The joke thread, pics are not necessary

2023G87M2 · 03-01-2023, 04:08 AM

Eh. I'll try

Watching The World Burn · 03-02-2023, 11:06 AM

I just asked ChatGPT to "Explain women to me".

Its first sentence was:
"I'm sorry, but that is not a question that I can answer in a respectful or informative way."

That was funny. Clearly some male developers at work there.

I mean, it did continue on stating nice things about women and why it couldn't explain them in a singular way, but it was still funny to me.

M5Rick · 03-02-2023, 11:26 AM

What happened to the two apple trees that were planted together?
They lived appley ever after.

M5Rick · 03-07-2023, 08:10 AM

What does an Arabian milkman love to drink.
Milkshaikh.

Buug959 · 03-09-2023, 03:08 PM

Two wifi engineers got married... the reception was fantastic.

Buug959 · 03-13-2023, 07:09 AM

What do dogs and lesbians have in common?
.

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

They both have wet noses.

BMWGUYinCO · 03-14-2023, 01:44 PM

When a drummer rejoins a marching band, do you think there will be repercussions?

BMWGUYinCO · 03-14-2023, 01:45 PM

When the dentist married the manicurist, they fought tooth and nail!

3.0L · 03-15-2023, 08:04 PM

The 4th grade teacher finishes reading a chapter about the Pilgrims and closes the book.

Little Johnny looks over at his friend and say, "Ain't that a bunch of shit?"

Teacher: "Johnny! I heard that! You march right out the door and face the wall!"

Johnny: "Yes teacher."

An hour later, the teacher sticks her head out the door and says: "Johnny, have you learned your lesson?"

Johnny: "Yes teacher and I feel so bad, I would like to say a poem to the class to make up for it."

Teacher: "Okay Johnny, but I have to hear the poem first."

Johnny: "While I was standing in the hall, I saw a cockroach run up the wall."

Teacher: "Johnny, we do not say cockroach. We say roach."

Johnny: "Okay."

Teacher: "Class, Johnny would like to say a poem to make up for his rudeness a while ago."

Johnny: "While I was standing in the hall, I saw a roach run up the wall. Without a cock. Ain't that a bunch of shit?"

BMWGUYinCO · 03-17-2023, 05:07 PM

I got into a fight with my wife on an elevator.

I was wrong on so many levels~

M5Rick · 03-19-2023, 07:27 AM

We don't approve on political jokes - we've seen too many get elected.

Elroy11 · 03-19-2023, 07:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by M5Rick

What kind of murderer has fibre?

A cereal killer.

Thank you for sharing. Good luck.

M5Rick · 03-20-2023, 03:25 AM

I was arrested for impersonating a politician...but all I was doing was sitting in my office doing nothing.

Buug959 · 03-20-2023, 04:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by M5Rick

I was arrested for impersonating a politician...but all I was doing was sitting in my office doing nothing.

You actually went to the office???? There's your problem.

3.0L · 03-21-2023, 01:22 PM

The coach called his 9-year-old baseball player aside and asked, “Do you understand that we win or lose together, as a team?”

The boy, a little shaken, nodded in the affirmative.

“So,” coach continued, “You know, when an out is called, you shouldn't call the umpire an asshole, right?"

Again, the little boy nodded in the affirmative.

The coach continued, “And when I take you out of the game, we don’t call that 'a dumb ass decision’ and that the coach is 'a shithead', right?”

“Yes, coach.”

“Good”, said the coach. “Now go over there and explain that to your grandmother.”

M5Rick · 03-22-2023, 05:20 AM

There was a runner named Dwight
Who could speed even faster than light
He set out one day
In a relative way
And returned on the previous night

M5Rick · 03-23-2023, 02:20 PM

A wonderful bird is the pelican
His bill holds more than his pelican
He can take in his beak
Enough food for a week
But I'm damned if I see how the helican

Buug959 · 03-24-2023, 08:17 AM

I once tried to works as a scarecrow but hay, it's just not in my jeans.

Buug959 · 03-24-2023, 08:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by M5Rick

A wonderful bird is the pelican
His bill holds more than his belican
He can take in his beak
Enough food for a week
But I'm damned if I see how the helican

FTFY

DocL · 03-24-2023, 09:36 AM

Just a little update on the situation with my son because some of you have been pretty concerned in your PMs. Thank you for that.

He's taken going to jail pretty hard. He's refusing all food, he's swearing and screaming and is highly unpleasant with anyone who comes near him. He's graffitied the walls and is refusing to wear clothes.

As a family we are pretty united in our decision never to play Monopoly with him ever again. ��

Esteban · 03-24-2023, 11:29 AM

Q: What's the difference between oral sex and anal sex.

A: Oral sex makes your day. Anal sex makes her hole weak.

M5Rick · 03-24-2023, 01:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Buug959

FTFY

Well spotted Buug959!

03-01-2023, 04:08 AM	#969
2023G87M2 Enlisted Member 41 Rep 36 Posts Drives: F87 Join Date: Feb 2023 Location: Dortmund iTrader: (0)	Eh. I'll try
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03-02-2023, 11:06 AM	#970
Watching The World Burn Lengthy but not a Girthy Member 1195 Rep 130 Posts Drives: 1971 Honda Civic Join Date: Aug 2017 Location: Riding the high seas of your emotions iTrader: (0)	I just asked ChatGPT to "Explain women to me". Its first sentence was: "I'm sorry, but that is not a question that I can answer in a respectful or informative way." That was funny. Clearly some male developers at work there. I mean, it did continue on stating nice things about women and why it couldn't explain them in a singular way, but it was still funny to me.
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03-02-2023, 11:26 AM	#971
M5Rick General 66631 Rep 21,538 Posts Drives: M5 F10 DCT Gunmetal Join Date: Aug 2018 Location: GB iTrader: (0)	What happened to the two apple trees that were planted together? They lived appley ever after.
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03-07-2023, 08:10 AM	#972
M5Rick General 66631 Rep 21,538 Posts Drives: M5 F10 DCT Gunmetal Join Date: Aug 2018 Location: GB iTrader: (0)	What does an Arabian milkman love to drink. Milkshaikh.
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03-09-2023, 03:08 PM	#973
Buug959 Captain 21527 Rep 890 Posts Drives: 335xi E90, GMC Sierra, VW Golf Join Date: Jun 2020 Location: Nova Scotia iTrader: (0)	Two wifi engineers got married... the reception was fantastic. __________________ Wha' da ya mean? No brakes never stopped anyone before!
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03-13-2023, 07:09 AM	#974
Buug959 Captain 21527 Rep 890 Posts Drives: 335xi E90, GMC Sierra, VW Golf Join Date: Jun 2020 Location: Nova Scotia iTrader: (0)	What do dogs and lesbians have in common? . . . . . . . . . They both have wet noses. __________________ Wha' da ya mean? No brakes never stopped anyone before!
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03-14-2023, 01:44 PM	#975
BMWGUYinCO Second Lieutenant 4300 Rep 284 Posts Drives: 22 M850 Convertible '23 X3 M40 Join Date: Apr 2020 Location: Colorado iTrader: (0)	When a drummer rejoins a marching band, do you think there will be repercussions?
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03-14-2023, 01:45 PM	#976
BMWGUYinCO Second Lieutenant 4300 Rep 284 Posts Drives: 22 M850 Convertible '23 X3 M40 Join Date: Apr 2020 Location: Colorado iTrader: (0)	When the dentist married the manicurist, they fought tooth and nail!
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03-15-2023, 08:04 PM	#977
3.0L Colonel 9803 Rep 2,010 Posts Drives: 2014 BMW M235i, 2024 GLC300 Join Date: Apr 2014 Location: California iTrader: (0)	Little Johnny The 4th grade teacher finishes reading a chapter about the Pilgrims and closes the book. Little Johnny looks over at his friend and say, "Ain't that a bunch of shit?" Teacher: "Johnny! I heard that! You march right out the door and face the wall!" Johnny: "Yes teacher." An hour later, the teacher sticks her head out the door and says: "Johnny, have you learned your lesson?" Johnny: "Yes teacher and I feel so bad, I would like to say a poem to the class to make up for it." Teacher: "Okay Johnny, but I have to hear the poem first." Johnny: "While I was standing in the hall, I saw a cockroach run up the wall." Teacher: "Johnny, we do not say cockroach. We say roach." Johnny: "Okay." Teacher: "Class, Johnny would like to say a poem to make up for his rudeness a while ago." Johnny: "While I was standing in the hall, I saw a roach run up the wall. Without a cock. Ain't that a bunch of shit?" __________________ 2014 BMW M235i 2024 Mercedes Benz GLC300 Expert ultracrepidarian
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03-17-2023, 05:07 PM	#978
BMWGUYinCO Second Lieutenant 4300 Rep 284 Posts Drives: 22 M850 Convertible '23 X3 M40 Join Date: Apr 2020 Location: Colorado iTrader: (0)	I got into a fight with my wife on an elevator. I was wrong on so many levels~
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03-19-2023, 07:27 AM	#979
M5Rick General 66631 Rep 21,538 Posts Drives: M5 F10 DCT Gunmetal Join Date: Aug 2018 Location: GB iTrader: (0)	We don't approve on political jokes - we've seen too many get elected.
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03-20-2023, 03:25 AM	#981
M5Rick General 66631 Rep 21,538 Posts Drives: M5 F10 DCT Gunmetal Join Date: Aug 2018 Location: GB iTrader: (0)	I was arrested for impersonating a politician...but all I was doing was sitting in my office doing nothing.
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03-21-2023, 01:22 PM	#983
3.0L Colonel 9803 Rep 2,010 Posts Drives: 2014 BMW M235i, 2024 GLC300 Join Date: Apr 2014 Location: California iTrader: (0)	Sportsmanship The coach called his 9-year-old baseball player aside and asked, “Do you understand that we win or lose together, as a team?” The boy, a little shaken, nodded in the affirmative. “So,” coach continued, “You know, when an out is called, you shouldn't call the umpire an asshole, right?" Again, the little boy nodded in the affirmative. The coach continued, “And when I take you out of the game, we don’t call that 'a dumb ass decision’ and that the coach is 'a shithead', right?” “Yes, coach.” “Good”, said the coach. “Now go over there and explain that to your grandmother.” __________________ 2014 BMW M235i 2024 Mercedes Benz GLC300 Expert ultracrepidarian
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03-22-2023, 05:20 AM	#984
M5Rick General 66631 Rep 21,538 Posts Drives: M5 F10 DCT Gunmetal Join Date: Aug 2018 Location: GB iTrader: (0)	There was a runner named Dwight Who could speed even faster than light He set out one day In a relative way And returned on the previous night
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03-23-2023, 02:20 PM	#985
M5Rick General 66631 Rep 21,538 Posts Drives: M5 F10 DCT Gunmetal Join Date: Aug 2018 Location: GB iTrader: (0)	A wonderful bird is the pelican His bill holds more than his pelican He can take in his beak Enough food for a week But I'm damned if I see how the helican
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03-24-2023, 08:17 AM	#986
Buug959 Captain 21527 Rep 890 Posts Drives: 335xi E90, GMC Sierra, VW Golf Join Date: Jun 2020 Location: Nova Scotia iTrader: (0)	I once tried to works as a scarecrow but hay, it's just not in my jeans. __________________ Wha' da ya mean? No brakes never stopped anyone before!
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03-24-2023, 09:36 AM	#988
DocL Captain 2049 Rep 921 Posts Drives: 2018 M3 Comp 6spd Join Date: Jan 2019 Location: Delray Beach iTrader: (2)	Just a little update on the situation with my son because some of you have been pretty concerned in your PMs. Thank you for that. He's taken going to jail pretty hard. He's refusing all food, he's swearing and screaming and is highly unpleasant with anyone who comes near him. He's graffitied the walls and is refusing to wear clothes. As a family we are pretty united in our decision never to play Monopoly with him ever again. �� __________________ 2018 F80 M3. YMB/BLK. ZCP. Three Pedals. "Education will never be as expensive as ignorance."
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03-24-2023, 11:29 AM	#989
Esteban Major General 51295 Rep 7,236 Posts Drives: a slow car fast Join Date: Jun 2014 Location: SoCal iTrader: (0)	Q: What's the difference between oral sex and anal sex. A: Oral sex makes your day. Anal sex makes her hole weak.
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