Why do men get married?

[monkeybingo]

I once dated a stripper...

[carve]

Dalko:
Pre nups don't protect anything you make after the wedding date

What does it being fictional have to do with the point...and he didn't even mention the legal ramifications. Want to prove your point? Then YOU sell me marriage

[Lups]

Originally Posted by Dalko43

Showing a clip from a fictional movie doesn't really lend much credibility to your argument. It's a movie, with a catchy speech designed to entertain. Maybe bring up some actual laws/legislation if you want to discuss the legal intricacies of marriage? Just a suggestion....

It would also help if you remembered that not too long ago, women in this country did not have legal equality when it came to a lot of things (voting, business, marriage disputes). Laws nowadays are in place to ensure that a wife/mother gets some form of support from a divorcing husband, because in the past husbands would literally ditch their wives and children and leave them with no financial resources (still happens in 3rd world countries).

Do these laws get abused sometimes? Absolutely.

Do women always get half of the estate/possessions/funds/money that a husband owns during a divorce process? It really depends state to state. A lot of times, the wife needs to prove that wealth/resources in question were earned by the husband while she was fulfilling some spousal role (mother, house-keeping, ect.)

Can men take up safeguards against wives that are marrying purely for financial reasons (gold-digging)? Yes, it's called a pre-nuptial.

Honestly, if the contract/legal aspects of marriage are that much of a concern to you as a would-be husband, you probably shouldn't be in that relationship in the first place.

My friend is going through a divorce here and it's like watching a horror movie. He had been a good husband and a good provider for the family but they just are not in love with each other anymore hence the divorce.

In a few months time he's been robbed from having constant contact with his kids and ex is also making him pay for her rest of life. I see it as cruelty and the kids are being used as weapons every step.

My country doesn't have a system that would give the female an endless right to burden the ex with their costs. We handle kids together and that's it after papers are signed. A prenup will handel fortunes gained before marriage and everything gets divided.

Our women also work, since a it's a matter of pride.

[fecurtis]

Originally Posted by Lups

My friend is going through a divorce here and it's like watching a horror movie. He had been a good husband and a good provider for the family but they just are not in love with each other anymore hence the divorce.

In a few months time he's been robbed from having constant contact with his kids and ex is also making him pay for her rest of life. I see it as cruelty and the kids are being used as weapons every step.

My country doesn't have a system that would give the female an endless right to burden the ex with their costs. We handle kids together and that's it after papers are signed. A prenup will handel fortunes gained before marriage and everything gets divided.

Our women also work, since a it's a matter of bride.

A former co-worker of mine went through two divorces. He said one the woman pretty much took everything and cleaned him out.

The second divorce went smoother. He basically said "I'll give you $10,000 and then we can leave it at that". She accepted.

He says that's the best $10,000 he's ever spent.

The women around here can be downright awful. I've known quite a few of them who's only main drive in life is to marry a rich guy (there's no shortage of them in the area) so they don't have to work anymore and actually afford the lifestyle they try to live. That said, there's also plenty who have more self respect and ambition. It's the ones who have expensive tastes yet make $40k/year that you have to watch out for.

[Lups]

Originally Posted by fecurtis

A former co-worker of mine went through two divorces. He said one the woman pretty much took everything and cleaned him out.

The second divorce went smoother. He basically said "I'll give you $10,000 and then we can leave it at that". She accepted.

He says that's the best $10,000 he's ever spent.

The women around here can be downright awful. I've known quite a few of them who's only main drive in life is to marry a rich guy (there's no shortage of them in the area) so they don't have to work anymore and actually afford the lifestyle they try to live. That said, there's also plenty who have more self respect and ambition. It's the ones who have expensive tastes yet make $40k/year that you have to watch out for.

Yup!

The women here in Seattle area scare me. The attitude is so different than what I'm used to.

Sure, here I'm mainly a huge waste of space for now since I can't do much that would benefit our family financially and the things I do do cost a lot. If we're to stay here, I need more things to do without giving up sleeping completely (I play with stocks back home. 10 hour time difference rocks ) and I need to build a house again.

My cars, hobbies, kids are still a small cost compared to the things I hear. And the worst for me is that because I'm married it is assumed I just watch tv during days and do nothing.

I wouldn't marry me. But if I were to get a divorce here I hope I wouldn't turn into a person who sees the ex as a golden cow.

[UncleWede]

There is such a fine line between love and hate, that if you divorce and slip to the dark side the passion of the hate can consume you as much as the passion of love. How one could ever use their child as a tool to hurt their ex is beyond what I can personally fathom.

[P1]

Originally Posted by monkeybingo

Stacy in America is usally referred as the slutty girl

Gimme that Becky

[JasonCSU]

I saw this article a couple of days ago and thought it might be an interesting read for this thread. It is about 5 reasons why marriage supposedly doesn't work anymore.

Editor's Note: Anthony D'Ambrosio, 29, of Wall has built a large following after the success of his relationship columns that regularly appear on these pages. Today, he discusses why marriages just don't work for people of his generation. D'Ambrosio is now divorced after getting married in 2012.


Marriages today just don't work. The million dollar question? Why not?

It's a pretty simple concept — fall in love and share your life together. Our great grandparents did it, our grandparents followed suit, and for many of us, our parents did it as well.

Why the hell can't we? Many of you will ask what gives me the right to share my advice or opinions. I've been divorced myself. But I'm only one of the many people today that have failed at marriage. And while some of us have gone through a divorce, others stay in their relationships, miserably, and live completely phony lives. These same people, though, are quick to point the finger and judge others for speaking up.

I've spent the better part of the last three years trying to understand the dating scene again. Back when I met my ex-wife in 2004, things were just so different. Social media had yet to explode. I had this desire to ask her about her day simply because I didn't know.

Texting was just starting to make its way into mainstream society, so if I wanted to speak to her, I had to call her. If I wanted to see her, I had to drive to her house and knock on her door. Everything required an action on my part, or hers. Today, things are different though.

Looking back nearly 11 years, I began to wonder how different things were for the older generations. More importantly, I wonder how different they will be for my children. Our generation isn't equipped to handle marriages — and here's why:

1) Sex becomes almost non-existent.

I don't know about you, but I am an extremely sexual person. Not only do I believe it's an important aspect of a relationship, I believe it's the most important. Beyond being pleasurable, sex connects two individuals. There's a reason why it's referred to as making love. There's just something about touching someone, kissing someone, feeling someone that should make your hair stand up.

I'm baffled by couples who neglect having sex, especially younger ones. We all desire physical connection, so how does cutting that off lead you to believe your marriage will be successful? It's like telling someone you'll take them out to a restaurant but they can't order food.

Instead, we have sex once every couple weeks, or when it's time to get pregnant. It becomes this chore. You no longer look at your partner wanting to rip their clothes off, but rather instead, dread the thought. That's not crazy to you?

It's not just boredom that stops sex from happening. Everywhere you look, there's pictures of men and women we know half naked — some look better than your husband or wife. So it becomes desirable. It's in your face every single day and changes your mindset.

It's no wonder why insecurities loom so largely these days. You have to be perfect to keep someone attracted to you. Meanwhile, what your lover should really be attracted to is your heart. Maybe if you felt that connection beyond a physical level, would you realize a sexual attraction you've never felt before.

2) Finances cripple us.

Years ago, it didn't cost upward of $200,000 for an education. It also didn't cost $300,000-plus for a home. The cost of living was very different than what it is now. You'd be naive to believe this stress doesn't cause strain on marriages today.

You need to find a job to pay for student loans, a mortgage, utilities, living expenses and a baby. Problem is, it's extremely difficult to find a job that can provide an income that will help you live comfortably while paying all of these bills — especially not in your mid 20s.

This strain causes separation between us. It halts us from being able to live life. We're too busy paying bills to enjoy our youth. Forget going to dinner, you have to pay the mortgage. You'll have to skip out on an anniversary gift this year because those student loans are due at the end of the month. Vacations? Not happening.

We're trying to live the way our grandparents and parents did in a world that has put more debt on our plate than ever before. It's possible, but it puts us in an awful position.

Part of life is being able to live. Not having the finances to do so takes away yet another important aspect of our relationships. It keeps us inside, forced to see the life everyone else is living.

3) We're more connected than ever before, but completely disconnected at the same time. Let's face it, the last time you "spoke" to the person you love, you didn't even hear their voice. You could be at work, the gym, maybe with the kids at soccer. You may even be in the same room. You told your wife you made dinner reservations ... through a text message. Your husband had flowers delivered to your job ... through an app on his phone. You both searched for furnishings for your new home ... on Pinterest.

There's no physical connection attached to anything anymore. We've developed relationships with things, not each other. Ninety-five percent of the personal conversations you have on a daily basis occur through some type of technology. We've removed human emotion from our relationships, and we've replaced it colorful bubbles.

Somehow, we've learned to get offended by text on a screen, accusing others of being "angry" or "sad" when, in fact, we have no idea what they are feeling. We argue about this — at length. We've forgotten how to communicate yet expect healthy marriages. How is it possible to grow and mature together if we barely speak?

Years ago, my grandmother wouldn't hear from my grandfather all day; he was working down at the piers in Brooklyn. But today, if someone doesn't text you back within 30 minutes, they're suddenly cheating on you.

You want to know why your grandmother and grandfather just celebrated their 60th wedding anniversary? Because they weren't scrolling through Instagram worrying about what John ate for dinner. They weren't on Facebook criticizing others. They weren't on vacation sending Snapchats to their friends. No.

They were too preoccupied loving and respecting one another. They were talking to each other at dinner, walking with each other holding hands instead of their phones. They weren't distracted by everything around them. They had dreams and chased them together.

4) Our desire for attention outweighs our desire to be loved.

Even years ago, people would clamor over celebrities. When I think back, I can imagine young women wanting to be like Marilyn Monroe. She was beautiful, all over magazines, could have any man she wanted and, in fact, did.

But she was a celebrity. And in order to be a successful one, she had to keep all eyes on her. Same holds true for celebrities today. They have to stay in the spotlight or their fame runs out, and they get replaced by the next best thing.

Social media, however, has given everyone an opportunity to be famous. Attention you couldn't dream of getting unless you were celebrity is now a selfie away. Post a picture, and thousands of strangers will like it. Wear less clothing, and guess what? More likes.

It's more than that though. What about the life you live? I see pictures of people decked out in designer clothes, posted up in some club with fancy drinks — People that I know are dead broke. But they portray themselves as successful because, well, they can. And they get this gratification from people who like and comment on their statuses or pictures.

If you want to love someone, stop seeking attention from everyone because you'll never be satisfied with the attention from one person.

Same holds true for love.

Love is supposed to be sacred. You can't love someone when you're preoccupied with worrying about what others think of you. Whether it be posting pictures on social media, buying homes to compete with others or going on lavish vacations — none of it matters.

5) Social media just invited a few thousand people into bed with you. We've thrown privacy out the window these days. Nothing is sacred anymore, in fact, it's splattered all over the Web for the world to see.

Everywhere we go, everything we do — made public. Instead of enjoying the moment, we get lost in cyberspace, trying to figure out the best status update, or the perfect filter. Something as simple as enjoying breakfast has become a photo shoot. Vacations are no longer a time to relax, but more a time to post vigorously. You can't just sit back and soak it all in.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with sharing moments of your life. I do it myself. But where do we draw the line? When does it become too much? We've invited strangers into our homes and brought them on dates with us. We've shown them our wardrobe, drove with them in our cars, and we even showed them our bathing suits. Might as well pack them a suitcase, too.

The worst part about all this? It's only going to get worse. Immediately, people will assume that my failed marriage is why I am expressing these emotions; that's not the case. It's what I see around me every single day that inspired me to write this article.

Marriage is sacred. It is the most beautiful sacrament and has tremendous promise for those fortunate enough to experience it. Divorced or not, I am a believer in true love and building a beautiful life with someone. In fact, it's been my dream since I was young.

I hope you never experience the demise of your love. It's painful, and life changing; something nobody should ever feel. I do fear, however, that the world we live in today has put roadblocks in the way of getting there and living a happy life with someone. Some things are in our control, and unfortunately, others are not.

People can agree or disagree.

I'm perfectly okay with that.

http://www.app.com/story/life/family...more/25349495/

[Mr Tonka]

Originally Posted by carve

No common law marriage in my state, thankfully. What an awful misandrist law- entering you into a legal contract without your consent. My GF has her own place anyway- we just go back and forth.

How is the state going to restrict religious ceremonies? They won't- do whatever you want in church. All the state can do is not recognize it- not bust the doors down and stop it. I know several couples who did the ceremony without the paperwork.

Again- what's in it for men to sign the contract?

Aside; The whole gay marriage controversy is asking the wrong question; the question should be why is the state so involved in marriage, to the point where they can prevent it from happening? They should ONLY grant civil unions with a few specific rights and responsibilities, and leave the marriage to the couple, their friends, family and religion

I 100% agree with the govt granting civil unions rather than marriage. But you do know that the civil union will come with the same child support and alimony laws.

The other bolded statement has something to do with why some people get married. But you can cohabitate without being married. But who owns the house? How is it split when you guys split up? Who has the rights over what property and funds when you split up? Fuck if i know, i think there are the same issues whether or not your married when you split with someone you've been living with for more than 10 years.

For many, it's a profession of love and commitment, legal and public. After all, in it's intended form, alimony and child support are just furthering the commitment you made to your mate. And in nearly ALL cases of marriage, no one is going into it with the mind set of signing a contract, enforceable by the state. For many men, they have to get married or the woman will leave. The women wants that profession of love and commitment in order to feel secure. Having a child with someone potentially creates a life long bond with that person. Most women don't necessary want to do that with someone who may leave on a whim. And that contract does provide them with some security.

As others have said, not all women are the life sucking girl you made the mistake of choosing for a wife. In fact, you could say that at least 55% of the women out there aren't in their marriage with intentions of taking half of their family assets.

Other people want to be married and the state contact is just part of the deal.

For me...
Marriage was important to my now wife. But then i was designing an engagement ring just after 4 months of dating. However, we spent 2 months prior to that just hanging out. I could tell that if i got involved with this woman emotionally and sexually i would want to spend the rest of my life with her. So i made damn sure i was willing to take that risk with her. We had a lot of in-depth talks in those 2 months prior to dating and the 4 months after we started to date. i remember being at a newlywed party and meeting couples who didn't realize their SPOUSE wanted 5 kids or didn't want kids at all!! I remember saying isn't that kind of a 3rd date question? So, if people don't talk about that before tying the knot, there is A LOT of important crap they aren't talking about prior to making their marriage decision.

After meeting my wife and finding out the following, i knew she was the one for me and upon asking her to marry me, she said she couldn't imagine marrying anyone else.

I knew she had good credit and the only debt she had was a house.
I knew she was an independent woman who wasn't dependent on me for life's essential needs; food, shelter, money, etc...
I knew she was driven and had career goals, written, attainable goals.
I knew she was passionate about fitness, being in shape and being healthy.
I knew she was equally as passionate about cookies, cake and doughnuts.
I knew she didn't have a desire to have kids, but would adopt should we collectively change our minds.
I knew she loved being outside and that she was adventurous.
I knew she was a tomcat in the sac, or on the diving board, or in the car, or on the lawn mower, or ....
What more do i want other than to lock that shit down?

I wanted to make a strong statement of love, trust, and commitment. Neither one of us takes marriage vows lightly and after being married, our relationship has only grown stronger.

We both entered the relationship with a house, we both entered with retirement funds, we both entered with a sound financial mindset. We agreed to have our own money after contributing a weighted amount to the bills, retirement, long term savings, and short term savings. What is there to argue about after that? Most relationships don't flourish due to arguing about kids and finances. Our biggest arguments stem from deciding on where to go for dinner because one of use picked last time.

After engagement and before marriage we talked about divorce. We've agreed that the only reason we would split up would be due to cheating and who ever was NOT the cheating party would get the dog. But i tell you now, that after being together and actually caring about each other, she knows that the only reason i would cheat is if i wasn't physically satisfied and i've realized that the only reason she would cheat is because of a lack of emotional support. Knowing such, we both cater to each other's desires and all is good.

I promised myself that i wouldn't say, "no offense" like everyone else did, but seriously, you just chose poorly, like most people do, based on what you said, cultural inertia. But not everyone does that.

Originally Posted by Lups

My country ....

Our women also work, since a it's a matter of pride.

What is your country?

[Mr Tonka]

Originally Posted by JasonCSU

I saw this article a couple of days ago and thought it might be an interesting read for this thread. It is about 5 reasons why marriage supposedly doesn't work anymore.



http://www.app.com/story/life/family...more/25349495/

I think there is a lot of truth in that article. But all of those reasons are user programable. Meaning you can change any aspect of social media use, frequency of sex, budget spending, etc...

I do find it interesting that 3 out of his 5 focuses on some aspect of social media. Maybe that's why my wife and i are so happy together. With both despise social media and shy only partakes to keep in contact with her bother and nieces who are 3000 miles away.

[carve]

I'm home. Here are two interesting essays I found on reddit...

I think there is no group in America quite so awful at explaining its point as the so-called "Religious Right", that group of Christians-with-a-capital-C who are the populist voice of social conservativism in the American political landscape.

Their grasp of apologetics, outside of a few voices like Dalrock, is so bad that no one outside their community even understands their talking points.

When they said "family values", everyone else thought it was a code word for hating sex. When they say "defense of marriage", everyone else thought it was a code word for hating gays.

But the truth is more complicated.

The core of religious values, for almost all religions, not just christianity, is reenforcement of existing social structures. Now, the construction of a mythological framework for that is just what most religions DO. But when that framework becomes the only reason for those values that people understand, then they cannot explain the values to anyone who doesn't share their supernatural beliefs.

CCs (conservative christians) can't explain their values, because they don't themselves understand the real reasons behind them.

It never occurs, not only to cultural Marxists, SJWs, and other ultra-liberals, but also to the average moderate, that these values are wrapped around a correct idea.

This idea is that the basic unit of a society is not an individual, but a family. A society composed of weak, disconnected, or broken families is a broken society.

And the way our society has traditionally formed families is marriage. (Followed by children).

Now, marriage, at its core, is a contract. (Just like pretty much any human relationship that is formalized.) Contracts have a couple of things that distinguish them.
*They have terms. (These theoretically benefit both parties.)
*They have consent. (Both parties agree to the terms.)
*They have enforcement. (Some negative consequence to the party that breaks the agreement.)

Now, in the idealized version of the past that CCs want to return to, all these things supposedly worked.
*The wedding vows were the terms.
*Informed consent was obvious, because both parties recited the terms out loud.
*Enforcement was a social act by the community, because the vows were spoken in front of that community, who would socially enforce them.

Now, CCs think wedding vows are spoken in front of "God", but when was the last time you saw god punish a cheating wife, or a neglectful husband? No, the real enforcers of wedding vows were the tight-knit local communities people lived in. If the marriage contract was broken, the community would judge who broke it, and ostracize that person. Effective.

But because marriages have consequences in civil law, the government needed some notion of who was married. And this was the thin end of the wedge. Once people started having to sign papers declaring that they were married before the law recognized it, the enforcing authority passed from the hands of the community, and into the hands of the law.

And the law, in its need to standardize everything, began to standardize the contract.

So now, what do we have?
*The wedding vows are just poetry. The law defines the terms of the contract, and it can and will retroactively redefine those terms at any time.
*Informed consent is impossible, because the papers the couple sign don't contain the terms, which occupy volumes of lawbooks unavailable to most couples, and which can change at any time.
*The law does not enforce the marriage contract (no-fault divorce), it simply recognizes the dissolution of the contract, and divides the assets of the partnership (money, property, children) without any regard to who broke the contract.

So, when the modern couple gets "married", they are agreeing to terms they don't know about, breach of which will not be punished, and the dissolution of which will be handled by a templatized process that someone else has decided is fair for everyone. Is it any surprise this doesn't work? The favoritism courts show to women doesn't even enter into it. The problem runs deeper. When the government defines the terms of a contract, the parties to that contract do not know what they are agreeing to.

This is what CCs are on about when they don't want to let gays get "married". They have no idea of the reasons underlying their own values, and they're closing the barn door decades after the horses have fled, but they have some vague notion that the government mishandles the institution of marriage, and they want to resist that somehow.

Noble sentiments like "making the world a better place" sound good on paper, but they're ultimately useless because they always fail to address the bigger question of how to incentivize people to act in a way that also benefits society.

For a long time, marriage was set up to do just that.
*All men got access to pussy and could focus their efforts on being productive (instead of fighting each other).
*Women enjoyed the benefit of secure and certain provisioning.
*Children could be born into an unbroken household.

If you're as old as you say, then you know that responsibility and power go hand-in-hand. You can't be responsible for something if you don't have the power to affect the outcome.

The government stripped men of the power to fix society long ago by doing two things:
1.Removing all of the safe-guards against female infidelity (stringent divorce pre-requisites, at-fault divorce, etc) and replacing them with incentives to act hypergamously (no fault divorce, non-adjustable alimony, child support, etc).

2.Removing all of the tangible benefits for getting married, and for heading stable nuclear families.

Men have no long have an incentive to get married. That's why they're not doing it. You can't force people to act against their own self-interest.

Perceived incentive lies at the heart of everything people do.

[JasonCSU]

Originally Posted by Mr Tonka

I think there is a lot of truth in that article. But all of those reasons are user programable. Meaning you can change any aspect of social media use, frequency of sex, budget spending, etc...

I do find it interesting that 3 out of his 5 focuses on some aspect of social media. Maybe that's why my wife and i are so happy together. With both despise social media and shy only partakes to keep in contact with her bother and nieces who are 3000 miles away.

True, they are aspects that can be changed assuming an individual is willing to make a change. I am also not a fan of social media. It is useful for staying connected with friends and family who don't live nearby, however it seems to be used as a platform for people to show off and brag about their lives mostly.

[Dalko43]

Originally Posted by carve

Dalko:
Pre nups don't protect anything you make after the wedding date

What does it being fictional have to do with the point...and he didn't even mention the legal ramifications. Want to prove your point? Then YOU sell me marriage

I understand how pre-nups work.

I'm not trying to sell anyone on marriage.

I'm saying that some posters on here have inaccurate perceptions on how divorces affect husbands/wives.

I'm also saying that anecdotes and movies are very different from reality in a lot of divorce situations.

Make up your own damn mind on marriage! I ain't your therapist...

[Mr Tonka]

Originally Posted by carve

I'm home. Here are two interesting essays I found on reddit...

Bro, the terms, consent, and means of enforcement of the marriage perimeters has nothing to do with the success of the marriage.

Anyhow, a broader response than M3Post.

[Billup]

Originally Posted by Mr Tonka

I think there is a lot of truth in that article. But all of those reasons are user programable. Meaning you can change any aspect of social media use, frequency of sex, budget spending, etc...

I do find it interesting that 3 out of his 5 focuses on some aspect of social media. Maybe that's why my wife and i are so happy together. With both despise social media and shy only partakes to keep in contact with her bother and nieces who are 3000 miles away.

I'd say that's why I am happy with the woman I'm currently with. When we go out, we are never on our phones. I see people sitting at dinner, all 5 of them will be texting away or doing who knows what. We are never on our phones when we are home either, we talk about random shit and just enjoy each others company.

I'd say social media has been a huge killer for relationships as a whole, because that's all you see the younger crowd attached to.

[carve]

Originally Posted by Dalko43

I understand how pre-nups work.

I'm not trying to sell anyone on marriage.

I'm saying that some posters on here have inaccurate perceptions on how divorces affect husbands/wives.

I'm also saying that anecdotes and movies are very different from reality in a lot of divorce situations.

Make up your own damn mind on marriage! I ain't your therapist...

Then your point about prenups is only slightly applicable

You said the video of her trying to sell marriage was inapplicable to real life. How so?

I'm not asking anyone to be my therapist; I'm asking what's in it for men.

[carve]

Originally Posted by Mr Tonka

Bro, the terms, consent, and means of enforcement of the marriage perimeters has nothing to do with the success of the marriage.

Anyhow, a broader response than M3Post.

How does signing a legal marriage contract enhance those things, other than the legal rights and benefits (which are the only things the contract actually affects)

[carve]

Originally Posted by Billup

I'd say that's why I am happy with the woman I'm currently with. When we go out, we are never on our phones. I see people sitting at dinner, all 5 of them will be texting away or doing who knows what. We are never on our phones when we are home either, we talk about random shit and just enjoy each others company.

I'd say social media has been a huge killer for relationships as a whole, because that's all you see the younger crowd attached to.

That's great!

I remember in 2008 I took a cruise. There was no wifi on the ship at that time, yet you'd see big groups of teens standing in a circle staring at their phones, most of which weren't even smartphones at that time! They just had no idea how to socialize any other way! Scary stuff.

[grimlock]

Geez, the court is innudated with various 'evidences' will all plaintiffs stop submitting viewpoints, articles, editorials etc.

Originally Posted by P1et

I've been married for almost 11 years and could not in a million years see it any other way. We have a son now, and there's no better feeling than being a family.

I'm starting to see the light.. eventually.

[Mr Tonka]

Originally Posted by carve

How does signing a legal marriage contract enhance those things, other than the legal rights and benefits (which are the only things the contract actually affects)

Sorry, i thought the thread title was why do men get married. This is just a survey about why people want to get married.

I didn't see any surveys about What are the perceived enhancements of signing a legal marriage contract.

[carve]

Originally Posted by Mr Tonka

Sorry, i thought the thread title was why do men get married. This is just a survey about why people want to get married.

I didn't see any surveys about What are the perceived enhancements of signing a legal marriage contract.

How does signing a contract with the state enhance the top six reasons? You can have all those things without involving the state

It doesn't make you more in love. In fact, once you have someone legally locked in, you have less natural motivation to maintain the things you liked about each other

No fault divorce; there's nothing about marriage that guarantees a life long commitment

Plenty of people have kids without marriage. Don't get me wrong- I believe you need at least two parents, and preferably grandparents, for optimal results, but being married only adds some legal simplification.

You can have a religious rite that isn't recognized by the state

Being married doesn't make you more money, and you don't have to be married to help someone through a tough time

The least important reason is the only one that applies to a state sanctioned marriage, and it primarily is a big risk for the guy

So, if those are the reasons, then they aren't thought out reasons

[Mr Tonka]

Originally Posted by carve

How does signing a contract with the state enhance the top six reasons? You can have all those things without involving the state

It doesn't make you more in love. In fact, once you have someone legally locked in, you have less natural motivation to maintain the things you liked about each other

No fault divorce; there's nothing about marriage that guarantees a life long commitment

Plenty of people have kids without marriage. Don't get me wrong- I believe you need at least two parents, and preferably grandparents, for optimal results, but being married only adds some legal simplification.

You can have a religious rite that isn't recognized by the state

Being married doesn't make you more money, and you don't have to be married to help someone through a tough time

The least important reason is the only one that applies to a state sanctioned marriage, and it primarily is a big risk for the guy

So, if those are the reasons, then they aren't thought out reasons

I don't give a shit if they are thought out or not, they aren't my reasons. You asked why, those people told you why.

You aren't looking to get married, why do you even care?



My wife shared her perspective and said men have more incentive than women. She said that women typically have more work to do when they get married while men have less.

Men don't have to look for strange or hire hookers anymore.
Men don't have to clean the house anymore.
Men don't have to eat ramen noodles anymore.
Men don't have to try to stay buff anymore.
Men don't have to do the dishes anymore.
Men don't have to do the laundry anymore.
Men don't have to pay the house hold bills anymore.

Women get to clean up after another person after marriage.
Women get to cook for 2 after marriage.
Women are expected to stay buff after marriage.
Women get to clean more dishes after marriage.
Women get to do twice the laundry after marriage.
Women get to be responsible for making sure the lights and cable stay on.

And when children are involved:

Women get to stay home with the kids.
Men get to come home after work, and rile up the kids.
Women get to bathe them and put them to bed.
Women get to cook for multiple people after kids.
Women get to clean up after multiple people after kids.
Women get to wash clothes for multiple people after kids.

Of course this came out after about 1 minute of thought while she was taking a break from work this evening.


So i suppose it all depends on your point of view. Especially when that point of view is from a person who doesn't break down marriage into a binding, state sanctioned contract. Or a person who isn't jaded from past experience. Or a person who's intention for marriage isn't to acquire 50% of someone else's stuff. Or someone who wants to have a spouse and kids. Or someone who wants to make sure their estate goes to their spouse without making and updating a will every year.