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      05-21-2019, 10:49 AM   #67
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Originally Posted by CTinline-six View Post
Hard to set goals for my entire life all at once. In the meantime I want to focus more on myself and enjoying life instead of working/stressing so much. I'm taking a vacation mid-June, I haven't taken a day off that wasn't a sick day for over 3 years.
Take vacation. Even if you don't go anywhere. And I'm saying this as a business owner. You need time off, you need to decompress, and clear your head for both your own well being and your performance at work. You'd be amazed how much a few days off can do. Only downside is what you need to do at work to prepare for being out and the catch up you have to do when you get back.
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      05-21-2019, 10:54 AM   #68
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Originally Posted by cmyx6go View Post
Take vacation. Even if you don't go anywhere. And I'm saying this as a business owner. You need time off, you need to decompress, and clear your head for both your own well being and your performance at work. You'd be amazed how much a few days off can do. Only downside is what you need to do at work to prepare for being out and the catch up you have to do when you get back.
This is one of the hardest things for me. I can't even get one day into a vacation without a phone call from work.

Last year I started leaving my phone on "Do not Disturb" if I carried it out... but mainly it stayed in the house the entire time we were on the beach.

I would check it once a day and that was it. Best vacation I have had in awhile.
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      05-21-2019, 11:10 AM   #69
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This is one of the hardest things for me. I can't even get one day into a vacation without a phone call from work.

Last year I started leaving my phone on "Do not Disturb" if I carried it out... but mainly it stayed in the house the entire time we were on the beach.

I would check it once a day and that was it. Best vacation I have had in awhile.
With technology these days it is hard to disconnect, but you must. Just because people can call you doesn't mean they should call you. There are no longer any boundaries around work and off time. When does the work day end? I put an out of office message on my email stating I will be out until X date with limited access to vm and email. I will respond as soon as possible and give contact info should someone need immediate assistance. I still check my emails and my office voicemails show up in my email. I very rarely give my cell number to customers.

Working for someone is different, I'm sure. People are now expected to be available 24/7. I don't do that to my employees. We will have someone on call to deal with emergencies (perceived or real) and they can get to management if need be. I am a firm believer in respecting someone's off time unless absolutely necessary.
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      05-21-2019, 11:26 AM   #70
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^ this is why my travel/vacation time typically includes either the cabin (no phone line, and extremely limited cell reception so I don't even turn the phone on unless we go to town) or international travel (sorry, I don't have international service on my phone) When I went to Peru, I told the employer if they bought me a plan I would carry the phone. They didn't. "See you in 13 days!"
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      05-22-2019, 06:55 PM   #71
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Work is always an interesting discussion - fun to see what drives people and makes people stay working.

Was talking to the wife of a successful businessman about what they will do when her husband retires. She smirked and said he will never retire. He's in his early 60s and taking on more and more responsibilities ahaha
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      05-22-2019, 07:48 PM   #72
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Watched my dad do this. There is more to life than work... At some point the work comes to an end, age, whatever, then you have no hobbies, nothing to keep you active because all you know is work. Not going to be me!
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      05-23-2019, 07:29 PM   #73
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I'm 43, never been married, no children. I'm not happy about either. I'd like to do something about the former ASAP, haven't given up on the latter.
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      05-29-2019, 08:19 AM   #74
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I'm 43, never been married, no children. I'm not happy about either. I'd like to do something about the former ASAP, haven't given up on the latter.
Read the book The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck.

Look at at this way. If you had been married, odds are you would be divorced. If you were married and had children, odds are you would be divorced and the children would be doing the divided home bit, you would be paying child support, dealing with the court system, fighting with the ex-wife over parenting B.S. all while creating a strained relationship that you don't want with your kids.

Although you may not have what you want, you fail to realize the reality of what children and marriage actually results in.

Passage from the book I mentioned above.

"The desire for more positive experience is itself a negative experience. And, paradoxically, the acceptance of one's negative experience is itself a positive experience."

Just a heads up, having children is not at all what you expect it to be. You only have a few good years with them. Once they begin interacting with other children, they are no longer what you have tried to raise as they incorporate the other personalities and habits of others that they pick up. It's a continual battle of unconditional love, learning, acceptance, teaching, frustration and when it's (not) over (because it will never be "over") you end up being resented, taken advantage of, lied to and treated as if you are the enemy; all for loving something with every ounce of your being. I love my boys more than life itself, but I honestly will say that if it were a business decision, none of us would have kids.

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Watched my dad do this. There is more to life than work... At some point the work comes to an end, age, whatever, then you have no hobbies, nothing to keep you active because all you know is work. Not going to be me!
Same with my father. I said the same thing you stated above. I'm 42 now and never sit still. With each passing year, I find less time for personal enjoyment and keep finding more work to do.
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      05-29-2019, 09:29 AM   #75
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Originally Posted by cmyx6go View Post
With technology these days it is hard to disconnect, but you must. Just because people can call you doesn't mean they should call you. There are no longer any boundaries around work and off time. When does the work day end? I put an out of office message on my email stating I will be out until X date with limited access to vm and email. I will respond as soon as possible and give contact info should someone need immediate assistance. I still check my emails and my office voicemails show up in my email. I very rarely give my cell number to customers.

Working for someone is different, I'm sure. People are now expected to be available 24/7. I don't do that to my employees. We will have someone on call to deal with emergencies (perceived or real) and they can get to management if need be. I am a firm believer in respecting someone's off time unless absolutely necessary.
Are you hiring?

I notice I'm actually becoming like my father. He is very passionate about his job, and it leads to frustration with the system and lots of stress over things that are out of his control. I've watched him get migraines so bad that he ended up in the hospital from blacking out.

I think my good work ethic and caring about what happens is also my downfall. I've been with my current company three years, and I came in wanting to work hard, learn all I can, and make a good impression. The bad part is that now all the extra stuff I do has become expected. About a month ago I hurt my back and was couch bound for 3 days. My boss told me to take sick time so I could recover, yet my phone didn't stop ringing for each of those 3 days.

I also run a business on the side, so when I'm not working I'm pretty much still working.
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      05-29-2019, 11:08 AM   #76
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Originally Posted by Now_Rudi View Post
Read the book The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck.

Look at at this way. If you had been married, odds are you would be divorced. If you were married and had children, odds are you would be divorced and the children would be doing the divided home bit, you would be paying child support, dealing with the court system, fighting with the ex-wife over parenting B.S. all while creating a strained relationship that you don't want with your kids.
That is a pretty shitty outlook and not what I took away from the book. It is not about being happy with mediocrity because everything you want could be complete shit. Just because you had a bad experience, doesn't mean everybody does.

I don't agree with your quote unless there is more to it. The desire for a more positive experience is only negative if you don't have a path to get there and the work ethic to make it happen.

If you take the quote for just the quote, then nobody should want for anything more than living with their parents...
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      05-29-2019, 11:27 AM   #77
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That is a pretty shitty outlook and not what I took away from the book. It is not about being happy with mediocrity because everything you want could be complete shit. Just because you had a bad experience, doesn't mean everybody does.

I don't agree with your quote unless there is more to it. The desire for a more positive experience is only negative if you don't have a path to get there and the work ethic to make it happen.

If you take the quote for just the quote, then nobody should want for anything more than living with their parents...
I believe you misunderstood the point that I was making here. In no way am I saying be happy with medicority. What I am saying is rather than focus on what you don't have, appreciate what you do. The quote was taken straight from the book, not my own. The quote is about opening your eyes and realizing that constantly wanting what you don't have creates a sense of negativity and self doubt. Realizing where you are currently give you a base standard of understanding where to begin in order to create a more positive experience.

I'm not known for shitty outlooks; in fact, quite the opposite. I may be cynical in a sarcastic humorous sense but in no way am I a negative person. My post was about appreciating what you have versus focusing what you don't have. There is nothing wrong with wanting more as long as you are working toward accomplishing desired goals, but to focus on "not having" rather than "getting" is my point.
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      05-29-2019, 11:44 AM   #78
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CTinline-six View Post
Are you hiring?

I notice I'm actually becoming like my father. He is very passionate about his job, and it leads to frustration with the system and lots of stress over things that are out of his control. I've watched him get migraines so bad that he ended up in the hospital from blacking out.

I think my good work ethic and caring about what happens is also my downfall. I've been with my current company three years, and I came in wanting to work hard, learn all I can, and make a good impression. The bad part is that now all the extra stuff I do has become expected. About a month ago I hurt my back and was couch bound for 3 days. My boss told me to take sick time so I could recover, yet my phone didn't stop ringing for each of those 3 days.

I also run a business on the side, so when I'm not working I'm pretty much still working.

Same here. I am very anal about everything going perfectly, and get emotionally invested very quickly when it comes to work. The problem with where I work is that the Laws of Physics don't apply...or "Murphy" lives here permanently.

So my day is constantly consumed by "putting out fires", but having to find a million different ways of doing it depending on the circumstances.

All the while it seems that everyone else who is on the same level of management that I am is basically here to get in their time and leave as quickly as possible.
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      05-29-2019, 02:27 PM   #79
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Same with my father. I said the same thing you stated above. I'm 42 now and never sit still. With each passing year, I find less time for personal enjoyment and keep finding more work to do.
Yep, easy to get drawn in! And don't get me wrong, nothing wrong with loving your work and getting deeply immersed in it. But you have to keep some balance and not let work push out too much personal enjoyment. Too easy to become like my father in his mid-70's, sitting around all day chain smoking and doing sudoku puzzles because he had no hobbies. Loved him to death but sad to watch. This is why I left investment banking at 49 and now teach at our local university. The hours, the travel etc., I'd had enough. Made plenty good money as well but wanted a better quality of life which I have now found!
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