Funniest Joke

[Whostheboss]

Originally Posted by Tondtar

NOT a JOKE :

My ex-wife started taking flying lessons about the time our divorce started and she got her license shortly before our divorce was final, later that same year.

Yesterday afternoon I got a phone call, that she narrowly escaped injury in the aircraft she was piloting. Seems she was forced to make an emergency landing in Hamilton because of bad weather. Thank God the kids weren't with her.

The FAA issued a preliminary report, citing pilot error: She was flying a single engine aircraft in IFR (instrument flight rating) conditions while only having obtained a VFR (visual flight rating) rating.

The absence of a post-crash fire was likely due to insufficient fuel on board. No one on the ground was injured.

The photograph in the link below was taken at the scene to show the extent of damage to her aircraft. She was really lucky :

http://www.flickr.com/photos/39473618@N00/2806197011/

[jlspeed29]

Originally Posted by Whostheboss

a Black, Indian, south American and East Asian persons, begging you for money?

WRONG!

A. My Ni%%ger because I can paint him any color I want

[Tondtar]

Originally Posted by SoYank

? Never seen a dog with arms. But what I'd do with a dog with no legs is put it by the door as a doorstop.

May be ...but you can also take him out for a drag

[DSe93]

What do you call a piece of sandpaper in Afghanistan?

[DSe93]

Q: How do you know if an Asian guy broke into your house?

[Tondtar]

Originally Posted by DSe93

What do you call a piece of sandpaper in Afghanistan?

Toilet paper

[Tondtar]

Originally Posted by DSe93

Q: How do you know if an Asian guy broke into your house?

His car is in middle of your living room

[DSe93]

Originally Posted by DSe93

Q: What do you call a piece of sandpaper in Afghanistan?

A: A MAP

[DSe93]

Originally Posted by DSe93

Q: How do you know if an Asian guy broke into your house?

Your laundry's been done and computer is upgraded

[in5ane_3]

SERIOUS:

I don't know were to put this but,
I've never talked about this before, but I really need the boards advice on what could be a crucial decision. I've suspected for some time now that my gfhas been cheating on me.

The usual signs? Phone rings but if I answer, the caller hangs up.
My gf has been going out with the girls a lot recently although when I ask their names she always says, Just some friends from work, you don?t know them.?

I always stay awake to look out for her taxi coming home, but she always walks down the drive. Although I can hear a car driving off, as if she has gotten out of the car round the corner. Why? Maybe she wasn't in a taxi?

I once picked her cell phone up just to see what time it was and she went berserk and screamed that I should never touch her phone again and why was I checking up on her.

Anyway, I have never approached the subject with my gf I think deep down I just didn?t want to know the truth, but last night she went out again and I decided to really check on her.

I decided I was going to park my car next to the garage and then hide behind it so I could get a good view of the whole street when she came home. It was at that moment, crouching behind my front wheel , that I noticed that my engine seemed to be leaking a little oil.

Is this something I can fix myself or should I take it back to the dealer?

[in5ane_3]

hot damn that is too funny.

above post was read from *******

[jlspeed29]

Originally Posted by in5ane_3

SERIOUS:

I don't know were to put this but,
I've never talked about this before, but I really need the boards advice on what could be a crucial decision. I've suspected for some time now that my gfhas been cheating on me.

The usual signs? Phone rings but if I answer, the caller hangs up.
My gf has been going out with the girls a lot recently although when I ask their names she always says, Just some friends from work, you don?t know them.?

I always stay awake to look out for her taxi coming home, but she always walks down the drive. Although I can hear a car driving off, as if she has gotten out of the car round the corner. Why? Maybe she wasn't in a taxi?

I once picked her cell phone up just to see what time it was and she went berserk and screamed that I should never touch her phone again and why was I checking up on her.

Anyway, I have never approached the subject with my gf I think deep down I just didn?t want to know the truth, but last night she went out again and I decided to really check on her.

I decided I was going to park my car next to the garage and then hide behind it so I could get a good view of the whole street when she came home. It was at that moment, crouching behind my front wheel , that I noticed that my engine seemed to be leaking a little oil.

Is this something I can fix myself or should I take it back to the dealer?

???

[in5ane_3]

Originally Posted by jlspeed29

???

Ok.....the whole story is about how he can catch his gf cheating on him. It suddenly shifts to his car and ends there. He completely forgets about his gf cheating on him when he sees his car leaking oil. I found it to be hilarious.

[kennyg]

A man from Peoria has to make his first business trip, to Boston.
So he gets off the airplain in boston, collects his luggage, grabs
a cab. He tells the cabbie to take him to his hotel.

While on the way to the hotel he asks the cabbie "Where in Boston
is the best place to get scrod?"

The cabbie thinks for a moment and responds "Well sir, I've heard
it said many ways, but never in the pluperfect subjunctive"

[DSe93]

Originally Posted by kennyg

A man from Peoria has to make his first business trip, to Boston.
So he gets off the airplain in boston, collects his luggage, grabs
a cab. He tells the cabbie to take him to his hotel.

While on the way to the hotel he asks the cabbie "Where in Boston
is the best place to get scrod?"

The cabbie thinks for a moment and responds "Well sir, I've heard
it said many ways, but never in the pluperfect subjunctive"

hah this is like an English Teacher joke

[jlspeed29]

Q. what did the english book say to the math book?
A. man do you have problems!

[kennyg]

A man was driving up a mountain road. A woman coming down the other side rolls down her window and yells "PIG!"

The man leans out the window and shouts back "HAG!" He then rounds the corner and crashes into a pig.

[Whostheboss]

Originally Posted by kennyg

A man was driving up a mountain road. A woman coming down the other side rolls down her window and yells "PIG!"

The man leans out the window and shouts back "HAG!" He then rounds the corner and crashes into a pig.

wow

[Whostheboss]

A black guy walks into a bar with a beautiful parrot on his shoulder. "Wow," says the bartender. "That is really something. Where'd you get it?"
"Africa," says the parrot.

[jlspeed29]

Originally Posted by Whostheboss

A black guy walks into a bar with a beautiful parrot on his shoulder. "Wow," says the bartender. "That is really something. Where'd you get it?"
"Africa," says the parrot.

SNAP!!! lol

[NaTuReB0Y]

The Blind Joke

JOKE:
::-.:--:-:..-:.:-.:


ANSWER:
.:-:.::-.-:.-:

[DasBoost]

Originally Posted by Whostheboss

A black guy walks into a bar with a beautiful parrot on his shoulder. "Wow," says the bartender. "That is really something. Where'd you get it?"
"Africa," says the parrot.

I was drinking ice tea when i read this and it almost came out my nose. Hahahaha
BTW, section 8 joke had me dying, must be an east coast thang.