Ex-gf back?

[8k3]

Originally Posted by squidlyboy

you need to sit down and think long and hard and ask yourself "Can i live with this girl?" with all that that entails. Then ask yourself the question, "Can i live without this girl?" The strength of your answer to both of those questions will determine what you should do. Either way, you've got a tough long road ahead of you. Good luck my friend ...

I certainly can live without her, yes. But the contention I have with moving on is finding someone that I shared the same connection with. We would talk for hours about everything and anything, politics, religion, current affairs, etc. We had the same interests, goals, and so on. I'm in my mid 30s, I've dated quite a few women and have yet to meet anyone that I had such a connection with. Yes she had baggage, her past abusive relationship caused abandonment issues among others. I'm just trying to decide if the good outweighs the bad. I might be opening pandora's box.

[UncleWede]

Originally Posted by 8k3

I'm just trying to decide if the good outweighs the bad.

There you have answered the $64 question.

This is something that I do almost every day with my wife. Still the answer for me is YES.

[okusa]

Originally Posted by 8k3

I'm just trying to decide if the good outweighs the bad.

I agree with the overall sentiment - move on. This is especially true if you are even contemplating marriage. As a general rule, people are on their best behavior before marriage, but their true nature emerges after the wedding. So, if you are experiencing enough "bad" to break up now, then it will only get worse once married.

Move on!

[RSXDC5]

PICS?

[Silvermike]

Originally Posted by RSXDC5

PICS?

This

[8k3]

Originally Posted by Silvermike

This

Come on, as if that means anything. She was more then just good.

[Flying Ace]

Originally Posted by squishy

It's for the better.

Plenty of smart and beautiful women out there.

Chasing them, getting rejected, getting their numbers, etc., is exciting! Keep your head up and move forward, don't dwell upon the past

That would be true, but then the pool you're working with in Boise is pretty slim...

[Dackelone]

8k3 I think you should read this ENTIRE thread! You will feel MUCH better - being single.

Post #209 is the results of his misery.
http://www.1addicts.com/forums/showt...4#post13274694

[Ofmalik]

Wow.. there is more quality info in here than in some of the technical sections. Hats off to you 8k3

[Signal513]

A lot of times it is easier said than done to "just move on". Especially when someone gets hung-up on another.

I went through this type of thing several times before getting it through my head that there are bigger and better fish to catch out there. It takes a lot to move on, but in the end, the person who cares the most has the most to lose.

I took to it and made sure that I knew that "I" am the most important person in my life. If I don't take care of me, nothing works for anyone. Period. It also took a lot of thinking things through to learn that you (I) always have the most value. Once you really get that, moving on is pretty freaking easy.

I hope everything works our for ya.

[Ofmalik]

Originally Posted by Dackelone

8k3 I think you should read this ENTIRE thread! You will feel MUCH better - being single.

Post #209 is the results of his misery.
http://www.1addicts.com/forums/showt...4#post13274694

AND an editor commenting with an awesome old thread. Forget Dr. Phil, relationships.e90post.com

8k3, the link above is an interesting read—just be sure not to let the parts that resonate with you deter you. It's one unfortunate instance from a more vocal person, so keep in mind that every relationship is subjective. No one way is the right way. It's easy for us to blanket logic over your situation without entirely understanding you, her and your dynamic. But often, love is something illogical. People will tell you moving on is "probably" the better thing. Personally, "probably" doesn't cut it for me and I always try to make the most informed decision. Test the waters, on both sides. You'll almost immediately know where your heads at. Then whichever way you're leaning, give it some time and make a decision with conviction. One of the worst feelings in life is looking back and wondering "what if?" Good luck man

[Silvermike]

Originally Posted by 8k3

Come on, as if that means anything. She was more then just good.

never make anyone a priority to u when u are clearly an option to them.

sounds like u really put her up on a pedestal

[8k3]

Originally Posted by Silvermike

never make anyone a priority to u when u are clearly an option to them.

sounds like u really put her up on a pedestal

Nope. Balanced, like I said I had my share of women, but I loved her. I always tried to be there for her any time it mattered.

[MR92]

Kick that bitch to the curb n move on

[Kidscollege$]

Dude I thought you were talking in code regarding a previous car purchase and you have bought a new one and are having second thoughts and re-buying your old car!

[squishy]

Originally Posted by Silvermike

never make anyone a priority to u when u are clearly an option to them.

sounds like u really put her up on a pedestal

I wish I could like this post a million times.

Being treated as an option, by someone you treat as a priority, is the worst feeling in the world.

If you are/have been treated as an option, that individual needs to be kicked to the curb.

Don't pretend as if she means it when she says she loves you, she doesn't. She's just waiting for the next best thing to waltz on by.

[TUN3D]

8k3 > The past couple of years I've been thru it man. My ex had tons of issues (from life in general + from a previous relationship), that affected our ability to build our lives together past a certain point.

Anyways, before you embark on the "back-and-forth" journey...like some of the guys here have said...take a step back. Really think about the problems you had with her and whether or not they're fundamental character trait issues. In other words -- things she can't change because, in her mind, nothings wrong.

If you still have some gas in the tank for her -- go for it man. Don't be afraid or worried about anything. Two things are going to happen:
a) You'll work it out..
b) You'll finally realize she's not the one...

Either way, you're going to discover and reach a better version of yourself, when it's said-and-done. That's what it's all about. You're obviously not on empty, if not...we wouldn't be discussing this right now. Do what you fell you have to do.

Rules:
1) Don't get her pregnant. A big no-no if you're having problems.
2) Work on your issues as "friends" without getting "physically" involved. This tends to compromise the much needed dialog both of you need. Clouds judgement.
3) Think about couples counseling. I know what some of you "animals" are going to say, but yes -- nothing like having a neutral "professionally" trained arbitrator to help you out.
4) Don't rush yourself back into anything.

Have you dated or gone out with anyone else after her? How long has it been?

[8k3]

Originally Posted by TUN3D

8k3 > The past couple of years I've been thru it man. My ex had tons of issues (from life in general + from a previous relationship), that affected our ability to build our lives together past a certain point.

Anyways, before you embark on the "back-and-forth" journey...like some of the guys here have said...take a step back. Really think about the problems you had with her and whether or not they're fundamental character trait issues. In other words -- things she can't change because, in her mind, nothings wrong.

If you still have some gas in the tank for her -- go for it man. Don't be afraid or worried about anything. Two things are going to happen:
a) You'll work it out..
b) You'll finally realize she's not the one...

Either way, you're going to discover and reach a better version of yourself, when it's said-and-done. That's what it's all about. You're obviously not on empty, if not...we wouldn't be discussing this right now. Do what you fell you have to do.

Rules:
1) Don't get her pregnant. A big no-no if you're having problems.
2) Work on your issues as "friends" without getting "physically" involved. This tends to compromise the much needed dialog both of you need. Clouds judgement.
3) Think about couples counseling. I know what some of you "animals" are going to say, but yes -- nothing like having a neutral "professionally" trained arbitrator to help you out.
4) Don't rush yourself back into anything.

Have you dated or gone out with anyone else after her? How long has it been?

Thanks for the advice. I have dated since her. Last I saw her was probably January. She saw my girlfriend and I from a distance a few weeks back and sent me a text trying to poke at that, it was immature of her but clearly out of some kind of jealousy. I didn't respond

[squidlyboy]

Originally Posted by 8k3

I certainly can live without her, yes. But the contention I have with moving on is finding someone that I shared the same connection with. We would talk for hours about everything and anything, politics, religion, current affairs, etc. We had the same interests, goals, and so on. I'm in my mid 30s, I've dated quite a few women and have yet to meet anyone that I had such a connection with. Yes she had baggage, her past abusive relationship caused abandonment issues among others. I'm just trying to decide if the good outweighs the bad. I might be opening pandora's box.

Bro.. i can hear your heart race with what you wrote here. I think you answered your own question. You are clearly not over her and the fact that you even posted while you are with another girl means that you definitely have not moved on. You obviously still have strong feelings for her.

Ima gonna go against what everyone else is writing and say i think you need to see for yourself how good it can get (or how bad). You got a taste of whats bad, but i think you almost need to experience rock bottom with her before you can say with confidence, yup time to move on. Otherwise the doubts will continue to linger in your mind as you move from girl to girl. The last thing you want to do is to live with regrets.

You might get crushed dude, so be ready for that... its gonna be a wild ride!

[TUN3D]

squidlyboy > +1ooo

8k3 > Well played my friend!

Just like @squidlyboy said, there's still something there. You have to explore that until it's done...for better or worse. Hopefully it works out man.

[Billup]

Originally Posted by 8k3

Nope. Balanced, like I said I had my share of women, but I loved her. I always tried to be there for her any time it mattered.

You know, I'm going to go against the majority and say just give it some well rounded time and thought. Think about what you want from the relationship, are the trust issues brought on by her or just something within you, and so on and so forth.

I had been with my ex for about 5 years, she started getting on me about frivolous things all the time while I was providing everything so I had to put an end to it and we split up. We are still great friends regardless of what happened, because we shared similar to what you and your ex share. Right now I am enjoying being single, but I'm also taking the time to work on myself and she is also. She knows how she treated me was wrong and we've both made huge improvements over the past 8 months.


Yeah, it's easy to go around and date and screw around, but finding someone that you connect with on every level seems rare these days. Weigh the pros and cons, talk to her, talk about whatever the hangups are in a calm manner and discuss what you both can do to improve things. I am a firm believer that people can break up and get back together, my sister and her now husband broke up for a while but have been together for a total of 8 years now with a 1 year break inbetween.

Every situation is different, but it boils down to how the two of you can come to an agreeance and make positive changes for each other.

[gixxerboy63]

Wow, does this bring back memories! There was this girl that I dated some years ago in college. She was extremely hot, so there was never a lack of attention from the other guys, which didn't help matters. I was in love, but she told me that needed space. She more or less broke up with me in the middle of a dance club. I was extremely hurt, but I totally walked away from her. No phone calls, No drive bys, no talking to her friends. I just totally disappeared. Years go by and I garner other relationships, but deep down, I still had feelings for her. 10 years go by and I still think about her. Finally, I decided to have closure and called her parents home since it was the only way of contact that I knew. I had no idea where she was, if she were married with kids, weighed 300lbs, etc... I just had to know. I left a message telling her that I hoped life was treating her well and if she wanted to connect, here's my number. My phone rang 20 minutes later and it was her! She had never married, but was currently dating some attorney....
We agreed to meet and to my surprise, she looked exactly the same! She hugged me for what seemed like a very long time and we sat down and talked for hours.
A week later, she told lawyer boy that she had run into someone from her past and wanted some time to think about things... she never called him back. She told me that I was "the one that got away".

I married her 7 years ago and we've been going strong ever since. Its almost a lifetime story for women.