What is the brokest you've ever been?

[Soul_Glo]

Originally Posted by Now_Rudi

I agree and disagree with this. Short-term (over a 10 year span) it financially crippled me. Long-term, being divorced from her now is providing me financial freedom that I never had before and that I wouldn't have now if I was still with her. Ten years is a long time to struggle, but worth every second of the struggle now; not only financially but mentally and emotionally. Sometimes what is best for you in one area will wreak havoc in other areas. Being mentally, emotionally, physically and financially stable is a very delicate balance....and a lot of work.

I saw a motivational speaker years ago who opened with, "When people ask me how I am, I say that I am grand! Why? Because a divorce would cost me 10 grand."

I feel like I need to somewhat clarify on the subject that I touched on in this thread. Everyone needs to focus on what is important to them. At that time in my life, I felt like being married and having a family was more important than being financially secure. The reason behind this is that I came from a broken home at an early age and never really felt a sense of family. Unfortunately I chose poorly when it came to the woman I started the family with. I could have had the family that I always wanted, along with financial security, had I made better decisions on who I associated with during those years of my life. My struggle throughout this entire ordeal is based solely on my poor decision making. It cost me more than just money, but as everyone does, I learned from my mistake and corrected the behavior.

Poor choice? How were you to know what she was capable of? Had you known what she was going to do and you put up with it for years then you'd be qualified to say it was a poor choice. Also, you didn't ask for any of it... or have a sign on your head saying "clear me out." Sometimes we look back and say could have done better but at the time it felt like the right choice and only down the line did you realize she was the poor choice. Not your choice being poor. She was the poor the choice as a person.

[Soul_Glo]

Originally Posted by knowthebattle

It's kinda weird now honestly. I always said I'd never take a handout. But here I am unemployed, accepted that work is too stressful for my mental state, and am collecting disability. I feel like a mooch sometimes, but know I'm not. Maybe one day my mental state will be better, but for now I'm gonna take it easy.

It's called self care. Day at a time brother.

[King Rudi]

Originally Posted by Chelsea_Tractor

Poor choice? How were you to know what she was capable of? Had you known what she was going to do and you put up with it for years then you'd be qualified to say it was a poor choice. Also, you didn't ask for any of it... or have a sign on your head saying "clear me out." Sometimes we look back and say could have done better but at the time it felt like the right choice and only down the line did you realize she was the poor choice. Not your choice being poor. She was the poor the choice as a person.

I only blame myself as after a few years, I knew what kind of person she was. I could have left before, but chose to stay due to convenience, which the end result was anything but. I will say your statement is true though. Had I known how she was going to handle things, I would have planned my attach a little more methodically.

[Soul_Glo]

Originally Posted by Now_Rudi

I only blame myself as after a few years, I knew what kind of person she was. I could have left before, but chose to stay due to convenience, which the end result was anything but. I will say your statement is true though. Had I known how she was going to handle things, I would have planned my attach a little more methodically.

That's my point though. You didn't know and you couldn't have known how she would handle it. It's not straight forward when in the situation. Many factors as said coming from a broken home and although you say convenience... Dr Yalom says the reason we end up staying is because sub-consciously we want it to be different each time. We want a better outcome. It's like hoping things will change. So behind all of that we want it to work out but it doesn't and we get stuck in a pattern. Patterns become habit and habit is hard to break. Amongst all of this trying to keep things as less disruptive as possible for the kids. Ask anyone in an abusive relationship. Would they say because it is convenient to stay.

[King Rudi]

Originally Posted by Chelsea_Tractor

That's my point though. You didn't know and you couldn't have known how she would handle it. It's not straight forward when in the situation. Many factors as said coming from a broken home and although you say convenience... Dr Yalom says the reason we end up staying is because sub-consciously we want it to be different each time. We want a better outcome. It's like hoping things will change. So behind all of that we want it to work out but it doesn't and we get stuck in a pattern. Patterns become habit and habit is hard to break. Amongst all of this trying to keep things as less disruptive as possible for the kids. Ask anyone in an abusive relationship. Would they say because it is convenient to stay.

I'm with you and I don't disagree. The second marriage was as toxic as they come and was an absolute nightmare to end. We as humans are very strange creatures as we continue to do the same thing day in day out and expect varying outcomes. I remember a friend telling me during the second marriage when we were trying to work things out, "A re-lit cigarette never tastes the same." Probably a bad analogy to use as smokers are at an all time low and most have moved to vaping....but from what I understand all vape hits taste the same....whatever. You get what I'm saying.

[AMSWagon]

Embarrassing to admit, but I would say now. Though all my bills are paid, including live in nanny, home, car, pet insurance and trips, I and the wife save zero. When we just got married, we had a condo in DC, then bought a house, car, once our baby came. We are considering moving to a cheaper area, her stay home and I work remotely. “Mo money mo problems”.

[Turkish Pickle]

Probably my junior year. Freshman year I was straight chilling, USD/TRY wasn't as high so I had a bit more extra every month to spend. Then sophomore year came, I needed a new phone plus made the (brutal) mistake of staying with T-Mobile. On top of that ended up getting a 4300lb gas guzzler, and started paying insurance. The first few months was okay, but starting Junior year I was truly struggling. Now that 1 USD = roughly 6 TL it isn't as easy for my parents to support me past tuition.

I had multiple nights thinking how I was going to get through, started eating really shitty food because it was cheap. Ended up being 227lb from 185 just about 2 years ago. Plus, my sleep was fucked, basically became a functioning student alcoholic. I don't want to self-diagnose but I was probably clinically depressed too; I really wasn't my real self because finances were constantly on my mind. Probably the copious amounts of stimulants and alcohol didn't help that, either.

Now that I'm working I've been able to save some, so it feels nice to not having to think if I have enough credit on my card to put gas to get around. Definitely not close to where I want to be but at least for the time being I'm feeling better. My father dropped out college to start working, and always said those days made him into who he is today; I definitely see it. I've undoubtedly living more comfortable than he was when he was my age, but all I can say is I really, really don't want to be broke.

Thanks for reading my blogpost for the day

[MKSixer]

Originally Posted by AMSWagon

Embarrassing to admit, but I would say now. Though all my bills are paid, including live in nanny, home, car, pet insurance and trips, I and the wife save zero. When we just got married, we had a condo in DC, then bought a house, car, once our baby came. We are considering moving to a cheaper area, her stay home and I work remotely. “Mo money mo problems”.

As my mom drilled into our heads: It's not how much money you make, it's how much you keep.

Try writing every dime you spend down for 1 month. I do this every couple of years. You'll be horrified.

Good luck!

[Savageenterprise]

I have to be honest and say that I am blessed. I haven't been nearly as rock bottom as some of you folks in here but I remember just out of HS I was putting $3 of gas in my car to try and get around since I was in the process of trying to get a job and go to tech school.

My mom would give me a few dollars every week but not enough to really do anything other than eat. Still can't complain though, I had a house to go home to and a full stomach.

I will say although I'm not "broke" now, I am the most cash poor I've ever been. House, baby and bills are big nuts and the man with the smallest nuts wins.

[Rmtt]

Originally Posted by Turkish Pickle

Probably my junior year. Freshman year I was straight chilling, USD/TRY wasn't as high so I had a bit more extra every month to spend. Then sophomore year came, I needed a new phone plus made the (brutal) mistake of staying with T-Mobile. On top of that ended up getting a 4300lb gas guzzler, and started paying insurance. The first few months was okay, but starting Junior year I was truly struggling. Now that 1 USD = roughly 6 TL it isn't as easy for my parents to support me past tuition.

I had multiple nights thinking how I was going to get through, started eating really shitty food because it was cheap. Ended up being 227lb from 185 just about 2 years ago. Plus, my sleep was fucked, basically became a functioning student alcoholic. I don't want to self-diagnose but I was probably clinically depressed too; I really wasn't my real self because finances were constantly on my mind. Probably the copious amounts of stimulants and alcohol didn't help that, either.

Now that I'm working I've been able to save some, so it feels nice to not having to think if I have enough credit on my card to put gas to get around. Definitely not close to where I want to be but at least for the time being I'm feeling better. My father dropped out college to start working, and always said those days made him into who he is today; I definitely see it. I've undoubtedly living more comfortable than he was when he was my age, but all I can say is I really, really don't want to be broke.

Thanks for reading my blogpost for the day

I get where you are coming from. But look at it like this...sometimes you have to make 4-8 years of sacrifice to get to where you need to be. Once you get more "time under your belt" in your profession, find gainful employment in a place you enjoy...then you can start rebuilding. 10 years of struggling is a drop in the bucket to what you can accomplish in the next 10 years coming up.

Another thing I always did with any place I worked or looked into working at was if they offered some type of annual budget for continuing educational classes. I'm an Electrical Engineer by trade, but there are tons of other certifications out there especially with controls and automation (What I do) that you can do that add value to your employment. Plus just the fact that the company is investing $10k-$15k per year into these courses for you naturally makes them not won't to lose their investment...plus it makes you more marketable to other companies in your line of work.

Make sure you are on something like "Linked In' and start developing contacts with others in the same field.

And do as MKSixer said. I use a piece of software called YNAB (You need a budget). With it, you can track and categorize every purchase you make. You do it with a PC or your phone. And once the category and business name is entered, it remembers it. I can input a days worth of spending in less than 5-10 minutes. You add in all the fixed stuff to re-occur each month, then it tells you how much you have left over for misc stuff.

Currently I pay next months bills this month. Then I buy what I need although I don't really spend a lot. But if I were to not have the cash to pay for a "want"...I don't get it.

I only have one credit card, and basically only have that because of work. Plus I earn cash back that I get to keep on work related stuff.

After awhile it becomes second nature. Make sure as soon as you can to max out your 401K especially if your company matches it as it's free money. Then start building an emergency fund. I keep a minimum of 6 months stashed away. After that...then you start putting what you can away into savings and other retirement funds.

Now none of this happens overnight. It took me a good 15+ years to get where I am. But at least put a plan into place.

Before you realize it....money will be the least of your issues and it will go back to being women!

[Hawkeye]

Wow, some of you guys have really done the rags to riches thing. My parents were below middle class but I never felt like I experienced poverty. They put everything into raising my brother and I and they are still working to try and catch up on retirement funds because of it. I never really felt poor because it is just what I knew, but looking back, within 5 years of starting my career I made as much as both of my parents combined.

[UncleWede]

Originally Posted by Hawkeye

Wow, some of you guys have really done the rags to riches thing. My parents were below middle class but I never felt like I experienced poverty. They put everything into raising my brother and I and they are still working to try and catch up on retirement funds because of it. I never really felt poor because it is just what I knew, but looking back, within 5 years of starting my career I made as much as both of my parents combined.

When I bought the e90 and it cost more than my parents paid for their first house

[billnchristy]

E4 in the Navy. Just added a girlfriend and her 2 year old son to my life. Pulled up to an atm relieved that the minimum withdrawal was $5 because I had $7 in the bank with a few days before payday.

[NEfan508]

As a teen, my girlfriend (still with her) is having twins, we stayed with my parents, now I need money (my own money)

I started making good money, $1500+ a week sometimes more (saved every penny) for our 1st house MAIN GOAL

We was always on a budget for the house fund so going out we got creative, McCormick's in boston after 9pm weekdays had $2.99 pub style burgers and 1/2 prices apps, we both were under 21 but never carded because of the young parent stress faces lol, we were regulars at those prices

we still are careful with our cash remembering how we split a burger and a app many nights

My goal was to eat takeout Chinese food in my underwear IN OUR HOUSE, (privacy) every time we order Chinese food she laughs, Please don't take your pants off

[irishbimmer]

I was so broke and hungry during my freshman year at UMass that everyone left for a long weekend and I had to steal and open my roommate's can of Chef Boy Ar Dee ravioli to make it through. Of course, upon his return, he noticed, and proceeded to grill me and he was 6'4 300 lbs and the Massachusetts shotput champ and I felt bad. But, I was starving.

I learned from that and never wanted to be in that position again.

[NEfan508]

Originally Posted by irishbimmer

I was so broke and hungry during my freshman year at UMass that everyone left for a long weekend and I had to steal and open my roommate's can of Chef Boy Ar Dee ravioli to make it through. Of course, upon his return, he noticed, and proceeded to grill me and he was 6'4 300 lbs and the Massachusetts shotput champ and I felt bad. But, I was starving.

I learned from that and never wanted to be in that position again.

Antonio's pizza (near umass)
Chicken Parm pizza with shaved provolone!

I'm sure you was there a few hundred times

And plenty size 14 college girls with mustaches, central mass doesn't exactly have the eye candy some other school towns have

[Rmtt]

Originally Posted by irishbimmer

I was so broke and hungry during my freshman year at UMass that everyone left for a long weekend and I had to steal and open my roommate's can of Chef Boy Ar Dee ravioli to make it through. Of course, upon his return, he noticed, and proceeded to grill me and he was 6'4 300 lbs and the Massachusetts shotput champ and I felt bad. But, I was starving.

I learned from that and never wanted to be in that position again.

That does suck. When I was in school and broke, all my friends and I made a joke out of it. We would get together many times to eat...and everyone would pitch in what they could bring...kind of like a "Pot Luck".

My parents would offer help when they could, but I knew they were as bad off as I was...so I always told them I was good.

Another thing was to hang around the "Food Areas". I had plenty of friends who never knew my situation and had their way paid through school with all the perks by their parents. Plenty of times one would be like...hey man you want this...I can't eat anymore?

Now this may be cruel....but when my daughter entered college she had scholarships that paid about 90% of everything. All that was left was housing..and "odds and ends".

But she worked a side job the whole time she was in school. It actually benefited her as during her 3rd year, she got a job working 12 hr weekend shifts for 2 days in the same field she was studying. So she had several job offers before she graduated.

But I had made her work from the time she was old enough to hold a job. Of course I would hear the "belly-aching" about how so and so had everything paid for, and how she would have friends that would get such extravagant gifts. One of her friends I nicknamed "Gucci Girl" as she pretty much demanded a belt from her parents one year as a Christmas gift that cost over $600.

But I wanted to instill in her that she could make it through life on her own...no matter how tough things may seem. And also I wanted her to know that she didn't have to rely upon a man to make it and could be independent.

I remember asking her how she think her friends would cope that had parents that paid for everything if something were to happen to one of them and the money stopped coming in. Would they be able to step up and handle that type of situation.

So she ended up graduating debt free, has a car that is paid off, and married her High School sweetheart who is more of a cheapskate than I am!

They bought their own house with 20% down so no PMI even though they Pre-Qualified for a home that could have cost $130K more. But they played it conservatively and bought something they needed and not something they wanted as I told them that would come later. They both have their retirement contributions maxed out, and she is entering a program this Fall that will eventually end up with her being a PA. And her place of employment is paying for everything as long as she signs a contract to work for them for 7 years after finishing. Not bad for something that will be paying the salary she will make.

So it seems like they listened to me after all during all these years!

[Hawkeye]

Originally Posted by Rmtt

They bought their own house with 20% down so no PMI even though they Pre-Qualified for a home that could have cost $130K more. But they played it conservatively and bought something they needed and not something they wanted as I told them that would come later. They both have their retirement contributions maxed out, and she is entering a program this Fall that will eventually end up with her being a PA. And her place of employment is paying for everything as long as she signs a contract to work for them for 7 years after finishing. Not bad for something that will be paying the salary she will make.

So it seems like they listened to me after all during all these years!

I never understood people that think PMI is such a bad deal. I just bought a house and only put 5% down because that was all that was required. The other 15% only needs to make an average of 4.5% returns for me to break even, so over the long run I should be net positive with PMI and paying the house off as slowly as possible. The bank will tell you what PMI rates are, just calculate that, and calculate the extra interest you will accrue on the loan and see for yourself if you are comfortable assuming a return on investments higher than that... it might surprise you.

[Bingobimmer]

Don't have a great story just a little advice. When you have money don't talk yourself into buying something because of its "resale value". When I needed cash I couldn't believe how worthless stuff was. I don't think I got 50% of what I payed for anything. Craigslist is a sketchy crapshoot. Ebay takes a while to get paid. Most local trading places like pawn shops know you're desperate. Once you're back on your feet you will never be able to buy the items for the price you sold them.

In summary,

• Make a real investment.
• Create a rainy day fund.
• Don't buy to resale.

[Rmtt]

Originally Posted by Hawkeye

I never understood people that think PMI is such a bad deal. I just bought a house and only put 5% down because that was all that was required. The other 15% only needs to make an average of 4.5% returns for me to break even, so over the long run I should be net positive with PMI and paying the house off as slowly as possible. The bank will tell you what PMI rates are, just calculate that, and calculate the extra interest you will accrue on the loan and see for yourself if you are comfortable assuming a return on investments higher than that... it might surprise you.

I see your point, but not having that extra monthly expense built into her mortgage allowed them to increase their investment contribution so by the time things equal out....they can earn the same back to break even as well..or more depending on how they invest.

Plus they immediately have a house with good bit of equity already in it by going that route. I guess it all comes down to how you want to play with your money. There are plenty of ways to take to get to the same place you want to end up at!

[NEfan508]

Originally Posted by Hawkeye

I never understood people that think PMI is such a bad deal. I just bought a house and only put 5% down because that was all that was required. The other 15% only needs to make an average of 4.5% returns for me to break even, so over the long run I should be net positive with PMI and paying the house off as slowly as possible. The bank will tell you what PMI rates are, just calculate that, and calculate the extra interest you will accrue on the loan and see for yourself if you are comfortable assuming a return on investments higher than that... it might surprise you.

Risky/self employed needs to put 20% down or visit the "fellas" @ North End Boston for a loan...

Edit: I had to put 20% down on my first but later put minimal down then did improvements to raise the property value (ReFI) after

[Soul_Glo]

Originally Posted by Bingobimmer

Don't have a great story just a little advice. When you have money don't talk yourself into buying something because of its "resale value". When I needed cash I couldn't believe how worthless stuff was. I don't think I got 50% of what I payed for anything. Craigslist is a sketchy crapshoot. Ebay takes a while to get paid. Most local trading places like pawn shops know you're desperate. Once you're back on your feet you will never be able to buy the items for the price you sold them.

In summary,

• Make a real investment.
• Create a rainy day fund.
• Don't buy to resale.

Pawn shops. I bought a pair of diamond earrings for my wife. Wedding day gift. She suggested we sell them at the time. Pawn shop price: $60. Purchased price: $1295