Dating - Good/Bad Experiences

[Turkish Pickle]

Originally Posted by cmyx6go

I sure hope so......

i hope so too :

[andrewmr]

Originally Posted by Tambohamilton

Shit, did I post here complaining already?? I'm sorry. Damn broken record!

Yeah, 2yo kid. But it's not just that... I don't think so anyhow. I sure hope you're right! Anyhow, right now it's dry spells of about 6mo - 1 year. It's just not enough! Got some friends here with kids a similar age, and they're seeing the same thing too though. Man, it sucks!

Thanks for the support anyhow

I've been told there are two things that keep women from wanting to have sex with their partner.

The first is they are Tired. And yes, I meant that with a capital t. Having a young child to take care of can certainly tire her out. Step up and take said child out of her hands for the day and give her some time to sleep. Better yet, take said child for the day and send her to the spa for some rest and relaxation. Do a play date with some of your friends in similar situations. Doing more than "your fair share" pays off big time here.

The second is the sex really isn't that good.



I'm sure none of these are your problem..... just posting for others that might need help.

[FuriouslyFast]

Originally Posted by andrewmr

I've been told there are two things that keep women from wanting to have sex with their partner.

The first is they are Tired. And yes, I meant that with a capital t. Having a young child to take care of can certainly tire her out. Step up and take said child out of her hands for the day and give her some time to sleep. Better yet, take said child for the day and send her to the spa for some rest and relaxation. Do a play date with some of your friends in similar situations. Doing more than "your fair share" pays off big time here.

The second is the sex really isn't that good.



I'm sure none of these are your problem..... just posting for others that might need help.

& the third is they are cheating. (Not saying that is going on here)

[Tambohamilton]

Originally Posted by andrewmr

I'm sure none of these are your problem..... just posting for others that might need help.

Well, that makes one of us

I think 'try harder' is the bottom line there...


...work, work, work.

No doubt good advice though, thanks.

[Joekerr]

Originally Posted by Tambohamilton

Well, that makes one of us

I think 'try harder' is the bottom line there...


...work, work, work.

No doubt good advice though, thanks.

If memory serves me, the wife asked you to lose a few stone no? Maybe a little weight loss thrown into the mix of giving her some time off might help?

I've been told to lose a few pounds, if I could lose a full stone that would get me trimmed up good I think. Problem is, I really truly hate working out. Really hate it. But if I put my mind to it, I can do it, I just need to be convinced it is important to me.

[Tambohamilton]

I don't need to lose weight...I just need to get fitter and stronger. Thing is though, the dry spell(s) started way before I was out of shape. I was riding 30 miles a day back then, 5 days a week. And to be honest, that was before we had a kid too. But yeah, it'd never hurt for me to be fitter, and actually I really enjoy going for a run or a ride, once I'm doing it. Some motivation missing though - I'm tired from work and toddler and house projects too.

I have talked to her about it, and the best explanation she's given is that I feel like her family, so therefore she doesn't want to have sex with me. Now I understand that link but...what can I do about that? Be less like her family??

Since having the kid too, she's even less inclined. Almost certainly tiredness, which is understandable. But she says its just made her not want it at all.

So where to go from here? It drives me crazy not getting any, especially because she's right there. I've absolutely no desire to 'force' her to do it, or demand it...but then I will certainly get none. It's a catch 22.

[pennsiveguy]

Originally Posted by Joekerr

If memory serves me, the wife asked you to lose a few stone no? Maybe a little weight loss thrown into the mix of giving her some time off might help?

I've been told to lose a few pounds, if I could lose a full stone that would get me trimmed up good I think. Problem is, I really truly hate working out. Really hate it. But if I put my mind to it, I can do it, I just need to be convinced it is important to me.

I hate working out too. I was a gym rat in high school, and I've lifted all the barbells and dumbbells I'm ever going to lift. I have to have something fun to do. Or a chore that needs doing. Or a project I've been wanting to start. Find something that's fun or needs doing.

One of the reasons I own my cabin is that there's a fair bit of wooded land and some shoreline there, and I can't stand for things to be messy so I always have work to do. I don't keep every square inch looking like a golf course, but I like it clean at least adjacent to the parts I/we spend time in. Last Saturday I tied a plastic toboggan up to my fatbike and loaded it up with a chainsaw, a gas can, a maul, and a couple of wedges. Pedalled out into the woods to a spot where there was a tree that was dead and leaning against another. Felled it and bucked it, and piled the brush up and called it a day. Got up Sunday and pulled all the chunks back to the splitting shed, one toboggan load at a time - about 2 cords total, so it took me most of the day. This weekend I'll split it all. Silly? Yup. But very rewarding and great all-body exercise. And I didn't have to mingle with a bunch of hairy sweaty douche-nozzles at some poser emporium.

[Rmtt]

Originally Posted by pennsiveguy

I hate working out too. I was a gym rat in high school, and I've lifted all the barbells and dumbbells I'm ever going to lift. I have to have something fun to do. Or a chore that needs doing. Or a project I've been wanting to start. Find something that's fun or needs doing.

One of the reasons I own my cabin is that there's a fair bit of wooded land and some shoreline there, and I can't stand for things to be messy so I always have work to do. I don't keep every square inch looking like a golf course, but I like it clean at least adjacent to the parts I/we spend time in. Last Saturday I tied a plastic toboggan up to my fatbike and loaded it up with a chainsaw, a gas can, a maul, and a couple of wedges. Pedalled out into the woods to a spot where there was a tree that was dead and leaning against another. Felled it and bucked it, and piled the brush up and called it a day. Got up Sunday and pulled all the chunks back to the splitting shed, one toboggan load at a time - about 2 cords total, so it took me most of the day. This weekend I'll split it all. Silly? Yup. But very rewarding and great all-body exercise. And I didn't have to mingle with a bunch of hairy sweaty douche-nozzles at some poser emporium.

That's why I go to the gym around 3:30am. I don't like the other people there so I get the whole place to myself with no one to bug me.

Hell.....what you did above is plenty of exercise. My BIL owns a stone and rock business, and he's also the person to call if someone needs a tree down as my in-laws all heat with wood.

I've gone on weekends to help him in various jobs as he can't seem to keep good help. That type of work will weed out the men from the boys.....and sadly no one wants to work.

My 71 year old father in law still works fulltime with him, and works circles around most young people my BIL tries to hire.

[Rmtt]

Originally Posted by Tambohamilton

I don't need to lose weight...I just need to get fitter and stronger. Thing is though, the dry spell(s) started way before I was out of shape. I was riding 30 miles a day back then, 5 days a week. And to be honest, that was before we had a kid too. But yeah, it'd never hurt for me to be fitter, and actually I really enjoy going for a run or a ride, once I'm doing it. Some motivation missing though - I'm tired from work and toddler and house projects too.

I have talked to her about it, and the best explanation she's given is that I feel like her family, so therefore she doesn't want to have sex with me. Now I understand that link but...what can I do about that? Be less like her family??

Since having the kid too, she's even less inclined. Almost certainly tiredness, which is understandable. But she says its just made her not want it at all.

So where to go from here? It drives me crazy not getting any, especially because she's right there. I've absolutely no desire to 'force' her to do it, or demand it...but then I will certainly get none. It's a catch 22.

That really sucks man. Does she admit it's a problem on her end? Maybe it's time for counseling, or even a health checkup of her hormone levels.

I mean I know about Postpartum depression, but I can't see it lasting as long as you guys are experiencing.

[Joekerr]

Originally Posted by Tambohamilton

I don't need to lose weight...I just need to get fitter and stronger. Thing is though, the dry spell(s) started way before I was out of shape. I was riding 30 miles a day back then, 5 days a week. And to be honest, that was before we had a kid too. But yeah, it'd never hurt for me to be fitter, and actually I really enjoy going for a run or a ride, once I'm doing it. Some motivation missing though - I'm tired from work and toddler and house projects too.

I have talked to her about it, and the best explanation she's given is that I feel like her family, so therefore she doesn't want to have sex with me. Now I understand that link but...what can I do about that? Be less like her family??

Since having the kid too, she's even less inclined. Almost certainly tiredness, which is understandable. But she says its just made her not want it at all.

So where to go from here? It drives me crazy not getting any, especially because she's right there. I've absolutely no desire to 'force' her to do it, or demand it...but then I will certainly get none. It's a catch 22.

Yeah, no, there's something off then if she actually just said the above. When you've told her how important it is to you, what does she say? I think it might be time for some counselling, because I think it would be hard for a sexless marriage to last to be honest...at least in the case where one party wants sex.

[King Rudi]

Originally Posted by Tambohamilton

I don't need to lose weight...I just need to get fitter and stronger. Thing is though, the dry spell(s) started way before I was out of shape. I was riding 30 miles a day back then, 5 days a week. And to be honest, that was before we had a kid too. But yeah, it'd never hurt for me to be fitter, and actually I really enjoy going for a run or a ride, once I'm doing it. Some motivation missing though - I'm tired from work and toddler and house projects too.

I have talked to her about it, and the best explanation she's given is that I feel like her family, so therefore she doesn't want to have sex with me. Now I understand that link but...what can I do about that? Be less like her family??

Since having the kid too, she's even less inclined. Almost certainly tiredness, which is understandable. But she says its just made her not want it at all.

So where to go from here? It drives me crazy not getting any, especially because she's right there. I've absolutely no desire to 'force' her to do it, or demand it...but then I will certainly get none. It's a catch 22.

Spontaneously take it. I'm no stranger to the ladies and their mysterious inner-workings. I've been told by multiple women that ALL women secretly want to be taken and F'd like a cheap prostitute. Give her a reason to want it. There's a difference between asking for it, being given permission to have it and just straight up taking it. I once fell into the category of wanting it and asking for it, only to be told no. Then I took the initiative and just took it when I wanted it, the entire dynamic changed after that. I'm not talking about kissing and warming her up, there is a place for that and it isn't here. I'm talking about about walking up behind her, grabbing a handful of hair, pulling her head to one side, kiss her neck, then run your hands all over her body and not in a seductive way, but in a "this is mine and get ready" type approach. Don't tell her, show her that you have needs. Her opinion will change quickly.

[pennsiveguy]

Originally Posted by Rmtt

That's why I go to the gym around 3:30am. I don't like the other people there so I get the whole place to myself with no one to bug me.

Hell.....what you did above is plenty of exercise. My BIL owns a stone and rock business, and he's also the person to call if someone needs a tree down as my in-laws all heat with wood.

I've gone on weekends to help him in various jobs as he can't seem to keep good help. That type of work will weed out the men from the boys.....and sadly no one wants to work.

My 71 year old father in law still works fulltime with him, and works circles around most young people my BIL tries to hire.

I worked in lumber yards starting at age 22. My first job was delivering shingles. The truck had a gas-powered conveyor on it to take them up to the roof; this was when nobody used boom trucks for such things. The bundles weighed anywhere from 70-90 pounds apiece, and every one of them had to be picked up off the pallet and walked to the back of the truck and put on the tail of the conveyor, which was about chin-high for me. On a typical day, I'd deliver 250 to 400 bundles. If you figure 300 bundles at 80 pounds, that's 24,000 pounds. Almost 5 times the weight of my F15. I lifted about 100,000 pounds a week. All year-round, from -25 to 110 degrees. I did that for a year and a half, before getting promoted to another truck. Not a gig for the faint-hearted. Makes everything else I've ever had to do seem easy...or possible, at the very least.

[Tambohamilton]

Originally Posted by Rmtt

That really sucks man. Does she admit it's a problem on her end? Maybe it's time for counseling, or even a health checkup of her hormone levels.

I mean I know about Postpartum depression, but I can't see it lasting as long as you guys are experiencing.

Yeah, she does. She agrees that my needs/wants are legitimate, and says she's sorry it is how it is with her...but we get no closer to any progress.

Originally Posted by Joekerr

Yeah, no, there's something off then if she actually just said the above. When you've told her how important it is to you, what does she say? I think it might be time for some counselling, because I think it would be hard for a sexless marriage to last to be honest...at least in the case where one party wants sex.

Yep, fully agree on that last part. I've told her that too, and she doesn't argue with the reasoning....though she says she definitely does want us to stay together (as do I). Completely agree that counselling is the next step - I'm working on that, slowly. She's agreed to go, if I organise it.

Originally Posted by Now_Rudi

Spontaneously take it. I'm no stranger to the ladies and their mysterious inner-workings. I've been told by multiple women that ALL women secretly want to be taken and F'd like a cheap prostitute. Give her a reason to want it. There's a difference between asking for it, being given permission to have it and just straight up taking it. I once fell into the category of wanting it and asking for it, only to be told no. Then I took the initiative and just took it when I wanted it, the entire dynamic changed after that. I'm not talking about kissing and warming her up, there is a place for that and it isn't here. I'm talking about about walking up behind her, grabbing a handful of hair, pulling her head to one side, kiss her neck, then run your hands all over her body and not in a seductive way, but in a "this is mine and get ready" type approach. Don't tell her, show her that you have needs. Her opinion will change quickly.

I like this solution! But I can't see me pulling that out of the bag. It's just never been my way, and I think that's a reason she chose me. I take your point that maybe that's all the more reason for doing it, but...we'll see. Never say never, I guess!

Thanks for the input, guys.

[someguywithanm3]

Originally Posted by Tambohamilton

Yeah, she does. She agrees that my needs/wants are legitimate, and says she's sorry it is how it is with her...but we get no closer to any progress.



Yep, fully agree on that last part. I've told her that too, and she doesn't argue with the reasoning....though she says she definitely does want us to stay together (as do I). Completely agree that counselling is the next step - I'm working on that, slowly. She's agreed to go, if I organise it.



I like this solution! But I can't see me pulling that out of the bag. It's just never been my way, and I think that's a reason she chose me. I take your point that maybe that's all the more reason for doing it, but...we'll see. Never say never, I guess!

Thanks for the input, guys.

I had a dry spell with the ex. It turns out she was getting it from somewhere else.
I'm not saying that's your case, but I would pay attention to things that don't seem "right."

Funny story, same ex is pissed because I moved on after the divorce. Women, go figure.

[Tambohamilton]

Nothing out of line here. I really don't suspect anything, and my paranoia has led me to ponder that possibility more than I probably should. She was cheated on in a previous relationship, so she's fiercely against it. I'm confident she'd split up with me before she cheated...or immediately after.

Haha, that's a typical move. Her mistake though, not your fault she now has to deal with the consequences of her own actions.

[someguywithanm3]

Originally Posted by Tambohamilton

Nothing out of line here. I really don't suspect anything, and my paranoia has led me to ponder that possibility more than I probably should. She was cheated on in a previous relationship, so she's fiercely against it. I'm confident she'd split up with me before she cheated...or immediately after.

Haha, that's a typical move. Her mistake though, not your fault she now has to deal with the consequences of her own actions.

I wish you the best. Take care and keep us updated.

[upstatedoc]

Originally Posted by Tambohamilton

Nothing out of line here. I really don't suspect anything,

neither did I until I found the 5000 text messages, it will literally take you 90 seconds to check...

[King Rudi]

Originally Posted by upstatedoc

neither did I until I found the 5000 text messages, it will literally take you 90 seconds to check...

I'm in this club as well. Upon reading said messages, I discovered that he left 15 minutes before I showed up. That was not a good day for anyone involved.

[Tambohamilton]

If the opportunity arises, maybe I will. I'll be stunned (to put it mildly) if she is, but I guess there's no harm in looking...unless I get caught.

Edit:
Actually, switching my brain on properly... It's nigh on logistically impossible. She's a stay at home mum, and cares for our son full time. He'd tell me if there were any visitors, or if they'd been anywhere. (His speech is crazy good for a 2 year old...proud dad)

[someguywithanm3]

Originally Posted by Tambohamilton

If the opportunity arises, maybe I will. I'll be stunned (to put it mildly) if she is, but I guess there's no harm in looking...unless I get caught.

Edit:
Actually, switching my brain on properly... It's nigh on logistically impossible. She's a stay at home mum, and cares for our son full time. He'd tell me if there were any visitors, or if they'd been anywhere. (His speech is crazy good for a 2 year old...proud dad)

Mine left my daughter with the neighbor or home alone. I came home early one day and found her alone in the house.

Again, I hope it's not the case with you. It was an awful experience.

[FuriouslyFast]

What's with the idiots that will not exchange numbers before meeting?

[pennsiveguy]

Originally Posted by FuriouslyFast

What's with the idiots that will not exchange numbers before meeting?

STRANGER DANGER!!!

I'm pondering re-entering the online dating fracas. Not looking forward to all the silliness and fuckery. There are a lot of fucked-up people out there.