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      09-19-2019, 09:18 AM   #4643
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I guess I have a new date tomorrow night...




































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      09-19-2019, 09:35 AM   #4644
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I guess I have a new date tomorrow night...




































Attachment 2145166

um.....she's 12 years old.
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      09-19-2019, 09:36 AM   #4645
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um.....she's 12 years old.
In scotch years, that's 42 just like us bro! Fine woman at her prime!
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      09-19-2019, 09:38 AM   #4646
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In scotch years, that's 42 just like us bro! Fine woman at her prime!
Carry on sir.
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      09-19-2019, 09:44 AM   #4647
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I'm in the same boat.
With all of us in the same boat, you'd think it would have to be a pretty large boat... like a yacht.
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      09-19-2019, 09:46 AM   #4648
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Carry on sir.
Cant afford a 42 years old
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      09-19-2019, 11:47 AM   #4649
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What about people that are not social butterflies? Networking doesn't work. We're all wired differently.
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      09-19-2019, 11:48 AM   #4650
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Cant afford a 42 years old
Find the ones that have $
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      09-19-2019, 12:15 PM   #4651
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What about people that are not social butterflies? Networking doesn't work. We're all wired differently.
Get out of your comfort zone. You can't meet people if you don't like meeting people.
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      09-19-2019, 01:48 PM   #4652
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how do you avoid the "settling" situation. To me it's hard because I know you cant find the complete package somewhere; they're mostly all married with 12 kids, you have to lose some to get some. But every time I end up in a similar situation, I focus on the bad and forget the good. So I end up refusing to settle.
At some point you do a weigh-in, and see if the positive is greater than the negative enough that you can't do without the positive. There are certain traits of my wife that I flat out HATE. BUT, there are far more that I wouldn't want to do without in my daily life.

My dad, who will turn 80 later this year, met his new bride on Tinder They differ in age by less than a decade, although I don't know the exact difference.
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      09-19-2019, 02:16 PM   #4653
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Get out of your comfort zone. You can't meet people if you don't like meeting people.
Easier said than done for some is all I am saying. 2 sides to every coin. One person's way may not be the right way for the next person. Doesn't mean either way is wrong.
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      09-19-2019, 02:31 PM   #4654
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Easier said than done for some is all I am saying. 2 sides to every coin. One person's way may not be the right way for the next person. Doesn't mean either way is wrong.
One thing that helped me a lot, but I have to admit that I was kinda freaking out on the first time, was to go to an event organized by a dating agency or dating app. We have one around here that holds bi-weekly events where they do a variety of things. The one I went was at a billiard place. Everyone was marked and they were shuffling the tables every now and then so you get to play with a lot of people on the same night. This app is location based, so while you were there, you could see the profiles of pretty much anyone that was there.

I was surprised how social the people over there were. Even the guys; no bitching or fake people; just a bunch of singles having a good time and maybe get to know a few profiles that you saw a couple times. I wasnt asked even once if I had kids, what I was doing for work, nothing. Very casual. And to be honest, where it helped me the most is with my self esteem. You get to actually see that you're not that bad really

So if you see some of those in your area; kick your own butt and just go. You most probably wont come back home with a number or anything, but it definitely upped my dating game through my social skills.
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      09-19-2019, 03:08 PM   #4655
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One thing that helped me a lot, but I have to admit that I was kinda freaking out on the first time, was to go to an event organized by a dating agency or dating app. We have one around here that holds bi-weekly events where they do a variety of things. The one I went was at a billiard place. Everyone was marked and they were shuffling the tables every now and then so you get to play with a lot of people on the same night. This app is location based, so while you were there, you could see the profiles of pretty much anyone that was there.

I was surprised how social the people over there were. Even the guys; no bitching or fake people; just a bunch of singles having a good time and maybe get to know a few profiles that you saw a couple times. I wasnt asked even once if I had kids, what I was doing for work, nothing. Very casual. And to be honest, where it helped me the most is with my self esteem. You get to actually see that you're not that bad really

So if you see some of those in your area; kick your own butt and just go. You most probably wont come back home with a number or anything, but it definitely upped my dating game through my social skills.
I don't think my gf would be cool with me going to that

However, I wouldn't be able to bring myself to go to any sort of speed dating or group dating meet thing. No, not saying anything is wrong with it. I went to 1 of those types of things many years ago b/c we were looking for another chick to bring home & also bored (Different girl than current gf) & it is not my scene.
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      09-19-2019, 04:08 PM   #4656
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Originally Posted by FuriouslyFast View Post
I don't think my gf would be cool with me going to that

However, I wouldn't be able to bring myself to go to any sort of speed dating or group dating meet thing. No, not saying anything is wrong with it. I went to 1 of those types of things many years ago b/c we were looking for another chick to bring home & also bored (Different girl than current gf) & it is not my scene.
ahah

I hear ya. Speed dating is not my thing at all. I feel like having an interview for a position ahah.

Thing the event I was referring to wasnt speed dating at all. It was some very light chit chat with no pressure; rush; just a little sprinkle of flirt on top. I liked it and now follow their fb page. I will most likely go again some time.
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      09-19-2019, 04:26 PM   #4657
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MaximusJ I agree with everything that everyone else above has stated. In addition, here is my advice. Delete the dating apps. They are a feeding frenzy. Women are looking for affirmation that they are attractive, some are looking for meaningless sex, some are truly looking for a serious relationship (but they are so inundated with guys who only look good while being stupid or only want sex) that they are missing the mark. Stay off internet dating completely unless you are just looking to get laid, and from what I hear, that is getting more and more difficult to do.

I'm 42 as well and the dating scene is an absolute nightmare anymore. You come across as intelligent and level headed, however; you also seem too eager to find someone. As others have stated above, take some time off. Learn to be comfortable with yourself, accept the fact that you may never find someone and learn to live life for yourself without looking for "the one." When you get comfortable with who you are and get to a point where you really don't even want to date, is when you end up finding the person that best suits you. It's funny that this is how it happens, but it seems that it's always the case.

I recently read The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck and an excerpt from the book states, "The desire for more positive experience is itself a negative experience. And, paradoxically, the acceptance of one's negative experience is itself a positive experience."

Don't stress it and don't pay to talk to anyone about it. Step away from the dating scene, delete the apps and do things that make you happy.

Down-low, dirty advice. Get your ass in a gym and lose those 20 pounds. This will give your brain something to focus on instead of women. Get focused on it and let your goals consume you. You'll drop that weight, increase your self esteem and women will start noticing you more. This also helps in the process of getting to know people. Once you start going to the gym, you will start to encounter people that go to the same gym. Continuing to see these people on a regular basis gets them familiar with you, this in turn, leads to eye contact and potentially non-forced conversations. Simply going up to a woman that you find attractive and trying to talk to her is not going to work. (In some cases it does, but it's extremely rare.) The more a woman sees you, the more comfortable she is going to be getting to know you. Even if you don't start talking to someone from the gym, you're losing that weight, getting in shape and getting re-familiarized with actual people and not people from apps.

Also, the first thing to understand, when it comes to women, isn't how you dress, how you look, how you speak, whether or not you are a good guy, etc. EVERYTHING is based off their emotions. Now, with that being said, if how you dress, how you look, how you speak, etc. makes them feel a certain way about you, they will let you know. Once they let you know they are interested, they will let you know to what degree their interest lies, purely physical, relationship material and whatnot. You have to understand that different women want different things. Some like clean cut business type guys, some like masculine, tattoo'd, jeans and t-shirt guys. My advice, be somewhere in the middle. Have the ability to pull off the intelligent, clean cut, classy, gentleman, but also be that bad boy that women want to throw themselves at....but don't even focus on this right now. Take some time off, find some activities that make you happy (btw, women will ask what you do in your downtime or what hobbies you have, they will want to be a part of it when you start dating someone regularly) and reinvent yourself. Focus on you right now, you have the rest of life to waste on someone you will eventually hate after it's all said and done.

Good luck, report back and let us know how things are going or if you have any questions that we can help with.
solid advice - i deleted the dating apps over the summer, got them back when i started school, and deleted them earlier this week. i'm definitely printing this post and pinning it on my wall


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Solid advice right here. My life was consumed with plenty of other things aside from dating when I went through my phase (29-36).

And I have always been a "meat-head"...so I'm not saying you have to sell your soul in the gym. But you need to have a safe place that is yours and will always be there. I been through a lot of shit in my life and the gym was my safe place. And I love the following from Henry Rollins:

The Iron never lies to you. You can walk outside and listen to all kinds of talk, get told that you’re a god or a total bastard. The Iron will always kick you the real deal. The Iron is the great reference point, the all-knowing perspective giver. Always there like a beacon in the pitch black. I have found the Iron to be my greatest friend. It never freaks out on me, never runs. Friends may come and go. But two hundred pounds is always two hundred pounds.
i'm also going to print this and pin it on my wall
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      09-19-2019, 05:48 PM   #4658
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The Iron never lies to you. You can walk outside and listen to all kinds of talk, get told that you’re a god or a total bastard. The Iron will always kick you the real deal. The Iron is the great reference point, the all-knowing perspective giver. Always there like a beacon in the pitch black. I have found the Iron to be my greatest friend. It never freaks out on me, never runs. Friends may come and go. But two hundred pounds is always two hundred pounds.
The Riddle of Iron
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      09-20-2019, 08:34 AM   #4659
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So how many guys here just go to Target & pick up all the lovely ladies there? lol
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      09-20-2019, 10:42 AM   #4660
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So how many guys here just go to Target & pick up all the lovely ladies there? lol
Fancy guy huh...so you just skip Wal-Mart altogether?!?
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      09-20-2019, 08:06 PM   #4661
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gents, got a question for you

the first girl i had a thing with on campus painted me something, and i've been hanging it up at my apartments/dorm ever since. today the frame fell (dont get the cheap alternative to comand strips), and i saw the date on the back again after a LONG time: december 2016

ive kept on hanging it because it's a painting and i like how it looks, but i'm also torn between holding on to something that was given to me with that context, almost 3 years ago. stuff ended roughly 2-2.5 years ago too, and so much stuff happened over that time i just don't feel like getting a new frame.

should i just find a new painting?
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Hella happens dude
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      09-20-2019, 10:26 PM   #4662
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gents, got a question for you

the first girl i had a thing with on campus painted me something, and i've been hanging it up at my apartments/dorm ever since. today the frame fell (dont get the cheap alternative to comand strips), and i saw the date on the back again after a LONG time: december 2016

ive kept on hanging it because it's a painting and i like how it looks, but i'm also torn between holding on to something that was given to me with that context, almost 3 years ago. stuff ended roughly 2-2.5 years ago too, and so much stuff happened over that time i just don't feel like getting a new frame.

should i just find a new painting?
Break the wrist, walk away.

Break the wrist.




Walk away
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      09-21-2019, 01:34 AM   #4663
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gents, got a question for you

the first girl i had a thing with on campus painted me something, and i've been hanging it up at my apartments/dorm ever since. today the frame fell (dont get the cheap alternative to comand strips), and i saw the date on the back again after a LONG time: december 2016

ive kept on hanging it because it's a painting and i like how it looks, but i'm also torn between holding on to something that was given to me with that context, almost 3 years ago. stuff ended roughly 2-2.5 years ago too, and so much stuff happened over that time i just don't feel like getting a new frame.

should i just find a new painting?
Depends on how much you like the painting. I still got shit that past women I've dated bought for me. It's amazing when they have money....and just show up with...oh I picked this up today for you hoping to score points.

But all that was materialistic. A painting is a lot deeper, someone invested some thought into that.

I had a similiar scenario. I had one that a girl did for me that was very nice. It wasn't framed until I found it when moving. I had it nicely framed and have it hanging in my office now.

One....it's a conversation piece....Two......who knows if she doesn't get famous one day as she was really talented. If so.....I have an original early work of hers!!
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      09-23-2019, 07:02 AM   #4664
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gents, got a question for you

the first girl i had a thing with on campus painted me something, and i've been hanging it up at my apartments/dorm ever since. today the frame fell (dont get the cheap alternative to comand strips), and i saw the date on the back again after a LONG time: december 2016

ive kept on hanging it because it's a painting and i like how it looks, but i'm also torn between holding on to something that was given to me with that context, almost 3 years ago. stuff ended roughly 2-2.5 years ago too, and so much stuff happened over that time i just don't feel like getting a new frame.

should i just find a new painting?
I still have a few things that ex's gave to me in my home. It all depends on the item, the relationship I had with the person, how it ended and how it makes me feel when I see the item. If it causes me emotional strife when I look at it, it isn't worth keeping around. Two scenarios here: The ex-wife (the crazy, adulterous, narcissistic one) "made" me a picture of an owl and framed it for Valentine's Day years ago. She stated that she drew it and painted it for me. She did not. It was a page cut out of a coloring book that she did paint with water colors that maybe took 10 minutes to do as it was all painted with the same color.....black. So many metaphors here. I keep it as reminder of who she was, a liar and a terrible dark person. It doesn't make feel angry when I look at it, but it does remind me to be careful of the people that I allow in to my life. Item 2 was a hand hammered cross that came from a metal worker at a Catholic church in New Mexico. A gift from the same person. I collect weird religious items from varying religions because I don't really believe in any of them. I have hand made prayer bowls, prayer flags, beads, etc. The cross she bought for me while on a trip she made out there. I found out later that she had slept with a friend of mine the same week she came back and gave me the cross. Looking at that evoked emotions, so I got rid of it.

If the painting doesn't bring negative feelings or thoughts, keep it. As an artist myself, it's kind of a slap in the face when we devote time and put ourselves into something, especially when created for a person specifically, that doesn't appreciate it enough to keep it.

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Break the wrist, walk away.

Break the wrist.




Walk away
That's pretty funny.

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Originally Posted by Rmtt View Post
Depends on how much you like the painting. I still got shit that past women I've dated bought for me. It's amazing when they have money....and just show up with...oh I picked this up today for you hoping to score points.

But all that was materialistic. A painting is a lot deeper, someone invested some thought into that.

I had a similiar scenario. I had one that a girl did for me that was very nice. It wasn't framed until I found it when moving. I had it nicely framed and have it hanging in my office now.

One....it's a conversation piece....Two......who knows if she doesn't get famous one day as she was really talented. If so.....I have an original early work of hers!!
This.

I get random messages, on occasion, from old friends, former girlfriends and whatnot of artwork that I made for them. It always makes me smile to know that they have kept those things for all these years. It also reminds me of who I was back then, where I was mentally, emotionally and reminds me of where I was when I created it. Almost like a time capsule of memories that I had forgotten of my own life.
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