Dating - Good/Bad Experiences

[ryan stewart]

Originally Posted by Turkish Pickle

I did not get ditched. She texted me 10.29am (I was around the corner since I told her I'd pick her up 10.30) if we were still on.

Date went very well but ended horribly. Honestly don't think I'm going to see her again :/

She shit on your dick?

How does it go well but end bad enough its the end of the line?

[ryan stewart]

So just moved the girl out save for the piano and some clothing, I don't think even she realized how much shit she has.

Looking forward to getting that piano out and then doing some touch up on the paint work and whatnot and then will be dropping about $8k upgrading the dining room and living room furniture.

[upstatedoc]

Originally Posted by ryan stewart

So just moved the girl out save for the piano and some clothing, I don't think even she realized how much shit she has.

Looking forward to getting that piano out and then doing some touch up on the paint work and whatnot and then will be dropping about $8k upgrading the dining room and living room furniture.

So you were into this woman enough that you agreed to have her grand piano in your house?

[Turkish Pickle]

Originally Posted by ryan stewart

She shit on your dick?

How does it go well but end bad enough its the end of the line?

No, worse. We were talking about pets, mentioned how her ex has a cat. I told her my ex was allergic to cats so I never got one at my previous place and my current place doesn't allow pets (sadly, i want a cat). She asked me how long ago I used to date her, I said we broke up a while ago, then clarified for November.

She judged me hard for "dating again so soon" and said that was "something to note". She didn't even bother hiding it. I really wanted to tell her "you're not the first girl I'm seeing since, don't worry youre not my rebound", but for blatantly obvious reasons kept my mouth shut.

So yeah. She wasn't particularly thrilled, I'm not a big fan of being judged on when I broke up with my ex. My phone's been quiet, yes she's a horrible texter, but this time I'm not going to send anything back.

[ryan stewart]

Originally Posted by upstatedoc

So you were into this woman enough that you agreed to have her grand piano in your house?

Oh yeah, awesome other than the violent alcoholic thing. Tall, thin, fakes, super sexual. And she sure tried to use it today but I was able to resist.

She claims to be throwing the kitchen sink at solving her problems but I told her I wouldnt entertain any discussion until I had the option of just blocking her number the moment she slips up. I might still just do the slow fade after she moves out either way but going to be a lot better not having this hanging over my head.

Originally Posted by Turkish Pickle

No, worse. We were talking about pets, mentioned how her ex has a cat. I told her my ex was allergic to cats so I never got one at my previous place and my current place doesn't allow pets (sadly, i want a cat). She asked me how long ago I used to date her, I said we broke up a while ago, then clarified for November.

She judged me hard for "dating again so soon" and said that was "something to note". She didn't even bother hiding it. I really wanted to tell her "you're not the first girl I'm seeing since, don't worry youre not my rebound", but for blatantly obvious reasons kept my mouth shut.

So yeah. She wasn't particularly thrilled, I'm not a big fan of being judged on when I broke up with my ex. My phone's been quiet, yes she's a horrible texter, but this time I'm not going to send anything back.

Yeah, sounds like a bitch. Consider it bullet dodged. Anyone who thinks a few months out of a relationship is "too soon" without context is someone who likely has some baggage they are projecting onto you.

[shoei]

Originally Posted by Turkish Pickle

me? i havent married anyone so far

I understand your point, I really do - what is giving that away?

And, how does one tackle that?

It's all in your verbiage if I'm being honest. Tell tale little nuggets you drop along the way.

I'm only skimming at words you and the other guy write because sometimes if I'm being completely honest with you? There's a lot of cringe is what is being said. So imagine, there's a woman sitting across the table from you, scanning and observing to see if you are a suitable match for them to invest their time, energy and mental capacity into. If I can see it, believe me when I tell you the women can sense it. Do you want a reclamation project? What makes you think a woman would? At least not one who has their shit together.

You shouldn't be pursuing a relationship because you don't want to be "alone." You also shouldn't be reliant on a partner to boost you up or "put lead in my pencil." If that's what it takes - the encouragement or support of somebody else for you to be a functioning member of society? You aren't looking for a girlfriend. You're looking for a parent.

Just try to fathom the sheer amount of responsibility you're putting on another human being. We aren't put on this planet to make somebody else happy or to make somebody else feel whole.

Lastly, you asked me what gave it away basically. I'd like for you to ponder this question. Did you ask me what gave it away because you want to know what things not to say or do on your next date? If the answer is yes, then I rest my case. You aren't anywhere near ready. But Pickles, need you to know that there's nothing wrong with that. It's completely healthy for one to realize they got some growing and figuring out on their own to do before they subject some stranger to that shit.

When you can be alone, you're ready. When the only conversations you're having doesn't revolve around the dates you've been on or the women you're trying to chat up? You're ready. When a relationship isn't what defines you, you're ready.

[Tambohamilton]

Originally Posted by shoei

It's all in your verbiage if I'm being honest. Tell tale little nuggets you drop along the way.

I'm only skimming at words you and the other guy write because sometimes if I'm being completely honest with you? There's a lot of cringe is what is being said. So imagine, there's a woman sitting across the table from you, scanning and observing to see if you are a suitable match for them to invest their time, energy and mental capacity into. If I can see it, believe me when I tell you the women can sense it. Do you want a reclamation project? What makes you think a woman would? At least not one who has their shit together.

You shouldn't be pursuing a relationship because you don't want to be "alone." You also shouldn't be reliant on a partner to boost you up or "put lead in my pencil." If that's what it takes - the encouragement or support of somebody else for you to be a functioning member of society? You aren't looking for a girlfriend. You're looking for a parent.

Just try to fathom the sheer amount of responsibility you're putting on another human being. We aren't put on this planet to make somebody else happy or to make somebody else feel whole.

Lastly, you asked me what gave it away basically. I'd like for you to ponder this question. Did you ask me what gave it away because you want to know what things not to say or do on your next date? If the answer is yes, then I rest my case. You aren't anywhere near ready. But Pickles, need you to know that there's nothing wrong with that. It's completely healthy for one to realize they got some growing and figuring out on their own to do before they subject some stranger to that shit.

When you can be alone, you're ready. When the only conversations you're having doesn't revolve around the dates you've been on or the women you're trying to chat up? You're ready. When a relationship isn't what defines you, you're ready.

Interesting perspective. I don't agree.

[chinniciF32]

Originally Posted by Turkish Pickle

I did not get ditched. She texted me 10.29am (I was around the corner since I told her I'd pick her up 10.30) if we were still on.

Date went very well but ended horribly. Honestly don't think I'm going to see her again :/

Nice! on the not getting ditched aspect of it but its a bummer it didn't work out if you saw some potential in her, even though it was only the beginning it still burns man

Originally Posted by aliiin

So, started chatting with someone for ~2 days. Conversation flowed really well and IMO it was going really well. She gave me a disclaimer that tends to be a dealbreaker for most people - she splits time between DC and DFW because of work. I'm totally cool about that and am all about transparency. Asked her to meet up and she said she would love to, but it was horrible timing because she's been in DFW for a month, and has to go to DC for next 5 weeks (maybe longer). I told her it's all good, no worries and to let me know when she's back in town.

She checks off a lot of things off my "ideal woman" list. So, should I periodically text her throughout the 5 weeks time? Wait it out and in 5 weeks text her if she doesn't text me? I understand 5 weeks is such a long time in the dating world and a lot can change in that time. What to do?

I'd say it hit up periodically over the 5 weeks and see how the conversation go's, if you haven't already I would suggest a call and/or fact time to try and keep the spark alive. Try to make it to the first date and then further assess the situation from there

[chinniciF32]

Originally Posted by Turkish Pickle

No, worse. We were talking about pets, mentioned how her ex has a cat. I told her my ex was allergic to cats so I never got one at my previous place and my current place doesn't allow pets (sadly, i want a cat). She asked me how long ago I used to date her, I said we broke up a while ago, then clarified for November.

She judged me hard for "dating again so soon" and said that was "something to note". She didn't even bother hiding it. I really wanted to tell her "you're not the first girl I'm seeing since, don't worry youre not my rebound", but for blatantly obvious reasons kept my mouth shut.

So yeah. She wasn't particularly thrilled, I'm not a big fan of being judged on when I broke up with my ex. My phone's been quiet, yes she's a horrible texter, but this time I'm not going to send anything back.

Originally Posted by ryan stewart

Oh yeah, awesome other than the violent alcoholic thing. Tall, thin, fakes, super sexual. And she sure tried to use it today but I was able to resist.

She claims to be throwing the kitchen sink at solving her problems but I told her I wouldnt entertain any discussion until I had the option of just blocking her number the moment she slips up. I might still just do the slow fade after she moves out either way but going to be a lot better not having this hanging over my head.



Yeah, sounds like a bitch. Consider it bullet dodged. Anyone who thinks a few months out of a relationship is "too soon" without context is someone who likely has some baggage they are projecting onto you.

I agree on you dodged a bullet aspect, I always felt like I was getting judged whenever my date's would ask me how long i've been single. Once I was able to say 8 months they judgy "Oh" tone stopped. Since my ex if my ex-wife and not ex-gf I felt even more judged , this last one was cool about it though because its been 10 months and she's dated divorced/separated men before.

[ryan stewart]

Yeah there is never going to be a right answer to that question, its like the "how many partners" question. Unless you're bang on the same as them they will judge:

1. Too soon - dismissed as a rebound
2. Too long - loser who obviously has issues.

BTW as of 30 minutes ago my house is now minus a piano. Now just still an entire closet of clothing, two cellos and a bicycle left and it will be back to being just my house. Do some wall repair from the hanging stuff and the move (already patched from the phone throwing incident) and it will be time to start re-buying the furniture I gave away to make room for her stuff.

[Tambohamilton]

Two cellos? TF?

[Dang3r]

Originally Posted by chinniciF32

I agree on you dodged a bullet aspect, I always felt like I was getting judged whenever my date's would ask me how long i've been single. Once I was able to say 8 months they judgy "Oh" tone stopped. Since my ex if my ex-wife and not ex-gf I felt even more judged , this last one was cool about it though because its been 10 months and she's dated divorced/separated men before.

Hm, interesting that some people are paying attention on a being-single-period that much.
I got that asked sometimes too and "dodged" this almost with the answer 'depends on you what you call long, for me a little time'. If she tries to nail me on a certain amount of weeks or months, I'll pass and refuse the answer maybe.
Comes from situation to situation and depends mostly onto your date, how this is going and growing. This is also maybe a manner of age, when you got less time to the end, its more less important how many or how long

[Turkish Pickle]

shoei thank you for your thoughts

Originally Posted by Tambohamilton

Interesting perspective. I don't agree.

please describe why, genuinely curious.

Originally Posted by ryan stewart

Yeah there is never going to be a right answer to that question, its like the "how many partners" question. Unless you're bang on the same as them they will judge:

1. Too soon - dismissed as a rebound
2. Too long - loser who obviously has issues.

BTW as of 30 minutes ago my house is now minus a piano. Now just still an entire closet of clothing, two cellos and a bicycle left and it will be back to being just my house. Do some wall repair from the hanging stuff and the move (already patched from the phone throwing incident) and it will be time to start re-buying the furniture I gave away to make room for her stuff.

Nah I feel like I fucked up because usually my go-to answer to that sort of stuff is along the lines of "none of your business and yours is not mine". I was baffled as to why she gets to decide if it's been too long/too short since my breakup though, I didn't break up with her lol

Whatever it is, obviously I didn't get a text back so that's written off.

[gary_william]

Originally Posted by Tambohamilton

Two cellos? TF?

Difference between an onion and a cello: no one cries when a cello is chopped up.

[shoei]

Originally Posted by gary_william

Difference between an onion and a cello: no one cries when a cello is chopped up.

I don't give much thought to cellos but I will say cellos and violin have some exquisite workmanship sometime. Guitars too.

[ryan stewart]

So on the cellos. She is a musician and is a minority partner in an AV business. Grand piano, those 2 cellos, this massive like commercial studio keyboard, a wurlitzer(spelling?), and a roll up travel keyboard thing. She often records backing for artists locally, has a vocal coach and everything. Unfortunately has some of the musician stereotypes as well.

She basically filled up my house and almost all of its out now. She had half my giant walk in, about 60% of the two (still smaller walk ins) guest closets full of clothes and even then we needed to buy an armoire for shoes and purses and shit. I cant say too much as I have 4 motorcycles but at least I ride them (well not the one in the living room but that is because I cant get parts for it anymore).

[Alfisti]

Wait, motorcycle in living room? WHat a fucking random comment.

[ryan stewart]

I keep a retired track bike in the living room. Drained, detailed, and on the paddock stand (over a rug, and often under a fitted cover). Its a really rare exotic and is basically just pretty and something funny for people to pose on at parties. Also fun for "photo shoots." Its basically furniture/art at this point.

Admitting I cant judge TOO MUCH on having too much useless shit.

[upstatedoc]

^^i want to party with this guy

[ryan stewart]

Originally Posted by upstatedoc

^^i want to party with this guy

Be the change you seek! FYI I even called my insurance company and they basically said "If its got gasoline its considered a fuel container and shouldnt be inside the firewall but if its drained its just metal and plastic to us.

Please excuse the dirty floors, in the middle of some drywall dent/hole patching/painting and was waiting to schedule a deep clean until its done. And sorry this is the only type of picture of it Im posting. The "photo shoots" have not been consented to be shared.



Its also good "male congruence test" or whatever. No (sane) woman who walks into my house is going to think she is going to talk me into giving up my habit once she sees that.

Edit: LOL, and a 1996 Toyota T100 was the first car I ever bought with my own money.

[Tambohamilton]

Originally Posted by Turkish Pickle

please describe why, genuinely curious.

It was mainly this bit:

"You shouldn't be pursuing a relationship because you don't want to be "alone." You also shouldn't be reliant on a partner to boost you up or "put lead in my pencil." If that's what it takes - the encouragement or support of somebody else for you to be a functioning member of society? You aren't looking for a girlfriend. You're looking for a parent."

My relationship isn't everything I could want, and the major bit that's missing gets me down on a daily basis. For sure I'm not that much better when I'm single, though. But, that's not because there's something in myself I need to sort out; it's that there's something (someone) missing from my life. And to be abundantly clear, I am not looking for a parent! I'm capable of looking after myself just fine. I'm seemingly not capable of going through life feeling alone.

[chinniciF32]

BP dating experts:

So as mentioned in my previous posts I've been talking to this girl since early January and been on a couple dates, we last spoke last Friday and saturday attached is the thread.

I kind of ghosted her since it's been a week, should I try and rekindle it with her (I actually liked her)?

Or let it be? Also don't want to come off as a dick for ghosting but...I also don't want to be that nice guy that gets rejected and look foolish. How would you start the convo back up?