Update 3: Dating Advice - When to Call the Girl?

[kevinbahnz]

you have to pay to get on twitter?

[keepittrill]

Originally Posted by kevinbahnz

you have to pay to get on twitter?

No you don't.

[LAZ]

Originally Posted by ibarry92

If I do as you say, this will be my third time possibly getting turned down. I don't think it's worth it, all she is doing is leading me on because she doesn't know how to say no. Which is a bad thing because she runs away from problems, instead of facing them. If you ask me, that's a pretty unhealthy characteristic to start with in a relationship.

The last two times I asked her out. She said verbally she wanted to go; her tone of her voice said so as well. Then all of a sudden I get shot down twice. When I mention we can aim for next time. She responds so enthusiastically. I lasted texted her to let me know when she is available and free from work. I know she read it, now is she going to reply? It's been more than a week. I don't think so. At this point, I'm basically at her mercy, if that's want she wanted. If she wants to contact me she will, as it will definitely show if she was interested in the first place.

How about you stop asking her out and try to just hold a normal conversation through text!!! Dont feel like you have to get her on a date right away. and dont text something that will open the door to DRY small talk. This whole "hey, how are you?" and "Hows your summer" stuff is plain and boring! Make it fun and flirt! She probably has blown off your invites because shes thinking its going to be a night filled with small talk/boring conversation! Girls like funny and the dialogue that i read of your messages is not funny nor intersting, but instead plain and dry. You have to be a little more blunt/confident. Try texting her randomly "what are you doing?" and see what kind of response you get! then try to come back with something clever or funny! like if she replies "im at work" reply with "WACK! Give me your managers phone number. I am going to need to have a talk with him"! then just hold a conversation and try and be clever and flirt every now and then. Like tomorrow morning text her "Yet another beautiful day that reminds me of you! " and see what she replies. You gotta step up your social communication game. AND before you close the conversation sign off with you telling her to text you back THAT night. For example, if she tells you shes about to go back to work, or she is going to have dinner with her family, or she is about to go to the gym, then tell her "alright ill let you get back to your family, text me when your done!", then see what happens. IF she remembers to get back to you then thats a good sign that she is still interested. ALSO, after having a conversation and before you sign off tell her you have to do something (make up something if you have to) and tell her you will text her in a bit..this leaves a window open to strike up another conversation later that night.
and at night if she tells you she is going to bed say "Alright, goodnight. Dont dream about me, cuz then you might drown in your own drool! just sayin" This is not only funny but flirty!! Knock out two stones with one bird! or is it two birds with one stone!?

Bust a mac through text messaging!

so to sum things up
1. Be funny
2. avoid small talk
3. flirt
3. end conversations with a window to text back.

[keepittrill]

Get over her. Why spend more than a day thinking about the same girl? You have things to do, my friend. And by "things" I mean other babes.

[Rookie83]

Originally Posted by Judge

You definitely had her hook, line and sinker but never bothered to reel her in. Way too passive and – as others have said you should have insisted on a meetup. Because I'm bored at work let's do a play-by-play:

Me: "Good morning ********. Good luck on your exams. Wish you the best!" (you sound like her girlfriend)
Her: "Good morning! Aw thank you!! You too!!!"
Me: "Btw, this is ******. Lol"
Her: "Lol yea lucky guess!" (good sign. She doesn't just give her number to anyone and knew it was you)

Me: "Hi, how are you?" (boring way to start a text)
Her: "Good, thank you. And you?"
Me: "I'm doing well, thanks for asking." (Seriously? Thanks for asking??)
Me: "Do you have a second or are you busy?" (don't give her the easy out with unnecessary questions)
Her: "I'm free." (ok, well, you dodged a bullet. She's into you.)
Me: "Are you still in the process or studying for your exams or are you all done?" (unnecessary question, this isn't a job interview)
Her: "I'm finally all done. Today was my last exam." (but she's still interested!)
Me: "Congratulations, you must be excited." (now you sound like her father)

Me: "Cool, well since you are all done with your exams. I would like to take you out for lunch. " (still weak, but at least you're finally moving past academics and showing some assertiveness)
Her: "Sure, I would like that." (This is control tower. You are clear for landing.)
Me: "What do you like to eat, what would you prefer?" (don't put the ball in a girl's court for the first date, especially a shy girl. They want you to make the decisions. Asking questions and constantly forcing her to make decisions will plant seeds of doubt in her mind)


Her: "I'm pretty open to anything." (This is control tower, if you didn't receive the last transmission let me repeat you are clear for landing. Pick your runway. They're all open.)

Me: "How does pizza sound?" (did you forget the part where she said "I'm open to anything?")

Her: "Great." (Control tower here. If you don't want to land the plane feel free to parachute. Whatever is convenient for you. There's no wrong move here. Crash land if you like.)

Me: "Ok, I know a great pizza place in *****. I'm not sure if you know the place. (Unnecessary text sprinkled with seeds of doubt. Go for the kill.)
Her: "I don't think so; I don't go out much." (All runways open. Lights at full brightness.)
Me: Would you like to meet at the restaurant?" (What???? At this point you are begging her to change her mind or back out. Of course she wants to meet you.)
Her: "The only problem is that I don't drive." (Hmm, she didn't disclose this barrier when she seemed really into you)
Me: "Well thats no problem, where would you like me to pick you up at?" (At this point you've officially delegated the plans to her. Disaster. Fuel at zero and you're running on fumes.)
Her: "Where do you live?"

Me: "************" (A better answer: "Don't worry about it, I'll pick you up at 7:30")
Her: "Oh, that is far." (This is what happens when you plant seeds of doubt.)
Her: "I'm going to have to meet you somewhere." (She's waffling and completely unsure. From now on don't give her any more decisions to make)
Me: "Ok, how is tomorrow or saturday looking like for you?" (Welp)
Her: "I'm not sure yet, as I just started work and my schedule is shifting around. I'm going to let you know my schedule. (This is a nice way of saying thanks but no thanks)
Me: (knowing that she's at work) "Ok, well let me know and I don't want to keep you so long. So i'll talk to you later. (This is tower. We have lost all contact. No sign of life on radar)


Ok, you failed to close a sure thing and took way too long doing it. When a girl tells you she is down for a date and "I'm pretty open to anything," that's your indication to pick a place and set the time. If the time doesn't work she will tell you. If she sounds like she has a busy schedule give her two nights to pick from. Whatever you do don’t leave it open or task her with making the plans.

I know you think it's nice to saturate her with pleasantries ("I'm doing well, thanks for asking") and make sure she's cool with every detail of the date (are you free tomorrow?, how does this restaurant sound?, do you like Italian? ) but girls respect confident guys over timid ones who are afraid everything they say or do might be wrong or offensive.

The rest is just ugly:

Her: "Hey ill be stuck at work all day so I won't be able to make it! Soo sorry but hopefully another day." (Sounds like a nice way of saying hopefully you'll move on)
Me: No worries. We can always aim for next time. Have fun at work!" (you sound like her father again)
Her: Lol ill try! Hope you have a good day!" (she sounds sweet, you should have taken her out)
Me: "Thank you (Unless you're being funny or ironic emoticons are lame. Avoid them. The key to mmahany's advice is use them with jokes. I'd still be careful and prefer to avoid them)



You dug yourself a pretty big hole, but because she seemed so interested at the beginning I would give it one final shot. Wait a day or two and send a simple text. Something like:

"I need help deciding my memorial day plays. Let's grab a bite tomorrow at this cool place I found. What time will you be off work?"

See that? No open questions. No boring pleasantries. If she's not interested she'll ignore you or come up with a lame excuse. Then you'll know it's time to move on. Otherwise she'll tell you what time she gets off work or that she's off. Then tell her the time you'll pick her up. If she asks where you're taking her be vague and tell her not to worry about it. It's okay to be playful or flirtatious. Mystery is good.

Pretty much spot on

[BMW F22]

Do what Judge said. Perfect.

[keepittrill]

Don't ask her when you're hanging our...tell her when you're hanging out.

[keepittrill]

Originally Posted by kevinbahnz

you have to pay to get on twitter?

He meant to say twitter "page"

[ibarry92]

Originally Posted by Nkc

How old are you two? I didn't really have time to go thru the 3 updates but seems like you are being a vag. Just straight up tell her how you feel and if she seriously aint interested then move on and try to nail one of her friends. Girls expire dude. They turn into woman and any single woman over 30 seriously has some problems. They can say, OH im career oriented but fuck that, they got issues. Anyone who can't juggle a career and a relationship is a hunt with a capital C.

I am 21 and she is 20.

Originally Posted by LAZ

How about you stop asking her out and try to just hold a normal conversation through text!!! Dont feel like you have to get her on a date right away. and dont text something that will open the door to DRY small talk. This whole "hey, how are you?" and "Hows your summer" stuff is plain and boring! Make it fun and flirt! She probably has blown off your invites because shes thinking its going to be a night filled with small talk/boring conversation! Girls like funny and the dialogue that i read of your messages is not funny nor intersting, but instead plain and dry. You have to be a little more blunt/confident. Try texting her randomly "what are you doing?" and see what kind of response you get! then try to come back with something clever or funny! like if she replies "im at work" reply with "WACK! Give me your managers phone number. I am going to need to have a talk with him"! then just hold a conversation and try and be clever and flirt every now and then. Like tomorrow morning text her "Yet another beautiful day that reminds me of you! " and see what she replies. You gotta step up your social communication game. AND before you close the conversation sign off with you telling her to text you back THAT night. For example, if she tells you shes about to go back to work, or she is going to have dinner with her family, or she is about to go to the gym, then tell her "alright ill let you get back to your family, text me when your done!", then see what happens. IF she remembers to get back to you then thats a good sign that she is still interested. ALSO, after having a conversation and before you sign off tell her you have to do something (make up something if you have to) and tell her you will text her in a bit..this leaves a window open to strike up another conversation later that night.
and at night if she tells you she is going to bed say "Alright, goodnight. Dont dream about me, cuz then you might drown in your own drool! just sayin" This is not only funny but flirty!! Knock out two stones with one bird! or is it two birds with one stone!?

Bust a mac through text messaging!

so to sum things up
1. Be funny
2. avoid small talk
3. flirt
3. end conversations with a window to text back.

Your right. I came out too strong, yet boring and dull. There was not enough common ground formed to give me the opportunity to ask her out. She is only twenty years old, so her mind is pretty naive in the dating world. For someone her age, there needs to be a sufficient amount of trust that serves as a substance in order for anything to occur. If she was say thirty years old, she would have already had experience in the dating scene. Therefore, being asked out after such small talk would be normal. Especially for someone like her who is young and shy, she needs to be able to form "common ground" and trust with someone. This will help flourish the friendship and enable her to open up and be inclined to go out with me. I definitely should have known this and seen it coming. I will definitely use your advice. I guess just going with the flow is the best option. Where we left off is more awkward for me as it is for her, since she declined both my lunch offers. Building a friendship is the best decision to start out with anyways. I guess a simple text saying, "What are you doing?," as you suggested, and going from there will allow us to pick off where we left off.

[ibarry92]

Originally Posted by keepittrill

Get over her. Why spend more than a day thinking about the same girl? You have things to do, my friend. And by "things" I mean other babes.

Yes; I may be over-analyzing, but I am pretty sure we all have acted foolish once just thinking about a girl. Or we may in the future. We are all fools to some extent. That is what makes us humans and normal.

[Vic311]

[ibarry92]

Originally Posted by Dashman

"Update 3"

Yes sir it is update number 3. You may be laughing, but for a sure fact there are people who have been in this situation and/or interested in my update. 76 replies and 5,668 views seems a lot to me for a thread with pretty low replies.

[keepittrill]

Originally Posted by ibarry92

Yes; I may be over-analyzing, but I am pretty sure we all have acted foolish once just thinking about a girl. Or we may in the future. We are all fools to some extent. That is what makes us humans and normal.

As Sun Tzao once said: "If the pussy is not yours by sundown, you find a new piece of ass." ;p In all seriousness, I feel you. You just came off way too awkward and unsure in the texts! Be straightforward next time. Be confident. Go in with the attitude of "I'm asking her out. She should be honored." Being blunt works the best. If she says no, just use the good ol' "Man, you waznt even cute anyway" line

[Nkc]

Originally Posted by ibarry92

I am 21 and she is 20.



Your right. I came out too strong, yet boring and dull. There was not enough common ground formed to give me the opportunity to ask her out. She is only twenty years old, so her mind is pretty naive in the dating world. For someone her age, there needs to be a sufficient amount of trust that serves as a substance in order for anything to occur. If she was say thirty years old, she would have already had experience in the dating scene. Therefore, being asked out after such small talk would be normal. Especially for someone like her who is young and shy, she needs to be able to form "common ground" and trust with someone. This will help flourish the friendship and enable her to open up and be inclined to go out with me. I definitely should have known this and seen it coming. I will definitely use your advice. I guess just going with the flow is the best option. Where we left off is more awkward for me as it is for her, since she declined both my lunch offers. Building a friendship is the best decision to start out with anyways. I guess a simple text saying, "What are you doing?," as you suggested, and going from there will allow us to pick off where we left off.

Hey man you're still young, don't worry too much. Its these moments of heartbreaks and successful chases that makes youth so fun. Hang in there and continue till she gives up the tang.

[///McRae]

Originally Posted by ibarry92

I browsed her Twitter paid for a second time and between the time I have been talking with her and now, she tweeted: "They need to make a Life Alert for dudes who fall into the friend zone...Lmao...sonn." Maybe that was geared toward me? I do not follow her either, by the way.

Whether it was meant for you or not, (I suspect it was), she doesn't sound very nice. Also, there seems to be a distinct difference in tone between that tweet and the conversations you have had with her. Time to move on. Oh, and Twitter is for twats.

[ibarry92]

Originally Posted by ralhou

Whether it was meant for you or not, (I suspect it was), she doesn't sound very nice. Also, there seems to be a distinct difference in tone between that tweet and the conversations you have had with her. Time to move on. Oh, and Twitter is for twats.

That would probably explain why she hasn't bothered to contact me back in almost two weeks, which reveals a lot.

[e90335iftw]

youre too passive and she isnt truly interested. she likes the attn buit has no plans to actually date you. sorry bro

[black335i]

forget her there is better ones

[e90335iftw]

Originally Posted by e90335iftw

youre too passive and she isnt truly interested. she likes the attn buit has no plans to actually date you. sorry bro

Lmao, these are my drunken words of wisdom. Heed them