Is it ever okay to tell someone...

ward · 05-26-2006, 09:56 AM

sounds like you've got a stage 5 clinger

the whole thing about a fist doesn't sound like a good idea either

it's tough to have 2 people who are starting out with different relationship goals end up working towards the same situation.

after 3 dates you shouldn't have to tell him anything, if he asks don't deny though

thedean786 · 05-26-2006, 10:21 AM

No one wants to play second fiddle to anyone. If you have the courage to go out with him 3 times you should have the courage to tell him you are seeing other people. Furthermore, if you can't even commit why are you even bothering to date anyone? You should go to the bar get silly drunk, fuck someone and call it a night. Why drag it out for 3 dates!?!?!

geeslice · 05-26-2006, 10:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by thedean786

No one wants to play second fiddle to anyone. If you have the courage to go out with him 3 times you should have the courage to tell him you are seeing other people. Furthermore, if you can't even commit why are you even bothering to date anyone? You should go to the bar get silly drunk, fuck someone and call it a night. Why drag it out for 3 dates!?!?!

I should make the note that I am not f***ing anyone....

I can commit once I know a person. I don't feel like I know someone enough to commit to them after three dates.

oc24 · 05-26-2006, 11:11 AM

No reason to tell him. You went on three dates, you don't owe him an explanation. And in my eyes, he's a bit insecure to bring it up first... Also, I'm an actual lawyer and will warn you, after he's done with law school you will have a completely different mind to deal with...be prepared.

geeslice · 05-26-2006, 11:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by slubu

No reason to tell him. You went on three dates, you don't owe him an explanation. And in my eyes, he's a bit insecure to bring it up first... Also, I'm an actual lawyer and will warn you, after he's done with law school you will have a completely different mind to deal with...be prepared.

I hope so. I'm running circles around him with the LSAT questions though so I'm not sure if he'll actually persue this...

gdnyc · 05-26-2006, 11:42 AM

You have to do the right thing in this situation.
Since he brought up the commitment situation, you should definitely let him know that you guys aren't on the same page. Tell him that you like to take it easy and slow. I wouldn't neccesarily tell him that you are seeing other people unless he asks you. I like to take the "if they don't ask, don't tell" approach. If you are (banging, f&cking, having sexual intercourse, making love, slamming, etc choose your favorite term), then I think the other person should know.
You have to give him some kind of a heads up, but it may make him stand offish with you though

ga-bmwdrvr · 05-26-2006, 03:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by geeslice

He's set himselfupfor failure. Didn't start studying or taking a class until 2 weeks ago and takes it June 12th...

I'm already questioning his intelligence...

That means nothing. I did not take any classes for my MCAT's. Now, the Boards is a different story

Oh, by the way, it sounds like you guys are just testing the waters so I'd just talk to him and make sure you are both clear on where you are at in your dating/relationship.

timzerofive · 05-26-2006, 04:17 PM

3 dates only, no reason to bring this up yet. When you feel that you guys are at the stage of a relationship where you want to be exclusive, then thats the time to bring it up. If you really want to get into the topic, why don't you casually ask him how many other girls he's seeing, and he will likely ask you the same in return. Being passive aggressive works sometime.

BellasBmw · 05-26-2006, 04:27 PM

I agree with the other posters, i think its too early to tell him your thinking/wanting or are dating other people. However, that may suck for him, esp if in his mind, you two are exclusive or are very close to being exclusive. Or you can always be straight up honest and tell him how it is, dont sugarcoat. Tell him you dont want to be in a committed relationship at the moment..nuff said. If he cant figure that out, he shouldnt be in law school haaha.

But honestly Gee, it doesnt sound like your interested in this guy anyway. I bet if he was acting the same way you are by never calling, acting disinterested, you'd prob be all over his nuts.

BMW F22 · 05-26-2006, 04:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BellasBmw

But honestly Gee, it doesnt sound like your interested in this guy anyway. I bet if he was acting the same way you are by never calling, acting disinterested, you'd prob be all over his nuts.

She did say that she is interested in him but she's a "commitment phobic". She wanna get to know him better before she wanna be tied down to just him. Til then, she wanna/is dating other people as well...

Squawks · 05-26-2006, 05:08 PM

The fact that you posted this question means you are seriously contemplating telling him, which also implies that you want to either break things off or goad him into starting something. Period. People don't normally open their mouths for no reason, expecting nothing to happen. People open their mouths in order to cause an effect. So you want something out of him: either you want him to step up his game Mac-style or back off Puck-style.

But hey, when I was pimping back in the days this elusive woman told me straightup she's not into monogamous relationships and then tried to fend me off by telling me she was engaged with some other dude. At the same time, the Menacing Mac Master taught me how to be a ladies man and with my acquried skills I captured this wild woman from the jungle and tamed her ass with such quickness before Imperial can even say BA-ZING!

It's time to go back to work. Dammit.

geeslice · 05-26-2006, 05:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BellasBmw

I agree with the other posters, i think its too early to tell him your thinking/wanting or are dating other people. However, that may suck for him, esp if in his mind, you two are exclusive or are very close to being exclusive. Or you can always be straight up honest and tell him how it is, dont sugarcoat. Tell him you dont want to be in a committed relationship at the moment..nuff said. If he cant figure that out, he shouldnt be in law school haaha.

But honestly Gee, it doesnt sound like your interested in this guy anyway. I bet if he was acting the same way you are by never calling, acting disinterested, you'd prob be all over his nuts.

I am interested in him. To be honest I would rather just be dating him but I'm scared to put all my eggs in one basket or whatnot. I got out of a very serious realtionship four months ago so I'm trying to take things slow. Plus I'm kinda in unknown territory because he is only 23 and I have never dated anyone my age before and I've kinda always had the idea that they are less "stable" when it comes to these things. Like one day they wull just dissapear.

BellasBmw · 05-26-2006, 05:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by geeslice

I am interested in him. To be honest I would rather just be dating him but I'm scared to put all my eggs in one basket or whatnot. I got out of a very serious realtionship four months ago so I'm trying to take things slow. Plus I'm kinda in unknown territory because he is only 23 and I have never dated anyone my age before and I've kinda always had the idea that they are less "stable" when it comes to these things. Like one day they wull just dissapear.

I know how you feel gee. I got out of a serious relationship about 6 months ago, and honestly, i havent been able to date anyone either. Im afriad to be committed, throw all my emotions into it, and then have it blow up in my face. So until then, ive just been dating here and there.. hanging with friends..etc. Now that you gave a lil more info about your situation, i would say to just take things slow.. no rush in getting into another relationship. Time to be single and found out exactly what you want. I think you should tell him the truth

timzerofive · 05-26-2006, 05:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by geeslice

I am interested in him. To be honest I would rather just be dating him but I'm scared to put all my eggs in one basket or whatnot. I got out of a very serious realtionship four months ago so I'm trying to take things slow. Plus I'm kinda in unknown territory because he is only 23 and I have never dated anyone my age before and I've kinda always had the idea that they are less "stable" when it comes to these things. Like one day they wull just dissapear.

Then pretty simple, everytime he brings up the topic, just tell him you're not ready to be exclusive yet. If he's willing to put up with the bull, then good, if not, then you're not missing anything great anyways. And if you keep him happy in bed then he shouldn't be complaining too much anyways

cooh23 · 05-29-2006, 12:20 AM

I've had the same experience. I've gone out with 3 or 4 dates with this one girl and she asked me if we were bf or gf.. I said no, only because i'm dating other girls and I don't wanna commit. I wouldn't say anything about dating other people, it's really none of her business.

mava330 · 05-29-2006, 12:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Squawks

The fact that you posted this question means you are seriously contemplating telling him, which also implies that you want to either break things off or goad him into starting something. Period. People don't normally open their mouths for no reason, expecting nothing to happen. People open their mouths in order to cause an effect. So you want something out of him: either you want him to step up his game Mac-style or back off Puck-style.

But hey, when I was pimping back in the days this elusive woman told me straightup she's not into monogamous relationships and then tried to fend me off by telling me she was engaged with some other dude. At the same time, the Menacing Mac Master taught me how to be a ladies man and with my acquried skills I captured this wild woman from the jungle and tamed her ass with such quickness before Imperial can even say BA-ZING!

It's time to go back to work. Dammit.

Sorry but

Squawks!!??!! you're crazy homie!! Just crazy!!

I'll paste this in my Eurofest thread and extract from it all your hidden messages. You a crazy mofo!

KennyVendetta · 06-19-2006, 02:44 AM

SO what happened?

*suspense*

Sedan_Clan · 07-14-2006, 07:34 PM

If you're dating other people, you should be forthright about it. There is nothing worse than mixed signals and bad communication. Just make sure that he understands your perspective.

aphall · 07-14-2006, 09:32 PM

I think if you're dating someone, that it's understood that you're dating other people. There's no need to bring it up in a formal conversation, and if you have a date that conflicts, just say you have another date that day. That's a clear enough message. 3 dates, you owe the guy nothing. People date more than one person at a time all the time. Nothing wrong with it IMO.

geeslice · 07-20-2006, 10:46 PM

To give a short update:

We are still dating. I stopped dating other ppl and so has he but I'm not ready to say the word yet... yanno, starts with a B and ends in a friend...

So we've been seeing each other since May and everything is laid back and cool and I'm enjoying it.

Sedan_Clan · 07-20-2006, 11:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by geeslice

To give a short update:

We are still dating. I stopped dating other ppl and so has he but I'm not ready to say the word yet... yanno, starts with a B and ends in a friend...

So we've been seeing each other since May and everything is laid back and cool and I'm enjoying it.

Good luck. I hope everything works out.

flush01 · 07-21-2006, 12:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by geeslice

To give a short update:

We are still dating. I stopped dating other ppl and so has he but I'm not ready to say the word yet... yanno, starts with a B and ends in a friend...

So we've been seeing each other since May and everything is laid back and cool and I'm enjoying it.

what do you mean seeing each other ? seeing each other as friends ? or f@cking like rabbits ?

05-26-2006, 09:56 AM	#23
ward Major General 161 Rep 6,158 Posts Drives: F Join Date: May 2005 Location: T iTrader: (0)	sounds like you've got a stage 5 clinger the whole thing about a fist doesn't sound like a good idea either it's tough to have 2 people who are starting out with different relationship goals end up working towards the same situation. after 3 dates you shouldn't have to tell him anything, if he asks don't deny though
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05-26-2006, 10:21 AM	#24
thedean786 A Herald of Doom 229 Rep 230 Posts Drives: A Fancy Car Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: Midwest iTrader: (0)	No one wants to play second fiddle to anyone. If you have the courage to go out with him 3 times you should have the courage to tell him you are seeing other people. Furthermore, if you can't even commit why are you even bothering to date anyone? You should go to the bar get silly drunk, fuck someone and call it a night. Why drag it out for 3 dates!?!?! __________________
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05-26-2006, 11:11 AM	#26
oc24 Lieutenant Colonel 189 Rep 1,853 Posts Drives: White Lightning Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: Agrestic iTrader: (2)	No reason to tell him. You went on three dates, you don't owe him an explanation. And in my eyes, he's a bit insecure to bring it up first... Also, I'm an actual lawyer and will warn you, after he's done with law school you will have a completely different mind to deal with...be prepared. __________________ 2008 335i
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05-26-2006, 11:42 AM	#28
gdnyc Lieutenant 24 Rep 472 Posts Drives: 2006 330xi Jet Black Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: NYC iTrader: (0)	You have to do the right thing in this situation. Since he brought up the commitment situation, you should definitely let him know that you guys aren't on the same page. Tell him that you like to take it easy and slow. I wouldn't neccesarily tell him that you are seeing other people unless he asks you. I like to take the "if they don't ask, don't tell" approach. If you are (banging, f&cking, having sexual intercourse, making love, slamming, etc choose your favorite term), then I think the other person should know. You have to give him some kind of a heads up, but it may make him stand offish with you though __________________ 2006 330xi BMW, please get rid of the RFT's and give us a spare tire!
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05-26-2006, 04:17 PM	#30
timzerofive there is no spoon 258 Rep 867 Posts Drives: 330i manual Join Date: May 2005 Location: Irvine iTrader: (0) Garage List 2006 330i [0.00]	3 dates only, no reason to bring this up yet. When you feel that you guys are at the stage of a relationship where you want to be exclusive, then thats the time to bring it up. If you really want to get into the topic, why don't you casually ask him how many other girls he's seeing, and he will likely ask you the same in return. Being passive aggressive works sometime. __________________ [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
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05-26-2006, 04:27 PM	#31
BellasBmw If love is the answer,please rephrase the question 335 Rep 1,731 Posts Drives: Tit Silver 325i Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: San Diego, Ca iTrader: (1) Garage List 2006 325i [0.00]	I agree with the other posters, i think its too early to tell him your thinking/wanting or are dating other people. However, that may suck for him, esp if in his mind, you two are exclusive or are very close to being exclusive. Or you can always be straight up honest and tell him how it is, dont sugarcoat. Tell him you dont want to be in a committed relationship at the moment..nuff said. If he cant figure that out, he shouldnt be in law school haaha. But honestly Gee, it doesnt sound like your interested in this guy anyway. I bet if he was acting the same way you are by never calling, acting disinterested, you'd prob be all over his nuts. __________________ ~~BellasBmw~~ Proud mama to 325i/TiAg/Black lette/Pwr seats/Sirius/Sport/Walnut/Step/Xenons/Chrome exhaust/20% tint
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05-26-2006, 05:08 PM	#33
Squawks One of my two dachshunds: 56 Rep 663 Posts Drives: B6 A4 3.0 Quattro Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: Ithaca, NY iTrader: (0)	The fact that you posted this question means you are seriously contemplating telling him, which also implies that you want to either break things off or goad him into starting something. Period. People don't normally open their mouths for no reason, expecting nothing to happen. People open their mouths in order to cause an effect. So you want something out of him: either you want him to step up his game Mac-style or back off Puck-style. But hey, when I was pimping back in the days this elusive woman told me straightup she's not into monogamous relationships and then tried to fend me off by telling me she was engaged with some other dude. At the same time, the Menacing Mac Master taught me how to be a ladies man and with my acquried skills I captured this wild woman from the jungle and tamed her ass with such quickness before Imperial can even say BA-ZING! It's time to go back to work. Dammit. __________________ I'm sorry about my outlandish behavior - there's too much blood in my alcohol system.
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05-29-2006, 12:20 AM	#37
cooh23 Private First Class 13 Rep 102 Posts Drives: e90 Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: LA iTrader: (0)	I've had the same experience. I've gone out with 3 or 4 dates with this one girl and she asked me if we were bf or gf.. I said no, only because i'm dating other girls and I don't wanna commit. I wouldn't say anything about dating other people, it's really none of her business. __________________
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06-19-2006, 02:44 AM	#39
KennyVendetta Salsero 46 Rep 260 Posts Drives: 335 Crimson Red Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: San Diego, CA iTrader: (0)	SO what happened? suspense
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07-14-2006, 07:34 PM	#40
Sedan_Clan Law Enforcer 27139 Rep 22,713 Posts Drives: '22 Chalk Gray Porsche C2S Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: ..in your rearview!!! iTrader: (26)	If you're dating other people, you should be forthright about it. There is nothing worse than mixed signals and bad communication. Just make sure that he understands your perspective. Last edited by Sedan_Clan; 07-14-2006 at 09:38 PM..
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07-14-2006, 09:32 PM	#41
aphall Captain 38 Rep 776 Posts Drives: 330i rec'd 2/17/06 Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Los Angeles, CA iTrader: (2) Garage List 2006 BMW 330i [0.00]	I think if you're dating someone, that it's understood that you're dating other people. There's no need to bring it up in a formal conversation, and if you have a date that conflicts, just say you have another date that day. That's a clear enough message. 3 dates, you owe the guy nothing. People date more than one person at a time all the time. Nothing wrong with it IMO. __________________ JB \| BBS CHs \| Blacklines \| HO40 \| ACS Rep Roof Spoiler \| H&R Sport \| Hartge Rep Lip \| OEM Strut Bar \| M-Tech Rear
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07-20-2006, 10:46 PM	#42
geeslice Second Lieutenant 33 Rep 283 Posts Drives: '06 325xi Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Arlington, VA iTrader: (0) Garage List 2006 325xi [0.00] 2004 Audi TT [0.00]	To give a short update: We are still dating. I stopped dating other ppl and so has he but I'm not ready to say the word yet... yanno, starts with a B and ends in a friend... So we've been seeing each other since May and everything is laid back and cool and I'm enjoying it. __________________ It's called "HAPPY" Hour for a reason. '06 E90 325xi Sparkling Graphite, Dakota Black Leather, Dark Walnut Burl Trim, Steptronic, Premium Pkg, Cold Weather Pkg, Xenons = LOVE
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