Dating - Good/Bad Experiences

[King Rudi]

Originally Posted by OnerDriver

As Judy mentioned...

It's not a choice you make. You fall for them. Hard.

When you see it you become kind of "crazy" yourself, doing things or thinking things you never did before.

One can't just say "I choose not to love her anymore so I'll just walk away". It's not a switch.

Exactly. It actually never changes. You'll always miss the good parts of that person but at some point you have to challenge yourself to break the cycle. It's like dealing with a death of a loved one but worse. Death takes them from you forever. It's worse when you know they are still around and you can't be with the person you love; either by your choice or theirs. It does make it easier once you break the cycle and then see them do the same things to their current victim. That's when reality hits and realize how stupid you were and grow from the experience.

Emotions are for suckas.

[CTinline-six]

Originally Posted by Not_Judy

It's not really patience. It's also not really something that a person can explain, it's just something you experience. It's like an addiction once the person infests themselves into your life. Consider this, people who are drug addicts once said, "I'll never allow this to happen to me" and it's not as if they woke up one morning and thought to themselves "Today is the day I'm going to ruin my life be becoming addicted to something that will eventually ruin me." It just happens and then you find yourself in the middle of it often acting in a manner that it isn't consistent with who you are.

I've had several friends go through the same thing. It all too easy to say "I'll never do this", "This will never happen to me" or "I wouldn't put up with that." I said the same thing. You never know how you will act or react until you are in that situation yourself.

I'd say that is very different though. There's a reason why I can go have a beer with my friend and stop after one but he needs 6 more.

[Never_Enough]

Originally Posted by OnerDriver

As Judy mentioned...

It's not a choice you make. You fall for them. Hard.

When you see it you become kind of "crazy" yourself, doing things or thinking things you never did before.

One can't just say "I choose not to love her anymore so I'll just walk away". It's not a switch.

Sure it is. We all choose to be in the relationships we are in. Yes, it is sometimes difficult to cut the cord or walk away, but ultimately folks make a decision to stay with or leave that person.

Like pretty much everything in life, we have a choice. We've all made the wrong choice on many things in our lives so don't take this as me acting like I'm perfect. I just know that it is, ultimately, a choice no matter how one wants to spin it.

If it's not a choice you're telling me that I broke up with women or they broke up with me b/c of what then? After all, we don't choose to stay with people.

[King Rudi]

Originally Posted by OnerDriver

Very well said. Like death but worse.

I mentioned to a friend it was like no finding the body of a relative you think died. Lack of closure that eats you away. When you are able to see it clearly it makes it easier. But you still think "what if".

You're exactly right. No closure whatsoever, you just learn to deal with it.

Originally Posted by Bayerische Motoren Werke

true and no i am not having any relations with her don't worry






hope im not prying too much, but what made you guys realize it's time to "walk away"? how did you rationalize that and act on it?

For 7 years it was a cycle, things would be great for 6 months and she would start to grow distant, then she would disappear for about a month and not want to have anything to do with me; citing I was the problem. They always make the victim the problem to justify their behavior.

I came home from work one afternoon, she had stayed the night before, and I noticed my garage door opener was on the table leading into the house from the garage. I called, as she was supposed to be coming over again that evening and got her voicemail. I sent a couple of texts and no reply. I didn't hear back from her for 3 weeks. She called me up wanting to come stay the weekend with me for sex basically, I accepted. She came, we had sex, she left....never saw her again. No communication whatsoever for 2 more weeks until she sent me a text one night saying she was married. Obviously I was upset as I thought this was just another time she would be gone for a few weeks and she would be back, not the case. In the time frame of about a month and a half she got married to her pen-pal from England and was planning on moving there. They had been pen-pals for 10 years and his mother passed, which yielded an undisclosed amount of money so this was the proverbial carrot for her to dump me and jump on board with him.

Sadly, her son was on a missionary trip that lasted for 2 years with very little communication with the parents. She left for England two days before her son came home. For two years she didn't see her son and she couldn't wait a few more days to leave the country so she could see him, if this paints a picture of what kind of person she is. The son and grandmother went to Spain a few months later and met up with her there. It was the first time either of them had met the new husband.

Haven't seen or spoke to her in over 2 years. I had heard she had been "kicked out of the country" and was back in the U.S. minus the new husband. No clue why and honestly don't care. She did contact me via email last month stating that she wanted to apologize. I replied with:

"In order for you to contact me this must mean that things have gone horribly awry with your current situation. You owe me no apology. I am a grown man and made the decision to stay with you knowing who/what you are; I can only hold myself accountable. You were simply being who you are. Whatever your current problem is I hope that you are able to find a favorable outcome, but your solution doesn't lie with me. Good luck."

Haven't heard back from her and don't expect to.

In short she is the one that ended it and I'm glad she did. I was raised in a family that understands that the people that you care for the most are the ones that will hurt you the most. If you love someone you try to work past the problems and move forward. I tried moving forward while she performed the salsa. Old couples that have been together for 60+ years didn't get there by giving up and leaving when the other person jilted them. I truly loved her and did everything I could to make her see this. It didn't matter to her and I was nothing more than just another branch on the tree that she was trying to get to the top of.

I realized where I went wrong and made corrections to my lifestyle, she is still dependent on her looks and her personality to get her through life as she isn't capable of anything else.

Keep in mind this all happened within close proximity of my father committing suicide with no note or explanation. My entire life changed almost overnight with no closure or reasoning.

[King Rudi]

Originally Posted by Never_Enough

Sure it is. We all choose to be in the relationships we are in. Yes, it is sometimes difficult to cut the cord or walk away, but ultimately folks make a decision to stay with or leave that person.

Like pretty much everything in life, we have a choice. We've all made the wrong choice on many things in our lives so don't take this as me acting like I'm perfect. I just know that it is, ultimately, a choice no matter how one wants to spin it.

If it's not a choice you're telling me that I broke up with women or they broke up with me b/c of what then? After all, we don't choose to stay with people.

I'm sorry to hear that you think you have a choice over everything in life. You've obviously never really been in love. Did I make a wrong choice in who I was with, absolutely! At the same time, life isn't black and white and you are not in control of anything. Life is nothing more than random events all happening at once and you are simply a pawn in all of it.

Some decisions will alter your path in life and some things you have control of i.e. what you wear, what you eat, your motor skills. Your emotions and other peoples actions you do not control. Yes, you have the option of shutting people out to prevent them from affecting your life, but that's no life at all.

[Never_Enough]

Originally Posted by Not_Judy

I'm sorry to hear that you think you have a choice over everything in life. You've obviously never really been in love.

Not sure how you got that from my post as it's not remotely close.

Did I make a wrong choice in who I was with, absolutely! At the same time, life isn't black and white and you are not in control of anything. Life is nothing more than random events all happening at once and you are simply a pawn in all of it.

We can agree to disagree on not being in control of ANYTHING.

Some decisions will alter your path in life and some things you have control of i.e. what you wear, what you eat, your motor skills. Your emotions and other peoples actions you do not control. Yes, you have the option of shutting people out to prevent them from affecting your life, but that's no life at all.

Believe me, I know. I've had quite the fucked up journey myself.

[Turkish Pickle]

Originally Posted by OnerDriver

You're conflating things that aren't equal.
Let's get our terminology straight, because I agree we have choices to our actions.

We're not disagreeing we can walk away, as we all have.

Let me speak metaphorically (I'm not going to go down the path of discussing that if you do not display emotions, you're a psychopath etc.):

I'll pick your mom as she may be the closest human being to you, so your emotions will be more latent towards her.

Say you're walking with her and she falls off a 300ft cliff.

Your first reaction is probably to be scared (what will happen to her? Is she going to be harmed?) and you can't control that.
You may start panting. Or not, that's your choice. You control your actions, not how you feel.

Then you get sad when you see she's dead. You may cry, or not, that's your choice.

Say she is struck by a knife. You will likely be angry at the person who stabs her. You may show your anger, or not... that's your choice.

Say your mom is orgasming from all the pleasure I'm giving her... you'll likely get very happy... you may smile, or not.

Now when you love someone, you don't choose to love them. You may act on getting away from them.

I hope you get the point. Don't get hung up on your mom as example, it's meant as a joke.
You want to smile or laugh. You have a choice.

what the fuck happened to this thread im so confused i literally thought i grasped what you guys meant
then you pull this and back to square 1


i read somewhere, yesterday actually:
"Involuntarily love isn’t love. That’s a chemical reaction in your brain - infatuation. Love is a choice you make. It’s voluntarily, because you have control over your love. You love something or someone by investing time, effort, energy, and attention into them. You consider them valuable enough to be worthy of those things from you. You choose to let them in a little deeper than someone you just casually fuck. You’re still in control. You can just as easily remove them from that coveted place. It’s your choice.

Love is sacrifice. Don’t cheapen love by making it out to be something as pedantic as brain juice."

someone replied with this after someone said enjoying a connection is voluntary and love is involuntary - im getting the vibe you guys dont think as this guy does and Never_Enough does? i kinda have to agree with him, the more you invest in them the more shit can go south - i cant say im free of trust issues though so maybe im not the person to talk too much about this...

[Never_Enough]

Originally Posted by Bayerische Motoren Werke

what the fuck happened to this thread im so confused i literally thought i grasped what you guys meant
then you pull this and back to square 1


i read somewhere, yesterday actually:
"Involuntarily love isn’t love. That’s a chemical reaction in your brain - infatuation. Love is a choice you make. It’s voluntarily, because you have control over your love. You love something or someone by investing time, effort, energy, and attention into them. You consider them valuable enough to be worthy of those things from you. You choose to let them in a little deeper than someone you just casually fuck. You’re still in control. You can just as easily remove them from that coveted place. It’s your choice.

Love is sacrifice. Don’t cheapen love by making it out to be something as pedantic as brain juice."

someone replied with this after someone said enjoying a connection is voluntary and love is involuntary - im getting the vibe you guys dont think as this guy does and Never_Enough does? i kinda have to agree with him, the more you invest in them the more shit can go south - i cant say im free of trust issues though so maybe im not the person to talk too much about this...

There's our nutshell.

[Never_Enough]

Originally Posted by OnerDriver

But you're making the same point but with a different term.

Let's agree it's not love then, it's infatuation.
Your own text says it's involuntary. Are you guys saying you have control over the involuntary?

I don't think anyone is saying they have control over something involuntary. I think the disconnect is what we all deem voluntary & what we deem involuntary.

[Never_Enough]

Originally Posted by OnerDriver

I thought you did :

Like I said, we must disagree on what is involuntary then. No biggie, we can agree to disagree. Back to fun dating stories!

[CTinline-six]

I've personally loved someone, but realized that being with them was mentally harmful and had to make the decision to part with them. So in my opinion a relationship with someone is completely voluntary. While parting from someone can be extremely difficult, it is still a voluntary action, just like quitting smoking or going to rehab.

Sneezing is something I would consider to be involuntary.

[Turkish Pickle]

truly a gem from yesteryear - friend showed me his friend, thought she was very cute and asked him to send off contact info, said he'd have to ask before randomly giving out her number (sensible). this is what i got.

[EL Jeffe 5]

Originally Posted by bimmette

Haven't read the whole thread but I'll share. The worst date that comes to mind:
Met a guy online. Texted for maybe a few days. He seemed great, exactly what I was looking for. We planned to meet for dinner at a restaurant (which I stopped doing after him- coffee only). He shows up late and dripping in sweat as he decided to walk there. He looked nothing like his pics- I almost didn't recognize him. He looked a LOT heavier and older (which I'm not opposed to but I don't like the deception). So we talk and then he gets annoyed that the food hasn't come yet until I remind him that we haven't actually ordered. Turns out he was high even though he wrote on his profile that he doesn't do drugs (he later told me that marijuana doesn't count). After dinner he asked me to drive him home which was awkward. The next day when he asked me for a second date and I declined, he actually got pissed off at me.

Also, for whoever made fun of it, I think mini golf is a great date acitivity! (I'm not sure if I'm a normal girl though as I'm quite competitive.)

Btw for anyone who cares, I upgraded to an m3 a few days ago!!!

Pictures???

[bimmette]

Originally Posted by OnerDriver

Not a date story, but Tinder nonetheless.

So I've been "chatting" with this girl for 2 days, since I created my account and we matched...

The entire conversation was me asking her stuff and getting replies like "No, you?" "Yes, you?"

She had 4 pictures. All of her face. You know that kind of picture that shows who the person is, but can hide well whether you're "chubby" or "humongous "? Yeah, those. I am betting on the latter but even chubby, for it to work, has to be accompanied by this great person (which she is not).

So I tried asking what she had planned for her Friday (I asked the same to other girls, not getting the same response as this treat).
Her reply: "I'm sorry, I only go out on dates when I know the other person, if that's where you're going"

I said "lol, it's ok, but that's not where I was going at all". And left it at that.
Last night she replied saying she felt embarrassed.

At this point, since she had an unique first name, I was able to find her on Facebook.

Later last night she said "I'm sorry I was checking my Facebook".
I said "so was I".

LOL
So I start creeping her out, by saying stuff to her that I shouldn't know. Like her birthday.
She asks me how I know, I reply "it's easy, when I typed in your phone number on the internet it gives me everything, your address and stuff. May I ring the bell or am I waking somebody up in your house?"

She goes "how do you have my phone number?"

I say "there's a lot out there, I'm not going to talk about your speeding ticket because we've all been there"

She said she was single and had no kids. Her cover photo was of a guy water skiing.
There was a dude commenting "way to go Tyrelle first water ski"

Then I ask her "hey who's Tyrelle?"

At this point she freaks out...

- How do you know Tyrelle?

- You mentioned you were single and had no kids, so I assumed he was your brother or cousin

- "I have no reason to lie"

- I didn't say you lied, did I?

- how do you know Tyrelle?

Then I proceed to visit said commenting man's profile. His cover photo is of her and 2 dudes. scrolling, he's proud Tyrelle made the u-16 lacrosse team last year in high school.

- Tyrelle is your 17 yo younger brother

- "now you know his age!"

- "I didn't until now, you just told me"

- "how do you know Tyrelle?"

- "you posted him on Facebook. You have a Facebook account!"

- "I wish you all the best"

So I said "you as well" and then the convo disappeared.

I went to bed at 2:30 during this chat, but man was it worth it lol

I'm doing it everytime now. Especially with cunts. The way I see it, you posted publicly, you should be ok with people knowing it.

I bet she is changing her name (she talked about it) on Tinder now to prevent this. I bet good money she doesn't go out on a Tinder date in at least 2 years.

Never been on tinder. Does it not give your body type like average, fit or heavy, etc?

[bimmette]

Originally Posted by OnerDriver

I thought you said you had a date, I imagined it was through an app or site. Which one did you use?

It was Match.

[Turkish Pickle]

im actually involved in a startup that is tinder, but with a bit more privacy and a better algorithm to match people instead of being purely pictures based

any comments/concerns/thoughts that we can take into consideration?

[bimmette]

Originally Posted by OnerDriver

Do you have to pay for that one?

Yup

[Never_Enough]

Originally Posted by CTinline-six

I've personally loved someone, but realized that being with them was mentally harmful and had to make the decision to part with them. So in my opinion a relationship with someone is completely voluntary. While parting from someone can be extremely difficult, it is still a voluntary action, just like quitting smoking or going to rehab.

Sneezing is something I would consider to be involuntary.

Anyone that says a romantic relationship is involuntary needs help.

[Never_Enough]

Originally Posted by Bayerische Motoren Werke

im actually involved in a startup that is tinder, but with a bit more privacy and a better algorithm to match people instead of being purely pictures based

any comments/concerns/thoughts that we can take into consideration?

So a copy of the celebrity version of Tinder?

Yea, stop the swipe app bs b/c that is ruining society. Create an app that doesn't make the world an even shittier & superficial place...

[Never_Enough]

Originally Posted by bimmette

It was Match.

Match is a joke. I tried it many years ago & nothing good. I tried it again, against my better judgment, a year or 2 ago.

It was the same bs as the free sites. Lots of fake profiles & so many of the same women from the free sites.

[Turkish Pickle]

Originally Posted by Never_Enough

So a copy of the celebrity version of Tinder?

Yea, stop the swipe app bs b/c that is ruining society. Create an app that doesn't make the world an even shittier & superficial place...

i dont want to put out a lot since we secured funding a few days ago, but basically imagine a fusion of a "proper" online dating portal and tinder

i met the dude who's the founder at a networking event a week or two ago - he straight up said "women use tinder for instant gratification" and knew i had to meet him, eventually it turned out that they needed help with introducing the concept to VCs and what not and here we are...

[Never_Enough]

Originally Posted by OnerDriver

Not a date story, but Tinder nonetheless.

So I've been "chatting" with this girl for 2 days, since I created my account and we matched...

The entire conversation was me asking her stuff and getting replies like "No, you?" "Yes, you?"

She had 4 pictures. All of her face. You know that kind of picture that shows who the person is, but can hide well whether you're "chubby" or "humongous "? Yeah, those. I am betting on the latter but even chubby, for it to work, has to be accompanied by this great person (which she is not).

So I tried asking what she had planned for her Friday (I asked the same to other girls, not getting the same response as this treat).
Her reply: "I'm sorry, I only go out on dates when I know the other person, if that's where you're going"

I said "lol, it's ok, but that's not where I was going at all". And left it at that.
Last night she replied saying she felt embarrassed.

At this point, since she had an unique first name, I was able to find her on Facebook.

Later last night she said "I'm sorry I was checking my Facebook".
I said "so was I".

LOL
So I start creeping her out, by saying stuff to her that I shouldn't know. Like her birthday.
She asks me how I know, I reply "it's easy, when I typed in your phone number on the internet it gives me everything, your address and stuff. May I ring the bell or am I waking somebody up in your house?"

She goes "how do you have my phone number?"

I say "there's a lot out there, I'm not going to talk about your speeding ticket because we've all been there"

She said she was single and had no kids. Her cover photo was of a guy water skiing.
There was a dude commenting "way to go Tyrelle first water ski"

Then I ask her "hey who's Tyrelle?"

At this point she freaks out...

- How do you know Tyrelle?

- You mentioned you were single and had no kids, so I assumed he was your brother or cousin

- "I have no reason to lie"

- I didn't say you lied, did I?

- how do you know Tyrelle?

Then I proceed to visit said commenting man's profile. His cover photo is of her and 2 dudes. scrolling, he's proud Tyrelle made the u-16 lacrosse team last year in high school.

- Tyrelle is your 17 yo younger brother

- "now you know his age!"

- "I didn't until now, you just told me"

- "how do you know Tyrelle?"

- "you posted him on Facebook. You have a Facebook account!"

- "I wish you all the best"

So I said "you as well" and then the convo disappeared.

I went to bed at 2:30 during this chat, but man was it worth it lol

I'm doing it everytime now. Especially with cunts. The way I see it, you posted publicly, you should be ok with people knowing it.

I bet she is changing her name (she talked about it) on Tinder now to prevent this. I bet good money she doesn't go out on a Tinder date in at least 2 years.

Aaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnndddddd this kind of shit is why I just closed all my online dating accounts. Fuck the shitshow