Taking care of parents? Sob story warning.

[Vegetable]

Hi everybody. I grew up in a super poor family.... Great parents (now in their 70s and 80s), but poor as hell. For the past 4 or so years I have been giving then about 400-500/month to help pay their rent etc.. This was fine for me as I was making north of 100K/year, but recently I have become relatively poor, making less than 60K/year.. My question is this... Being that I can now hardly afford to pay my mortgage/car payment/gas/food/taxes whatever.. is it wrong for me to ask my other siblings to help my parents? I'm the youngest in my family and there are 6 of us, all making more than I do now..I don't want my mom and dad to lose their rental or to suffer in any way.. Should I ask my older more financially stable siblings to help out? Intuitively I think, sure..but not sure If I am overstepping in some way.

[MrPrena]

Not overstepping at all. Ask them to help them or chip in at least.

[Douche]

Originally Posted by Vegetable

I get that.. but my mortgage is $2800/month and my car is $1,000 month, and I have to eat and pay taxes... I literally have no money left over at the end of the month.. I hope this changes.. but for now $60,000 a year isn't enough to pay my own bills and help my parents. unless I lose my house.

My opinion is no matter how much you made, it would always be ok to talk to siblings about everybody chipping in to help.

Now, especially so. If that is the only question, rest assure it's no big issue, everybody goes through it at least at one point in their lives and the fact that you helped alone for so long sure now counts for more credit and moral to you. Go right ahead with head held high and have the conversation.

[MisterSkiMask]

Originally Posted by Douche

I'll let you know when I stop crying. Dude you make 60k, I can't believe there are people like you starving in this world, such an unfair world.

Again, this thread should never be, it should be posted on the First World Problems thread.

60k is not a ton in nor cal

Property is going pretty crazy in the Bay Area again.

[hongsc]

I thought it was the older siblings that are suppose to help first. Plus they make more money than you now. I think it's time they pay back their parents. Seriously why weren't they helping in the first place? If they refuse then well, they are truly a douche.

[Inspired]

60k in SF is chump change

[Lups]

Hi op, tell the siblings.

Yes, they will take it badly for a few minutes, but it's the shame talking at first. I bet they never thought of this being an issue if it wasn't one for them.

To come from a poor family as you said you were from is a privilege and not a burden. Monetary issues are never real issues but things you can overcome.

I should know the difference.

[bimmette]

It's ridiculous that your siblings aren't helping already!

[Nkc]

Lucky to have 5 siblings. Go ask them for help as you're all responsible for your parents.

Single child here caring for a paralyzed broke father since the age of 27. Wish I had some siblings to share with, both emotionally and financially.

[bimmette]

Originally Posted by Nkc

Lucky to have 5 siblings. Go ask them for help as you're all responsible for your parents.

Single child here caring for a paralyzed broke father since the age of 27. Wish I had some siblings to share with, both emotionally and financially.

Oh wow.
Wait, so is he in HK or YVR?

[Nkc]

Originally Posted by bimmette

Oh wow.
Wait, so is he in HK or YVR?

HK.

[e92_boost]

It's sad how the youngest takes care of them when it should be the oldest. But props to you man keep it up

[fecurtis]

Originally Posted by Vegetable

Hi everybody. I grew up in a super poor family.... Great parents (now in their 70s and 80s), but poor as hell. For the past 4 or so years I have been giving then about 400-500/month to help pay their rent etc.. This was fine for me as I was making north of 100K/year, but recently I have become relatively poor, making less than 60K/year.. My question is this... Being that I can now hardly afford to pay my mortgage/car payment/gas/food/taxes whatever.. is it wrong for me to ask my other siblings to help my parents? I'm the youngest in my family and there are 6 of us, all making more than I do now..I don't want my mom and dad to lose their rental or to suffer in any way.. Should I ask my older more financially stable siblings to help out? Intuitively I think, sure..but not sure If I am overstepping in some way.

If you're close with your family, you aren't overstepping at all. It's family after all.

Best of luck and sorry to hear about your parents. Keep your head up and you'll get through it. I'm sure your parents worked very hard to give the 6 of you the best upbringing they could possibly provide, I don't think you'd be overstepping at all in asking them to return the favor in your parents' time of need.

[Sara]

Those are your parents. They raised you and cared for you when you were helpless and needed them. Now they need you. That is what you should tell your siblings.

[ipso_facto]

Originally Posted by bimmette

It's ridiculous that your siblings aren't helping already!

100% correct Bimmette.

OP : you have carried this financial responsibility for too long already. I am sure you did it without any consideration for yourself.

Your siblings need to contribute, commensurate to their personal means. In fact, given your historic commitment to your parent's fiscal well-being, and the fact that you have recently taken a 40% decrease in your own income ... I think you can gracefully bow out of your share of the input, with your honor and moral obligation, in full tact.

It is time for your siblings to contribute their fair share.

[P1]

Son. Get rid of that f*cking car!!!

[fcman]

Originally Posted by P1et

Son. Get rid of that f*cking car!!!

Yeah WTF $1k/month. Seems pretty obvious, no? My household income is ~$170k and our mortgage is $600 less and we don't even pay that much, more like $800/month for 2 cars. Sounds like some financial advice is needed here

[nusevad]

I'd lose the car & ask your siblings to contribute to help your parents. If you are living paycheck to paycheck and not saving anything, a $1000 a month car payment will only help you dig that hole deeper and harder to climb out of. If you happen to have an emergency fund dont use it to pay for that car to support the illusion that you are doing well. Time to hunker down and help yourself climb back to the top, lose and abandon anyhting that will hold you down. You can do it

On a side note, 50-60K a year is not poor..relatively speaking. Where you live and current lifestyle affects it but keep in mind that most Americans make less than 60K a year...household. So again, this goes back to living within your means and giving yourself a reality check.

[SunnyD]

It's not wrong for you to ask your siblings for help, but if push came to shove, you should be willing to ditch the BMW for something cheaper to help your folks out.

[Woodengun]

I have a bit different take on this situation. Your parents should move in with you or one of your siblings. The other siblings can give a bit of money to help with food and utility costs and provide your parents with perhaps a small amount of spending cash.

I have a sister and myself. My parents know that my door is open if they should ever want/need it. I'm not a fan of me having to pay for my parents to live on their own. They can stay with me if they can't afford their own home.

I actually look forward to the day when they decide they don't want to deal with their own house and move in.

[Billup]

Originally Posted by SunnyD

It's not wrong for you to ask your siblings for help, but if push came to shove, you should be willing to ditch the BMW for something cheaper to help your folks out.

I agree with this. My parents have helped me out graciously through life, and made me work through some of my own struggles/demons, but I would sacrifice just about anything I own to make sure that they can continue living comfortably.

I don't believe my sisters wouldn't help, but rest assured if they didn't, I would probably just show up at their door and ask them what the fuck is wrong with them.

[fecurtis]

Originally Posted by P1et

Son. Get rid of that f*cking car!!!

I thought about suggesting that, but if he's paying $1,000/month then I'm guessing he financed it without putting much down. In that case, he's likely upside down value wise.