Dating - Good/Bad Experiences

[Joekerr]

Originally Posted by UncleWede

I believe the issue revolved around political "candidates" and failed promises.



But I could be wrong

Yes, and here was me, sacrificially throwing my hat in the ring, volunteering to be your next dictat...ahem, US President, to try and stem the flow of vitriol and hate within that subforum. I tried to put it all on my bony narrow shoulders...but I simply couldn't bear the weight. Atlas shrugged.

[UncleWede]

Originally Posted by Joekerr

Yes, and here was me, sacrificially throwing my hat in the ring, volunteering to be your next dictat...ahem, US President, to try and stem the flow of vitriol and hate within that subforum. I tried to put it all on my bony narrow shoulders...but I simply couldn't bear the weight. Atlas shrugged.

And STILL doesn't expect to fit in a Porsche - SMH

[Mein11]

Originally Posted by UncleWede

I remember Billup - this guy seems NOTHING like him at all. NOPE, nothing to see here at all mods.

Lups your VERANDA is finally wet again? You obviously have no one but Mein11 to thank for that, and he didn't even have to clean anything out. Your own use of a hose was BRILLIANT

THANK YOU. At least someone around here appreciates my efforts!

Originally Posted by Joekerr

Nice, I so very much want a porsche, but probably the turbo s. I've heard reliability is actually pretty good on them which is why I asked. It isn't in the cards though for at least 20 years I figure. Then the kids will be gone and I'll probably be too old and cranky to enjoy it. Or I'll die from some health related thing at a young age. Either way, I'm not too hopeful that my "wants" in this case are going to be fulfilled.

We had a whole political subforum that was getting pretty spicey, but some users couldn't help themselves and so it got shut down for all of us. They are the reason why we can't have good things.

Honestly it's been just as reliable as any other car, with minor issues to be expected. All of which been able to DIY without hassle. Granted it's only seen about 11k miles in the past 4 years though. Yeah I'm a bit torn because I want to get something else now, not sure if stick with Porsche and go Turbo or into an F car of some sort.

I was around during those days. In fact, that was where I got put on extended vacation because of a certain "someone". Don't see them posting so maybe they got fed up not having a sub-forum to bitch and moan in.

[Joekerr]

Originally Posted by Mein11

THANK YOU. At least someone around here appreciates my efforts!



Honestly it's been just as reliable as any other car, with minor issues to be expected. All of which been able to DIY without hassle. Granted it's only seen about 11k miles in the past 4 years though. Yeah I'm a bit torn because I want to get something else now, not sure if stick with Porsche and go Turbo or into an F car of some sort.

I was around during those days. In fact, that was where I got put on extended vacation because of a certain "someone". Don't see them posting so maybe they got fed up not having a sub-forum to bitch and moan in.

Was that M A - first word being media? I haven't seen him post in years I think.

Yeah, I know you were around for the subforum, I looked you up, seems like you joined in 2013, or the handle I remember. The good old days when things weren't quite as sensitive around here and Jtoddfl would get going too. I think he's in Florida, so Covid probably got him. Because he left us a long while ago, and more's the pity for it too.

[SYT_Shadow]

Originally Posted by premier3is

Been a while since I posted here, but here's my shit story for the day lol. I met someone on a dating app like 5 months ago. We hit it off immediately, texted daily and had so many similarities it was crazy, literally a perfect match on both ends...

Due to COVID we tried to hold off on meeting to be safe, but this shit ain't fuckin ending ever so I said let's just meet since it's been 5 months now and I know she was anxious to meet too. We met last week, everything went well (walk at the beach) and we were gona meet again but the texting after we met seemed dry as fuck from her end. I felt like she didnt know if she wanted to continue talking to me any further and ofcourse today she texted me that she didn't feel a connection. Why even continue to text me for a week after if you had decided already....?

And that's it... 5 months down the drain. Learned my fuckin lesson to never go that long without meeting someone again. Can't believe it, I was starting to catch feelings for her too. What a complete waste of time. Time to take a break from apps AGAIN.

I suggest you never go that long without meeting in person again. And I don't mean "don't wait 5 months", I mean don't text someone for more than a week or two if you aren't meeting in person.
COVID* worries you or her? No problem, but it means you shouldn't speak until they are willing/able to meet in person.

Even if you don't consider all sorts of dishonest and questionable things that may have passed during that long you cannot escape the "book effect".
The book effect is the rejection you feel when you've read a book and imagined the lead character but then you watch the movie and don't agree with the match.
Doing things over text/email/phone creates a hypothetical person that does not exist. You need in-person feedback from the other party.


*: COVID can be substituted for all kinds of other words and concepts. Bad weather, sprained ankle, tough time at work, busy with exams, etc etc

[Mein11]

Originally Posted by Joekerr

Was that M A - first word being media? I haven't seen him post in years I think.

Yeah, I know you were around for the subforum, I looked you up, seems like you joined in 2013, or the handle I remember. The good old days when things weren't quite as sensitive around here and Jtoddfl would get going too. I think he's in Florida, so Covid probably got him. Because he left us a long while ago, and more's the pity for it too.

LOL! He was one of them, but he made it too easy to get under his skin. Been so long that I completely forgot who the other guy was. His avatar was that crying kid. He always hated me for some reason, probably because he was gay for me but never wanted to admit it publicly.

Yeah 2013 sounds about right. Those really were fun and entertaining days, tons of engagement in OT with a very wide variety of people. Seems a bit lackluster nowadays.

[premier3is]

Originally Posted by SYT_Shadow

I suggest you never go that long without meeting in person again. And I don't mean "don't wait 5 months", I mean don't text someone for more than a week or two if you aren't meeting in person.
COVID* worries you or her? No problem, but it means you shouldn't speak until they are willing/able to meet in person.

Even if you don't consider all sorts of dishonest and questionable things that may have passed during that long you cannot escape the "book effect".
The book effect is the rejection you feel when you've read a book and imagined the lead character but then you watch the movie and don't agree with the match.
Doing things over text/email/phone creates a hypothetical person that does not exist. You need in-person feedback from the other party.


*: COVID can be substituted for all kinds of other words and concepts. Bad weather, sprained ankle, tough time at work, busy with exams, etc etc

We did decide to stop texting at one point till we did meet, but we ended up start texting each other a few days after again... I think the way you describe it is spot on, you build an idea about the person based on what you've "read" but in person can be totally different.

But I would add one thing to this, you should in my opinion still give a second meetup a chance/thought after talking for that long. But that's just me...

[SYT_Shadow]

Originally Posted by premier3is

We did decide to stop texting at one point till we did meet, but we ended up start texting each other a few days after again... I think the way you describe it is spot on, you build an idea about the person based on what you've "read" but in person can be totally different.

But I would add one thing to this, you should in my opinion still give a second meetup a chance/thought after talking for that long. But that's just me...

I completely agree you should have gotten a second date.

Unfortunately that's the world we live in, where everyone is trying to date 8 people at a time and most of the times when you get 'rejected' it's really only because of poor timing. One of the other fishing poles caught a fish, probably the wrong one, but it happened right before you were in position.

[longm1985]

Originally Posted by SYT_Shadow

Unfortunately that's the world we live in, where everyone is trying to date 8 people at a time and most of the times when you get 'rejected' it's really only because of poor timing. One of the other fishing poles caught a fish, probably the wrong one, but it happened right before you were in position.

This happened to my rather reclusive, very nerdy brother in law. He hasn't had much luck in the dating world (a bunch of really terrible exes), so when he found a woman who shared his nerd interests with him (Dragon Ball Z, she's a car girl, video games), he was super cautious but excited. Welp, lo and behold, he was just on one of the other rods she didn't bother reeling in. Turned out she's a virgin and lives with her parents who are the exact opposite politically and very vocal about it than he is, so I have a feeling it wouldn't have worked out anyway.

I, on the other hand, was in a statewide general Yahoo chatroom in 2005. Totally wasn't looking for a relationship at the time, despite being single. Anyway, some hopefully not a bot account popped up and said "I'm bored," so I sent a PM given that 90% of the chat was bots. I liked talking to real people, and I was bored too. I said "Let me save you from your boredom!" Turns out it was a woman 4 years older (I was 19) and after talking and exchanging some info, she's pretty attractive. We start talking more and more, eventually to the point of having 6 hour phone conversations weekly. Eventually, I got the guts to go the 2 hours north and meet her and spend the weekend. We hit it off famously, and she's the one who grabbed me first. I was too afraid of screwing things up, but as I was about to go, she grabs me and lets me know she wants this to be a thing. We have more of those long phone calls, I come back a week or so later, and now we're actually dating. A year later, I moved the 2 hours north, and now 15 years later, we're still together, have an incredibly strong bond, been married for almost 12 years, and have a 9 year old. It's incredible how much one little action (like clicking on an online profile) can completely alter the course of your life.

Moral of my story: You never know how, where, or when that person might come into your life.

[premier3is]

Originally Posted by SYT_Shadow

I completely agree you should have gotten a second date.

Unfortunately that's the world we live in, where everyone is trying to date 8 people at a time and most of the times when you get 'rejected' it's really only because of poor timing. One of the other fishing poles caught a fish, probably the wrong one, but it happened right before you were in position.

That's the problem with online dating, just too many options for the females and they probably won't give anyone the right amount of time to try to get to know them before moving on to the next.... eventually they will burn out and just pick someone to really try to build a connection with, and I'd say that would be the ideal time to meet that person since they'll put an effort in as well.

[premier3is]

Originally Posted by longm1985

This happened to my rather reclusive, very nerdy brother in law. He hasn't had much luck in the dating world (a bunch of really terrible exes), so when he found a woman who shared his nerd interests with him (Dragon Ball Z, she's a car girl, video games), he was super cautious but excited. Welp, lo and behold, he was just on one of the other rods she didn't bother reeling in. Turned out she's a virgin and lives with her parents who are the exact opposite politically and very vocal about it than he is, so I have a feeling it wouldn't have worked out anyway.

I, on the other hand, was in a statewide general Yahoo chatroom in 2005. Totally wasn't looking for a relationship at the time, despite being single. Anyway, some hopefully not a bot account popped up and said "I'm bored," so I sent a PM given that 90% of the chat was bots. I liked talking to real people, and I was bored too. I said "Let me save you from your boredom!" Turns out it was a woman 4 years older (I was 19) and after talking and exchanging some info, she's pretty attractive. We start talking more and more, eventually to the point of having 6 hour phone conversations weekly. Eventually, I got the guts to go the 2 hours north and meet her and spend the weekend. We hit it off famously, and she's the one who grabbed me first. I was too afraid of screwing things up, but as I was about to go, she grabs me and lets me know she wants this to be a thing. We have more of those long phone calls, I come back a week or so later, and now we're actually dating. A year later, I moved the 2 hours north, and now 15 years later, we're still together, have an incredibly strong bond, been married for almost 12 years, and have a 9 year old. It's incredible how much one little action (like clicking on an online profile) can completely alter the course of your life.

Moral of my story: You never know how, where, or when that person might come into your life.

Thanks for sharing your story, enjoyed the read of how you and your wife met. I remember being on those chatrooms back in the days as well lol, also if you recall yahoo had those gamerooms and people would talk there too. Eventually you'd add them on AIM or something lol.

You just never know when or how you'll meet that 'one'. Until then, just got to keep doing your part and trying I guess.

[zx10guy]

Originally Posted by premier3is

That's the problem with online dating, just too many options for the females and they probably won't give anyone the right amount of time to try to get to know them before moving on to the next.... eventually they will burn out and just pick someone to really try to build a connection with, and I'd say that would be the ideal time to meet that person since they'll put an effort in as well.

And why don't you think you're without options too? Most people are looking for the best option. Why are you not doing the same? Yes, the current world of dating is very different than when I was much younger. You just have to adapt.

I went back to your recent replies. You question why she would still continue to text message you a week after you all had met knowing she didn't have a connection. That's because you were giving off all signs of being an infatuated beta. She knew she had you and was still exploring options. You didn't generate that desire. And something else that could have given you clues as to where things were going before you met in person is by doing video chats. Did you do any with her? What about actual phone calls and not text messaging?

I think there are deeper things going on here. Your last reply has undertones of a lack of self confidence and women pick up on that pretty damn quick. You should do an honest evaluation and ranking of yourself from a scale of 1 to 10. If you're not ranking yourself as at least a 7, then you need to work on yourself to get to that point before trying to meet someone. Or just set more realistic expectations. With this ranking, this includes aspects such as financial, career, physical appearance, etc.

[Dang3r]

Originally Posted by zx10guy

You should do an honest evaluation and ranking of yourself from a scale of 1 to 10.

I'd ranked myself subzero and even got laid

[SYT_Shadow]

Originally Posted by zx10guy

You question why she would still continue to text message you a week after you all had met knowing she didn't have a connection. That's because you were giving off all signs of being an infatuated beta. She knew she had you and was still exploring options. You didn't generate that desire.

I think there are deeper things going on here. Your last reply has undertones of a lack of self confidence and women pick up on that pretty damn quick. You should do an honest evaluation and ranking of yourself from a scale of 1 to 10. If you're not ranking yourself as at least a 7, then you need to work on yourself to get to that point before trying to meet someone. Or just set more realistic expectations. With this ranking, this includes aspects such as financial, career, physical appearance, etc.

Excellent points made here.

I don't want to get into this too much because it's a public forum, but a book could be written about men, women, men being betas, society's teaching that men should be betas, etc etc.
I have five sisters, three of which are older than me, and I was fortunate to learn that girls have subzero respect for betas.

Men's idea of 'being a nice guy' is completely incorrect.
Some examples of behavior guaranteed to lose girls respect and in brackets how it is perceived by the woman:
-No opinion, on anything, other than whatever she thinks [no backbone, no ideas, no guiding star, no direction in life, a pushover]
-Your hobbies, your friends and your commitments are a distant second priority to seeing/being with her. "I had a track day scheduled for the past six months, but if you are available to meet for a walk in the park I can totally cancel". Um no, how about not cancelling. [Your life sucks and you are desperately looking for a source of entertainment, hoping it'll be her]
-Showing gratitude for being given the time of day. Interest should be a two way street [This guy has nothing going on with girls. If no other girl is interested, why should I be?]
-Have priorities in life unrelated to her/women. Your career, your hobbies, your car, your house, etc. [Ties into the 1st point, you have nothing going on for you]


premier3is if you are afflicted by nice guy syndrome, maybe spend a few days watching Better Bachelor or something. I think almost every guy would be better served by following some MGTOW (Men Gone Their Own Way) until 30 while they concentrate on their career and life, then go into the dating pool.

[zx10guy]

Originally Posted by SYT_Shadow

Excellent points made here.

I don't want to get into this too much because it's a public forum, but a book could be written about men, women, men being betas, society's teaching that men should be betas, etc etc.
I have five sisters, three of which are older than me, and I was fortunate to learn that girls have subzero respect for betas.

Men's idea of 'being a nice guy' is completely incorrect.
Some examples of behavior guaranteed to lose girls respect and in brackets how it is perceived by the woman:
-No opinion, on anything, other than whatever she thinks [no backbone, no ideas, no guiding star, no direction in life, a pushover]
-Your hobbies, your friends and your commitments are a distant second priority to seeing/being with her. "I had a track day scheduled for the past six months, but if you are available to meet for a walk in the park I can totally cancel". Um no, how about not cancelling. [Your life sucks and you are desperately looking for a source of entertainment, hoping it'll be her]
-Showing gratitude for being given the time of day. Interest should be a two way street [This guy has nothing going on with girls. If no other girl is interested, why should I be?]
-Have priorities in life unrelated to her/women. Your career, your hobbies, your car, your house, etc. [Ties into the 1st point, you have nothing going on for you]


premier3is if you are afflicted by nice guy syndrome, maybe spend a few days watching Better Bachelor or something. I think almost every guy would be better served by following some MGTOW (Men Gone Their Own Way) until 30 while they concentrate on their career and life, then go into the dating pool.

Exactly. I've watched Better Bachelor's videos. Don't have any complaints. But of all the guys out there providing advice, the one that I feel is head and shoulders above everyone else is Richard Cooper (Entrepreneur in Cars).

He has some sayings which I feel are gold for any man who cares about himself and I wish I had someone like him earlier in my life; as I would not have made many of the mistakes I have made. Here are some of his sayings:

Do the work.
Chase excellence not women.
Women should be a complement to your life not the focus.

Since following at least the above, my life has changed dramatically.

[Mein11]

I've been following the advice of T-Pain lately. A lot of people give rappers crap, but when he released "Fuck Bitches Get Money (FBGM)" it all made sense from there on out.

[CTinline-six]

One bad online dating experience shouldn't sour you. Many of the people who are using those apps are only looking for validation, nothing else. Keep this in mind AT ALL TIMES when using the apps.

Maybe she didn't have a physical connection once she met you in person. I'll be honest, that's happened to me before. The girl I met up with just wasn't the same in person and I didn't feel a connection, there's nothing wrong with that, it's a reality of online dating.

All the guys swearing-off dating women forever? You need to grow up, and grow a pair. The men "going their own way" are a bunch of babies who couldn't get laid. Everyone gets fucked over once in awhile, that's how life goes. The best way to get over a woman is get under another one. There are plenty of people out there, and not putting yourself out there is hurting your chances. Don't base your entire life around relationships, but don't be emotionally unavailable either.

[premier3is]

Originally Posted by zx10guy

And why don't you think you're without options too? Most people are looking for the best option. Why are you not doing the same? Yes, the current world of dating is very different than when I was much younger. You just have to adapt.

I went back to your recent replies. You question why she would still continue to text message you a week after you all had met knowing she didn't have a connection. That's because you were giving off all signs of being an infatuated beta. She knew she had you and was still exploring options. You didn't generate that desire. And something else that could have given you clues as to where things were going before you met in person is by doing video chats. Did you do any with her? What about actual phone calls and not text messaging?

I think there are deeper things going on here. Your last reply has undertones of a lack of self confidence and women pick up on that pretty damn quick. You should do an honest evaluation and ranking of yourself from a scale of 1 to 10. If you're not ranking yourself as at least a 7, then you need to work on yourself to get to that point before trying to meet someone. Or just set more realistic expectations. With this ranking, this includes aspects such as financial, career, physical appearance, etc.

Yea we did video and talked on the phone. When I try to get to know someone, I'll mainly focus on them even though there's like 10 other matches on the app. Just the way I am, since if you try to focus on everyone at once you'll never really get to know someone at a deeper level. Maybe just say fuck it to that and just talk to all at once lol.

[zx10guy]

Originally Posted by premier3is

Yea we did video and talked on the phone. When I try to get to know someone, I'll mainly focus on them even though there's like 10 other matches on the app. Just the way I am, since if you try to focus on everyone at once you'll never really get to know someone at a deeper level. Maybe just say fuck it to that and just talk to all at once lol.

I feel that's your problem. You should be able to have some casual conversations with multiple women at the same time in the beginning. Do you make friends this way...one at a time? Of course not. This how you should operate when you're dating. I know it's hard as I operated the same way you do. No more. It'll be obvious rather quickly which ones will be worth your time and which ones will not.

[zx10guy]

Originally Posted by CTinline-six

One bad online dating experience shouldn't sour you. Many of the people who are using those apps are only looking for validation, nothing else. Keep this in mind AT ALL TIMES when using the apps.

Maybe she didn't have a physical connection once she met you in person. I'll be honest, that's happened to me before. The girl I met up with just wasn't the same in person and I didn't feel a connection, there's nothing wrong with that, it's a reality of online dating.

All the guys swearing-off dating women forever? You need to grow up, and grow a pair. The men "going their own way" are a bunch of babies who couldn't get laid. Everyone gets fucked over once in awhile, that's how life goes. The best way to get over a woman is get under another one. There are plenty of people out there, and not putting yourself out there is hurting your chances. Don't base your entire life around relationships, but don't be emotionally unavailable either.

Had the same situation on my very first in person date from online dating. Everything seemed to be good when we were online chatting. When we met up in person, I didn't get the same feeling. Added to the fact I felt we were at a speed walking event when we were walking around. I wanted to ask her if she was in a hurry to get some place. Not to mention afterwards, she had brought up politics twice which I wasn't feeling it.

I've been burned pretty badly with my former marriage. But I haven't sworn off women. I've just taken a different tact on how I deal with women. They're not my focus anymore. If I meet up with a woman, great. If not, it's not going to kill me. I took some time off to make sure I got the crap in my head sorted before I decided to try online dating. I also learned to be ok being by myself. When you're making your happiness and purpose in life centered around having a woman, you're setting yourself up for failure in my opinion.

I hit it off with a woman from one of the online dating sites. Everything seemed to line up as if the stars were aligned for us to be together. Then there were issues which came up quickly that were red flags which I would have ignored back in my simp beta years. She broke it off with me and said we can be friends. Fine. I moved on. A week passes by and she sends me a couple of long text messages saying she had time to reflect. I was right with some things I brought up and she's sorry. She's a nice person and I told her that I have no problems being friends but getting back to where we were, I don't know if it'll ever happen again.

I think it boils down to being confident and knowing what your worth is. Another friend stated it well for me about what I bring to the table. He said I have a ton going for me and not realizing it. He said I shouldn't be out earning the attention of women....women should be working to earn my attention. And he's absolutely right.

[JP10]

I said it once and I'll say it again, I'm ecstatic that I don't have to date through forms of social media/apps/online, and honestly have never had to throughout my life. Which is shocking because I am pretty young. premier3is I get what the guys on here are saying, but lets face the facts here, that blows. I'm sure you know your worth better then anyone else here. We can all assume what the lady was thinking, but nonetheless it does not change the fact that she wasted your time for a reason unbeknownst to the rest of us. I agree with you 100%, If I am talking to someone I'd much rather talk to just them and not try to have a few others on the line as well. And to be blunt, regardless of opinions stated online I would continue to act in that manner. Just because one person is a shit person for dangling people does not mean we all have to adapt to be shit people as well. That is in fact how you end up looking like the USA where we all hate each other and are the laughing stock of the world. People should just be who they are and block out influence, especially that of a person they do not even remotely know. Social influence is shit and you couldn't change my mind if you tried lol.

[UncleWede]

Originally Posted by CTinline-six

Maybe she didn't have a physical connection once she met you in person. I'll be honest, that's happened to me before. The girl I met up with just wasn't the same in person and I didn't feel a connection, there's nothing wrong with that, it's a reality of online dating.

Pre-dating apps, this happened with me as well. Not even sure how I got this woman's digits, but we had been talking on the telephone (I might have had a cell for motorcycle riding) for about a week and then met to have dinner on the weekend. I made it thru dinner, and didn't feel a thing. The next telephone call I told her that, and we never spoke again. It happens, but I didn't even have the concept of ghosting, I just told her.