Tinder/Dating Apps

[ASAP]

Originally Posted by Manny01

Are you suggesting fat shaming (psychological abuse) is going to encourage people to lose weight?

If you want to reduce obesity at the societal level you need to address root causes: big agriculture, sugar subsidies, prevalence of HFCS, portion sizes, fast and quick serve, food advertising, standard american diet, food deserts, lower income access to healthy foods, poor quality food served in schools, etc.

If you want to help yourself or a friend lose weight and be healthy LONG-TERM, the above is relevant, but you also need to understand and manage the physiological and psychological causes, habits, dependencies, triggers, etc.

And to be pragmatic cause I know this is a hot topic, nothing good comes from fat shaming. But also nothing good comes from fat people pretending they don't have a problem and hiding behind body positivity and anti-body shaming. Lizzo may be beautiful [sic], but she's morbidly obese, a terrible role model, and is going to die decades early.

i think fat encouraging won't help anyone lose weight... or saying be comfortable in your skin... dont worry, have three more deserts lol... Lizzo as you mentioned being a prime example... the societal issues you mentioned WILL not be resolved as corporations would have too much to lose and the govt would need to intervene more than they can.

So what's left? I wouldn't say, hey you're a fat f... lose weight asap. I would however say, you should probably watch your weight and should eat less, exercise etc because you could be creating health issues for yourself.

Am I a bad friend because I may have hurt someone's feelings or am I an amazing friend that may have changed someone's life? I know what CNN would label me as

[dreamingat30fps]

Originally Posted by Manny01

I’ll post an unpopular view: If you’re in the dating scene you should strongly consider improving your physical appearance. Right, wrong, or indifferent, people’s initial impressions are largely influenced by appearance – it’s proven human psychology. Make sure you put your best foot forward for yourself, first. If you’re fat, unfit, unkept, wearing shitty clothes, etc., imagine the difference if you spent a few months getting healthy, fit, and improving your appearance? Take an inventory of what you can and should improve and dedicate the effort to do this – the self confidence boost would be massive and make you that much more attractive to the opposite sex.

Shaming people for their weight and looks is terrible. And I’m glad as a society that we’re becoming more tolerant/accepting in this space. But let’s not mesh words here. Dating is a fierce competition, and you are being judged harshly, so are you putting your best self forward?

Damn right! Stop being fat and ugly and poor! If people spent less time whining about these apps and more time being rich and beautiful you would probably be banging super models by now!

Just glad I'm not in the dating scene.

[2008M36MT]

The older I am the more women I find arrractive, a few days in it’s not as hard as I thought it would be to get matches and conversations.

[Sara]

Originally Posted by cmyx6go

There was a member here not long ago that would freak if someone approached her in real life but meeting someone on line was perfectly fine and safe. I think it's an age thing. The younger generation lacks interpersonal skills. Everything is texts, no talking. It's pretty sad.

Get off my lawn

This is true! I’d prefer to look someone up before meeting them, if I can. I don’t want to end up on dateline

Originally Posted by Onesie

And Sara isn’t even that young…

Nope. Another trip around the sun for me ….. and I’m not allowed botox to hide the evidence….27 more weeks to go

[LivingInSalt]

1. Be Attractive

2. Don’t be unattractive

[Soul_Glo]

Originally Posted by LivingInSalt

1. Be Attractive

2. Don’t be unattractive

Off the back of that.. show interest. Be attentive. Not creepy. You don’t want to make it sound like an interview or Spanish Inquisition. Be a gentleman. Open the door. Compliment her/him/them/they too. Be yourself.

[Chihuahua]

Originally Posted by LivingInSalt

1. Be Attractive

2. Don’t be unattractive

This. It literally is this simple. Put in the effort to make yourself the absolute best version of yourself you can be and people will be attracted to you. HINT: this doesn't exist on an app.

[phoenx]

Tinder is a dumpster fire. Ive used Bumble and have tried using travel mode which allows you to change your location. Ive been learning Japanese and German and its helped to learn but Ive also met great women. Average looking dude here at best but plenty of matches when I would change my location. Locally though its much more difficult to find matches unless theyre much older than me, divorced, or single moms.

[Leucosticte]

Don't use them

[Germanauto]

Originally Posted by Chihuahua

Disagree. If you approach someone in public you are differentiating yourself from all of the boys using the apps. It takes confidence to do that, and women can smell confidence from 1000 miles away (not to mention it is arguably the thing they're attracted to the most). You have to be able to read whether someone is even attracted to you or not before you even think about approaching someone. Don't be a douche-canoe about it and it works a million times better than any app.

I do agree with one thing you said, and that is that society is skewed.

Partly agree but I also feel when approaching women, nowadays we are already competing against at least a few guys they're talking to on apps or on IG. I've done a lot of cold approach over the years, usually at bars/clubs but occasionally during the day, overall with some success but not as much as I'd hope.

[ryan stewart]

Originally Posted by Germanauto

Partly agree but I also feel when approaching women, nowadays we are already competing against at least a few guys they're talking to on apps or on IG. I've done a lot of cold approach over the years, usually at bars/clubs but occasionally during the day, overall with some success but not as much as I'd hope.

Honestly in person, even the last time I was single (where apps were already a big thing), had always been my go-to mode to meeting people. Eventually thought I ended up with being setup by scheming friends, etc.

The thing with going in cold is we just ended up sleeping together and finding out we had fuck all in common. I mean that is the issue right? Can you look at someone and tell what they are like, what they are into, etc?

It was always like this flow chart
1. Im attracted to her, chat her up.
2. Ok, we can hold a conversation, but were both out with friends and it stays light, I gotta get her number.
3. Ok, we can maintain a few dates as we talk about pasts, futures, but everyone is still putting their best foot forward so its hard to tell
4. A few weeks later I realize I don't actually know this person or she as saying she is into X because she was into me, should I keep going?

The apps, at least with the honest ones, its like a job posting. Everyone just puts their pros and cons out there from the get. Sure people can lie but it seems like they are so bad at it you can spot a BS profile a mile away.

[CTinline-six]

Originally Posted by ryan stewart

Honestly in person, even the last time I was single (where apps were already a big thing), had always been my go-to mode to meeting people. Eventually thought I ended up with being setup by scheming friends, etc.

The thing with going in cold is we just ended up sleeping together and finding out we had fuck all in common. I mean that is the issue right? Can you look at someone and tell what they are like, what they are into, etc?

It was always like this flow chart
1. Im attracted to her, chat her up.
2. Ok, we can hold a conversation, but were both out with friends and it stays light, I gotta get her number.
3. Ok, we can maintain a few dates as we talk about pasts, futures, but everyone is still putting their best foot forward so its hard to tell
4. A few weeks later I realize I don't actually know this person or she as saying she is into X because she was into me, should I keep going?

The apps, at least with the honest ones, its like a job posting. Everyone just puts their pros and cons out there from the get. Sure people can lie but it seems like they are so bad at it you can spot a BS profile a mile away.

Yeah this is huge. You can have an idea of what you are getting into. Nothing like chatting up a woman you are attracted to and later find out she is a disaster. Obviously still can happen (and has) with apps, but easier to steer clear if all of her pics are of her doing lines of coke or with all her kids from 4 baby daddies.

[ASAP]

Originally Posted by ryan stewart

Honestly in person, even the last time I was single (where apps were already a big thing), had always been my go-to mode to meeting people. Eventually thought I ended up with being setup by scheming friends, etc.

The thing with going in cold is we just ended up sleeping together and finding out we had fuck all in common. I mean that is the issue right? Can you look at someone and tell what they are like, what they are into, etc?

It was always like this flow chart
1. Im attracted to her, chat her up.
2. Ok, we can hold a conversation, but were both out with friends and it stays light, I gotta get her number.
3. Ok, we can maintain a few dates as we talk about pasts, futures, but everyone is still putting their best foot forward so its hard to tell
4. A few weeks later I realize I don't actually know this person or she as saying she is into X because she was into me, should I keep going?

The apps, at least with the honest ones, its like a job posting. Everyone just puts their pros and cons out there from the get. Sure people can lie but it seems like they are so bad at it you can spot a BS profile a mile away.

Man, I know I've mentioned this before...

Also know that Linkedin gets 600 applicants for one job at times... 90% of them are completely non starters (out of country, entirely unqualified etc)... another 10% may be qualified... 5% may get a resume reviewed by a hiring manager and at best 5 will get an interiview and that's already high...

If we translate that to dating apps... it doesn't look so good...

The problem with the app is... what is stopping the girl from looking and looking and looking? Thinking there is ALWAYS something better... the answer is almost nothing... so while I went on a few dates I knew these chicks were always talking to like 10 other guys... now how is this supposed to work? That's not how it worked back in the day.

[CTinline-six]

Originally Posted by ASAP

Man, I know I've mentioned this before...

Also know that Linkedin gets 600 applicants for one job at times... 90% of them are completely non starters (out of country, entirely unqualified etc)... another 10% may be qualified... 5% may get a resume reviewed by a hiring manager and at best 5 will get an interiview and that's already high...

If we translate that to dating apps... it doesn't look so good...

The problem with the app is... what is stopping the girl from looking and looking and looking? Thinking there is ALWAYS something better... the answer is almost nothing... so while I went on a few dates I knew these chicks were always talking to like 10 other guys... now how is this supposed to work? That's not how it worked back in the day.

Yep, that's why most of them will be forever single. Banking on finding that one amazing guy who is 8 feet tall, makes a million a year, is good looking, and somehow doesn't have his sights set on anyone else. Meanwhile they work at Target, have 4 kids with different guys, and a drug problem.

[ASAP]

Originally Posted by CTinline-six

Yep, that's why most of them will be forever single. Banking on finding that one amazing guy who is 8 feet tall, makes a million a year, is good looking, and somehow doesn't have his sights set on anyone else. Meanwhile they work at Target, have 4 kids with different guys, and a drug problem.

Well to be fair... i always was on the apps in major metro areas so the girls i always talked to were quite successful... i.e. Doctors, Lawyers, in Finance, Media Managers etc... BUT that created the same problem if not more... now you have the independent woman who doesn't really need a man and is here just for validation or perfection

it doesn't work either way lol... and finding a Normal girl with a Normal Job (nurse, secretary, whatever) and no past is virtually impossible lol

[CTinline-six]

Originally Posted by ASAP

Well to be fair... i always was on the apps in major metro areas so the girls i always talked to were quite successful... i.e. Doctors, Lawyers, in Finance, Media Managers etc... BUT that created the same problem if not more... now you have the independent woman who doesn't really need a man and is here just for validation or perfection

it doesn't work either way lol... and finding a Normal girl with a Normal Job (nurse, secretary, whatever) and no past is virtually impossible lol

I mean everyone has a past, but it is how they think of themselves. Confidence is nice, but self awareness IMO is more important. There is nothing wrong with someone who is independent, but you have a lot of people (from both sides) who believe they are God's gift to the planet and need a reality check.

[ASAP]

Originally Posted by CTinline-six

I mean everyone has a past, but it is how they think of themselves. Confidence is nice, but self awareness IMO is more important. There is nothing wrong with someone who is independent, but you have a lot of people (from both sides) who believe they are God's gift to the planet and need a reality check.

Correct and that's the fault of primarily social media imho... some of these reels and stories that are being created about relationships are things that would have NEVER even gone thru my head or most girls when I was growing up.

[Germanauto]

Originally Posted by ryan stewart

Honestly in person, even the last time I was single (where apps were already a big thing), had always been my go-to mode to meeting people. Eventually thought I ended up with being setup by scheming friends, etc.

The thing with going in cold is we just ended up sleeping together and finding out we had fuck all in common. I mean that is the issue right? Can you look at someone and tell what they are like, what they are into, etc?

The apps, at least with the honest ones, its like a job posting. Everyone just puts their pros and cons out there from the get. Sure people can lie but it seems like they are so bad at it you can spot a BS profile a mile away.

Yeah all valid points. The apps get some of the bs out of the way, but have opened their own can of worms. People are extremely picky and unwilling to compromise now. I'm picky too, but statistically speaking chicks are REALLY picky.

I do feel like real life connections work if you're say, part of some class or hobby group. Or you meet a friend of a friend in a social setting, wedding, etc. I know some couples who met that way.

Maybe it's time for me to join Barry's gym loll.

[ASAP]

Originally Posted by Germanauto

Yeah all valid points. The apps get some of the bs out of the way, but have opened their own can of worms. People are extremely picky and unwilling to compromise now. I'm picky too, but statistically speaking chicks are REALLY picky.

I do feel like real life connections work if you're say, part of some class or hobby group. Or you meet a friend of a friend in a social setting, wedding, etc. I know some couples who met that way.

Maybe it's time to join Barry's gym loll.

are you in LA as in Los Angeles or Louisiana? i set hinge to Los Angeles just for the heck of it and it is insane how quickly i am getting matches... and indeed the girls are top notch

[Germanauto]

Originally Posted by ASAP

are you in LA as in Los Angeles or Louisiana? i set hinge to Los Angeles just for the heck of it and it is insane how quickly i am getting matches... and indeed the girls are top notch

I'm in Los Angeles. Yeah I get a lot more matches here than anyplace else I've lived. But actually getting them out on dates isn't a guarantee, they often match with Chad the next day and ghost. Still I've had a more robust dating life here than anyplace else.

Lot of entertainment/artsy/hippie wannabes here too. If you're looking to date a doctor, investment banker, attorney, software engineer, etc. it's tough.

[ASAP]

Originally Posted by Germanauto

I'm in Los Angeles. Yeah I get a lot more matches here than anyplace else I've lived. But actually getting them out on dates isn't a guarantee, they often match with Chad the next day and ghost. Still I've had a more robust dating life here than anyplace else.

Lot of entertainment/artsy/hippie wannabes here too. If you're looking to date a doctor, investment banker, attorney, software engineer, etc. it's tough.

you have to tell them you are a CEO which is usually code for "unemployed"

[Germanauto]

Originally Posted by ASAP

you have to tell them you are a CEO which is usually code for "unemployed"

Loll yeah anything pertaining to "freelance," "founder," "CEO" i'm wary of.

Every single chick I've approached when out, especially at bars, is at best something along those lines. Hinge isn't much better.