Is it appropriate to put a suggested 'gift amount' on a wedding invite?

[dradernh]

Originally Posted by Tyga11

If you...can't afford a wedding...don't have one.

^This

Maybe this is old-school now, but the bride used to send a link or whatever to her registry. If we were close friends, I'd contact her or the groom ask what they needed, not what they wanted. What they wanted was up to them to pay for. Everyone understood that simple fact.

The only weddings we've been to in many years have been those of the children of close friends. We just ask the parents what to get the kids. These parents pay for the weddings, including the groom's parents stepping-up when the bride's parents can't quite swing what the parents and their kids have decided on. The parents are locked-in on keeping the whole thing as stress-free as possible for the kids and with keeping a lid on needless extravagances.

Old-school: it's still a practical way of going at it and probably still popular with some families.

[tranquility]

'Kids' these days, although even approx 20 years ago when my friends got married I was so shocked to find out they went into debt/got a loan to 'finance' their wedding, totally incomprehensible to me. Funny thing is they are probably divorced now.

[dreamingat30fps]

Originally Posted by dradernh

^This

Maybe this is old-school now, but the bride used to send a link or whatever to her registry. If we were close friends, I'd contact her or the groom ask what they needed, not what they wanted. What they wanted was up to them to pay for. Everyone understood that simple fact.

The only weddings we've been to in many years have been those of the children of close friends. We just ask the parents what to get the kids. These parents pay for the weddings, including the groom's parents stepping-up when the bride's parents can't quite swing what the parents and their kids have decided on. The parents are locked-in on keeping the whole thing as stress-free as possible for the kids and with keeping a lid on needless extravagances.

Old-school: it's still a practical way of going at it and probably still popular with some families.

Only been to 2 weddings, both for my best friend. First one I got him a lawn mower because he had just gotten a house and I knew he needed a lawn mower. Second one I don't even remember... I was pissed the fucking guy was getting married again after the disaster the first marriage was and him swearing he was never getting married again. I didn't even want to go but he convinced me. I'm pretty anti social with people I don't know and I hate dressing up so frankly I feel like I should be the one getting paid to go to this shit.

Actually as I wrote that I remembered I also went to my sister in laws wedding. She actually did it at one of the all inclusive resorts in DR. That's why I didn't remember at first because that was just like a vacation with a quick ceremony one day. I did enjoy that one, but I don't think it counts. As for gift... no idea... I'm sure my gf got them something.

Luckily with the very small group of people I know I don't foresee any weddings in my future. Plus now that I know that these days they are just elaborate gofundme's I'll make sure to decline.

[vreihen16]

Originally Posted by dreamingat30fps

Plus now that I know that these days they are just elaborate gofundme's I'll make sure to decline.

What is the suggested gift amount for someone who is sent a wedding invitation and declines it?????

[Esteban]

Originally Posted by vreihen16

What is the suggested gift amount for someone who is sent a wedding invitation and declines it?????

-$100?

[dreamingat30fps]

Originally Posted by vreihen16

What is the suggested gift amount for someone who is sent a wedding invitation and declines it?????

Originally Posted by Esteban

-$100?

C'mon maaaan! I drive a Porsche (it sounds better when you say Porsche and leave the model out of it ) and hang out on bimmerpost... if they want to send that shit to a person of my status they better include at MINIMUM a $600 check in that invite for me to even consider blessing them with my presence.

[Alfisti]

Wedding invites have become insane, depending on your culture i guess. Wife's family are Croatian but use a very similar system tot he Italian Booster style. So we are invited, I am out a dress and other garb for the wife, minimum $150 a plate and way more if we know them well. So $500 minimum.

[tcphoto]

This reminds me of the phrase, "live within your means". I remember a trend a decade or so ago when Wedding guests started a "house fund" for the couple so they could raise enough for a downpayment then brides started to look short term with "pay to come to my Wedding fund". Now, it looks like brides are making their wedding a profitable endeavor. Thanks, no thanks good luck to you and bye.

[floridaorange]

Originally Posted by Tyga11

I have never in my life heard of this. Apparently this is a trend now...people are listing suggested gift amounts.

If you are over leveraged and can't afford a wedding...don't have one. I think $100 per person is beyond fair for not close family.

Who are they, you know them?

[Alfisti]

Originally Posted by tcphoto

This reminds me of the phrase, "live within your means". I remember a trend a decade or so ago when Wedding guests started a "house fund" for the couple so they could raise enough for a downpayment then brides started to look short term with "pay to come to my Wedding fund". Now, it looks like brides are making their wedding a profitable endeavor. Thanks, no thanks good luck to you and bye.

The idea in western europe is you give generously to "boost" the couple so they get a bit of a kick start to their life. In theory it works, you "donate' when you're established and get a leg up when starting out. It only kinda works where everyone gets married and attends roughly the same amount of weddings though, that's where it goes pear shaped in modern society.

[JMcLellan]

Having a recommended gift total seems a bit tasteless. I do like the idea though of people asking for money gifts vs registering for a bunch of items. If for some reason I had a redo on our wedding I would have asked for cash vs registering at a few stores. So many items we registered for were returned, or by now donated or sold in a garage sale.

[cooolone2]

If you have to ask for $, then you probably shouldn't be doing it, or at the very least, you've over extended your ability or have beer pockets, and champagne taste!

Same goes for a cash bar, or a non-open bar! Live within your means, and if you need to save more before having your party, then do so. But don't skimp on the guests! There's a reason you're throwing a party, and it's not to make the guests pay for it! Just my opinion...

The point of hosting a party, of any kind, is because you wish to entertain. You want to take care of those who are taking their time to visit you. Some will do so at an expense already to themselves, ie, flying, hotels, etc. To then expect them to pay, or set a bar that they pay a particular amount is just counterintuitive to what it is all about. If I had received a suggested donation amount, I would probably only give that, and they would most definitely be less than I would have given by my own device! Not to be spiteful, but to meet that expectation! For a wedding, I would always approximate what the per head cost was, and usually at least double that as a gift! As a minimum!!! But that's just me...

So... Have the party, and enjoy! Expect to spend $ and not re-coup it all. That's it! Enjoy the time, the smiles and everyone sharing a moment in time together... This is priceless!

Good Luck!

[Mingwan]

What's the price their asking? $300? $700?

Just load up a Dave and Busters game card to the amount they're asking and use that as their gift. Everyone's happy.

[infinitekidM2C]

tacky af

[bagekko]

You can always wait up to 1 year after the wedding to send a gift, that's old school wedding rules/etiquette. A friend used to do this, plus if they don't make the first year you owe nothing.

My gift is not determined till I get there, usually have $100-250/p in cash. Good apps +$, cheese & crackers -$, open bar at least happy hour plus 1hr +$, cash bar -$. Sometimes I give a bonus for a tasty cake, cause most choose cake looks over actually good tasting cake.

[Sara]

I received an invite last year that asked for cash donations instead of gifts so they could purchase a house, but they did not specify an amount. They simply wrote anything given would be appreciated.

[UncleWede]

It's been a while since I went to one (no family in the age range, not because I'm a cheap bastage), but doesn't anyone have a $ dance any more???

Squeeze a little new meat, drop a C-note in the basket. If she breathes just right on my neck, I might make a second visit. Otherwise, I'm off to the groom line.

[MoeTE87]

Yeah, pretty tacky to be honest. We have received a few of those over the course of the last 3 years. We pretty much just give them a gift valued around $100 like what others have mentioned.

My first marriage, we did the whole big wedding thing because it's what my ex-wife wanted. We got divorced.

My second and current marriage, we had a very nice ceremony at a local park here that over looked downtown Cincinnati in the month of October. So the leaves were changing and crisp fall air. We had about 20 people there. All family and we invited a close set of my friends and she did the same. We had our reception at a really nice restaurant and rented out their back room. Got a limo bus for everyone. We probably spent about $1500-$1800 for everything. $1000 of that was for dinner.

Still to this day..everyone say's how much fun and perfect the night was. I couldn't agree more!

[ash_schwin]

Originally Posted by Sara

I received an invite last year that asked for cash donations instead of gifts so they could purchase a house, but they did not specify an amount. They simply wrote anything given would be appreciated.

This is what we did for when my wife and I got married as well, we didn't have any expectations for cash donations but also didn't want random gifts that we had no use for. We also truly did use the cash funds from our gifts to put towards our first house purchase. Do agree that it is tacky to have a minimum $ amount specified.