Why do men get married?

[carve]

What's the advantage? It's basically nothing more than a contract with the state that does two things

1) Gives your spouse inherentence rights and the right to make certain decisions for each other. It also makes you responsible for each others debts.

2) The state will initiate force to ensure she gets half your stuff if either of you want to end the relationship, regardless of how much of it she earned. She may even make you a slave with alimony- adult-support.

How magical! So...what's the benefit? I think people just do it out of cultural inertia. Except for needy guys of course, who do it so a woman doesn't leave him. I have news for those guys: she can leave you anyway with half your stuff, and if she won't stay with you without a financial contract, she's not worth keeping anyway.

[John 070]

Um, it's a pretty normal thing, as a man, wouldn't you naturally feel some connection to someone you have children with?

I dunno if maybe you're driving at why not do the kid/family thing, but never get married. This way, every 5 yrs., you can get someone else younger, and repeat, maybe 5X in your life? Anthony Quinn did that--I think he had a 50 y.o. kid, and a newborn. So is that better?

There are dumb questions, not dumb people. This was a dumb question.

[carve]

Originally Posted by John 070

Um, it's a pretty normal thing, as a man, wouldn't you naturally feel some connection to someone you have children with?

I dunno if maybe you're driving at why not do the kid/family thing, but never get married. This way, every 5 yrs., you can get someone else younger, and repeat, maybe 5X in your life? Anthony Quinn did that--I think he had a 50 y.o. kid, and a newborn. So is that better?

There are dumb questions, not dumb people. This was a dumb question.

I didn't say it was abnormal; I asked what's in it for men. You basically restated my explanation: cultural inertia.

I don't want kids. I suppose a financial contract makes sense to convince someone to have kids with you. You're liable for child support either way though.

[g_petko]

Unless she is willing to sign a prenuptial - No deal. Got to look after #1

[pgviper]

I'm not trying to offend you but your view of marriage is why 1 in 2 end in divorce.

It is not a contract, it was not created by the government. Marriage has deep religious roots no matter what your views may be. It is symbolic of a man leaving his parents to be with his wife. To be one... It was so that man will be stronger by having a woman by his side.

Problem is, most people don't respect the idea of marriage and like you said, see it as a contract. A contract that can be broken with lawyers and enough money. By choosing the right woman and not jumping the gun and getting married in vegas after a one night stand, you should find yourself with someone that brings out the best in you and makes you a better person.

[carve]

Originally Posted by pgviper

I'm not trying to offend you but your view of marriage is why 1 in 2 end in divorce.

It is not a contract, it was not created by the government. Marriage has deep religious roots no matter what your views may be. It is symbolic of a man leaving his parents to be with his wife. To be one... It was so that man will be stronger by having a woman by his side.

Problem is, most people don't respect the idea of marriage and like you said, see it as a contract. A contract that can be broken with lawyers and enough money. By choosing the right woman and not jumping the gun and getting married in vegas after a one night stand, you should find yourself with someone that brings out the best in you and makes you a better person.

Uhhh....it absolutely is a financial contract, and always has been. It's even processed by the same governmental department that processes corporation paperwork, because that's basically what it is. Don't believe me: how many women would be down for the ceremony but not the government paper work? You have 100% of the symbolism there with none of the contract or state force.

Why do I need a contract to be with someone who brings out the best in me? Why would me not getting married lead to more divorce? You have it backwards; people signing a contract for emotional reasons, without thinking about what it really means, is what leads to divorce.

[pgviper]

Originally Posted by carve

Uhhh....it absolutely is a financial contract, and always has been. It's even processed by the same governmental department that processes corporation paperwork, because that's basically what it is. Don't believe me: how many women would be down for the ceremony but not the government paper work? You have 100% of the symbolism there with none of the contract or state force.

Why do I need a contract to be with someone who brings out the best in me?

My point is still going way over your head. Best of luck to you, have fun on tinder bud...

[carve]

Originally Posted by pgviper

My point is still going way over your head. Best of luck to you, have fun on tinder bud...

No- I got it. Once upon a time I'd somewhat agree, but it's changed. It's always been a contract, but now it's easy to break for any reason, and the consequences are dire for men. It's like hiring an employee for your company with the stipulation that if you fire them, or if they just decide to leave, they get half the company and you have to continue paying them. I know that's not the traditional vision of marriage, but that's how it works today. This disincentivies women to try their hardest, because the consequence for failure is actually positive for them. It's typically not a malicious thought out thing- just human nature. That's what a marriage contract does in 2015. Half of marriages fail, and they all start thinking that they're different. Are you willing to bet half your stuff on the flip of the coin? Heads you lose your stuff, tails you stay where you are?

Not on Tinder- I have a great girlfriend.

[KingOfJericho]

I hope this doesn't come off the wrong way but your outlook on marriage and children almost guarantees that you'll end up alone. You've said you had a rough childhood with divorce, etc, but you also have to understand that they don't all end up as negative an experience as you perceive them to be or as you've experienced. Your views are those of someone who grew up not learning how to share or interact properly in a family unit. That kid on the playground playing by himself because every time someone gets close to him he yells "MINE! GET AWAY!".

My cousins uncle was told at an early age that women are only after his family money. It affected him so deeply that he is now 55 and still alone. His house is immaculate, he drives a beautiful car, he also probably still has the first dollar he ever earned, but that's because he never allowed anyone in to share in his life because he always associated relationships with "losing" something that was his. Again... that lonely kid in the sandbox.

You either learn to give of yourself and form meaningful relationships or you end up alone. It's as simple as that. The contract is in place because many marriages DO end in divorce and often times the wife, who would bust her ass raising children, etc, would be left destitute when the father decided he wanted to end it and walked off with all of the money and housing since he paid for it all. In many cases, the contract is necessary.

[Billup]

What's in it for men? The pleasure of being able to bang one pussy the rest of your life!


Also, I'd like to just let it be known that divorce rate is also high due to people getting married at young ages and divorcing rapidly, so it does skew the results in some fashion. There are positives to being married, and life is not always about "what we get out of things" but the experiences that lead us there.

[Bobble]

Originally Posted by pgviper

I'm not trying to offend you but your view of marriage is why 1 in 2 end in divorce.

It is not a contract, it was not created by the government. Marriage has deep religious roots no matter what your views may be. It is symbolic of a man leaving his parents to be with his wife. To be one... It was so that man will be stronger by having a woman by his side.

Problem is, most people don't respect the idea of marriage and like you said, see it as a contract. A contract that can be broken with lawyers and enough money. By choosing the right woman and not jumping the gun and getting married in vegas after a one night stand, you should find yourself with someone that brings out the best in you and makes you a better person.

Not trying to offend you but this is the fairy tell view point of marriage. I was married for 21 years and we were together 4 years before that so that was 25 a quarter century. She up and left for someone younger when I got sick in 2001, and guess what she took 50 percent of everything, got alimony no child support as the kids lived with me because her new interest "creeped" them out(he was 16 years her junior she 4 mine). I got nothing no child support as I was the primary wage earner. I got royally screwed financially until 2 years later when she remarried(dumb ass had lifetime alimony) and then got divorced again 14 months later because he bailed as they took a $2500 month income cut.
Now to cut out the bitterness of reality yes you get married for the reasons you stated but understand and understand well it is a contract, either party can leave and break the contract and demand half the assets regardless(at least in Cali) and if the marriage lasted 10 years or longer you could be on the hook for a long term contractual obligation stipulated by the state which you cannot break easily unlike marriage. Currently I am in the 11th year of a relationship with a wonderful person, she has her moments but so do I, marriage is not an option for either of us, we're older no children will result(mine are now young adults 23 and 27) and we both have experienced the bad sides of marriage. Will we ever get married, maybe once retired and it is financially an advantage or the responsibility of caring for each other is buoyed by it. I know lots, dozens of people same situation in life same experiences both sexes. Marriage is often demanded by social, cultural or religious reasons and as those demands change and navigate life so should the demand for that. One of the happiest couples I know are not legally married(yes by common law since they've been together over 25 years), they have separate finances, own a home together each contributing exactly 50% of all outlays and have raised 3 of the most well adjusted people I know. Case can be made that is the ideal situation IMO.

[monkeybingo]

facebook is the cause of increase in divorce in America. Before that, you would have less chance of getting caught cheating.... anygay.. No one is obligated to marry. I believe is the pressure from your surroundings that you make that decision.

[carve]

Originally Posted by KingOfJericho

I hope this doesn't come off the wrong way but your outlook on marriage and children almost guarantees that you'll end up alone. You've said you had a rough childhood with divorce, etc, but you also have to understand that they don't all end up as negative an experience as you perceive them to be or as you've experienced. Your views are those of someone who grew up not learning how to share or interact properly in a family unit. That kid on the playground playing by himself because every time someone gets close to him he yells "MINE! GET AWAY!".

My cousins uncle was told at an early age that women are only after his family money. It affected him so deeply that he is now 55 and still alone. His house is immaculate, he drives a beautiful car, he also probably still has the first dollar he ever earned, but that's because he never allowed anyone in to share in his life because he always associated relationships with "losing" something that was his. Again... that lonely kid in the sandbox.

You either learn to give of yourself and form meaningful relationships or you end up alone. It's as simple as that. The contract is in place because many marriages DO end in divorce and often times the wife, who would bust her ass raising children, etc, would be left destitute when the father decided he wanted to end it and walked off with all of the money and housing since he paid for it all. In many cases, the contract is necessary.

Look- most people don't examine why they believe certain things, or why they like certain things. I believe they don't even know- they're just socially conditioned to go a certain way. I pride myself in examining the things everyone esle takes for granted. Generally, I find most things people do or like are vestiges of times past, and they really can't explain it. We're seeing it in this thread.

I'm not the least bit lonely; I have a wonderful girlfriend are great friends and neighbors. What's in it for me to involve the state in my relationship? Does doing that in ANY way guarantee I'll not wind up alone? Nope- my relationship is probably MORE likely to fail if I'm married because of the reverse incentives on women, and I'll lose half my stuff to boot.

The contract is a vestige from the days of agriculture when a single woman was SOL, like you said. Those days are over, and you have to pay a woman child support whether you were married or not (which I'm fine with). Now, a woman can step out on you, take your stuff, and have you support her and her new guy with alimony and there's nothing you can do about it. The terms of the contract have changed, and so has society. 70% of divorce is initiated BY the woman. What's the advantage of putting yourself in that position?

Edit: wow- Bobble posted the scenario I just laid out WHILE I was typing it out. Thanks man.

[monkeybingo]

To be honest, Man can do well when they are alone. females are tend to be insecure when they alone and feels secured when they are bond legally. I am no psychologist but I think my answer is 100% correct.

[squishy]

When you loves somebody, you marry that individual

[Bobble]

Originally Posted by KingOfJericho

You either learn to give of yourself and form meaningful relationships or you end up alone. It's as simple as that. The contract is in place because many marriages DO end in divorce and often times the wife, who would bust her ass raising children, etc, would be left destitute when the father decided he wanted to end it and walked off with all of the money and housing since he paid for it all. In many cases, the contract is necessary.

Sorry to somewhat disagree but marriage does not cultivate those values. Like you stated about your Uncle, upbringing and DNA cultivate those values. I have a wonderful non traditional relationship after having a traditional one end bitterly after I got extremely sick and almost died as a 43 year old. She stated on record in court I did not sign up to take care of someone sick when disposed on why she filed. Did not matter to the court, she took half including my self employment IRA which she never contributed one cent too, not to mention my dignity and self worth.
I know from your posts in the past you have a wonderful spouse and beautiful kids, recent addition I think? I hope it always stays that way for you but simply understand this, happiness, self worth/esteem and a healthy outlook on life are not cultivated by marriage but by the inner trappings of who we are. Sorry for your uncle as something along the line broke him and that's sad because there's lots of people in life that can make you happy and healthy you just don't need to be married them IMO.

[carve]

Originally Posted by squishy

When you loves somebody, you marry that individual

Why? What's in it for you to involve the state in your relationship?

Cultural inertia.

BTW- Love marriages are a relatively new phenomena. It has traditionally been more of a straightforward partnership, arranged by families. When people knew why they were getting into it, vs. for purely emotional reasons (love), it tends to last longer as emotions are fleeting, prompting people to be more likely to hit the road when times get tough.

[Benedict1957]

If you want to look at it from a purely selfish standpoint, the federal income tax benefits from filing jointly as a married couple are significant.

[carve]

Originally Posted by Bobble

She stated on record in court I did not sign up to take care of someone sick when disposed on why she filed.

In sickness and health, eh?

See everyone- the ceremony is just window dressing. The actual marriage is a financial contract with the state, and it says nothing about the vows in the ceremony.

I say write up your own contract with whatever you want in it instead of the state-canned marriage contract. Those are a raw deal for men.

[carve]

Originally Posted by Benedict1957

If you want to look at it from a purely selfish standpoint, the federal income tax benefits from filing jointly as a married couple are significant.

Not really. And you seriously think a couple grand deduction is worth 50/50 of losing all your stuff? I'll pass.

[squishy]

Originally Posted by carve

Why? What's in it for you to involve the state in your relationship?

Cultural inertia.

BTW- Love marriages are a relatively new phenomena. It has traditionally been more of a straightforward partnership, arranged by families. When people knew why they were getting into it, vs. for purely emotional reasons (love), it tends to last longer as emotions are fleeting, prompting people to be more likely to hit the road when times get tough.

I'm just dicking around, marriages, today, are financially and socially constructed and have lost all moral/religious values.

I understand the arrangement parts of some marriages, but even today, it is completely unnecessary and pretty stupid.

That being said, I do intend to have my significant other sign a prenuptial agreement prior to marriage. Not gonna take any risks - people [i.e., (half-jokingly, "women")] are evil. She doesn't like it, piss off, I'll go find another in a matter of weeks.

[carve]

Originally Posted by squishy

I'm just dicking around, marriages, today, are financially and socially constructed and have lost all moral/religious values.

I understand the arrangement parts of some marriages, but even today, it is completely unnecessary and pretty stupid.

That being said, I do intend to have my significant other sign a prenuptial agreement prior to marriage. Not gonna take any risks - people [i.e., (half-jokingly, "women")] are evil. She doesn't like it, piss off, I'll go find another in a matter of weeks.

Prenups are far from bullet proof; they're overturned all the time. It also doesn't protect anything you make AFTER the marriage.