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| 08-31-2008, 09:18 AM | #89 |
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new BMW owner
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A man and his wife are having money troubles. Finally the man tells the wife she has to prostitute herself out to make ends meet.
She goes out and comes back with one hundred dollars and fifty cents. "Who gave you fifty cents?" said the irritated man. "All of them" |
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| 08-31-2008, 09:41 AM | #91 |
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new BMW owner
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A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel in his pants. He walks up to the bar, sits down, and orders a pint. As the bartender gets a good look at the pirate, he notices the wheel and asks, "Hey matey, do you realize you've got a steering wheel in your pants there?"
Pirate says, "Arr... it's drivin' me nuts" |
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| 08-31-2008, 09:52 AM | #94 |
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Second Lieutenant
 
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A woman sat on a plane heading for New York, when the pilot announces that because of difficulties with the plane's engines, he must make an emergency landing.
The woman, fearing that this may be the end of her life looks over to a man sitting next to her and rips her shirt and bra off, and throws herself on him. "Make me feel like a woman again!" she screamed. So the man rips his shirt off and hands it to her. "Iron this." |
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| 08-31-2008, 03:01 PM | #98 |
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There was a pregnant woman due in the month of april.
So april comes around and she is in the hospital in labor Baby comes out and mommy is sleeping after Nurse brings in the new baby as mommy awakes NURSE DROPS THE BABY AND IT TUMBLES TO THE GROUND FURIOUSLY!!! MOMMY IS SCREAMING OMG OMG OMG HELP HELP MY BABY ...................... Nurse gingerly picks it up and starts to chuckle, afterwords saying... "april fools it was already dead". |
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| 08-31-2008, 03:04 PM | #99 |
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Two vampires enter a bar...
Vampire 1. orders a bloody mary, with real blood... Vampire 2. orders a cup of hot water... Vampire 1. says WTF is that you ordered? Vampire 2. pulls out a bloody tampon and says "Look, I'm making TEA!" |
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| 08-31-2008, 03:10 PM | #100 | |||
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General
 
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Drives: 2-325 330 2-335 2-Z4 2-135 X5d
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Huntington Beach, CA
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| 09-01-2008, 09:23 PM | #101 | |
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Captain
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WHO'S THE BOSS
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| 09-02-2008, 01:27 AM | #103 |
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First Lieutenant
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Drives: 91' 850i
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Oakland, CA
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Why is 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7, 8, 9! (Seven ate Nine) har har har har! |
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| 09-02-2008, 11:54 AM | #104 |
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Brigadier General
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Drives: '07 Z4 Coupe, '21 X3, '16 GMC
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Iowa
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Donald Rumsfeld briefed the President this morning.
He told Bush that 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed in Iraq. To everyone's amazement, all the color drained from Bush's face, then he collapsed onto his desk, head in hands, visibly shaken, almost in tears. Finally, he composed himself and asked Rumsfeld, "Just exactly how many is a brazilian"?
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2007 Z4 3.0si Coupe • 6 MT • Black Saphire Metallic • PP • SP
2016 GMC Sierra SLT Z71 Premium Plus 4x4 2017 Harley StreetGlide • Denim Black • V&H Tune 2021 BMW x30i • Phytonic Blue Metallic • Fully loaded |
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| 09-02-2008, 11:57 AM | #105 |
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Brigadier General
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Drives: '07 Z4 Coupe, '21 X3, '16 GMC
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Iowa
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The ark lands after The Flood. Noah lets all the animals out and says, "Go and multiply."
Several months pass. Noah decides to check up on the animals. All are doing fine except a pair of snakes. "What's the problem?" says Noah. "Cut down some trees and let us live there", say the snakes. Noah follows their advice. Several more weeks pass. Noah checks on the snakes again. Lots of little snakes, everybody is happy. Noah asks, "Want to tell me how the trees helped?" "Certainly", say the snakes. "We're adders, and we need logs to multiply."
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2007 Z4 3.0si Coupe • 6 MT • Black Saphire Metallic • PP • SP
2016 GMC Sierra SLT Z71 Premium Plus 4x4 2017 Harley StreetGlide • Denim Black • V&H Tune 2021 BMW x30i • Phytonic Blue Metallic • Fully loaded |
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| 09-02-2008, 12:57 PM | #106 | |
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DANNY
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Drives: E93 335i AW/CR
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Los Angeles
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| 09-02-2008, 12:59 PM | #107 |
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DANNY
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Drives: E93 335i AW/CR
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Los Angeles
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Why do Canadians NOT like to play hide-n-seek?
cuz they ALWAYS WIN... No one wants to find them |
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| 09-02-2008, 02:05 PM | #109 | ||
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Captain
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WHO'S THE BOSS
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| 09-02-2008, 02:31 PM | #110 |
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Brigadier General
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One Saturday afternoon, a man was sitting in his lawn chair drinking beer and watching his wife mow the lawn.
A neighbour lady was so outraged at this, she came over and shouted at the man, "You should be hung!" To which he calmly replied, "I am. That's why she cuts the grass!"
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