "pooh flinging" metaphor in there somewhere.

[Artemis]

Originally Posted by cmyx6go

I get a kick out of those that ask an opinion on a situation and then go crazy defending their position when they find others disagree. Don’t ask my opinion if you’re not going to consider another point of view!

Partially on-topic: about respect and decontamination.

A colleague moderator posted this comment in November 2018 (note: the 'Politics & Religion' section was discontinued later (September 2020) and ever since, due to inappropriate behavior by some, 'banning' and 'quieting' penalties have been applied with less indulgence and explanation):

Hey everyone,

I'll try my best to explain this in a way that makes sense.

For starters, obviously, the moderator team consists of more than one person, each with a slightly different style and tolerance for certain behaviors.
Remember that administrators also perform moderator duties from time to time.

Essentially, [X] and [Y] are on the right track here.
Us moderators prefer to let the threads and conversations ride their course, but will step in when things get out of hand.
I do particularly agree with the statement that the moderators are under the premise that we are all mature adults here.
But when people start to act like little children, then that only creates a situation that's going to descend into chaos.
This has little to do with being politically correct or building safe spaces and everything to do with fostering mature and constructive discourse that doesn't go against the forum rules.

Technically, yes, one could argue that some of the forum rules do act as a safeguard of sorts against elements such as racism and other forms of derogatory and inappropriate language.
The rules against this kind of language has been set in stone on BIMMERPOST since day one and I'd argue that they exist for good reason.
Those who genuinely feel contempt for these rules and see them as impediments to good, mature, intellectual discussion are probably on the wrong board.
Remember, this is a BMW Forum, with an off-topic (i.e., politics) section.
Again, a forum community as large as BIMMERPOST (with over 300,000 registered members) is inevitably comprised of individuals from all walks of life, backgrounds, experiences, etc.
The rules against inappropriate language/behavior is more about common decency & respect than it is about being PC.
Naturally, the psychology behind sitting behind a screen on the internet semi-anonymously and arguing with someone one disagrees with is going to enable all sorts of brave language that he wouldn't even say to someone to their face.
The rules help to curtail troublemakers and instigating/trolling behavior while also allowing for diversity in opinion.

With that being said, my personal style as some of you may already know is to try to build an understanding with the members.
I've often interrupted discussions here to give public warnings (in the form of a post instead of through the warnings/infractions system) as my token of transparency to everyone.
In such cases, I understand that there is no inherent ill-intent to the discussion, just that it got heated/emotional. By stepping in and interrupting briefly with a PSA of sorts, I hope, in those cases, to steer conversation back to the right track.
Of course, in some cases, moderators including myself will have to resort to the aforementioned warnings/infractions system instead for more blatant/direct violations/offenses.
These are dealt with on a case-by-case basis, as every scenario is slightly different.

And then, there's the "report this post" function.
Moderators cannot possibly see and scrutinize every single post that is made.
If a member sees a violative post, using the "report this post" function brings the attention of the said post to the moderation team.
Action is taken appropriately depending on the severity of the violation and moderators will use discretion depending on situation.
In some cases, there may be a reported post in a thread that is already on fire.
Deleting that one reported post will fix nothing, but deleting an entire page of discussion eliminates any continuity of discussion because the thread was already so consumed by the fire/heat.
In such instances, closing/deleting the thread is the more viable option.

Bans are the most severe form of disciplinary measure on any forum and here on BIMMERPOST, they are not handed out very liberally.
These are reserved only for severe or flagrant offenses or repeated violation (i.e., history of violation) of the rules.
Additionally, it would be really tough to earn a permanent ban, or a ban without warning, unless you are either a spambot, repeat offender, or an individual is full of contempt for others and the rules (i.e., a toxic, despicable individual).

[Z] used an analogy before that I also like to use.
Basically, you'd want to behave (carry yourself) in a way where the other person would want to have a beer with you, just like in real-life.
The internet should be no different.
Be respectful, play nice, act mature, and we won't have any issues.

My take on it in a November 2022 post: the times they are a-changin':

Originally Posted by Artemis

Decontamination

Let's recap the situation:

• what this place is: a worldwide BMW enthusiasts car forum with easy and free access (no premium/fremium, no eligibility restrictions) and freedom of speech, featuring a basic set of reasonable house rules, enforced by moderators, serving the purpose to make this forum an appropriate place to openly exchange news, info, views, ideas, tips & tricks, questions, etc.;
• what this place ain't: a science board, a governmental institution, a court of law, an educational institution, a company's board of directors, a big tech company complaints department, a political party convention, a church, FIA, etc.; [...]

Some nutrimentum spiritus for y'all:

With so many people around, conflicting views and attitudes are inevitable. As long as the house rules are observed, the countless trains of thought can freely chug around over here. Difference in views is not supposed to be a source of concern for penalties, if, in all reasonableness, those views do not violate house rules as regards contents and presentation. All non-abusive forum members deserve equal treatment, no matter who and what they are and do in real life - they all got my unconditional respect.

Furthermore, in my view it is not inappropriate for moderators of this car enthusiasts forum to actively participate in discussions, express personal opinions, share their knowledge about topics (sometimes referencing info and materials deemed relevant for the discussion, sometimes pointing out a different side of the story, etc.). No game, contest, race or dispute. No prizes, titles or cause of action to win. Freedom of speech. Let's remain open-minded and agree to disagree in a civil way. No personal vendettas.

[...]

Without moderators and admins, forums like this one would quickly become a dystopian, hostile environment. A forum continuously expands and moderators (can) only read a fraction of the posts when spending time on the forum. Unrealistic to think that moderators and admins read and analyse every single post - we don't, the quantity of posts is massive. But each of you can help bringing posts to our attention deemed to violate house rules.

This is a car enthusiasts forum featuring moderators spending time to genuinely try to properly moderate sections of this vast place - no professional occupation. If you think that you can do better, feel free to apply for moderator or create your own car enthusiasts forum. Lots of stuff is getting subscription-based nowadays. Well, except for board sponsors who promote their goods and services, none of you is required to pay a cent to lurk or participate over here. As a consequence there is no filter in admitting people, good or bad. And unlike big tech platforms, you are not constantly spammed by publicity over here. Virtually on a daily basis, moderators nuke lots of spam trying to infest this forum (many SEO spam injection attacks lately - when caught, spammers are immediately banned for life). Brief, I for one can tell you that a lot is done in the background to keep this place in good shape while you are not required to pay or do anything, except for behaving in a non-abusive way.

The vast majority of forum members over here are definitely capable to respectfully participate in conversations. But, inevitably, also forum members exist who have unrealistic expectations, or who are hyper-sensitive for views that do not comply with theirs ("personal attack!", "insult!", etc.), or who have a tendency to politicize and viciously polarize discussions blaming without merit, or who struggle to handle points of fact, or who display toxic behavior, etc. As a mirror of society: all kinds of people, a plethora of personalities, numerous points of view. And about most of them you don't know who they are in real life, what state of mind they got and what possible struggles or challenges they are going through. It already happened that I reached out to forum members with genuine words of support after reading between the lines that they were struggling with very dark thoughts.

In general, also on forums like this one, the tone gradually changed over time. To some extent the demographic changed - people leave, people move on, people come. Views sometimes get more polarizing. Discussions sometimes spin out of control either as a result of personal attacks by some, or as a result of criticism perceived by some as personal attacks. Try to imagine how those very conversations would (d)evolve when folks were sitting face-to-face in a bar, rather than fuming (c.q. trolling) behind their keyboards and monitors.

[...]

All non-abusive enthusiasts are fully entitled to interact: feel free to post your comments, expressing likely different views in a civilized way. You can report posts - even mine - deemed to violate Bimmerpost forum rules (warning triangle icon next to a post). Personally I lack the time to address the dozens of daily complaints reported across many forum sections - other moderators normally take care of this. Gross misconduct is normally swiftly addressed. Use the reporting feature when deemed appropriate (but don't be trigger happy regarding reasonably acceptable comments). See the first paragraph of the section "Post Reporting and Account Rules" (forum rules): see here.

If you want me to personally look into a specific post in this forum section that, according to you, violates Bimmerpost house rules, feel free to send me a message (but also here: don't be trigger happy regarding reasonably acceptable comments).

During the COVID-19 lockdown, the 'Politics & Religion' forum section of Bimmerpost became quite a toxic cesspool. Many went 'no holds barred'. The whole forum section got taken offline, for all the right reasons (see here). If you truly care about this Motorsport forum section, you don't want it to be removed too in the foreseeable future. By behaving in a respectful way, making efforts to listen to and take into account different views, you can contribute to preserving this forum section.

[...]

About the former 'Politics & Religion' section:

• a man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way (Mark Twain);
• anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured (Seneca).

[cmyx6go]

Originally Posted by dreamingat30fps

This is really the only one that gets me. We definitely have a few of those on here. They should add a disclaimer to their posts... *Only respond if you are going to reaffirm my already existing choice/decision as anything else you may suggest or recommend is most definitely stupid and a horrible idea. Mmmmkay thanks!

Deja Vu all over again...

Tennis anyone.

[Esteban]

Originally Posted by cmyx6go

Deja Vu all over again...

Tennis anyone.

Or pickleball.

[vreihen16]

Is somebody making a racquet in another thread?

Car racing is obviously a *sport*, played by athletes with big balls. All of those other things are just games.....