Dog's diary versus cat's diary

PaulBailey@ltbmw · 07-14-2009, 06:04 PM

Dog’s Diary:

8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 PM - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 PM - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 PM - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 PM - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 PM - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 PM - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11: 00 PM - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!
* * *

Cat’s Diary:

Day 983 of my captivity.

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets.

Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a “good little hunter” I am.

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of “allergies.” I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.
* * *

MCMLXXXIX · 07-14-2009, 06:15 PM

lmao!

"I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of “allergies.” I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage."

E90SLAM · 07-14-2009, 06:20 PM

Quote:

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.

Reminds me Stewie Griffin...

Scorpion · 07-14-2009, 06:21 PM

Lmfao at the last sentence.

choicez · 07-14-2009, 06:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by E90SLAM

Reminds me Stewie Griffin...

I thought the exact same thing...stewie=cat!!!

ben14142001 · 07-14-2009, 07:39 PM

That is awesome, haha.

ideliver · 07-14-2009, 07:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Scorpion

Lmfao at the last sentence.

+1...

OC Guy · 07-14-2009, 08:20 PM

hahaha

Heinzftw · 07-14-2009, 08:41 PM

Pretty funnyyy

drift90 · 07-14-2009, 08:47 PM

hahha thats good!

PaulBailey@ltbmw · 07-14-2009, 09:26 PM

It's funny because it's true

Labrada_Exoticz · 07-14-2009, 09:38 PM

Thats hilarious!!!

drift90 · 07-14-2009, 10:01 PM

Did you come up wiht that?

oneintheory · 07-14-2009, 10:48 PM

but still funny.

Blake · 07-15-2009, 01:20 AM

thanks for the laugh

gonzo · 07-15-2009, 07:38 AM

Made me chuckle. Sending to a cat lover friend. Thanks.

Sure beats the mostly sad mess in OT these days.

Razzy · 07-15-2009, 11:53 AM

i was wonering where I had read this, then I remmembered I got it in an email. None the less, its hilarious.

02themax · 07-15-2009, 12:31 PM

I got this in an email as well, too funny!

07-14-2009, 06:04 PM	#1
PaulBailey@ltbmw General 677 Rep 26,876 Posts Drives: 2-325 330 2-335 2-Z4 2-135 X5d Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Huntington Beach, CA iTrader: (34) Garage List 2008 BMW 335i E90 [7.00] 2011 BMW 335i E92 [7.96]	Dog's diary versus cat's diary Dog’s Diary: 8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing! 9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing! 9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing! 10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing! 12:00 PM - Lunch! My favorite thing! 1:00 PM - Played in the yard! My favorite thing! 3:00 PM - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing! 5:00 PM - Milk bones! My favorite thing! 7:00 PM - Got to play ball! My favorite thing! 8:00 PM - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing! 11: 00 PM - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing! * * * Cat’s Diary: Day 983 of my captivity. My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a “good little hunter” I am. There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of “allergies.” I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage. Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs. I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded. * * *
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07-14-2009, 06:15 PM	#2
MCMLXXXIX wat 240 Rep 3,406 Posts Drives: a gr3at whit3 5hark Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: Oct 2008 iTrader: (0)	lmao! "I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of “allergies.” I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage." __________________ 2012 Toyota Highlander SE - PAST - 2008 e92 335i, 2006 e90 325i
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07-14-2009, 06:21 PM	#4
Scorpion Major 164 Rep 1,210 Posts Drives: Nothing Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Nowhere iTrader: (0)	Lmfao at the last sentence.
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07-14-2009, 07:39 PM	#6
ben14142001 Captain 27 Rep 707 Posts Drives: 2018 M3 ZCP Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Nashville iTrader: (1)	That is awesome, haha.
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07-14-2009, 08:20 PM	#8
OC Guy General 558 Rep 18,123 Posts Drives: AW 335D E90 Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Irvine/Aliso Viejo, CA iTrader: (9) Garage List 2007 335i [0.00]	hahaha __________________ Current: 2010 Alpine White 335D LCI l 19" BBS LMs l KW V2 Coilovers l BMW Performance Grilles l MSport Front/Rear l Karbonwerke Trunk l F1 Pinnacle Tint 35% Former: E92 Space Grey 335i Latest pics
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07-14-2009, 08:47 PM	#10
drift90 1st gear newbie 31 Rep 130 Posts Drives: Its rather sexy Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Brampton iTrader: (0)	hahha thats good!
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07-14-2009, 09:26 PM	#11
PaulBailey@ltbmw General 677 Rep 26,876 Posts Drives: 2-325 330 2-335 2-Z4 2-135 X5d Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Huntington Beach, CA iTrader: (34) Garage List 2008 BMW 335i E90 [7.00] 2011 BMW 335i E92 [7.96]	It's funny because it's true
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07-14-2009, 09:38 PM	#12
Labrada_Exoticz Subscribed 127 Rep 1,179 Posts Drives: F80 M3 Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: Miami iTrader: (4)	Thats hilarious!!!
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07-14-2009, 10:01 PM	#13
drift90 1st gear newbie 31 Rep 130 Posts Drives: Its rather sexy Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Brampton iTrader: (0)	Did you come up wiht that?
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07-14-2009, 10:48 PM	#14
oneintheory no longer a BMW owner 170 Rep 1,463 Posts Drives: 2011 Ford Edge Sport Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: Suffolk/Chesapeake, VA iTrader: (0)	but still funny.
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07-15-2009, 01:20 AM	#15
Blake Banned 795 Rep 4,647 Posts Drives: Chevy Aveo Join Date: May 2008 Location: Parent's Basement iTrader: (7)	thanks for the laugh
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07-15-2009, 07:38 AM	#16
gonzo Lieutenant General 10318 Rep 14,442 Posts Drives: as many as possible Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: TeXXXas iTrader: (0)	Made me chuckle. Sending to a cat lover friend. Thanks. Sure beats the mostly sad mess in OT these days.
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07-15-2009, 11:53 AM	#17
Razzy Lieutenant 260 Rep 509 Posts Drives: N/A Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Ontario, Canada iTrader: (0)	i was wonering where I had read this, then I remmembered I got it in an email. None the less, its hilarious.
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07-15-2009, 12:31 PM	#18
02themax Captain 28 Rep 946 Posts Drives: E90 335i Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: Calgary, AB iTrader: (6)	I got this in an email as well, too funny! __________________ E90 335i Sport Package - Logic 7 Sound w/ipod - Bluetooth - Comfort Access - PDC - 19" M3 Reps 275/30 235/35 - Blacklines - 10mil spacers rear, 5mil spacers front - BMW Alarm
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