BMW E60 5-Series Forum | 5Post.com  
BMW Garage BMW Meets Register Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read  

Go Back   BMW E60 5-Series Forum | 5Post.com > BIMMERPOST Universal Forums > Off-Topic Discussions Board

Post Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
      09-11-2022, 09:47 PM   #1
Alfisti
Colonel
4811
Rep
2,498
Posts

Drives: 2013 X3 (Totaled)
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Toronto, Canada

iTrader: (0)

I have a brisket situation

So i still order groceries online like it's May 2020. Saw vac-pac Brisket at $8.80 a KG (roughly $20 lb) and with "average size of 3kg" I thought why not?

Mother fucker arrives and there's half a cow on my front step, damn near 8kgs (20 lbs)

So I will have about 17 people over for my sons 11th birthday next weekend, said to the wife i'll cook the dang brisket, keep in mind......i've never cooked one . She has made it abundantly clear that this is a bad idea and if i fuck it up there will be consequences. Jokes aside, if i fuck it up she's gonna lose her shit.

I have a Weber Summit series BBQ with 4 burners, wood chip container with it's own burner and a rotisserie burner. So, how the bloody hell do i cook this mofo? I assume elevate it off the burners, maybe in a short sided tray? I have nfi other than i expect this ill take eons, so I would love instructions from you folk that do this all the time.

Considerations:
- I don't cook in aluminum or cover food in aluminum then place in an oven/bbq, this is non-negotiable.
- I assume i need a rub, it cannot be spicy, crowd is mostly middle to older aged croats who cringe at black pepper
- Outside needs to be cooked, younger ones will do med-rare but older croats want the cow killed a few times just to be fucking sure
- i plan to serve around 1pm so ideally not up at 2am to get this freaking thing started but i'll d0 it if i have to

Fire away peeps!
Appreciate 1
shimmy231616.50
      09-11-2022, 09:52 PM   #2
Murf the Surf
Private
Murf the Surf's Avatar
3289
Rep
94
Posts

Drives: Porsche 993
Join Date: Mar 2022
Location: Dog Lake, South Frontenac, Ontario Canada

iTrader: (0)

She's gonna lose her shit.
Appreciate 19
BIGW0RM2007.50
vreihen169806.00
Buug95910795.50
RickFLM48399.50
kscarrol6502.00
cmyx6go12479.50
Dino GT25367.00
antgenn199.00
unluky6548.00
DocL1371.50
UncleWede15013.00
Kilabyte3501.50
Tommy-G3446.50
3.0L6008.50
      09-11-2022, 09:55 PM   #3
Murf the Surf
Private
Murf the Surf's Avatar
3289
Rep
94
Posts

Drives: Porsche 993
Join Date: Mar 2022
Location: Dog Lake, South Frontenac, Ontario Canada

iTrader: (0)

Appreciate 1
Merlin_83390.50
      09-11-2022, 10:04 PM   #4
aktif8
Lieutenant
United_States
594
Rep
551
Posts

Drives: 22 M4c vert
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: nj

iTrader: (4)

Garage List
I've done many a brisket - and many in the 20lb range - but never attempted to do one in anything other than my dedicated smoker. I'm sure there are instructions floating around somewhere online for that.

Here are a few of my random tips (it's a brisket, Texas style is best)

1) better to under trim than to over trim in my experience. The fat affords some room for error.

2) the best rub is simple. Slather with mustard then coat with a salt and pepper mix. Liberally.

3) it takes how ever long its going to take. Can be 6 hours, can be 9. Many factors.

4) there are no degrees of done-ness for a brisket, it must be well done, and get there low and slow, to get the right texture.

5) traditionally, it's done by feel, but I go by temp. Get a Wi-Fi thermometer (not a crappy Bluetooth)

6) no foil. When you hit the stall, you can spritz with a mop (really whatever you want) but always wrap in pink butcher paper for the Texas crutch.

7) if it hits temp too early, theres no shame in keeping it in the butcher paper, and keeping it in an oven at 200f. The last one I made, we kept it in the oven for 5 hours to hold, and it was amongst the best I've ever done.
Appreciate 1
Alfisti4811.00
      09-11-2022, 10:13 PM   #5
JAI///M3
Private First Class
United_States
133
Rep
199
Posts

Drives: F80 M3
Join Date: Dec 2021
Location: East Bay

iTrader: (0)

My suggestion…?

Try your experiment

Also, pre order a catered meal from a local trusted BBQ joint. Serve both. Send your guests home with leftovers. Everyone's happy
Appreciate 2
      09-11-2022, 10:26 PM   #6
Alfisti
Colonel
4811
Rep
2,498
Posts

Drives: 2013 X3 (Totaled)
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Toronto, Canada

iTrader: (0)

Quote:
Originally Posted by JAI///M3 View Post
My suggestion…?

Try your experiment

Also, pre order a catered meal from a local trusted BBQ joint. Serve both. Send your guests home with leftovers. Everyone's happy
Ordering BBQ for 17 people in Toronto would be horrendously expensive ......but i love a fail-safe!
Appreciate 2
      09-11-2022, 11:00 PM   #7
dreamingat30fps
Lieutenant Colonel
United_States
3587
Rep
1,619
Posts

Drives: Cayenne, Model 3, F350
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: South Florida & NC

iTrader: (1)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Alfisti View Post
So i still order groceries online like it's May 2020. Saw vac-pac Brisket at $8.80 a KG (roughly $20 lb) and with "average size of 3kg" I thought why not?

Mother fucker arrives and there's half a cow on my front step, damn near 8kgs (20 lbs)

So I will have about 17 people over for my sons 11th birthday next weekend, said to the wife i'll cook the dang brisket, keep in mind......i've never cooked one . She has made it abundantly clear that this is a bad idea and if i fuck it up there will be consequences. Jokes aside, if i fuck it up she's gonna lose her shit.

I have a Weber Summit series BBQ with 4 burners, wood chip container with it's own burner and a rotisserie burner. So, how the bloody hell do i cook this mofo? I assume elevate it off the burners, maybe in a short sided tray? I have nfi other than i expect this ill take eons, so I would love instructions from you folk that do this all the time.

Considerations:
- I don't cook in aluminum or cover food in aluminum then place in an oven/bbq, this is non-negotiable.
- I assume i need a rub, it cannot be spicy, crowd is mostly middle to older aged croats who cringe at black pepper
- Outside needs to be cooked, younger ones will do med-rare but older croats want the cow killed a few times just to be fucking sure
- i plan to serve around 1pm so ideally not up at 2am to get this freaking thing started but i'll d0 it if i have to

Fire away peeps!
I'm not expert, but I have cooked a few briskets. Based on your considerations... make something else. No black pepper? Med-rare? Not up at 2am? Black pepper IMO is an essential to any brisket rub. It's also not a steak, you don't cook it medium rare, well done etc, it cooks until it's ready and for a 20lb I imagine it's going to be 20+ hours. Biggest I've cooked was MAYBE 14lbs and that was like 14+ hours if I recall. Also I cooked them in an actual smoker, I'm not really sure how you would do it in a grill.

Options:

- Forget the brisket altogether
- Give it a shot but add ribs or something else in case you fuck it up
- Do something else with it. I'm sure there are other ways to cook brisket that is not smoked BBQ. That's all I've done with them, but I'm sure you can cook it in an oven or something.
Appreciate 0
      09-12-2022, 07:09 AM   #8
Alfisti
Colonel
4811
Rep
2,498
Posts

Drives: 2013 X3 (Totaled)
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Toronto, Canada

iTrader: (0)

The black pepper thing was a joke, they don't do spicy though and yeah if it is all well done then it's perfect.

My issue seems to be the grill. When I make ribs I jimmy up an elevated rack on the grill, say a good 6 inches off the grill itself but I can still fully close the door. I then use burners 1 and 5 (the wood chip container burner) to circulate the air and generate smoke. Takes me about 4 to 5 hrs to cook 4 racks of ribs. If i add a water bowl will this work for a brisket?

Here's a photo of the set up but on this occasion I didn't smoke so used burners 1 and 4.


Last edited by Alfisti; 09-12-2022 at 07:23 AM..
Appreciate 0
      09-12-2022, 07:25 AM   #9
paquet
Lieutenant
United_States
585
Rep
419
Posts

Drives: 2019 540i M Sport etc
Join Date: Sep 2020
Location: FL

iTrader: (0)

I'd focus on the basics, bud:

- leave enough fat on to render
- use a decent rub amount (whatever you like)
- use a water pan
- low and slow

https://www.smokedbbqsource.com/smok...first-brisket/
Appreciate 0
      09-12-2022, 07:43 AM   #10
Alfisti
Colonel
4811
Rep
2,498
Posts

Drives: 2013 X3 (Totaled)
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Toronto, Canada

iTrader: (0)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Murf the Surf View Post
Jeeeeeeeezus that's a lotta work.
Appreciate 0
      09-12-2022, 07:52 AM   #11
vreihen16
Recovering Perfectionist
vreihen16's Avatar
Ukraine
9806
Rep
769
Posts

Drives: 2015 BMW i3 BEV
Join Date: Jun 2019
Location: Orange County, NY

iTrader: (0)

Garage List
Although the analogy might not translate well outside the USA, I'm always amazed by people who are brave enough to cook their first turkey ever after inviting a whole house full of family and friends over for Thanksgiving dinner!

I know zilch about brisket, except that it is supposedly a tough meat and supposedly very difficult to prepare so that it is tender enough to eat.....
__________________
2015 BMW i3 BEV, Giga World (Lodge interior), Tech/Driving Assist Packages, 22K miles
Appreciate 1
      09-12-2022, 08:51 AM   #12
DETRoadster
Space Force - 4 Star General
DETRoadster's Avatar
10625
Rep
3,160
Posts

Drives: M2 MG 6MT / Moto Guzzi V7
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Seattle

iTrader: (1)

Maybe you can find a local tool and party supply rental place that'll rent you a proper smoker?
Appreciate 0
      09-12-2022, 09:32 AM   #13
JMcLellan
Private First Class
JMcLellan's Avatar
United_States
195
Rep
182
Posts

Drives: BMW M240i
Join Date: Mar 2022
Location: MN

iTrader: (0)

That is a massive piece of meat! I would go all in and slow cook that beast. You might need to start on it like 4/5 pm the day before and if you have the equipment to keep a consistent temp and smoke you should be good.

I have good luck getting the brisket up to 150 or so and then wrap it in butcher paper to finish the cook. For seasoning go with whatever flavor profile you prefer but be cautious of spicy stuff in case there are littles that don't like the heat. You should take pics of the finished product if you decide to go for it
__________________
2019 M240i RWD-- MHD Stage 2+, XHP Stage 3, TU HPFP, VRSF DP, CTS chargepipe, M Perf Exhaust, M Perf LSD, Apex EC-7 wrapped in PS4's
Appreciate 0
      09-12-2022, 09:49 AM   #14
dreamingat30fps
Lieutenant Colonel
United_States
3587
Rep
1,619
Posts

Drives: Cayenne, Model 3, F350
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: South Florida & NC

iTrader: (1)

Quote:
Originally Posted by DETRoadster View Post
Maybe you can find a local tool and party supply rental place that'll rent you a proper smoker?
Maybe a local BBQ place would be willing to cook his brisket for a fee. I know some places will cook fish you catch. Maybe a small mom and pop place or maybe someone with a smoker in the area.
Appreciate 0
      09-12-2022, 10:08 AM   #15
leopard print
First Lieutenant
1158
Rep
333
Posts

Drives: Really well for an Asian.
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Los Angeles, CA

iTrader: (4)

Damn. I'm in Vancouver instead of Toronto this weekend. Otherwise, I'd help you with you brisket situation. And by help I mean stop by and eat then leave. Haha.
Appreciate 1
      09-12-2022, 10:16 AM   #16
Frostynorth
Weirdo
Frostynorth's Avatar
Canada
331
Rep
139
Posts

Drives: 2011 e92 M3
Join Date: Jun 2020
Location: Middle of nowhere

iTrader: (0)

https://howtobbqright.com/category/bbq-recipes/

Malcom has so good recipes.
Appreciate 0
      09-12-2022, 10:31 AM   #17
Alfisti
Colonel
4811
Rep
2,498
Posts

Drives: 2013 X3 (Totaled)
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Toronto, Canada

iTrader: (0)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Frostynorth View Post
Ok his grill is exactly like mine! As in Weber Summit 4 burner plus wood chip smoker burner He says, much like the dude with the fuck off smoker above, to just heat from one side using the smoker burner and place the meat heavy side facing the burner to protect the thin side.

So this means i do not need to elevate as there is no heat anywhere near the bottom of the meat.
Appreciate 0
      09-12-2022, 10:49 AM   #18
Frostynorth
Weirdo
Frostynorth's Avatar
Canada
331
Rep
139
Posts

Drives: 2011 e92 M3
Join Date: Jun 2020
Location: Middle of nowhere

iTrader: (0)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Alfisti View Post
Ok his grill is exactly like mine! As in Weber Summit 4 burner plus wood chip smoker burner He says, much like the dude with the fuck off smoker above, to just heat from one side using the smoker burner and place the meat heavy side facing the burner to protect the thin side.

So this means i do not need to elevate as there is no heat anywhere near the bottom of the meat.
Right on, even better that it matches yours.
Appreciate 0
      09-12-2022, 11:35 AM   #19
P1
Lieutenant General
P1's Avatar
9712
Rep
10,419
Posts

Drives: 2004 3/4 ton Duramax
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: United States

iTrader: (1)

Rule of thumb is an hour per pound. Do the math. You're going to be spending a ton of time on this and brisket's are temperamental so who knows how long it'll really take. You can't time them so saying you want to eat at 1pm is dangerous.

If you've never made one, this is not the time and especially not if you don't have a smoker or Big Green Egg/Kamado Joe.

If you want to cook the brisket, throw it in the oven and be done with it.
Appreciate 0
      09-12-2022, 11:51 AM   #20
Watching The World Burn
Lengthy but not a Girthy Member
599
Rep
130
Posts

Drives: 1971 Honda Civic
Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: Riding the high seas of your emotions

iTrader: (0)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Alfisti View Post
Ok his grill is exactly like mine! As in Weber Summit 4 burner plus wood chip smoker burner He says, much like the dude with the fuck off smoker above, to just heat from one side using the smoker burner and place the meat heavy side facing the burner to protect the thin side.

So this means i do not need to elevate as there is no heat anywhere near the bottom of the meat.
You can do this!!

I actually don't think you can but I'm going to say you can do this just because I want to see whether or not I can see the mushroom cloud from my house.

Going to have to bend your rules if you want success, especially as it comes to crutching, but I'd say, stay strong and don't compromise, because how bad could it be. No really, tell us, please. Every word of profanity that falls upon you, including the nuanced little bits. Dying to hear.

I will be partially useful though and say that if you happen to do this, a brazilian tomato slaw works wonderfully as a side with smoked brisket. No cabbage in there, I fricking hate actual coleslaw, but tomato slaw - excellent with brisket.
Appreciate 3
Alfisti4811.00
      09-12-2022, 12:31 PM   #21
Caravaggio
Major General
2666
Rep
5,424
Posts

Drives: M235i 6spd
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Mid-Atlantic

iTrader: (0)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Alfisti View Post

Mother fucker arrives and there's half a cow on my front step, damn near 8kgs (20 lbs)

LOL

That is funny.
Appreciate 1
Alfisti4811.00
      09-12-2022, 12:39 PM   #22
happyjack
Captain
happyjack's Avatar
United_States
1136
Rep
744
Posts

Drives: '21 F87 M2C 6MT
Join Date: Nov 2017
Location: old line state

iTrader: (0)

Garage List
i have no advice to offer...but i'm in to see the outcome. my grill skills are marginal at best. but if you want to steam some blue crabs, then i got your back.

godspeed!
__________________

my garage:'21 F87 M2C, 6MT; '15 F22 x-drive coupe sport line; '17 F25 x-drive28i SAV; '15 F55 mini hatch 5-door
retired: '87 E30 MT 'vert; '92 E36 sedan; '99 E36 MT 'vert; '06 E90 x-drive sedan; '07 E83 x-drive30 SAV; '09 E91 x-drive wagon; '12 E89 Z4 s-drive28i MT M-sport
Appreciate 0
Post Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off



All times are GMT -5. The time now is 06:34 PM.




5post
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.11
Copyright ©2000 - 2022, vBulletin Solutions Inc.
1Addicts.com, BIMMERPOST.com, E90Post.com, F30Post.com, M3Post.com, ZPost.com, 5Post.com, 6Post.com, 7Post.com, XBimmers.com logo and trademark are properties of BIMMERPOST