BMW E60 5-Series Forum | 5Post.com  
BMW Garage BMW Meets Register Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read  

Go Back   BMW E60 5-Series Forum | 5Post.com > BIMMERPOST Universal Forums > Off-Topic Discussions Board

Post Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
      01-31-2007, 11:05 PM   #1
Yvette
Major General
Canada
759
Rep
7,408
Posts

Drives: M
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Vancouver

iTrader: (19)

Thought I could share with you guys for laugh.



You have more exhaust decibels than your engine has horsepower.
You have aftermarket FRONT wheels for racing but stock rear wheels.
Your engine makes twice as much horsepower as torque.
17" rims up front, 13" out back on your FWD.
You ever painted your wheels to match the same color of your car.
You put your automatic car in neutral at every stoplight in order to roll it back and try to fool other people into thinking you have a manual transmission
DuPont gave up trying to figure out the shade you were asking for.
Your mod list includes stereo equipment, shifter handle, MOMO steering wheel, PIA driving lights, exhaust tip, but no REAL engine parts.
A chameleon lizard undergoes fewer shade changes than your custom paint scheme.
Your rims and tires are so large, that you have to install the tire / wheel from underneath the car because it simply won't fit in the wheel well going in from the side.
The dealer laughs when you bring your car back in for service under warranty, and you've only had it 6 months...
Your tires / rims stick out from the lip of your car by more than 1".
Your paint job is from the WRONG end of the color spectrum.
You installed spacers on your STOCK wheels and tires to get them to stick out past the fender.
You see cars like yours in a Shriner's Parade for Children and clowns are driving them.
You bring an empty Maxwell House coffee can with you to compare size when you shop for an aftermarket exhaust system.
Your Eclipse GS-T hardtop has a "SPYDER" emblem on the rear...
Your sum knowledge of suspension is: "the more negative camber, the better the handling."
You push your car through the staging lanes. That way, maybe you can break into the 16s by keeping the motor cool between runs.
You add a super tall rear wing, and a hundred pounds of aftermarket ground effects, neon and stereo yet you gut the interior and yank out the rear seat for weight savings.
Your rear wing AND your rear window have a third mount brake light...
The back lighting in the gauges in your A-pillar gauge pod work long before the actual gauges are hooked up.
You cut 4 coil springs and scrape the chassis on the ground. Sparks are cool when you corner at normal traffic speeds!
You have to find a way to drive AROUND speed bumps in a parking lot.
You install clear corner and brake lights.
You install colored bulbs in your aftermarket clear lenses.
You ever put neon on the bottom of your car, and then busted it on the first speed bump you went over.
You painted the UNDERBODY of your car to match
If your rear spoiler is taller then you are.
if you can fit fist fuck your exhaust tip
You have more stereo WATTS than engine TORQUE!
If your tailpipe extension is the most expensive mod you’ve done to your engine yet.
Your tailpipe extension fell off during a quarter mile race and you went three tenths of a second faster due to weight savings.
EVERY car in your class has a turbo pushing double digits worth of boost.
You spent $5,000 on the engine and you can not out run a stock Camaro, Firebird, or Mustang
You want the 'wastegate' sound, but don't want to install a turbocharger system.
You think Nitrous Oxide on your Hyundai Sonata puts you in the same performance league as the Chevy Corvette.
The automatic version of your car runs 2 seconds slower in the 1/4mile.
If the 1970 Plymouth Daytona Superbird has a smaller spoiler than your car does.
You think the Del Sol is a sports car...
A torque converter does NOTHING for your car.
You think a deep farty noise = the sound of high performance
If you think that horsepower is far more important than torque
If you have ever claimed that switching to a cone filter has given you more than 5 HP.
If you have ever considered installing more than one set of fog / driving lights.
If you claim that the aftermarket cold air intake system you just installed doubled your horsepower or took 2 or more seconds off of your E/T.
Your baseball cap is always on backwards when you drive (the first sign of mental retardation, wearing your clothes backwards... BE).
You spent all night on the Internet trying to find a company that makes a turbocharger system for your Hyundai...
If you removed your side view mirrors and put them at the TOP of the door / window frame.
If you think the Fugees are 'speed' music.
MOMO is 'absolutely required' to go fast.
Your four cylinder has a dual exhaust system installed.
Your four cylinder has four exhaust pipes ("Hey, one for each cylinder!")
The color of your interior upholstery hurts the cones and rods in other people's eyes.
If you cannot drive your car in snow as the ground effects create a plow effect.
If you have installed driving lights to compensate for headlight blackouts / tape.
If you think that 180 horsepower and 185 lb/ft of torque are impressive for a ‘mildly’ modified engine.
If you have stickers on your car for parts that you could not point out if asked where those parts are installed.
You think pushrods are a bad thing…
Your car has more decals than you do the quarter in seconds.
Every Honda you EVER owned, all the way back to your 1978 Accord was either a V-Tec or a TYPE-R.
You took your rear seat out and gutted your interior for weight savings but you installed 400 pounds of electronics, neon, DVD, Sony, etc.
If you gutted the interior to save weight on a car that you will never take to the track…
You lean your seat so far back when you are driving, that everytime you hit a bump, its your back and not your butt that hurts.
You have hydraulics and sixteen switches on a car you claim runs low 10s on the street and corners better than a Porsche.
If you can estimate that your car makes more than 250 HP without ever running it at the track or getting a dyno reading.
You claim that you can get a titanium block for your engine.
If you have ever thought Hyundai and "performance" went hand in hand
If you've ever gone to a parts shop or speed warehouse and asked for a 1" to 6" exhaust adapter...
If you've ever contemplated adding "TYPE-R" stickers to your Sonata…
If you've removed more than 1/2 of the coils from your springs by cutting them yourself ...
If you have more neon lights on your car than a strip club...
You put Kanji on your Ford ZX2, Ford Probe, or Mercury Cougar ...
You own a "TYPE-R" Hyundai or Mazda.
You couldn't afford headlight masking, so you just painted them with flat black Krylon and it's peeling. Badly.
You claim that polishing your intake gave you 5hp.
You own a V-TEC Hyundai or Mazda (especially a V-TEC rotary engined Mazda RX-7)
You have neon INSIDE your car or in your ENGINE compartment
You ever claimed that high gas mileage made your car superior in performance to V8s.
If it takes you 8000rpm to reach 30mph from a dead stop at WOT.
You think yellow plastic interior trim makes your car cool
You spend $500 for a giant hand welded tube for a muffler with the weld marks extremely visible
If you paint your drum brakes to simulate Hi-po calipers
If you install fake hi-po caliper / disc simulators
You have a front wing.
If you lower your car and add ground effects but retain the stock 14inch wheels with disc style wheel covers
If you equate the sound of performance with the sound of a Weed Eater™
If you think bolting a fake muffler to one side to simulate dual exhaust is cool
If you think colored head lights work better
Clear tail lights and turn signals. They’re colored for a REASON!
If you take mom's 4 door Honda accord and do any kind of mod to it
You drive a Ford Escort station wagon with Kanji, wide tires, and Limp Bizkit stickers on the rear hatch
You claim you lost the race because you had a passenger in the car.
You claim how if you went from a roll you would have beat him.
You claim you lost because you missed a shift... and your car is an automatic.
You claim you lost because he must have been on the juice..
Flying past the person who is 10 car lengths in front of you after they have put on their brakes.. and claim a victory.
after losing you flip your opponent off... rev your motor and fail to break the wheels loose even around a corner.
Tell everyone about how you lost the cop because of your "driving skills".
you are a white kid driving an import.. wear baggy pants/hat turned around, walk with a fake limp and end every sentence with "yew know wha I'm sayin? Relate."
Your idea of aiming a handgun is raising your arm over your head, pointing the gun away from you, and then just letting your wrist fall to the side to where the gun is almost sideways ...
drive around in a $20,000 import with $10,000 in mods.. and still live with your parents.
You can relate to every line of the song "Pretty Fly For A White Guy" by the Offspring
you take offense when I say.. "your sister is like your car.. small, tight and hard to get into."
Putting BMW badge on your Accord,

And the Number One reason you might be a ricer if... (drum roll)....you are a skinny, backwards hat wearing, dog chain wallet, 2 ft wide pants leg, Limp Bizkit looking white boy *** with a badly applied peroxide hair color treatment !
Appreciate 0
      01-31-2007, 11:15 PM   #2
Walked U
Brigadier General
179
Rep
3,125
Posts

Drives: Too many to list
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: USA

iTrader: (5)

You need a better picture. That one doesnt do the thread justice hahaha


Non the less good post hahah
__________________
Previous - E90 335i, E82 135i, E89 Z4 3.5SI, Range Rover S/C, Ultra White RCF, Maserati Granturismo
Current Lexus: SMG LC500 performance package
Porsche:1973 911E
Ferrari 575 SA, 458 Italia
Appreciate 0
      01-31-2007, 11:19 PM   #3
Chesmu
Brigadier General
Chesmu's Avatar
United_States
89
Rep
3,011
Posts

Drives: 2013 X6
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Phoenix,AZ

iTrader: (2)

Garage List
2006 330i  [0.00]
2006 330i  [0.00]
That is funny....
__________________
"Teach the ignorant. Ignore the stupid."
Appreciate 0
      01-31-2007, 11:34 PM   #4
astra
Brigadier General
astra's Avatar
Australia
94
Rep
3,748
Posts

Drives: BMW 325Ci Individual
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Sydney

iTrader: (0)

Garage List
i have seen that pic a million times now
__________________
Appreciate 0
      02-01-2007, 05:32 AM   #5
mike138
Private First Class
mike138's Avatar
15
Rep
187
Posts

Drives: 335i (c)
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: your moms house

iTrader: (0)

"You push your car through the staging lanes. That way, maybe you can break into the 16s by keeping the motor cool between runs" haha ive seen that .........by far my favorite part ..........i dont even think ricers listen to "limp bizkit" anymore ........... that was funny though
__________________

i do hate that enter key
Appreciate 0
      02-01-2007, 07:02 AM   #6
FirstClass
Brigadier General
41
Rep
3,200
Posts

Drives: 328xi
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Pittsburgh, PA

iTrader: (0)

Wait a second, aren't there 2 Hyundais in your sig

j/k Glad you made the switch to BMW
__________________
328xi Coupe, Montego Blue on Black with Alum, Step, Sport, Premium, CA, PDC, Cold Weather (Damn Pennsylvania winters)
Current Mods: Heavy right foot - Planned Mods: Lightweight right foot

Quote:
Originally Posted by jh valley View Post
shit, if i had that kind of money id buy a gtstreet for monday, an ascari a10 for tuesday, a DBS for wednesday and id just ride jessica alba the rest of the week.
Appreciate 0
      02-01-2007, 07:37 AM   #7
darkcloud
Colonel
darkcloud's Avatar
United_States
335
Rep
2,385
Posts

Drives: 09 VW JSW
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: cleveland, oh

iTrader: (2)

Garage List
2006 325i  [0.00]
"If you think that 180 horsepower and 185 lb/ft of torque are impressive for a ‘mildly’ modified engine."

Thia actually wouldn't be a horrible accomplishment. That would be a the ranges of a Acura RSX-S or Celica GT-S by adding I/H/E to them. Which with as little those cars weigh makes them move pretty well. By boosting either of those cars they become pretty fast with around 220hp.
__________________

retired 06 E90 325i

New: 09 VW Platinum Grey Jetta Sportwagen 2.0T SEL w/DSG, panoramic sunroof and Ipod adapter
Appreciate 0
      02-01-2007, 10:26 AM   #8
cm3rc
Colonel
cm3rc's Avatar
United_States
85
Rep
2,221
Posts

Drives: 2006 E90
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Ferndale MI

iTrader: (8)

Garage List
06 325i  [0.00]
thats pritty funny.
__________________
Appreciate 0
Post Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off



All times are GMT -5. The time now is 12:58 AM.




5post
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.11
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, vBulletin Solutions Inc.
1Addicts.com, BIMMERPOST.com, E90Post.com, F30Post.com, M3Post.com, ZPost.com, 5Post.com, 6Post.com, 7Post.com, XBimmers.com logo and trademark are properties of BIMMERPOST