My first personal question..

[BellasBmw]

Originally Posted by Nikki

he already dug up all of my IM conversations with people so he knows exactly what's going on. we aren't hiding anything from each other right now.

That is the kind of stuff that ruined my relationship. This isnt exactly your situation but my x wanted to listen to my voicemails occasionally. I let him have it, and he said if you dont let me listen, your hiding something, so if u want to save this relationship, you would let me listen. I was so stupid and said ok fine, i guess your right. And because i gave him the Ok for my voicemails, he wanted to see my Aim, then my email, then he went as far as getting my cell bill from his sister who works for verizon (i was gonna get her fired, but i didnt stoop to his level). My x is a very good looking guy, but was so insecure. He wanted me to be a bitch to everyone- thus preventing anyone from trying to hit on me. He also told me that if we ever broke up, the "friend" thing wouldnt work. He was right, i saw him for the first time since our breakup about 2 days ago.. acted like we didnt even know each other. Not a hello, hug, nothing. But im glad it was like that, cause it made me realize that i made the right decision. And x's cant be friends unless major time has gone by (like 2 yrs), so dont even think about trying to be friends.. it wont work. There is too much baggage.

I know these are long posts, but i just went through all this too. If things dont work out, You will always gain something from it. But dont be so quick to seperate. Not all relationships are always gonna be romantic.. the lust will die down, and then thats the hard part.. do you grow together, or do you grow apart. Age is probably the biggest factor working agaisnt us. We have our entire lives to be married and committed to one person.. Like richard pryor says "its the same mutha-fker every single day".. Um ill hold off for now.

[Squawks]

Who seriously believes that you can have a long, long relationship where the spark will never subside from the start?

For me, the spark kind of dimmed after I ran out of money and my CCs were maxed out. Damn it.

[saalim]

IMO, a relationship is doomed the minute suspicion starts to creep in.

[BellasBmw]

Originally Posted by saalim

IMO, a relationship is doomed the minute suspicion starts to creep in.

I agree 100%

[Broken1]

Originally Posted by Nikki

he already dug up all of my IM conversations with people so he knows exactly what's going on. we aren't hiding anything from each other right now.

Threads like this make me scared. I am scared that one day my gf will feel like this, and leave me heart broken alone, in the dark. Whats even more scary, is I think we might be here - or close. She's always working, I'm always waxing my car - and when she comes over she's so tired from work she just falls asleep; and then tells me we need to spice up our sex life. We faught about it this morning: how she's always tired- and doesn't pay me any attention - what scares me is tonight she is home - and she is still awake at midnight, after a long VERY VERY busy day at work (They had a sale and turned over triple their usual). Last night, she came to me - ate (the food I cooked), showered and then watched tv for an hour and fell asleep (after only working a half day)... Am I boring?

Okay...Sorry to steal the thread.

Back to you Nikki -
When I feel sad and lonly, I wash/clean/admire/drive/wax/polish my car - but then I am a boy and my car is sapphire black...and needs the attention. Before I had my car, I would get onto my bed...turn the lights dim and play really slow sad music on my ipod...and after like an hour of "sadness" I would feel better.
An alternative for you would be a girls night...go out with the girls...not drinking and kissing - but a good dinner...somewhere really nice...eat good food and have a good time. Don't even talk about men.

As for your BF: I take it you are one of those girls who like drama. You like the excitement of a new guy, getting to know him, waiting for him to call, having him excite you- tease you- romance you- turn you on.
Well, your bf is getting too used to you. Either he is leaving the toilet seat up which just drives you mad...or he is putting it down specially, and laying roses down to caress your feet when you goto the loo. It sounds to me, like he's turned into the "nice guy". He's so inlove with you - he's there when you need him, and the drop of your hat...and is no longer giving you the exitement - the thrill of the chase.

Someone needs to slap your BF. He needs to get REALLY creative to keep you. He needs to start being spontaneous...not super sweet(eg chocolates and he confesses his undying love to you all night) but sexy spontaneous (like leaves roses and something REALLY small and sexy...with a task to complete before you collect your very satisfying prize with something special thrown in). Now don't get me wrong, it's not all about sex.

He needs to do things day to day - to keep your heart racing...to make you fall in love with him again. He needs to push you both out of your comfort zones...

Sorry for the really long post...I used to post on "advice" forums before my car was born :-)

Just try and act rationally.

[Nikki]

Yeah, we've talked about being spontaneous..but it hasn't happened...well until what happened that night but then things went too far.

[shimshimhada]

It's like this: basically, I was going to the butcher's, when she called me up. I was like what the hell! Wow, the giraffe really has to eat some cookie dough to survive nowadays. Jenny was the new Shakespeare. About the time we think we can make ends meet, somebody moves the ends. "Exactly," said the Little Rascal.

[Enroutte]

Originally Posted by shimshimhada

It's like this: basically, I was going to the butcher's, when she called me up. I was like what the hell! Wow, the giraffe really has to eat some cookie dough to survive nowadays. Jenny was the new Shakespeare. About the time we think we can make ends meet, somebody moves the ends. "Exactly," said the Little Rascal.

that seroiusly mad elike.. no sense

[shimshimhada]

Originally Posted by Enroutte

that seroiusly mad elike.. no sense

Oh, I take it you're not a fan of Jeczew?

[Nikki]

who?

[Enroutte]

yeah again.. WHO????

[shimshimhada]

You guys aren't familiar with his work?

[Enroutte]

is he anotherr porn star?

[shimshimhada]

Originally Posted by Enroutte

is he anotherr porn star?

I made him up.

[Enroutte]

oh lol

[E90-4life]

I think some people take relationships way too seriously, I think it's ok to be serious, but let it happen. The moment jealousy and all that drama kicks in it's no longer worth it. Relationships should be fun, it's all about enjoying whatever chem you have w/ that other person and just letting it ride, it's ok not to have something to say every few mins, or always say or do the right things. You have to know you and accept your flaws and that things aren't always gonna go smooth, then you'll better understand and be able to accept others imperfections as well. In a relationship your significant other should be there to compliment you, not make up, govern, or w/e.. do you.

[SCA]

Originally Posted by Enroutte

its christmas!! be happy!

Ba Humbug...


I've been in a really crappy mood lately myself.

[SCA]

Originally Posted by Nikki

i ask about being friends, and he says that he wouldn't ever be able to be friends with me because he wouldn't be able to see with with another man.

Well, I honestly have to say that is a sign of immaturity. I behaved the same way at one time, but at my age now I look back and wish most of my relationships had ended with us being friends. I sometimes wonder how some of the women I dated are doing, if they are married and have children. Of course there are the ones I never give a second thought too.

I will state that it is very difficult to have been married to someone and be friends with them. Sadly, it is even more difficult for children to see their parents behave like total asses.

[E90-4life]

I've always thought in the back of my head, that even if a relationship didn't work out, that two could easily be freinds if that's the way it started out, which I believe it should.

Kinda switching gears but going w/ what I said above, I think it's better to start out as freinds and develop a good sense of who the person is and let them get to know you.. that way not matter what, relationship or not, you guys are always freinds first. At least that's how I prefer it, probably the reason why I don't have a g/f right now

[SCA]

Originally Posted by E90-4life

At least that's how I prefer it, probably the reason why I don't have a g/f right now

Me too...after a costly divorce I prefer to start off as friends first and see where it goes. The worst that could happen is that I end up with a new friend.

[BellasBmw]

My first bf and i started out as complete friends. There was no attraction on my side for him. But his personality was adorable, and we dated for 18 months. However, just meeting someone for the first time is based entirely on looks. So its hard to get to know someone you just met, cause its all based on sexual tension

[deutschmann59]

Originally Posted by E90-4life

Kinda switching gears but going w/ what I said above, I think it's better to start out as freinds and develop a good sense of who the person is and let them get to know you.. that way not matter what, relationship or not, you guys are always freinds first. At least that's how I prefer it, probably the reason why I don't have a g/f right now

Yep...that's the way I see it, too.

But according to every piece of dating advice literature I've ever read, the most important thing to remember, they say, is to make sure your target does NOT think of you in "friends" terms.

I guess in a perfect world you could become friends first and then go out, like you see on TV and in movies. But I don't think that is real...unless someone here can say that's actually how their relationship got started--friendship first.

But seriously, when will girls realize that guys never just want to be friends???!!!