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      04-07-2015, 04:43 PM   #1
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Ex-gf back?

Call her? Never had to do it. Curious. She wigged out on me for very small things in the end which made me suspicious. Can't help but to miss her though months later. I don't want games (I typically don't), I have a feeling she will in some fashion by playing hard to get, want control, etc. If she does I'l like to make it clear I'm not down for that without pushing her away. I'm probably nuts for considering her, chemistry is what it is (it didn't hurt that she was smart and beautiful as well)
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      04-07-2015, 04:52 PM   #2
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you broke up for a reason the first time. IMO I would let it go and move on. Very rarely when people break up and get back together does it work
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      04-07-2015, 05:05 PM   #3
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This happened to me but now we've been married over 3 years. So I think it's subjective, I knew that if we got back together we would marry.
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      04-07-2015, 05:21 PM   #4
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Man I went through almost the same! shit sucked for a bit its been three months now and I do miss her but its probably for the best... now that I think about it.
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      04-07-2015, 05:26 PM   #5
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move on to bigger and better things,
the bad things that happen to us in life only steer us in a better direction is how I see things
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      04-07-2015, 05:36 PM   #6
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It's for the better.

Plenty of smart and beautiful women out there.

Chasing them, getting rejected, getting their numbers, etc., is exciting! Keep your head up and move forward, don't dwell upon the past
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      04-07-2015, 05:36 PM   #7
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I tried it with the ex, unfortunately it didn't work out. Have someone else she's definitely one of a kind. If it's not worth it you'll find someone else. There are millions of compatible girls in the world I'm sure you'll find one.
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      04-07-2015, 05:39 PM   #8
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Tough call. Here are my thoughts, in no particular order or importance:

Take a moment to - as objectively as possible - reflect on your relationship. It's very, very easy for you to idealize a situation you're not currently in. You may wish to overlook the bad components while favoring the good. It's natural for us to justify unnecessary expenses in our mind, whether it be car parts or relationship compromises.

Ask yourself why she "wigged" on the small things. Was she nitpicking at certain personality traits or actions? Was she subtly indicating you weren't paying enough attention? Is she actually seriously just mean (maybe she picks on you for the things she doesn't like about herself)?

You said you got suspicious. The gut's a powerful subconscious tool. Chances are it's right more than half the time. One experience I dealt with years ago was a girlfriend that insisted I was cheating on her. I wasn't. The reality was she was projecting onto me what she was doing (she was actually cheating on me... for shame, for same).

Remember some simple math. The world is seven billion plus people. Let's say 50% are women. And of that only 10% are date-able. And of that 10% only 0.10% are in your general region. That's still a lot of women. There are plenty of beautiful, smart women out there. Trust me, I've thought I'd never do better but someone always comes along. It's really a matter of your perspective on life, too.

One thing I wouldn't do is setup imaginary rules in your mind now, such as if she does x I won't put up with it or if she does y then it's ok. You shouldn't have to make those rule decisions in your relationship. If you need to force those rules on yourself mentally, then you've already lost.

That said, why don't you sit down and have an honest talk with her. Ask why she wigged out. Ask to take it slow. Life is indeed short, but not so short that you need to settle on an M4 build without all the options you want, right?

Lastly, some exes come back when they've become lonely themselves. I'm not at all saying you're not worth it, because you are and so is everyone, but do your best to judge her true intentions. A lot of people don't have the mental strength and stamina to be happy with themselves alone. You need to get to that point to have a good relationship with anyone, and if one of you doesn't have it then that'll be tough.

Quote:
Originally Posted by 8k3 View Post
Call her? Never had to do it. Curious. She wigged out on me for very small things in the end which made me suspicious. Can't help but to miss her though months later. I don't want games (I typically don't), I have a feeling she will in some fashion by playing hard to get, want control, etc. If she does I'l like to make it clear I'm not down for that without pushing her away. I'm probably nuts for considering her, chemistry is what it is (it didn't hurt that she was smart and beautiful as well)
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      04-07-2015, 07:13 PM   #9
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Thanks for all the advice and feedback. I guess it doesn't hurt to try other than opening a wound but then again the should, would, could have thoughts probably would set in at some point. She's had issues from her past and gets very defensive but I want to see if we can work past that (or work toward anything at all). I have a feeling she is going to be difficult to approach at least at first. I have to go into this with a nothing to lose mentality. Trust was a major issue for me, I always felt she was hiding things, which she was with regard to at least a couple things. When called out on it she wigged on me so to speak.
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      04-07-2015, 07:22 PM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 8k3 View Post
Call her? Never had to do it. Curious. She wigged out on me for very small things in the end which made me suspicious. Can't help but to miss her though months later. I don't want games (I typically don't), I have a feeling she will in some fashion by playing hard to get, want control, etc. If she does I'l like to make it clear I'm not down for that without pushing her away. I'm probably nuts for considering her, chemistry is what it is (it didn't hurt that she was smart and beautiful as well)
Your gf was hiding/lying and possibly cheating on you.

Harden up my friend.
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      04-07-2015, 07:34 PM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GOLFFRR View Post
you broke up for a reason the first time. IMO I would let it go and move on. Very rarely when people break up and get back together does it work
Yup, usually we are driven back to the past by fear of being alone instead of loving the person so damn much.
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      04-07-2015, 07:43 PM   #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 8k3 View Post
Thanks for all the advice and feedback. I guess it doesn't hurt to try other than opening a wound but then again the should, would, could have thoughts probably would set in at some point. She's had issues from her past and gets very defensive but I want to see if we can work past that (or work toward anything at all). I have a feeling she is going to be difficult to approach at least at first. I have to go into this with a nothing to lose mentality. Trust was a major issue for me, I always felt she was hiding things, which she was with regard to at least a couple things. When called out on it she wigged on me so to speak.
Do NOT go back to that relationship. Trust me. Trust is at the foundation of every solid relationship, if that was an issue then, why would you feel it would be any different now?

Just listen: DON'T DO IT. I'm saving you a shit ton of headache and trouble down the road...

I just got out of a relationship where trust was in fact the issue, and she cheated on me twice...

Just the thought that she was texting me while she was with him, telling me how much she loves me, sickens me to the stomach. She was both beautiful and smart, but I feel so disgusted every time I even think about that woman.

There are other beautiful and smart women out there. I am 99% confident, based on what you said, she had a relationship with someone else behind your back, and fucked him on multiple occasions.

If you felt she was hiding things, she was. Our gut instincts are incredibly reliable...that's why we have gut instincts in the first place, to protect ourselves.
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      04-07-2015, 07:45 PM   #13
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Tf is this
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      04-07-2015, 08:07 PM   #14
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squishy is right.
Although I have not yet to have that kind breakup=> hook up =>breakup => hook up relationship, I would just go forward.

Quote:
Originally Posted by squishy View Post
Do NOT go back to that relationship. Trust me. Trust is at the foundation of every solid relationship, if that was an issue then, why would you feel it would be any different now?

Just listen: DON'T DO IT. I'm saving you a shit ton of headache and trouble down the road...

I just got out of a relationship where trust was in fact the issue, and she cheated on me twice...

Just the thought that she was texting me while she was with him, telling me how much she loves me, sickens me to the stomach. She was both beautiful and smart, but I feel so disgusted every time I even think about that woman.

There are other beautiful and smart women out there. I am 99% confident, based on what you said, she had a relationship with someone else behind your back, and fucked him on multiple occasions.

If you felt she was hiding things, she was. Our gut instincts are incredibly reliable...that's why we have gut instincts in the first place, to protect ourselves.
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      04-07-2015, 08:17 PM   #15
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Tf is this
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      04-07-2015, 08:46 PM   #16
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      04-07-2015, 08:49 PM   #17
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LOL. I initially thought this tread was about getting ex-gf back after getting back in shape type of thread.
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      04-07-2015, 09:14 PM   #18
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Apologies if in the wrong section
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      04-07-2015, 10:55 PM   #19
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Quote:
Originally Posted by squishy
Quote:
Originally Posted by 8k3 View Post
Thanks for all the advice and feedback. I guess it doesn't hurt to try other than opening a wound but then again the should, would, could have thoughts probably would set in at some point. She's had issues from her past and gets very defensive but I want to see if we can work past that (or work toward anything at all). I have a feeling she is going to be difficult to approach at least at first. I have to go into this with a nothing to lose mentality. Trust was a major issue for me, I always felt she was hiding things, which she was with regard to at least a couple things. When called out on it she wigged on me so to speak.
Do NOT go back to that relationship. Trust me. Trust is at the foundation of every solid relationship, if that was an issue then, why would you feel it would be any different now?

Just listen: DON'T DO IT. I'm saving you a shit ton of headache and trouble down the road...

I just got out of a relationship where trust was in fact the issue, and she cheated on me twice...

Just the thought that she was texting me while she was with him, telling me how much she loves me, sickens me to the stomach. She was both beautiful and smart, but I feel so disgusted every time I even think about that woman.

There are other beautiful and smart women out there. I am 99% confident, based on what you said, she had a relationship with someone else behind your back, and fucked him on multiple occasions.

If you felt she was hiding things, she was. Our gut instincts are incredibly reliable...that's why we have gut instincts in the first place, to protect ourselves.
Shit I agree with this guy** At least about the trust being the foundation thing. I don't know about the cheating thing; too many unknowns and its speculating.


**I want to say "I agree with Squishy" but that just makes me chuckle softly aloud. And I think that's what you had in mind when you named yourself Squishy, isn't it... Well played, sir. Well played.
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      04-07-2015, 11:04 PM   #20
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GOLFFRR View Post
you broke up for a reason the first time. IMO I would let it go and move on. Very rarely when people break up and get back together does it work
+1 trew dat
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      04-08-2015, 07:25 AM   #21
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Move on. It's tough now, but when you find the right person with no drama you will wonder why you ever considered going back.
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      04-08-2015, 08:15 AM   #22
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you need to sit down and think long and hard and ask yourself "Can i live with this girl?" with all that that entails. Then ask yourself the question, "Can i live without this girl?" The strength of your answer to both of those questions will determine what you should do. Either way, you've got a tough long road ahead of you. Good luck my friend ...
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