Dating - Good/Bad Experiences

[pennsiveguy]

Originally Posted by premier3is

Thanks. Yea that's what I plan on doing. But this whole swiping business on apps gets pretty repetitive and tiring! It's like having a second job, I'm sure the others here who are on dating apps can relate. Start by matching, starting a convo, talking for a short while then ending with getting ghosted or deciding she's a waste of your time.. then rinse and repeat.

Do you all feel the same?

Yup, it's part of the game. I'm not in a hurry to get back into the game right away, for this very reason. You have to sift through a lot of sand to find a nugget of gold. And the hourly rate for the sifting gig is horseshit.

[premier3is]

Originally Posted by pennsiveguy

Yup, it's part of the game. I'm not in a hurry to get back into the game right away, for this very reason. You have to sift through a lot of sand to find a nugget of gold. And the hourly rate for the sifting gig is horseshit.

Ahh, so everyone has this issue I see

Such a hassle. Man I was thoroughly surprised she pulled out her credit card to pay when the bill came. I was like, I got it don't worry but thanks for offering. Since when have girls been trying to pay on dates lol!?

[pennsiveguy]

Originally Posted by premier3is

Ahh, so everyone has this issue I see

Such a hassle. Man I was thoroughly surprised she pulled out her credit card to pay when the bill came. I was like, I got it don't worry but thanks for offering. Since when have girls been trying to pay on dates lol!?

Hopefully not in this case, but sometimes that can be a negative signal. In sales, if the prospect tries to pay it's sometimes because they don't want to be beholden to the salesperson and thus won't feel like they need to talk to them again.

Hopefully that's not what's going on in your case. If it is...well, you had a nice dinner and conversation with someone cool. Be thankful for pleasant company.

[premier3is]

Originally Posted by pennsiveguy

Hopefully not in this case, but sometimes that can be a negative signal. In sales, if the prospect tries to pay it's sometimes because they don't want to be beholden to the salesperson and thus won't feel like they need to talk to them again.

Hopefully that's not what's going on in your case. If it is...well, you had a nice dinner and conversation with someone cool. Be thankful for pleasant company.

That's what I though too. But we've been talking since last night and she'd like to meet up again soon.

[pennsiveguy]

Originally Posted by premier3is

That's what I though too. But we've been talking since last night and she'd like to meet up again soon.

[premier3is]

Originally Posted by pennsiveguy

Let's see what happens lol

[FuriouslyFast]

Originally Posted by pennsiveguy

Hopefully not in this case, but sometimes that can be a negative signal. In sales, if the prospect tries to pay it's sometimes because they don't want to be beholden to the salesperson and thus won't feel like they need to talk to them again.

Hopefully that's not what's going on in your case. If it is...well, you had a nice dinner and conversation with someone cool. Be thankful for pleasant company.

When they do not even OFFER to pay for their part and/or say thank you when you pay, they are likely not someone worth seeing again.

[pennsiveguy]

Originally Posted by FuriouslyFast

When they do not even OFFER to pay for their part and/or say thank you when you pay, they are likely not someone worth seeing again.

That's a big 10-4. I dated a gal a few years back who was really cool but through 4 or 5 dates never even offered to leave a tip. Done.

[pennsiveguy]

Here's something I've wrestled with for years. Does a prospective partner's financial status, at least relative to your own, matter to you?

I've drifted all over the road on this one. Does it matter to me? (Yeah, kind of). If it does, when and how do I bring it up? How much of a difference in financial status can a couple withstand, without it becoming an issue at some point?

Would love to know how you folks have grappled with this.

[FuriouslyFast]

Originally Posted by pennsiveguy

Here's something I've wrestled with for years. Does a prospective partner's financial status, at least relative to your own, matter to you?

I've drifted all over the road on this one. Does it matter to me? (Yeah, kind of). If it does, when and how do I bring it up? How much of a difference in financial status can a couple withstand, without it becoming an issue at some point?

Would love to know how you folks have grappled with this.

Yes, it does. I have mostly dated women who make shit & that puts all the pressure on me. I am done with that bs. I love it when they make more than me. Less pressure! Especially since I don't make what I used to.

[pennsiveguy]

Originally Posted by FuriouslyFast

Yes, it does. I have mostly dated women who make shit & that puts all the pressure on me. I am done with that bs. I love it when they make more than me. Less pressure! Especially since I don't make what I used to.

My most recent GF made almost as much as I do and had considerable net worth. It's one thing we didn't have to fight over. We found other shit, though. Lots and lots of other shit.

I think when any aspect of a relationship is out of balance, it creates strain. You're not equals, at least in that aspect.

Good on you for dating up the food chain, instead of down. Not many guys can. Lots of women date guys who make more than they do, but not many couples the other way around.

[FuriouslyFast]

Originally Posted by pennsiveguy

My most recent GF made almost as much as I do and had considerable net worth. It's one thing we didn't have to fight over. We found other shit, though. Lots and lots of other shit.

I think when any aspect of a relationship is out of balance, it creates strain. You're not equals, at least in that aspect.

Good on you for dating up the food chain, instead of down. Not many guys can. Lots of women date guys who make more than they do, but not many couples the other way around.

My last gf made much more than I do. It was so nice. Too bad she was bi-polar or some shit & went full crazy so I had to end it. She would keep texting me & messaging me on FB for 2 months after it was over with more psycho shit blaming me saying I used her for her $.

If that were the case, I would have moved to FL with her, as that was what we were planning when she went ape shit, & then just live with one of my friends down there after we got there. She ended up moving to FL by herself.

She showed her true colors in another way, though. She said to me that she should have picked a guy with a better job & money.

I guess $ is the root of all evil.

[UncleWede]

Originally Posted by pennsiveguy

Here's something I've wrestled with for years. Does a prospective partner's financial status, at least relative to your own, matter to you?

Opportunity knocking, ASSuming you are above the subsistence level and she is down near it. You are then the person who showed her <operas, wine, car rides, vacations, THE WORLD> and she will be "GRATEFUL"

[FuriouslyFast]

Originally Posted by UncleWede

Opportunity knocking, ASSuming you are above the subsistence level and she is down near it. You are then the person who showed her <operas, wine, car rides, vacations, THE WORLD> and she will be "GRATEFUL"

Well, I guess if you want to buy love.

[Joekerr]

Originally Posted by pennsiveguy

Here's something I've wrestled with for years. Does a prospective partner's financial status, at least relative to your own, matter to you?

I've drifted all over the road on this one. Does it matter to me? (Yeah, kind of). If it does, when and how do I bring it up? How much of a difference in financial status can a couple withstand, without it becoming an issue at some point?

Would love to know how you folks have grappled with this.

I just became poor. Seemed simpler.


No, but in seriousness, I think it is an issue. Not for me so much in that I wanted her to make as much as me or more, but rather that I just wanted to see that she had drive and ambition and worked hard.

And generally speaking, people with those attributes tend to hold down decent jobs, but it was more an attributes thing I was looking at.

[pennsiveguy]

Originally Posted by UncleWede

Opportunity knocking, ASSuming you are above the subsistence level and she is down near it. You are then the person who showed her <operas, wine, car rides, vacations, THE WORLD> and she will be "GRATEFUL"

Sure, and I'll enjoy showing her those things. But will I harbor resentment towards her, for having had to pay for all of it? I got that T-shirt.

[UncleWede]

Originally Posted by FuriouslyFast

Well, I guess if you want to buy love.

No, I wouldn't take a hoe to the opera. But the expressions, the newness or those things that have maybe lost a little bit of their luster, shining thru her eyes.

[pennsiveguy]

Originally Posted by Joekerr

I just became poor. Seemed simpler.


No, but in seriousness, I think it is an issue. Not for me so much in that I wanted her to make as much as me or more, but rather that I just wanted to see that she had drive and ambition and worked hard.

And generally speaking, people with those attributes tend to hold down decent jobs, but it was more an attributes thing I was looking at.

Great point. Financial stability is often - not always - the result of drive and talent and grit. Those are qualities I admire. I wouldn't develop much attraction towards someone I didn't admire. Character can't be purchased for any price.

[Joekerr]

Originally Posted by pennsiveguy

Great point. Financial stability is often - not always - the result of drive and talent and grit. Those are qualities I admire. I wouldn't develop much attraction towards someone I didn't admire. Character can't be purchased for any price.

Correct. And if you find that type of person you admire, money isn't going to be on your mind if you are paying. Because you'll see her as an equal regardless of her earnings, it will be the intangible (and tangible) stuff she brings to the table. Can't buy that. Money will be less important and her company will be more important.

[pennsiveguy]

Originally Posted by Joekerr

Correct. And if you find that type of person you admire, money isn't going to be on your mind if you are paying. Because you'll see her as an equal regardless of her earnings, it will be the intangible (and tangible) stuff she brings to the table. Can't buy that. Money will be less important and her company will be more important.

There's much wisdom here. I would hope that in such a scenario I would b able to muster the grace to appreciate what I'd found.

[FuriouslyFast]

Originally Posted by Joekerr

I just became poor. Seemed simpler.


No, but in seriousness, I think it is an issue. Not for me so much in that I wanted her to make as much as me or more, but rather that I just wanted to see that she had drive and ambition and worked hard.

And generally speaking, people with those attributes tend to hold down decent jobs, but it was more an attributes thing I was looking at.

No ambition? Can't be my gf!

One of my current FWBs seems to be lazy with no ambition. She was a teacher in CA then moved back here to PA 3 years ago to live with her sister & still lives there.

The reason? Migraines. We get it that they are terrible when they happen. However, that's not a reason to be a bum & collect my tax dollars aka disability for it. Go get a real full-time job. Not this nanny shit.

I have dated women who get migraines & they all held down full-time jobs & normal lives & had their own places.

Whatever, I have tried to talk sense into her & no change. The sex is good & she brings food a lot so whatever. It will never be more than this, though. She also has that annoying valley girl voice that us men do to imitate women...as her actual voice. Ugh

[FuriouslyFast]

Originally Posted by Joekerr

Correct. And if you find that type of person you admire, money isn't going to be on your mind if you are paying. Because you'll see her as an equal regardless of her earnings, it will be the intangible (and tangible) stuff she brings to the table. Can't buy that. Money will be less important and her company will be more important.

60% of wealth is inherited I believe so....

I think your statement mostly applies to rich folks. Someone earning a modest living can't afford to pay for another lazy ass adult.