Dating - Good/Bad Experiences

[CTinline-six]

Originally Posted by Not_Judy

Well shit. I'm no longer interested, you can have her. Good luck with her buddy.

Kidding aside, here is how I would handle this. I would simply send her a text and ask if she has time to actually talk. Once you get her on the phone, I would straight up just say something to the effect of, it's been a while since you've dated and you have no idea how to go about it these days. I would mention that you feel like there is an attraction between the two of you and you'd like to get to know her better. This will lower her guard and let her know that you are a genuine, non-player type of guy.....you better be a genuine guy to pull this off.

If she touched you and initiated a hug, you're golden dude.

Quoted for truth.

I used to think the same way OP, but I learned it is always best to just go with your gut. My mental excuse to myself was rather find out now instead of pondering it the whole time and end up empty handed. If she isn't interested (seems like she is interested based on the shared info) then you can just move on and keep the friendship.

Actually, my first post in this thread is a perfect example. That girl I had thought was just a friend and "might" be interested in me but I couldn't tell for sure. She had a friendly personality to begin with. We went to a soccer game and at the end I just went for it and ended up making out with her in the parking lot.

[Turkish Pickle]

upstatedoc, you're a doctor from the upstate area you're a smart guy. you got this
go in for the kill - if she's willing to pull off the whole wife/gf thing when you guys were at the restaurant you pretty much have an in, if she wasn't interested there's no reason she would even think of doing that. especially when she escalated before you did, you'd have to be like me to mess things up at that level.

and trust me if i have spent an hour just talking to a girl in her dorm room one on one after a party at the frat i was pledging because she was cold and wanted me to come with so that she can get a hoodie.

also onerdriver- im stealing the line "i'll smack you with my limp dick"

[nyalpine90]

[Never_Enough]

Just go for it. Worst case, you get shot down.

[upstatedoc]

Originally Posted by Never_Enough

Just go for it. Worst case, you get shot down.

if our boys weren't friends i would have no problem asking her out. that's the catch

[Germanauto]

So much confusion and mixed signals.

I was working with this chick on a 1-wk assignment. Pretty and smart girl who's gotten her ass kissed her entire life. Trolled her and flirted. She invites me over to her place for 3 fkin hours.

A few days later I simply ask over text to hang out and she takes it as I'm asking her on a date, something she wasn't interested in. First of all, that's not what I was asking. And secondly, don't invite guys you barely know to your place for 3 hrs and think they won't be suspicious something is brewing.

We all gonna make it...hopefully.

[CTinline-six]

Originally Posted by Germanauto

So much confusion and mixed signals.

I was working with this chick on a 1-wk assignment. Pretty and smart girl who's gotten her ass kissed her entire life. Trolled her and flirted. She invites me over to her place for 3 fkin hours.

A few days later I simply ask over text to hang out and she takes it as I'm asking her on a date, something she wasn't interested in. First of all, that's not what I was asking. And secondly, don't invite guys you barely know to your place for 3 hrs and think they won't be suspicious something is brewing.

We all gonna make it...hopefully.

Well the first issue was she has had her ass kissed her whole life. Avoid these women. They just want attention and nothing else. She wasn't worth your time man.

The funny part is by doing the opposite (ignoring her) I wouldn't be surprised if she texts you out of the blue. These girls who crave and are used to constant attention are always curious why a guy isn't like the others who constantly pamper them.

[nyalpine90]

Originally Posted by upstatedoc

if our boys weren't friends i would have no problem asking her out. that's the catch

I completely understand your point, but i think she is giving you signs shes much interested in you. Invite her over and her son for a pizza night, game night and interact with her...like others suggested pay attention to her body language. do it few times and ask her out! She might say its too soon, not clearly a no but when she is ready she will come forward.

[King Rudi]

Originally Posted by Germanauto

So much confusion and mixed signals.

I was working with this chick on a 1-wk assignment. Pretty and smart girl who's gotten her ass kissed her entire life. Trolled her and flirted. She invites me over to her place for 3 fkin hours.

A few days later I simply ask over text to hang out and she takes it as I'm asking her on a date, something she wasn't interested in. First of all, that's not what I was asking. And secondly, don't invite guys you barely know to your place for 3 hrs and think they won't be suspicious something is brewing.

We all gonna make it...hopefully.

I had this chick that flirted with me endlessly a few years back. She was attractive, we had a good time together, we shared a lot of same interests. She wanted to hang out constantly, either my place or hers. We had a few drinks one night and were alone. After some awkward eye gazes and body touches, I leaned in to kiss her and you would have thought I tried to rape her with the way she acted. The only time in my life I've ever experience something like this. Usually when a woman spends that much time with you she is interested.

[King Rudi]

Originally Posted by nyalpine90

I completely understand your point, but i think she is giving you signs shes much interested in you. Invite her over and her son for a pizza night, game night and interact with her...like others suggested pay attention to her body language. do it few times and ask her out! She might say its too soon, not clearly a no but when she is ready she will come forward.

Solid advice.

[Never_Enough]

Originally Posted by upstatedoc

if our boys weren't friends i would have no problem asking her out. that's the catch

Blah, shit or get off the pot.

[Joekerr]

Originally Posted by Bayerische Motoren Werke

upstatedoc, you're a doctor from the upstate area you're a smart guy. you got this
go in for the kill - if she's willing to pull off the whole wife/gf thing when you guys were at the restaurant you pretty much have an in, if she wasn't interested there's no reason she would even think of doing that. especially when she escalated before you did, you'd have to be like me to mess things up at that level.

and trust me if i have spent an hour just talking to a girl in her dorm room one on one after a party at the frat i was pledging because she was cold and wanted me to come with so that she can get a hoodie.

also onerdriver- im stealing the line "i'll smack you with my limp dick"

I don't think he's a doctor. I think he works for Department of Corrections if I recall correctly, as a correctional officer.

Which means....he might be very good at spanking. For the lucky lady in question. Especially if she's been a very naughty girl and in need of correction.

Originally Posted by upstatedoc

if our boys weren't friends i would have no problem asking her out. that's the catch

You've given a fair bit more background now, what with initiating touching and that - you know that you are good. We know you are good. And even better, the boys already get along nicely.

You need to stop overanalyzing the situation now and take further action. I applaud you for the text invitation and taking that step - that was an excellent first step. From there, you should have picked up that she's interested, but has a legitimate excuse. Try, try again.

Inviting her for drinks while the boys are having the birthday party might be good. I don't think you need to make it about an excuse - I think you need to be clearer that you are interested now, so that she knows. She's looking for signals from you too.

Maybe a gentle spanking. Just trying to play to your strengths...

[upstatedoc]

Originally Posted by Joekerr

I don't think he's a doctor. I think he works for Department of Corrections if I recall correctly, as a correctional officer.

I was just being a dick when I said doc stood for dept of corrections. And that was years ago you have a good memory

[Joekerr]

Pretty good - you got me. I figured it was totally plausible, so filed it away in the old memory bank.

Funny thing is, I can remember all sorts of weird stuff about people, but do you think I can remember their names? Not a chance. Within 5-10 seconds of a person telling me their name, I'll have forgotten it about 80% of the time. The other 20% is when I keep repeating it over and over to myself while they are speaking, which means I'm only half listening to them.

I hate how I cannot remember a person's name for the life of me, wish I was better at it.

[Turkish Pickle]

Originally Posted by Joekerr

Pretty good - you got me. I figured it was totally plausible, so filed it away in the old memory bank.

Funny thing is, I can remember all sorts of weird stuff about people, but do you think I can remember their names? Not a chance. Within 5-10 seconds of a person telling me their name, I'll have forgotten it about 80% of the time. The other 20% is when I keep repeating it over and over to myself while they are speaking, which means I'm only half listening to them.

I hate how I cannot remember a person's name for the life of me, wish I was better at it.

100% same
its worse when someone walks up to me and goes "hey BMW what's up" and i barely remember their face let alone their names... important people's names stay in mind though (apparently - if you have a selective memory) but so many that enter our lives end up leaving very shortly...

[CTinline-six]

Originally Posted by Not_Judy

I had this chick that flirted with me endlessly a few years back. She was attractive, we had a good time together, we shared a lot of same interests. She wanted to hang out constantly, either my place or hers. We had a few drinks one night and were alone. After some awkward eye gazes and body touches, I leaned in to kiss her and you would have thought I tried to rape her with the way she acted. The only time in my life I've ever experience something like this. Usually when a woman spends that much time with you she is interested.

Some people just have no clue when it comes to social norms. Or, she may have some history that screws her up mentally.

[Germanauto]

Originally Posted by CTinline-six

Well the first issue was she has had her ass kissed her whole life. Avoid these women. They just want attention and nothing else. She wasn't worth your time man.

The funny part is by doing the opposite (ignoring her) I wouldn't be surprised if she texts you out of the blue. These girls who crave and are used to constant attention are always curious why a guy isn't like the others who constantly pamper them.

Girls always calling her pretty, guys always acting nervous around her, and she's one of the top Resident Physicians in the entire hospital. I already knew going in that she thinks extremely highly of herself. By trolling her playfully she didn't know how to respond. For once some dude wasn't acting like a pu$$y around her.

Anyhow, if anything I just find the entire situation funny. Never caught feels, life goes on.

[bimmette]

Originally Posted by upstatedoc

My gut tells me she's interested I just don't know where to go from here. Again, I do not want to compromise my son's friendship with her son. Where the hell is bimmette I need a female perspective

Sorry I'm late! I tried to catch up quickly! I think she may be into you. Don't worry about the boys and it being awkward! Go for it! Plan another activity for the kids and then ask her to join again.

Edited to add ideas: bowling, lazer tag, mini golf, driving range, trampoline park. If she seems to have a valid excuse after you ask a couple more times then maybe she will ask you if she's interested.

[lens]

Originally Posted by bimmette

Sorry I'm late! I tried to catch up quickly! I think she may be into you. Don't worry about the boys and it being awkward! Go for it! Plan another activity for the kids and then ask her to join again.

^agreed
Correct me if I'm wrong, but normally women don't normally initiate the playful touching unless they like/are comfortable with you.

Originally Posted by upstatedoc

if our boys weren't friends i would have no problem asking her out. that's the catch

I would say just invite her out to hang out a couple times as a friend first (try to make it seem you just want to talk and get to know each other) and then ask her out on a real date.

[King Rudi]

Originally Posted by bimmette

Sorry I'm late! I tried to catch up quickly! I think she may be into you. Don't worry about the boys and it being awkward! Go for it! Plan another activity for the kids and then ask her to join again.

Edited to add ideas: bowling, lazer tag, mini golf, driving range, trampoline park. If she seems to have a valid excuse after you ask a couple more times then maybe she will ask you if she's interested.

+1000 for mini golf!

....but wait....sheer genius has been stowed upon us gentlemen....the trampoline park.

[Joekerr]

Originally Posted by Not_Judy

+1000 for mini golf!

....but wait....sheer genius has been stowed upon us gentlemen....the trampoline park.

Yeah...specifically post 826 on page 39 where this was already mentioned...

Why does nobody read what I write? It's gold I tell you, pure gold.

Either that, or you're all a whole lot more discerning and wise than I've previously given you all credit for.

[Never_Enough]

Originally Posted by chaungo

^agreed
Correct me if I'm wrong, but normally women don't normally initiate the playful touching unless they like/are comfortable with you.



I would say just invite her out to hang out a couple times as a friend first (try to make it seem you just want to talk and get to know each other) and then ask her out on a real date.

Don't friend zone yourself!