Dating - Good/Bad Experiences

[Joekerr]

I don't think Lups has contributed to this thread yet...shame she's laid up so. By her account, it makes me think she's the only woman in the world to know what it's like to have a man cold, because she gets them too.

She's missing all the entertainment on the forum lately. But I'm sure she has some good stories to contribute from the other side.

[UncleWede]

WTF I do Joekerr ?? When a person tells me No, nothing more happens



Course s/he has to be able to say No

[Lups]

Originally Posted by Joekerr

I don't think Lups has contributed to this thread yet...shame she's laid up so. By her account, it makes me think she's the only woman in the world to know what it's like to have a man cold, because she gets them too.

She's missing all the entertainment on the forum lately. But I'm sure she has some good stories to contribute from the other side.

I have a relaxing day today, I got abt 10 meters of concrete to break so I can put in new pipes. If I make it, I'll read this through in the evening with my pain medication beer.

And please, feel free to make fun of me. It feels epic to be the only woman on the planet without a brave bone in my body.

[Never_Enough]

Originally Posted by Not_Judy

I do miss having more of a playful/fun connection with someone. It does seem like I am the one who is in control all the time.

Yep, one sided

Have either of you said the L word?

Also, does she have any hot friends in the Northeast?

[Joekerr]

Originally Posted by UncleWede

WTF I do Joekerr ?? When a person tells me No, nothing more happens



Course s/he has to be able to say No

What about all those innocent lambs that get their hind legs trapped in your rubber boots - does "Bleet, bleet" count as "No"?

[Joekerr]

Originally Posted by Lups

I have a relaxing day today, I got abt 10 meters of concrete to break so I can put in new pipes. If I make it, I'll read this through in the evening with my pain medication beer.

And please, feel free to make fun of me. It feels epic to be the only woman on the planet without a brave bone in my body.

I can't make too much fun of you when you aren't here to defend yourself, I far prefer to stab you in the front than the back. As I do with all the other members here.

I'll wait patiently to see whether you win, or the concrete wins.

[King Rudi]

Originally Posted by Never_Enough

Yep, one sided

Have either of you said the L word?

Also, does she have any hot friends in the Northeast?

We do use the L word. Honestly a little more than I would like to. In all honesty I do love her but there are different stages of love. I love her in the sense that I care about her and her well being. I do not love her in the sense that I want to spend every second of my day with her. I enjoy her company but I also enjoy my personal space just as much.

[Never_Enough]

Originally Posted by Not_Judy

We do use the L word. Honestly a little more than I would like to. In all honesty I do love her but there are different stages of love. I love her in the sense that I care about her and her well being. I do not love her in the sense that I want to spend every second of my day with her. I enjoy her company but I also enjoy my personal space just as much.

I'm assuming you haven't told her that & she thinks you love love her. If not, that's not cool, man. If you have, well you're both setting yourselves up for heartbreak when you do move.

[Alfisti]

Speaking of personal space. Any married men, well .. unhappily married men, gotten divorced and enjoying the personal space or do you tire of it eventually?

[Turkish Pickle]

Originally Posted by Not_Judy

We do use the L word. Honestly a little more than I would like to. In all honesty I do love her but there are different stages of love. I love her in the sense that I care about her and her well being. I do not love her in the sense that I want to spend every second of my day with her. I enjoy her company but I also enjoy my personal space just as much.

is it bad that i've yet to meet someone i want to spend every second of my day with?
then again im only 20 so i guess its okay

[MKSixer]

Originally Posted by Alfisti

Speaking of personal space. Any married men, well .. unhappily married men, gotten divorced and enjoying the personal space or do you tire of it eventually?

That's me.

Jumped into a relationship after the separation/divorce which lasted about a year and was a mistake. Was completely alone and dodging people for about 3 months then dated about 5 or 6 girls before settling on the bikini girl.

I'm black and date mostly outside my race and have to have what I call, "The Talk" with them.

It's been a few months now and is pretty cool but getting kinda boring. We shall see what happens next.

And since I quite enjoy my own brain, I'm good being alone. I actually started working on a movie script when I broke up with the L/T gf which I will finish in the next few months. I don't need anyone to fulfill me. In fact, they better bring their A-Game to the table since they will be taking up my time!!

Cheers-ok

[Turkish Pickle]

Originally Posted by Alfisti

Speaking of personal space. Any married men, well .. unhappily married men, gotten divorced and enjoying the personal space or do you tire of it eventually?

My dad's group of friends are all divorced except him, and I've only heard one side of the story but more often than not their wives were literally not letting them do stuff "with the boys" because all of them are divorced. Two or three divorced last year because they were pressured - is my dad next? who knows

But looking at them they're living the time of their lives, they're all 45+ agewise but all still work out religiously, a few have long term girlfriends and a few come with different girls every now and then. I'd assume most of their divorces was a "it's not working out" rather than "i hope you die bitch" kinda divorce...

[Alfisti]

I am absolutely petrified of not seeing my kids every day and also extremely concerned about the inevitable man that will be introduced to them and somewhat parent them.

Otherwise I am out.

[Never_Enough]

Originally Posted by MKSixer

That's me.

Jumped into a relationship after the separation/divorce which lasted about a year and was a mistake. Was completely alone and dodging people for about 3 months then dated about 5 or 6 girls before settling on the bikini girl.

I'm black and date mostly outside my race and have to have what I call, "The Talk" with them.

It's been a few months now and is pretty cool but getting kinda boring. We shall see what happens next.

And since I quite enjoy my own brain, I'm good being alone. I actually started working on a movie script when I broke up with the L/T gf which I will finish in the next few months. I don't need anyone to fulfill me. In fact, they better bring their A-Game to the table since they will be taking up my time!!

Cheers-ok

What is this talk?

I've had black women ask me if I've dated black women before. I have & answer yes then that's it. WTH?!

[Never_Enough]

The problem with dating now is that it seems most people have lost all sense of civility.

[Alfisti]

Originally Posted by Never_Enough

What is this talk?

How much it's gonna hurt for first timers?

[MKSixer]

Originally Posted by Never_Enough

What is this talk?

I've had black women ask me if I've dated black women before. I have & answer yes then that's it. WTH?!

Dude...I live in the south. Me showing up with blonde haired blue-eyed bikini chick can cause some problems with a certain element. It actually has. Welcome to my world. Racism is a real thing.

[King Rudi]

Originally Posted by Never_Enough

I'm assuming you haven't told her that & she thinks you love love her. If not, that's not cool, man. If you have, well you're both setting yourselves up for heartbreak when you do move.

Told her which? That I plan to move or that I love[i]love[i] her? I've discussed both with her in detail. She isn't happy about it but she also isn't going anywhere. The move will be difficult for both of us to a degree but my goal in life is to be more financially secure and to be happy. I've lived my entire life trying to make other people happy and now it's my turn. The proverbial breaking of the egg to make the omelet.

[Never_Enough]

Originally Posted by Not_Judy

Told her which? That I plan to move or that I love[i]love[i] her? I've discussed both with her in detail. She isn't happy about it but she also isn't going anywhere. The move will be difficult for both of us to a degree but my goal in life is to be more financially secure and to be happy. I've lived my entire life trying to make other people happy and now it's my turn. The proverbial breaking of the egg to make the omelet.

The love love part. She said she's ok with you just leaving one day? SHe's such a liar. No one is ever ok with the person they love just rolling out like that.

[Never_Enough]

Originally Posted by MKSixer

Dude...I live in the south. Me showing up with blonde haired blue-eyed bikini chick can cause some problems with a certain element. It actually has. Welcome to my world. Racism is a real thing.

Yes, we know it's real. It will keep being real b/c everyone keeps making it an issue on both sides. So what is "the talk"?

[MKSixer]

Originally Posted by Not_Judy

We do use the L word. Honestly a little more than I would like to. In all honesty I do love her but there are different stages of love. I love her in the sense that I care about her and her well being. I do not love her in the sense that I want to spend every second of my day with her. I enjoy her company but I also enjoy my personal space just as much.

Originally Posted by Never_Enough

I'm assuming you haven't told her that & she thinks you love love her. If not, that's not cool, man. If you have, well you're both setting yourselves up for heartbreak when you do move.

Originally Posted by Not_Judy

Told her which? That I plan to move or that I love[i]love[i] her? I've discussed both with her in detail. She isn't happy about it but she also isn't going anywhere. The move will be difficult for both of us to a degree but my goal in life is to be more financially secure and to be happy. I've lived my entire life trying to make other people happy and now it's my turn. The proverbial breaking of the egg to make the omelet.

I'm not a shrink nor do I play one on TV but from my own personal experience and relating it to that of my other friends who are divorced, those partners who maintain a sense of self in the marriage have marriages that do better. I know that my personality became sublimated into the thing that our marriage became and consumed my sense of freedom, fun and ability to recognize that I was in a problematic situation.

The first 6 months to 12 months were like a period in a decompression chamber. It was amazing to get back to the things I enjoyed without the pressure and hassle of attempting to manage a terrible relationship.

I think it's perfectly normal and healthy to want to be alone at times. You damn well better like yourself and if not, you need some bro time or couch time. Take your pick.

Cheers-mk

[MKSixer]

Originally Posted by Never_Enough

Yes, we know it's real. It will keep being real b/c everyone keeps making it an issue on both sides. So what is "the talk"?

Are you going to be ok being with me in the south and hanging out?
How are your friends going to handle it?
How will your family handle it?
I share my experience with my friends. I let her know that when we go places in my state a lot of people will approach me because I know lots of people and I'm from a prominent family. (The one I'm dating now was not cool with it at first.)
I let her know that black women will look daggers at her and to be prepared for it.
And a smattering of other things.

I have been universally thanked by them after the talk. We're adults and there are very few good surprises when you're an adult. Open and honest communication about anything you may encounter is the best way to go.