Dating - Good/Bad Experiences

[King Rudi]

Originally Posted by CTinline-six

I love this community. Who would've thought that the thread I've been giving advice in would be the one I turn to in order to seek advice. You guys/girls are great.

That's how life works man. It's funny how a person can be on top one day and in the dumps the next. What's valuable, just as you've said, is to have a support group or people to talk to about it. This place is priceless.

[CTinline-six]

Originally Posted by Not_Judy

This! As I was leaving the gym last night I was thinking about how much my life has changed in the past few years. I should have gone to the gym back during the times I suffered through my depression.

Something else to consider. Let her have her fun while you have yours. I've been considering open relationship type mentality lately myself. Seems to me that people tend to get bored or complacent with relationships after a while. If a person is interested in someone else, let them be. by giving them an ultimatum of either them or me ends up making them resent you or you get a slap in the face when they choose them over you. Most people aren't wired this way, but it does eliminate "caging" someone or yourself even. Allow her to be her and explain to her that at the same time you are going to do you. Down side to this will be that when she realizes that you have no problem getting with another girl, she will get jealous and then not want to have anything to do with you. I speak from experience.

Originally Posted by Bayerische Motoren Werke

I wouldn't do an open relationship... just not my thing, I don't really see the point in it haha
the girl I was with last night, neither of us are in a relationship, and both of us do our own thing but every now and then we get together and just chill - it's like an "open relationship" i guess without the title?

Open relationships really aren't my thing, and I don't even really believe that is the reason. It's possible I'm the most naive person on the planet, but I truly believe she does have feelings, but the mental issues are what is getting in the way, not wanting other men. Not that it's any different of a reason or an excuse to hold on. I guess everything is a learning experience. The way things were going (even up until yesterday morning) is why this caught me by surprise.

[King Rudi]

Originally Posted by Bayerische Motoren Werke

I wouldn't do an open relationship... just not my thing, I don't really see the point in it haha
the girl I was with last night, neither of us are in a relationship, and both of us do our own thing but every now and then we get together and just chill - it's like an "open relationship" i guess without the title?

Understandable. Like I said, not everyone is wired this way. We as humans are peculiar creatures. I see men and women that both say they want relationships, then cheat or do whatever that gives the misconception that they really don't need to be in a relationship at all. After the relationship is over because they have forsaken whatever rule of the relationship, they stay depressed until they can start the cycle all over again.

The key here is to understand yourself first, then understand people in general. Know what you want, then try to understand what other people want and let them have it, even if it isn't you or is you or is only you sometimes. Learn to work around other peoples needs and wants versus projecting your wants/needs on them.

[UncleWede]

Originally Posted by OnerDriver

I married young, at 20. First marriage.
She went back to school at 24...

I found a bag of condoms in a drawer when we had a fight and I went to stay with a male friend.

She said they were from her female friend, because her mom was going to visit and couldn't see it (kind of believable right?)

Later I found a piece of paper with a "list of things to do" by both of her and her female friend from school, who happened to be a neighbour (assuming they were playing while I was gone).
In said list there were a lot of normal things, but one of them was "do the blond guy from class".

Well divorce went through for regular reasons. She picked the furniture she wanted to keep and let me have some.
I got the king size bed side of the deal.

The day I went to pick it up with another male friend I was now living with, we moved the bed out of the bedroom and he comes to me and says "look". It's a piece of the condom wrapper.

Anyway, just be glad she broke up with you beforehand and that you weren't married

Got Dam, are you me in an alternate universe? I was 24, and found them in the new Jeep I bought her when I took it to get speakers for her birthday.

I guess I blew it, because a few months later she told me she was pregnant, but we hadn't been intimate in months. . .

[King Rudi]

Originally Posted by CTinline-six

Open relationships really aren't my thing, and I don't even really believe that is the reason. It's possible I'm the most naive person on the planet, but I truly believe she does have feelings, but the mental issues are what is getting in the way, not wanting other men. Not that it's any different of a reason or an excuse to hold on. I guess everything is a learning experience. The way things were going (even up until yesterday morning) is why this caught me by surprise.

Now let me say, I'm in no way advocating an open relationship, but then again maybe I am. I'm not currently in one, but at the same time I would rather my partner be open enough with me to say that she wants to sleep with someone else rather than lie about it and do it anyway. I guess I've become so broken from other people that at this season of my life I just want to be happy and subjecting my core values to alternative reasoning is a way that I keep myself from being disappointed with other people and the decisions they make.

[Turkish Pickle]

Originally Posted by CaptObvious

She's not confused, she's an asshole

I'd say she isn't an asshole, she's just a typical person who always looks for the next best alternative. Whether that makes her an asshole or not we can debate that, but I've honestly came to the realization that most (if not all) women are like that and I just live within that "constraint"

She's not yours, it's just your turn - I forgot where I read this but it clicked with me so much

Originally Posted by UncleWede

Got Dam, are you me in an alternate universe? I was 24, and found them in the new Jeep I bought her when I took it to get speakers for her birthday.

I guess I blew it, because a few months later she told me she was pregnant, but we hadn't been intimate in months. . .

Oddly enough, I remember you posting about this somewhere on BP, am I losing my mind or did you actually post that in another thread too?

[bimmette]

Originally Posted by CTinline-six

Not living together, she would stay over for extended periods of time. I don't necessarily think it has to do with anyone else (obviously I could be wrong). I think it has more to do with fear of commitment, seeing things were getting serious, etc. I have a stable job, house, my family lives close by, l've pretty much lived in the same area most of my life. She wants to travel the world, not be tied down, join the peace corps, that sort of thing. Her reasoning was "we are on different paths right now".

This is someone who held my hand pretty much the entire weekend we spent away together, so that's why I'm confused.

She is straight up telling you she doesn't want you, despite you being an awesome guy. She will probably regret it later, but let her go. I know it hurts. You're not the only one. I'm having a tough time today too. I know time will heal.

[cmyx6go]

First let me say I'm sorry.

As one of the token females in the group, I say move on. If she wanted to make it work, she would. Not sure if there was discussion before hand that she was going to grad school in a different city and what would happen. You sound like the good guy to fall back on. Never, ever, be someone's safety net.

Take a deep breath and move on! I would not answer her texts. Don't let her bait you nor play with your head. This is why I hate most women. I always got along better with the guys.

[CTinline-six]

Originally Posted by bimmette

She is straight up telling you she doesn't want you, despite you being an awesome guy. She will probably regret it later, but let her go. I know it hurts. You're not the only one. I'm having a tough time today too. I know time will heal.

Thanks.

I wish I could share a round of drinks with all of you.

[CTinline-six]

Originally Posted by OnerDriver

Me too!

I would join you for drinks, but I'm 6 hours away...

Dammit, I was in Niagara on Sunday.

[King Rudi]

Originally Posted by CaptObvious

No open relationships for me. If you wanna bang Bob instead of me, let's break up then you can go bang Bob you whore.

Not disagreeing with you and not trying to sell the open relationship thing here, just something I've considered. Much like in martial arts how you remain fluid and allow the attackers momentum to guide them into the hell that awaits them rather than fighting head on.

[King Rudi]

Originally Posted by cmyx6go

First let me say I'm sorry.

As one of the token females in the group, I say move on. If she wanted to make it work, she would. Not sure if there was discussion before hand that she was going to grad school in a different city and what would happen. You sound like the good guy to fall back on. Never, ever, be someone's safety net.

Take a deep breath and move on! I would not answer her texts. Don't let her bait you nor play with your head. This is why I hate most women. I always got along better with the guys.

Another pearl of wisdom!

[King Rudi]

Originally Posted by CaptObvious

Repeat after me, boys...They are just a hole...they are just a hole...they are just a hole.

I have to disagree here. They are people just like we are. None of us operate on a level that is conducive with everyone around us. We are all humans, we all do stupid shit and our want's/needs/desires are ever changing. It's all about learning what makes other people tick and adjusting our behaviors around their specific mechanisms to make their personalities coincide with ours.....even if it is just for sex.

[Delta0311]

Originally Posted by Not_Judy

This! As I was leaving the gym last night I was thinking about how much my life has changed in the past few years. I should have gone to the gym back during the times I suffered through my depression.

Something else to consider. Let her have her fun while you have yours. I've been considering open relationship type mentality lately myself. Seems to me that people tend to get bored or complacent with relationships after a while. If a person is interested in someone else, let them be. by giving them an ultimatum of either them or me ends up making them resent you or you get a slap in the face when they choose them over you. Most people aren't wired this way, but it does eliminate "caging" someone or yourself even. Allow her to be her and explain to her that at the same time you are going to do you. Down side to this will be that when she realizes that you have no problem getting with another girl, she will get jealous and then not want to have anything to do with you. I speak from experience.

Bro you never, ever quit on the gym. Every chick I even dated I told day one that I will be at the gym 4 days a week and this is non-negotiable. Out there every day is war and you need to be fit in case your relationship goes south and it's time to meet a "younger model".

[Turkish Pickle]

Originally Posted by CaptObvious

Repeat after me, boys...They are just a hole...they are just a hole...they are just a hole.

call me soft but not really...
some girls (maybe because im in college, idk) do really position themselves as that, but even then it's like whatever
but a decent majority is just average people...

i'm really curious to hear your stories (maybe i skipped them??) about why you hate women so much instead of recognizing their "down sides" and living with those constraints

[CTinline-six]

Originally Posted by Bayerische Motoren Werke

call me soft but not really...
some girls (maybe because im in college, idk) do really position themselves as that, but even then it's like whatever
but a decent majority is just average people...

i'm really curious to hear your stories (maybe i skipped them??) about why you hate women so much instead of recognizing their "down sides" and living with those constraints

+1

Physical attraction is great, but can also be easily replaced. There will always be someone more attractive out there physically. The intellectual attraction to another person is not as easily replaced.

[King Rudi]

Originally Posted by Delta0311

Bro you never, ever quit on the gym. Every chick I even dated I told day one that I will be at the gym 4 days a week and this is non-negotiable. Out there every day is war and you need to be fit in case your relationship goes south and it's time to meet a "younger model".

I actually just started. Less than a week in. This is my first go with trying to become physically what I've always wanted to be. I can already foresee this being an issue with the current girlfriend though and also not something I am going to bend or break on to spend time with her. She got a membership to the same gym but we will only work out together when her kids are with their father, the rest of the time it will only be me. I spent 2 hours there last night and although she didn't say anything I could tell that she was frustrated that I was at the gym rather than being with her.

[Turkish Pickle]

Originally Posted by CaptObvious

I'm only half kidding, relax. You're still young, you'll see how evil they really are. Hopefully, you don't get constantly shit on like I have & become as jaded & cynical.

Hate is too strong of a word here. I've posted a few of mine in the thread. Not going to advertise my life story, though. Let's just say I've been cheated on, lied to & much more by every woman I have been in a relationship with except for one & that one was the crazy I talked about earlier w/the being possessed by an evil spirit nonsense.

oh shit, i got some catching up to do

i somehow attract the crazy or "broken" for the lack of a better word; my last gf had his boyfriend cheat on her. with another dude... it's not like she was ugly either and this completely destroyed her. she won't even acknowledge me even though i'm close with her sister and we hang out whenever i'm back home

ofc at the end our "relationship" lasted just the summer and a bit into the school year because long distance

[CTinline-six]

Originally Posted by CaptObvious

Never gone to the gym & never will. So what do I do?

What kind of physical shape are you in?

[Delta0311]

Originally Posted by CaptObvious

Never gone to the gym & never will. So what do I do?

Build up a massive bank account and top that off with a well sized penis. At that point you can look like a cross between Gollum and Jabba Da Hutt and be swimming in "moistness".

[King Rudi]

Originally Posted by CaptObvious

I wasn't 100% serious, geez guys. Slow today?

As far learning what makes others tick, I don't have that desire when it comes to women. I know how they tick...like a time bomb.

Maybe 97%?

......and accurate. Something tells me you may already be good at getting what you need, possibly inadvertently but one does not become a sex addict with out being able to have sex.

[King Rudi]

Originally Posted by Delta0311

Build up a massive bank account and top that off with a well sized penis. At that point you can look like a cross between Gollum and Jabba Da Hutt and be swimming in "moistness".

Valid statement here.