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      04-26-2019, 01:19 PM   #1
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Have you ever felt like not talking to good people?

I changed job last year and put it all behind me. Including some good people. A few I kept in touch with for a while but then got on with life.

Now, one of them has reached out to me but I don't feel like talking to her. People move on with life and I can't be bothered updating her on mine.

May be it is age. The older you get you have a set of people in your circle. She is a good person. Hasn't done me wrong. It's not depression. I have no interest in talking to her.

Yes, I know that you could be the lifeline to someone in need and to not hurt another human being... I guess I don't want anything to do with the place or the people and I don't feel bad about it either.

Has anyone ever felt like not talking to a good person?

Not looking for advice. Wondering if anyone has had a similar experience?
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      04-26-2019, 01:32 PM   #2
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Yes, even in college this has happened a few times. I've learned a lot of people are transient and it goes both ways...
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      04-26-2019, 01:38 PM   #3
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Hmm.

I guess maybe. Had a "friend" who was my roommate for years back in university, we got along great. I was in his wedding party and etc.

I didn't 100% love his choice of wife, but was none of my business, however, I accidentally let that slip one time somehow (this was before they got married, was just in a relationship at the time). That didn't seem to impact things, because we still got along great for a long while after.

But then he had kids and went AWOL basically. I would always initiate getting together, there was little to no reciprocal effort on his end. So after a year of trying, I figured I was done, and stopped trying.

He wound up moving his family down to the States for work, and we traded emails initially, just updates and what not, but I wasn't going to try hard and so because of that, they stopped too.

Then, about 5 years later out of the blue he sends me a message and wants to chat again. But I'm done making any efforts there, so just sent him a polite response back, left everything in his court, and I figure it will be more radio silence for about 5+ years.

He's a good guy, he really is. I just don't really care any more.
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      04-26-2019, 01:44 PM   #4
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All the time. I’m an introvert so I don’t really care to maintain more than a few relationships.
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      04-26-2019, 02:33 PM   #5
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Damn straight. You can’t really pick who you work with; however, you can choose who you want to stay in touch with after leaving a job. I’ve worked with many decent - and good people, but the relationship was strictly office-based, and that was good enough for me. Also consider that just because you get along in a work environment may not get along as well (or even have anything in common?) outside of the office.
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      04-26-2019, 02:55 PM   #6
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Keep it professional, add her on Linkedin? Never know when you might need help or just know someone somewhere.
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      04-26-2019, 03:03 PM   #7
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Out of hundreds of people I have worked with over the years I consider only a handful to still be current friends. During my career I have met many people, many became work friends, but far fewer have been to my house and even fewer I still keep up with. Has nothing to do with location or type of job, it all has to with moving on. Interests change. That's just life. I wouldn't worry about it.

Look at it this way - what if you were doggedly determined to keep up with each and every person you ever knew/met/traded phone numbers with? The thought of doing that is silly, isn't it? There has to be a balance between being a social addict and a social hermit.
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      04-26-2019, 03:10 PM   #8
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Yes. Can't say that it happens often as I keep my circle small. Most of the relationships that I have fallen away from all happened because of life. We all progress in different directions and different times. It happens. Don't feel bad about it.
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      04-26-2019, 03:11 PM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Joekerr View Post
Hmm.

I guess maybe. Had a "friend" who was my roommate for years back in university, we got along great. I was in his wedding party and etc.

I didn't 100% love his choice of wife, but was none of my business, however, I accidentally let that slip one time somehow (this was before they got married, was just in a relationship at the time). That didn't seem to impact things, because we still got along great for a long while after.

But then he had kids and went AWOL basically. I would always initiate getting together, there was little to no reciprocal effort on his end. So after a year of trying, I figured I was done, and stopped trying.

He wound up moving his family down to the States for work, and we traded emails initially, just updates and what not, but I wasn't going to try hard and so because of that, they stopped too.

Then, about 5 years later out of the blue he sends me a message and wants to chat again. But I'm done making any efforts there, so just sent him a polite response back, left everything in his court, and I figure it will be more radio silence for about 5+ years.

He's a good guy, he really is. I just don't really care any more.
i've had a similar thing happen to me too, the girl was a disgusting human being and i thought i was doing the right thing looking out for my boy. he tried hitting me up a few times after they broke up but what's done was done and i was not trying to get back after all the stupid shit he pulled
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      04-26-2019, 03:18 PM   #10
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This is similar to my stance with former military friends. We touch base every now and then through FB, but overall I just don't need to be in constant contact with them. They're all great guys, but we were a unit 35 years ago. We have almost nothing in common now except the past.

There are a few guys here that I ride with or we meet at work or the bike shop and talk riding, and I occasionally have a couple beers with a former colleague, but mostly it's just Wifey and me. And that's the way I like it.
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      04-26-2019, 03:18 PM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Chelsea_Tractor View Post
Have you ever felt like not talking to good people?
Yes
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      04-26-2019, 03:21 PM   #12
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Yes
Brevity is the soul of wit.
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      04-26-2019, 03:22 PM   #13
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Brevity is the soul of wit.
Well, the OP did state "Not looking for advice", so...
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      04-26-2019, 03:26 PM   #14
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Yes. Can't say that it happens often as I keep my circle small. Most of the relationships that I have fallen away from all happened because of life. We all progress in different directions and different times. It happens. Don't feel bad about it.
Same here. Life changes. If I feel like talking I typically initiate the communication...... But most of the time it's not to strike up some long-term thing. Mostly just something simple especially if I know they may need a word of encouragement here or there.

Some people are like emotional vampires, and I'm not a nurturer.

Otherwise, I'd rather be around my immediately family and my pets.....

oh....and talk with you guys!
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      04-26-2019, 04:48 PM   #15
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Simple problem to avoid. Don't talk to anyone at work, then no one will want to talk to you when you leave. It's worked for me so far. Only one I talk to are people I have to (clients, business partners etc) and my best friend (really mostly just texting). No one really from my past contacts me to "chat", they know I'm not about that chatty life.

So maybe you're just an antisocial asshole like me.
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      04-26-2019, 08:13 PM   #16
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I'm on the introverted side so I appreciate good friendships rather than an unnecessarily large number of feeble ones.

I frankly just don't seem to have the energy, patience, or intellect to give a chit about most people. I know very early on who's the type of person I gel with and who is going to be more transient or simply cordial in nature. I wish I wasn't like this as the people who genuinely love to talk and get to know everybody seem to go further in their careers and be very happy individuals (or at least appear that way).

It's funny because as I think about myself and my friends there's a few common denominators: career-oriented, single, gym rats, still party and act like college dudes. If I don't get a gut feeling somebody I'm meeting isn't the same I probably won't be very interested in them...
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      04-26-2019, 09:18 PM   #17
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Good people I tend to keep around in my life, as there aren't so many of them left out there it seems.

Never hurts to have some good acquaintances around even if you are only in contact with them every so often.
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      04-26-2019, 09:20 PM   #18
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You should at least hear her out... she could be looking for a good stuffing.
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      04-26-2019, 11:37 PM   #19
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You ask if I avoid taking to people.....yes... every second of the damn day
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      04-26-2019, 11:55 PM   #20
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most of the workmates are fun only in the office.. few of them you ll like to walk with after quitting the job.. assuming no additional attachment with that colleague, its pretty normal that you re not into talking anymore.. but probably it means she wasnt that close to you in the same office days also.. didnt sound weird to me take it easy, you opinion may change so no need to slam the door..
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      04-27-2019, 01:19 AM   #21
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Originally Posted by sspade View Post
You should at least hear her out... she could be looking for a good stuffing.
I am coming up to my 15 year anniversary this year and ain't a woman on Earth who can take my wife's place.
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      04-27-2019, 01:23 AM   #22
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This is similar to my stance with former military friends. We touch base every now and then through FB, but overall I just don't need to be in constant contact with them. They're all great guys, but we were a unit 35 years ago. We have almost nothing in common now except the past.

There are a few guys here that I ride with or we meet at work or the bike shop and talk riding, and I occasionally have a couple beers with a former colleague, but mostly it's just Wifey and me. And that's the way I like it.
Similar. I work for the VA and keep in touch with a few I knew from tours. In total I would say I have six really good mates and don't really have capacity to take on more. It sounds a bit selfish when someone is looking for a beer buddy but I have mine and it's like a private group. Sometimes even sounds stupid hearing myself say it... happy in my little circle.
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