Extremely Depressed After Talking To Divorce Lawyer. Need Advice

[mylydiamy]

I almost forgot to mention the BEST part : I may have to pay for her lawyer since she can not afford to pay $400 hr. She is legally eligible to make such demand and pretty much there is nothing I can do about it.

Bottom line of this nonsense is that most of divorce laws were decided decades ago in order to protect woman since majority of woman didn't work, stayed home and took care of the kids. They were designed to make sure that wife can have a comfortable life with kids after divorce. A lot of thigs have changed over the years but the laws remained the same.

I heard that some states are already in the process of eliminating permanent (life time) alimony.

Life sucks

[1cleanm6]

Im happy you are being a man and not letting mrs lazy wife take your hard earned money away, I would do the same If i were ever in the same situation. My uncle went through a similar situation except he was making 7 figures. He says he made all paperwork showing he only made like 50-60k a year through a lawyer and transferred all assets to another close family individual. I believe he pays $1500 now plus private school fees. Anyway Im sure theres a way around all of this, talk to a lawyer whos not so "legal".

Im sorry for the situation, its truly sad for the child. I'm strongly against divorce.... I say sit down and BOTH of you work on it and make it work. May I ask a question.... did her making much less money possibly ruin the marriage?

[donovan]

Sorry to hear about this...
fucking US Legal system and women. Good for a fucking FUCK. This pisses me off as well, got damn it. Someone making hard earned cash and this got damn hole in the wall may get 56k a fucking year for nothing. While she parties and shit all the time.

Fuck the legal system, get a stronger lawyer man and hurry up before I get even more pissed. This is an outrage. Btw...I am married. This is my first and last marriage. We are very happy and I waited for the right one. I hope all works well for you brother and take everything as it is what it is. Money isnt everything and one will get what they deserve... got damn women man..

[Asiarush]

I dont think your lawyer is right about if you lose your job it doesnt matter.
you can only pay what you can actually pay.
Im not a lawyer but i went through something like this in the past in regards to child support.
you have to pay a slice of the money you make, if you lost your job and you are not making this money anymore, how will you pay any more than that ?
if im a rocket engineer but i cant find a job, will i still pay what other rocket engineers make ?

I might be wrong but I think you will only pay a percentage of what you actually make

[Greenkirby21]

just curious, what happens if the woman makes more, does she pay the man if they get a divorce?

[xerox445]

Give her pot brownies, then request a drug test.

[Cdnrockies]

Originally Posted by mylydiamy

Thanks. If I decide to separate she would keep the house while I am still paying for the mortgage and other bills. And I would living in a shitty one bedroom apertment

That is true, but the longer you prolong an actual divorce the greater likelihood that she will end up in another serious relationship. Sounds like your wife is the kind of woman that needs someone in her life to take care of her? If so, maybe she'll end up re-married sooner rather than later if it drags out.

My best friend just completed his divorce a few weeks ago and was lamenting how his life became much, much more difficult financially. His ex is now in a better position and has her freedom, the house and the kids. Sadly, life is not very fair in these situations.

[bmwmthree]

she might meet a guy and end up living with him but i highly doubt she would ever get married if she's getting ~$50k a year for doing nothing...

[taleof2bricks]

This should serve as a lesson to ALL, married or not. It all starts off nice, with champagne toasts, boquets and rice flying everywhere, but we all know that this bliss doesn't last forever. All of the "little" disagreements add up over time, and you either deal w/them and accept this as normal, or things go even further south. Even all you "happily married" guys know it's not all 'banging & kissing'!

I was married once, went through this w/ 2 kids & though I won't go into detail, it all worked out very well. You have to experience this to know how hard it is, so I do feel for you, man.

I have been with my girlfriend for 8 years now, we maintain separate households, and though I 'never say never', we're fine right now! BTW: my 2 sons live w/ me full time, and life w/ a 16yr old & 19yr old, both now into cars (and both sport some badass rides) could not be better! Who knew that going through the toughest experience of my life would end up w/ me having a VERY tight bond w/ both my sons, as I focussed on them, and not their mother. And her....it's correct that they will always be around, and she's around. Always nod my head when I see her...her main purpose, in the end, was to give birth to my sons...the love part, I got from them, and for the past 8 yrs...my "new" lady.

Just my 2 cents in all this: Keep a cool head, and if you move on w/ another lady, or start dating, keep it on the down-low & don't flaunt it, as much as you want to. Sounds like a missed opportunity to 'get back at her', but it will end up hurting you more than you might expect (& you're already in a heap of .... now).

[mylydiamy]

Originally Posted by 1cleanm3

Im happy you are being a man and not letting mrs lazy wife take your hard earned money away, I would do the same If i were ever in the same situation. My uncle went through a similar situation except he was making 7 figures. He says he made all paperwork showing he only made like 50-60k a year through a lawyer and transferred all assets to another close family individual. I believe he pays $1500 now plus private school fees. Anyway Im sure theres a way around all of this, talk to a lawyer whos not so "legal".

Im sorry for the situation, its truly sad for the child. I'm strongly against divorce.... I say sit down and BOTH of you work on it and make it work. May I ask a question.... did her making much less money possibly ruin the marriage?

Thanks for your understanding.

No not all. My income is enough to provide us a very comfortable lifestyle. Our problems go way back,before she lost her job and I started makeing more money

[mylydiamy]

Originally Posted by donovan

Sorry to hear about this...
fucking US Legal system and women. Good for a fucking FUCK. This pisses me off as well, got damn it. Someone making hard earned cash and this got damn hole in the wall may get 56k a fucking year for nothing. While she parties and shit all the time.

Fuck the legal system, get a stronger lawyer man and hurry up before I get even more pissed. This is an outrage. Btw...I am married. This is my first and last marriage. We are very happy and I waited for the right one. I hope all works well for you brother and take everything as it is what it is. Money isnt everything and one will get what they deserve... got damn women man..

Thanks men. I hope your happy marriage lasts forever and never have to go through what I and others go through

[kmarei]

Never undserstood the laws in this country, the more i live here
The more i realize all i'd heard about how perfect the US system is , was a myth

Isnt the point of divorce to end all ties with your ex wife?
If im still paying her money
Then what am i ending? Just the sex?

Good luck to you

Why cant you stay married
But move out and just pay her the bare minimum?
Sooner or later she'll meet someone and want the divorce more than you
Then you can negotiate more favourably

[mylydiamy]

Originally Posted by Greenkirby21

just curious, what happens if the woman makes more, does she pay the man if they get a divorce?

According to the law, yes she has to. But the judge has the final word.

A lot of things depend on your and her lawyer. Laws can easily be bent in your favor, or the other way around. Any one can remenber O.J. Simpson case?

[mylydiamy]

Originally Posted by Cdnrockies

That is true, but the longer you prolong an actual divorce the greater likelihood that she will end up in another serious relationship. Sounds like your wife is the kind of woman that needs someone in her life to take care of her? If so, maybe she'll end up re-married sooner rather than later if it drags out.

My best friend just completed his divorce a few weeks ago and was lamenting how his life became much, much more difficult financially. His ex is now in a better position and has her freedom, the house and the kids. Sadly, life is not very fair in these situations.

This is the case most of the time. And probably will be the same for me

I am not sure if she would get into any kind of relationship before the divorce. And I seriously doubt she would remarry unless a millionaire guy show up at her doorsteps

[mylydiamy]

Originally Posted by kmarei

Never undserstood the laws in this country, the more i live here
The more i realize all i'd heard about how perfect the US system is , was a myth

Isnt the point of divorce to end all ties with your ex wife?
If im still paying her money
Then what am i ending? Just the sex?

Good luck to you

Why cant you stay married
But move out and just pay her the bare minimum?
Sooner or later she'll meet someone and want the divorce more than you
Then you can negotiate more favourably

Thanks for your understanding.

Others suggested the same thing. But id does not give any advantage living separately since I will have to support both homes.

[mylydiamy]

Originally Posted by taleof2bricks

This should serve as a lesson to ALL, married or not. It all starts off nice, with champagne toasts, boquets and rice flying everywhere, but we all know that this bliss doesn't last forever. All of the "little" disagreements add up over time, and you either deal w/them and accept this as normal, or things go even further south. Even all you "happily married" guys know it's not all 'banging & kissing'!

I was married once, went through this w/ 2 kids & though I won't go into detail, it all worked out very well. You have to experience this to know how hard it is, so I do feel for you, man.

I have been with my girlfriend for 8 years now, we maintain separate households, and though I 'never say never', we're fine right now! BTW: my 2 sons live w/ me full time, and life w/ a 16yr old & 19yr old, both now into cars (and both sport some badass rides) could not be better! Who knew that going through the toughest experience of my life would end up w/ me having a VERY tight bond w/ both my sons, as I focussed on them, and not their mother. And her....it's correct that they will always be around, and she's around. Always nod my head when I see her...her main purpose, in the end, was to give birth to my sons...the love part, I got from them, and for the past 8 yrs...my "new" lady.

Just my 2 cents in all this: Keep a cool head, and if you move on w/ another lady, or start dating, keep it on the down-low & don't flaunt it, as much as you want to. Sounds like a missed opportunity to 'get back at her', but it will end up hurting you more than you might expect (& you're already in a heap of .... now).

I am happy for you that you were able to make up your lose by having a strong relationship with your sons. This worth the whole world.

[BMWinNorthdakota]

Originally Posted by Greenkirby21

just curious, what happens if the woman makes more, does she pay the man if they get a divorce?

Not in my experiences.

Just child support.

[ideliver]

Sorry about your situation. Have you even considered counseling? Is the marriage too far gone? The physical and emotional stress of a divorce is one of the most painful things a person will ever endure.

A few things to consider:

1. Stay and really try to work things out with a marriage therapist. I would suggest a PsyD over other types.

2. Stay married and come to an arrangement with each other that divorce is not financially feasible.

3. Stay married and just do whatever the fuck you want. Get a little thing on the side and keep everything a secret. Plan your moves. Hide some serious $$$. Be a boss!

4. Create a situation where she cheats on you, and then feels so guilty that she agrees to a shitty divorce agreement.

5. If it were me, I would pay up. Relocate far away. Give her custody of the kids ( your work as a parent is mostly done, the foundation has been laid) see them for 2 or 3 months in the summer only. Make her bust her ass with all of the day to day bullshit of parenting ( aka taxi driver) and live the life you want in a better location.

Also, see as many good lawyers as you can, this leaves only shitty lawyers for her.

And prenuptials only protect premarital assets. It would have done nothing to help you

[mylydiamy]

Originally Posted by ideliver

Sorry about your situation. Have you even considered counseling? Is the marriage too far gone? The physical and emotional stress of a divorce is one of the most painful things a person will ever endure.

A few things to consider:

1. Stay and really try to work things out with a marriage therapist. I would suggest a PsyD over other types.

2. Stay married and come to an arrangement with each other that divorce is not financially feasible.

3. Stay married and just do whatever the fuck you want. Get a little thing on the side and keep everything a secret. Plan your moves. Hide some serious $$$. Be a boss!

4. Create a situation where she cheats on you, and then feels so guilty that she agrees to a shitty divorce agreement.

5. If it were me, I would pay up. Relocate far away. Give her custody of the kids ( your work as a parent is mostly done, the foundation has been laid) see them for 2 or 3 months in the summer only. Make her bust her ass with all of the day to day bullshit of parenting ( aka taxi driver) and live the life you want in a better location.

Also, see as many good lawyers as you can, this leaves only shitty lawyers for her.

And prenuptials only protect premarital assets. It would have done nothing to help you

Thanks man. Options 1, 2 and 3 are suitable since our marriage is too far gone and I don't want to stay married. The longer I stay married the worse it will get as I will eventually have to divorce one day. 5 is not an option as I don't want to stay away from my dougther.

Option 4 is the best way. The only thing is I can not sit around and wait for it to happen. So I need to find a way to make it happen Just don't know how yet.

As you suggested I am trying to see as many lawyer as I can (each visit is costing $300-400 but I don't care)

[askharjoon]

So sorry to hear about your dilemma. Divorce is always sad, especially for the kids. You will rebuild since your skill is something that no one can take away, but sometimes children are scarred for life. @#$%! the lawyers, by in large most are opportunistic vermin that end up ruining your life. Settle out of court and come up with an agreement that will make her happy and just walk away. Karma will always settle the score.

[Vanity]

One more reason why women need equal pay in the work force.

[kmarei]

Post pictures
And im sure we can find someone to woo her