How to deal with this weird "friend"

[P1]

Originally Posted by Nkc

I have no friends at work.

You can be friendly with people or have a drink with them after work, but being BFFs with colleagues... not always a great idea.

[Mr Tonka]

Originally Posted by squishy

Exactly, and that's why I disagree with everyone saying, "fuck em"...keep that mentality, and you'll become a self-centered prick...

Some people simply are like that. That's the best explanation for it. Perhaps he has some psychological issues? Who knows. You wish everyone could be kind, genuine, and not sons-of-bitches, but some individuals have "asshole" imprinted on their genes.

So he should just grin and bare it?

I have a friend who i know i can't depend on. I know there is a good chance he'll bail in the middle of plans is a piece of ass calls him up. I know he'll always be late. I know he'll stop by my house to eat his take out dinner before hooking up with someone he met earlier that morning. I also know that he doesn't cause problems with the rest of the guys that makes up our group of friends. THAT is a friend who you accept as he is with his faults. Not someone who is constantly making problems, for no apparent reason, with multiple members of the group.

Originally Posted by M_Six

That would explain "foreignness."

You better ask me for foreignness right now! No idea how my computer decided to auto correct to that...

[squishy]

Originally Posted by Mr Tonka

So he should just grin and bare it?

I never said that

He should accept the friend for who he is, or if the OP can't stand him, cut him off...

My point was, assholes are assholes. Can't change their personalities...

[newoldbeemer]

Thanks guys, thats what I was thinking to do, to cut him off but wanted to get some perspectives on this weird behavior before doing it. Its kinda sad because the guy can be nice when he wants to be, but I guess it is what it is.

[MrPrena]

Reminds me of Highschool freshman "odd man out" game.

While you build a BETTER network with other people, slowly phase him out. If possible, phase all.

[John 070]

I guess times have changed. I'm not that old but have finished grad school and been working 10 yrs. In my day, it would be no different than ice hockey, drop the gloves. It's a tried and true way of getting this stuff out of your system.

[grimlock]

Listen to the asshole on assholes.

I have been on the receiving end of this treatment before. Ignoring it will not work, he will just keep at it, and as the receiving end of the treatment you are the only person who is incentivised to put an end to it. Before I was mad and wanted to punch his lights out, which was my only solution at the time, but now I realize you have to fight fire with fire. Annoy him, ostracize him, insult him, run circles around him in the same way he does to you.
1. His personality is such that he can't himself but do this repetitively.
2. He will pick the easiest target (so once you fight back he'll move on to someone else)
3. As much as you want to punch him, showing your anger will be a 'win' for him, even if you can do so damage without legal consequences, it's much easier with such cowards to just be a pussy dick like he is, gossiping like a woman - actually call him this. He will try to laugh it off at first, but once the reality of your words sink in, he will run around and capsize.. never bothering another soul again.

[grimlock]

Originally Posted by John 070

I guess times have changed. I'm not that old but have finished grad school and been working 10 yrs. In my day, it would be no different than ice hockey, drop the gloves. It's a tried and true way of getting this stuff out of your system.

I'm one for manly ways to settle matters.. but seems like we are in the minority these days

[JasonCSU]

I see no problem with being friends with people at work, unless you are their boss, then tread lightly. Dating coworkers is another ballgame and usually not recommended.

Like others have said, I would cut someone like this out of my life though it really isn't an option in your situation. Obviously you guys all work together, but maybe you can begin to phase him out from social gatherings. Maybe he'll realize he is being ostracized and change his ways. If not, another option is to call this guy out in a group setting, not individually. Depending on how he reacts, the others in your group may now see his behavior if they have been oblivious and it may help to phase him out if necessary.

[NEFARIOUS]

If he really wants to be a dick and depending on severity, get his ass fired. That way, his negativity isn't just lingering in the office. If not, find a new job or a new social circle. It's not worth the hassle and headache. I've gotten severely cockblocked, annoyed half to death and even screwed over hanging out with the wrong circle of friends, and sometimes even if there's a really cool person among that crowd, it's worth cutting him out too.

Also stay the hell away from dating coworkers... I never thought it was a big deal until a fling went sour; even worse? She was high maintenance as hell and misinterpreted a statement our trainer said about "if you seek a queen, you must be a king and vice versa"... Which originally meant act your best to find the best person, but she took it literally and acted like a spoiled prima donna, and I haven't seen her in a relationship ever since our fling, and the few that dared can't stand her anymore, and I ended that shiz with a huge argument. Also of course, since she still works with the company, it's always awkward to see her.

Another thing? Your friendship circle is the 5 people you associate yourself with on a regular basis. If you hang around a bunch of people who are the least qualified to complain, yet bitch about everything, you'll piss and moan like the best of them and not get anywhere. If you want to find a girl, but you've never, EVER seen any member of your clique succeed and seem to cockblock you (like how one guy in one clique did to me), move on. Conversely, let's say you infiltrate a circle of wealthy, philosophical people; you could either play like a rich person (like going to Cancun "just because") or even becoming wealthy yourself.

[John 070]

Originally Posted by P1et

You can be friendly with people or have a drink with them after work, but being BFFs with colleagues... not always a great idea.

Good advice, how many times have we seen two guys joined at the hip to the point where people insinuated as a joke that they were g**?

I mean with their families going to Disney together, etc.

Then one day, one gets promoted to managing director, gets a 100k car, and the other becomes jealous and just like that they are no longer friends?

I would agree, that was never a true friendship--it was one of convenience.

[John 070]

Originally Posted by grimlock

I'm one for manly ways to settle matters.. but seems like we are in the minority these days

After a physical encounter, it's truly out of your system....it's not like you stalk one another and go at it again, it's done....

[Whostheboss]

Originally Posted by John 070

Good advice, how many times have we seen two guys joined at the hip to the point where people insinuated as a joke that they were g**?

I mean with their families going to Disney together, etc.

Then one day, one gets promoted to managing director, gets a 100k car, and the other becomes jealous and just like that they are no longer friends?

I would agree, that was never a true friendship--it was one of convenience.

I've seen this a lot. You loose friends when your life gets better. Jealousy is serious.

[kevinbahnz]

Originally Posted by Mr Tonka

So he should just grin and bare it?

I have a friend who i know i can't depend on. I know there is a good chance he'll bail in the middle of plans is a piece of ass calls him up. I know he'll always be late. I know he'll stop by my house to eat his take out dinner before hooking up with someone he met earlier that morning. I also know that he doesn't cause problems with the rest of the guys that makes up our group of friends. THAT is a friend who you accept as he is with his faults

Do I know you??? lolz

[Billup]

Ahhhhh, the classic weird friend. Let me give you a dabble of information that I used to embrace with the strange ones. I've always been led to believe its a psychological issue, so the only way to counter it properly, is psychologically. In your instance where he seems to have these fits with people, I would hop on board and act similar to him. Completely ignore him, in fact, act like he did something so incredibly wrong that you don't even want to look him in the eye, however, when you do, get caught "looking angrily" and turn away fast. Build some suspicion, because it's going to end up driving him crazy, but don't give in and say anything, just ignore him. If it's the counter and he has an issue with someone else, act like you completely agree, but then turn it around on someone else, or get in his head and say that the other person secretly has an issue with him as well.

If you can keep up the charade long enough, I'm sure he'll start to get pretty pissed off because you're turning the game on him.

I've done similar methods of this to people that were constantly trying to get over doing dumb shit in HS. Only difference was being able to outsmart them in subtle ways, where other people just put up with it. One kid even transferred schools.

[pgviper]

Originally Posted by Billup

Ahhhhh, the classic weird friend. Let me give you a dabble of information that I used to embrace with the strange ones. I've always been led to believe its a psychological issue, so the only way to counter it properly, is psychologically. In your instance where he seems to have these fits with people, I would hop on board and act similar to him. Completely ignore him, in fact, act like he did something so incredibly wrong that you don't even want to look him in the eye, however, when you do, get caught "looking angrily" and turn away fast. Build some suspicion, because it's going to end up driving him crazy, but don't give in and say anything, just ignore him. If it's the counter and he has an issue with someone else, act like you completely agree, but then turn it around on someone else, or get in his head and say that the other person secretly has an issue with him as well.

If you can keep up the charade long enough, I'm sure he'll start to get pretty pissed off because you're turning the game on him.

I've done similar methods of this to people that were constantly trying to get over doing dumb shit in HS. Only difference was being able to outsmart them in subtle ways, where other people just put up with it. One kid even transferred schools.

Interesting method...

There was a guy in my fraternity that was fun to chill with and always seemed like a good person. Then he would one by one start trying to pull dumb shit on people. He was drunk one night and someone made a joke so he slapped the kid in the face. Did this to two other people. Would constantly talk shit about anyone and everyone. When it was my turn, he wouldn't dare hit me but one night trashed my apartment "for fun" and blocked my hallway with furniture "as a joke", F@*%*CK THAT!!!

A week or so later my gf at the time (now wife) got into an argument with him because he was cheating on his girlfriend (who was in my wife's sorority) with a girl that my wife was also good friends with and she called him out on it. Once he raise his voice to her I went off, called him out on everything IN FRONT of 20 or so guys in my fraternity (public humiliation does wonders). I make a point to respect the friends that I have and with that I also expect respect in return. At this point, I had everyone on my side and the whole group ostracized him. He came at me as if he wanted to fight so I went back at him acting like a complete psycho and he backed down and never said another word to me or anyone else until we all graduated (about 8 months of time).

Sometimes you fight fire with fire just like Billup said. I fought crazy with crazy and won so with this guy just fight drama with drama. Usually people's game is also their weakness hence why they do it.

[grimlock]

Reminds me of this:
http://abcnews.go.com/US/woman-sente...ry?id=28877765

[M_Six]

Originally Posted by grimlock

Reminds me of this:
http://abcnews.go.com/US/woman-sente...ry?id=28877765

Whoa. Now that's sick. What a loser.

[e92_boost]

Tell him to go fuck off plain and simple no hard feelings

[MrPrena]

People are too dependent on other people/friends.
Although I love socializing, meeting new people, and all, I am perfectly fine being a loner.
I actually would be happy being a loner at Antarctica or Greenland than surround with idiots.

Therefore, people like the OP mentioned would definitely be on my "semi-annual friendship purge." \\\