$75.00 Seafood Ass-Whipping!

[MsGoGoMoto]

I would have posted this in the "What's for dinner" thread, but didn't want it buried in there.

Last night, I've realized that in my half century of living, I haven't seen everything.

Husband and I were at a seafood restaurant.
Nice night to sit outside to eat AND BOY IM GLAD WE DID!

Pitcher of beer comes to the table.
I get Into the Lyft app to check drivers.
A sliced lemon flies over us.
I take a sip of beer….wait.. fuckin asshole throwing food? Come on…
Well, I thought the table across from us was just being loud.. and ignored them.
Noo-ho buddy, they were arguing.

Guy slides chair back, points finger in woman's face.
She grabs finger and tries to snap it.
Meanwhile, everyone's watching and chowing down like at the Pirates of the Caribbean show at Disney.
Second guy pulls up on a motorcycle. I look over and literally see my Husband's eyes come out of retirement. He started positioning himself between me and the action. Love this man. He's watching, looking back behind us, watching… waiting.

We were both shocked when the girl reaches over to her plate and starts wailing these guys with a king crab leg. Guys, if you've never had king crab, the shell is filled with studded sharp spikes, sort of rubbery and will act as a mace if slung around. Plus the spices will burn the cuts. Fucking hell to eat with bare hands and has cut me on many occasion.

She got the motorcycle guy on the neck. Instant blood, he starts burning doing the neutron dance like the 80's!
Each time a hand reached out to calm her, it was crab-legged. Neutron dance.
She didn't get away Scott free though, her hand was bleeding too.

Police turn up, one officer notices my husband, gives a wave. Goes in to settle things.
This has to have made it to social media. If it did, I'm on there lol.

Officer comes by to chew the fat with husband to talk about his retirement.
Later found out the motorcycle guy was her lover and saw something she posted about dinner on one of those social media sites. Friends at the table had shared in their circles, and I guess they exposed her cheating. He shows up and everything blew up.

Aftermath:
Chairs lying on their back….
Crab guts all over the place…..
Beer on concrete smell…..
3 bussers trying to clean up…
Poor waitress' table party members shoving a ton of cash in her hands, had to almost be a grand….
Fire truck…
Ambulance…
That crab leg ass whipping was colossal!

[Lady Jane]

Attachment 2710550 Love it!

[rcracin]

Excellent story but common, no video or pics of the carnage?!??!

[Redd]

Originally Posted by MsGoGoMoto

I would have posted this in the "What's for dinner" thread, but didn't want it buried in there.

Last night, I've realized that in my half century of living, I haven't seen everything.

Husband and I were at a seafood restaurant.
Nice night to sit outside to eat AND BOY IM GLAD WE DID!

Pitcher of beer comes to the table.
I get Into the Lyft app to check drivers.
A sliced lemon flies over us.
I take a sip of beer….wait.. fuckin asshole throwing food? Come on…
Well, I thought the table across from us was just being loud.. and ignored them.
Noo-ho buddy, they were arguing.

Guy slides chair back, points finger in woman's face.
She grabs finger and tries to snap it.
Meanwhile, everyone's watching and chowing down like at the Pirates of the Caribbean show at Disney.
Second guy pulls up on a motorcycle. I look over and literally see my Husband's eyes come out of retirement. He started positioning himself between me and the action. Love this man. He's watching, looking back behind us, watching… waiting.

We were both shocked when the girl reaches over to her plate and starts wailing these guys with a king crab leg. Guys, if you've never had king crab, the shell is filled with studded sharp spikes, sort of rubbery and will act as a mace if slung around. Plus the spices will burn the cuts. Fucking hell to eat with bare hands and has cut me on many occasion.

She got the motorcycle guy on the neck. Instant blood, he starts burning doing the neutron dance like the 80's!
Each time a hand reached out to calm her, it was crab-legged. Neutron dance.
She didn't get away Scott free though, her hand was bleeding too.

Police turn up, one officer notices my husband, gives a wave. Goes in to settle things.
This has to have made it to social media. If it did, I'm on there lol.

Officer comes by to chew the fat with husband to talk about his retirement.
Later found out the motorcycle guy was her lover and saw something she posted about dinner on one of those social media sites. Friends at the table had shared in their circles, and I guess they exposed her cheating. He shows up and everything blew up.

Aftermath:
Chairs lying on their back….
Crab guts all over the place…..
Beer on concrete smell…..
3 bussers trying to clean up…
Poor waitress' table party members shoving a ton of cash in her hands, had to almost be a grand….
Fire truck…
Ambulance…
That crab leg ass whipping was colossal!

You are one of the most entertaining posters on here. Never stop!

[MsGoGoMoto]

Originally Posted by rcracin

Excellent story but common, no video or pics of the carnage?!??!

Hell if I know.
My hands were occupied by beer.
Im 50 with a zero life and not some millennial who has a life and social media with phone on instant standby.

[2000cs]

It might be time to take my ex out for seafood.

[Lady Jane]

Now I understand.


Attachment 2710677

[DETRoadster]

The craziest shit happens to you. LOL. My life is apparently totally mundane.

[MsGoGoMoto]

Originally Posted by Lady Jane

Now I understand.


Attachment 2710677

More like this..
This is why the motorcycle guy started the neutron dance.

[Chihuahua]

Where does the $75.00 come into play? Perhaps I missed it.

[2000cs]

Originally Posted by Chihuahua

Where does the $75.00 come into play? Perhaps I missed it.

I think that was the special: $75 for all you can beat

[Buug959]

Originally Posted by 2000cs

I think that was the special: $75 for all you can beat*

*Does not include bail money.

[sygazelle]

Originally Posted by MsGoGoMoto

I would have posted this in the "What's for dinner" thread, but didn't want it buried in there.

Last night, I've realized that in my half century of living, I haven't seen everything.

Husband and I were at a seafood restaurant.
Nice night to sit outside to eat AND BOY IM GLAD WE DID!

Pitcher of beer comes to the table.
I get Into the Lyft app to check drivers.
A sliced lemon flies over us.
I take a sip of beer….wait.. fuckin asshole throwing food? Come on…
Well, I thought the table across from us was just being loud.. and ignored them.
Noo-ho buddy, they were arguing.

Guy slides chair back, points finger in woman's face.
She grabs finger and tries to snap it.
Meanwhile, everyone's watching and chowing down like at the Pirates of the Caribbean show at Disney.
Second guy pulls up on a motorcycle. I look over and literally see my Husband's eyes come out of retirement. He started positioning himself between me and the action. Love this man. He's watching, looking back behind us, watching… waiting.

We were both shocked when the girl reaches over to her plate and starts wailing these guys with a king crab leg. Guys, if you've never had king crab, the shell is filled with studded sharp spikes, sort of rubbery and will act as a mace if slung around. Plus the spices will burn the cuts. Fucking hell to eat with bare hands and has cut me on many occasion.

She got the motorcycle guy on the neck. Instant blood, he starts burning doing the neutron dance like the 80's!
Each time a hand reached out to calm her, it was crab-legged. Neutron dance.
She didn't get away Scott free though, her hand was bleeding too.

Police turn up, one officer notices my husband, gives a wave. Goes in to settle things.
This has to have made it to social media. If it did, I'm on there lol.

Officer comes by to chew the fat with husband to talk about his retirement.
Later found out the motorcycle guy was her lover and saw something she posted about dinner on one of those social media sites. Friends at the table had shared in their circles, and I guess they exposed her cheating. He shows up and everything blew up.

Aftermath:
Chairs lying on their back….
Crab guts all over the place…..
Beer on concrete smell…..
3 bussers trying to clean up…
Poor waitress' table party members shoving a ton of cash in her hands, had to almost be a grand….
Fire truck…
Ambulance…
That crab leg ass whipping was colossal!

You may have a new career as a crime reporter!

[sygazelle]

Originally Posted by MsGoGoMoto

I would have posted this in the "What's for dinner" thread, but didn't want it buried in there.

Last night, I've realized that in my half century of living, I haven't seen everything.

Husband and I were at a seafood restaurant.
Nice night to sit outside to eat AND BOY IM GLAD WE DID!

Pitcher of beer comes to the table.
I get Into the Lyft app to check drivers.
A sliced lemon flies over us.
I take a sip of beer….wait.. fuckin asshole throwing food? Come on…
Well, I thought the table across from us was just being loud.. and ignored them.
Noo-ho buddy, they were arguing.

Guy slides chair back, points finger in woman's face.
She grabs finger and tries to snap it.
Meanwhile, everyone's watching and chowing down like at the Pirates of the Caribbean show at Disney.
Second guy pulls up on a motorcycle. I look over and literally see my Husband's eyes come out of retirement. He started positioning himself between me and the action. Love this man. He's watching, looking back behind us, watching… waiting.

We were both shocked when the girl reaches over to her plate and starts wailing these guys with a king crab leg. Guys, if you've never had king crab, the shell is filled with studded sharp spikes, sort of rubbery and will act as a mace if slung around. Plus the spices will burn the cuts. Fucking hell to eat with bare hands and has cut me on many occasion.

She got the motorcycle guy on the neck. Instant blood, he starts burning doing the neutron dance like the 80's!
Each time a hand reached out to calm her, it was crab-legged. Neutron dance.
She didn't get away Scott free though, her hand was bleeding too.

Police turn up, one officer notices my husband, gives a wave. Goes in to settle things.
This has to have made it to social media. If it did, I'm on there lol.

Officer comes by to chew the fat with husband to talk about his retirement.
Later found out the motorcycle guy was her lover and saw something she posted about dinner on one of those social media sites. Friends at the table had shared in their circles, and I guess they exposed her cheating. He shows up and everything blew up.

Aftermath:
Chairs lying on their back….
Crab guts all over the place…..
Beer on concrete smell…..
3 bussers trying to clean up…
Poor waitress' table party members shoving a ton of cash in her hands, had to almost be a grand….
Fire truck…
Ambulance…
That crab leg ass whipping was colossal!

Crab-legged used as a verb!

Very funny interpretation of a very sad story. I love your writing.

[Tommy-G]

I must see video of this....it has to be out there