The fart thread

[evil-G-nius]

Sushi is surprisingly raunchy on the way back out. Anything with cabbage or eggs will also have the ability to peel paint! So good luck. LOL

[nick46]

This is brilliant!
I love a good fart and I'm pretty good at performing well in the volume, duration and toxic aspects
With all the stuff you've been eating and by judging how well the results have been, your toilet must be a horrid place at the moment. So another tip for you - when you've had a visit to the toilet for a number 2, make sure you close the window and any vents and then shut the door after so that all those lovely aromas are trapped inside

[Addbuyer]

Can you believe the worlds longest fart, which is in Guinness Book of Records is 2 minutes and forty two seconds

[jimbobiggens]

I gotta go with Murf on this one. Pickled eggs and the cheapest beer you can find.

[vreihen16]

The timing of this thread is spooky for me. One of the side effects of the massive doses of diuretics I take is chronic constipation. Yesterday morning, I felt all kinds of violent gurgling i what is normally an arid desert in my bowels. Long story short, my water broke a few minutes later, and I rushed to the toilet to give birth to a large/hard deuce along with plenty of mud. According to the scale, I dropped 4.7 pounds in one sitting.

After several rounds of plunging, augering, chemicals, hot water, etc, we had to call for professional backup last night to clear the resulting blockage from the toilet trap and sewage main. I'm not going to say how much that emergency house call cost, except to say that my butt still hurts from writing that check.

I blame reading this thread for triggering it, since there was no dietary cause.....

[vreihen16]

Originally Posted by Addbuyer

Can you believe the worlds longest fart, which is in Guinness Book of Records is 2 minutes and forty two seconds

Hold my beer and pull my finger.....

[Tommy-G]

Originally Posted by evil-G-nius

Anything with cabbage or eggs will also have the ability to peel paint! So good luck. LOL

I made my employees pulled pork and homemade coleslaw yesterday.....
this morning I made myself cry

[Wakka]

Girls don't fart

/thread

[Torgus]

This thread stinks.

[vreihen16]

Anyone notice how we haven't heard from MsGoGoMoto yet this morning? I hope that she didn't suffocate herself from the gas while she slept last night!!!!!

[upstatedoc]

Originally Posted by Addbuyer

Can you believe the worlds longest fart, which is in Guinness Book of Records is 2 minutes and forty two seconds

You must really be desperate for something to read.

[M5Rick]

Baked beans.

[MsGoGoMoto]

Originally Posted by 1MOREMOD

I've officially been complained about at work today about shitting myself a bit too often. I need to be away from people its a cry for help.

I love this guy. Omg… loooooooool.

[Lady Jane]

[MsGoGoMoto]

Got damn.
So, my husband and I sat at the bar throwing back shots, "craft beer samplers", fried pickles, turbo nuclear hot wings, etc. all this time I was heating up the place with absolute Chesapeake Bay fisherman's dirty live well farts.

After the 12th bomb, there were no more farts left in the que.

The poor guy next to me aaaalllmost started a fight with my husband because he thought it was him.. my husband looked past me and thought it was that guy..

They exchanged looks… smart ass comments were made. My husband put down his drink, placed his right palm on my shoulder, slid back his stool a little and stood up.. he's 6ft 9. Looks like that boxer butterbean.. sweats when he eats hot food. Had a napkin on top of his head to catch the sweat.. forgot about it..

Then I stood up… I'm 6 ft 3.. I'm not even thinking about these guys because I've farted my way into a crappy situation. I have to decide wether I want to courtesy flush my way thru a horrible dump in the ladies room.

The other guy waves and said… you fartin?

I just cut them off and yell. IT WAS ME…!

Bar gets quiet quick. Uniformed city cop was in the place.. he looks up..
Husband looks at me and says WHAAT?

PAYBACK FOR YOUR DUTCH OVENS LAST NIGHT AZZHOLE. (I'm drunk AF)

Husband looks at me, holds up a beer, turns back and looks at the many people seated at the tables as I make my way to the ladies room take a dump.. He yells, 27 YEARS OF MARRIAGE FOLKS! The bar starts clapping.

I'll leave out what happened in the bathroom.. let's just say, I had it aaaaaaallll to myself after 2 minutes.

[1MOREMOD]

I'm all for equal rights but women don't poop.

[upstatedoc]

Originally Posted by 1MOREMOD

I'm all for equal rights but women don't poop.

I knew one that routinely didn't poop for over a week and a half

[fiveohwblow]

Originally Posted by upstatedoc

I knew one that routinely didn't poop for over a week and a half

So much for dr patient confidentiality

[1MOREMOD]

Originally Posted by upstatedoc

I knew one that routinely didn't poop for over a week and a half

Keep this to yourself

[vreihen16]

Originally Posted by upstatedoc

I knew one that routinely didn't poop for over a week and a half

Hold my beer.....

[TiMSport]

[upstatedoc]

Originally Posted by fiveohwblow

So much for dr patient confidentiality

Not a pt, an ex. But when she had to go, she really really had to go.