Dating - Good/Bad Experiences

[King Rudi]

Originally Posted by FuzzyPeaches

I have a good one. But first.... Do we have any widows/widowers in here?

I can appreciate your consideration of the feelings of others on here, but......drop whatever this story is that I can only consider some soon to be greatness

[FuzzyPeaches]

Originally Posted by Now_Rudi

I can appreciate your consideration of the feelings of others on here, but......drop whatever this story is that I can only consider some soon to be greatness

LOL! Its not for the feelings of those here. Its more me looking for advice since I've started dating a widow.

I was also a little drunk last night when I posted that and don't normally put my issues out there for people I don't know. I might come back after work and throw the pieces out there and see if anyone can help me put them together correctly.

[upstatedoc]

a widow/widower needs time. my ex bil's wife died when she was 35. that was 6 years ago. i dont think he started dating again for 4 years after that

[King Rudi]

Originally Posted by FuzzyPeaches

LOL! Its not for the feelings of those here. Its more me looking for advice since I've started dating a widow.

I was also a little drunk last night when I posted that and don't normally put my issues out there for people I don't know. I might come back after work and throw the pieces out there and see if anyone can help me put them together correctly.

You have come to the right place. I'm sure this will not come to a shock of anyone who has read this thread from beginning to end, but I have some experience with widows. Let's have your query and I will either give you the best or worst advice (sometimes it's both) you've ever had.

[King Rudi]

Originally Posted by upstatedoc

a widow/widower needs time. my ex bil's wife died when she was 35. that was 6 years ago. i dont think he started dating again for 4 years after that

Not always the case. I've seen both sides of the spectrum on this. Really depends on the person and the mental duress they are under. Children born of said marriage play a hand in this as well.

[FuzzyPeaches]

Sorry. I forgot about this once I got home last night.

Things with her seem to be going really well, but then she starts getting weird and saying typical things like "I'm just worried about timing" and such. She comes across as wanting to date but being very worried that she can't spend enough time with me as a single mother to 2 young teens.

I just keep trying to put her at ease that I'm good with spending whatever time we can find together.

[King Rudi]

Originally Posted by FuzzyPeaches

Sorry. I forgot about this once I got home last night.

Things with her seem to be going really well, but then she starts getting weird and saying typical things like "I'm just worried about timing" and such. She comes across as wanting to date but being very worried that she can't spend enough time with me as a single mother to 2 young teens.

I just keep trying to put her at ease that I'm good with spending whatever time we can find together.

Sounds like you actually have yourself a keeper. She's obviously a forward thinker as timing/her time/your time is a consideration and not an afterthought. I would simply let her know, that if you truly feel that, whatever time she can make for you is enough. In the event that she isn't using that as an excuse as not to get tied down then you should be good. Just continue to be considerate, warm, accepting and reassuring. Keep in mind that although you may be (or feel that you are) doing everything right while being patient, this doesn't mean that it will go the way you want. Resilience is key here. If it doesn't turn out the way you want, it doesn't mean that you failed and it doesn't make her a bad person. Funny things those emotions.

How long ago did her significant other pass? How long were they together?

If she's spending any time at all with you it's good sign. Stay your path and keep us informed.

[Joekerr]

Originally Posted by FuzzyPeaches

Sorry. I forgot about this once I got home last night.

Things with her seem to be going really well, but then she starts getting weird and saying typical things like "I'm just worried about timing" and such. She comes across as wanting to date but being very worried that she can't spend enough time with me as a single mother to 2 young teens.

I just keep trying to put her at ease that I'm good with spending whatever time we can find together.

Originally Posted by Now_Rudi

Sounds like you actually have yourself a keeper. She's obviously a forward thinker as timing/her time/your time is a consideration and not an afterthought. I would simply let her know, that if you truly feel that, whatever time she can make for you is enough. In the event that she isn't using that as an excuse as not to get tied down then you should be good. Just continue to be considerate, warm, accepting and reassuring. Keep in mind that although you may be (or feel that you are) doing everything right while being patient, this doesn't mean that it will go the way you want. Resilience is key here. If it doesn't turn out the way you want, it doesn't mean that you failed and it doesn't make her a bad person. Funny things those emotions.

How long ago did her significant other pass? How long were they together?

If she's spending any time at all with you it's good sign. Stay your path and keep us informed.

Whoa there "Rudi"...now I know I say that we are all therapists here (with the exception of an Uncle who...well, you know...becomes two words and all). But as with all good therapists, you need to pay a price for therapy.

And Fuzzy here promised us a story as payment. You went and let him have the milk before he bought the cow.

Good comments, no doubt...but Fuzzy - you owe us a story!

[King Rudi]

Originally Posted by Joekerr

Whoa there "Rudi"...now I know I say that we are all therapists here (with the exception of an Uncle who...well, you know...becomes two words and all). But as with all good therapists, you need to pay a price for therapy.

And Fuzzy here promised us a story as payment. You went and let him have the milk before he bought the cow.

Good comments, no doubt...but Fuzzy - you owe us a story!

Story Shmory! Leave the boy alone and let him enjoy his widow chase-ry!

[Joekerr]

Originally Posted by Now_Rudi

I can appreciate your consideration of the feelings of others on here, but......drop whatever this story is that I can only consider some soon to be greatness

Originally Posted by Now_Rudi

Story Shmory! Leave the boy alone and let him enjoy his widow chase-ry!

You understand, of course, that I find the dichotomy of these two statements from the same person to be amusing...right?

My memory is still somewhat sharp me auld son.

[King Rudi]

Originally Posted by Joekerr

You understand, of course, that I find the dichotomy of these two statements from the same person to be amusing...right?

My memory is still somewhat sharp me auld son.

Alright fine! Spill it FuzzyPeaches

[FuzzyPeaches]

OH... I'm afraid there's going to be a little disappointment here. As I said previously, I was a bit under the influence when I made the original post. There's no real "story". More a situation for the collective mind here to mull over and good good, bad, or hilarious advice.

[King Rudi]

Originally Posted by FuzzyPeaches

OH... I'm afraid there's going to be a little disappointment here. As I said previously, I was a bit under the influence when I made the original post. There's no real "story". More a situation for the collective mind here to mull over and good good, bad, or hilarious advice.

Be a sport and make some shit up. A dating thread revival is needed. More cowbell anyone? Where the hell is Pickle???

[someguywithanm3]

Originally Posted by bimmette

There's just one guy dating a widow.

Am I that guy?

I'm currently dating one and I'm loving it. She does talk about her dead husband from time to time, but I'm ok with it. She treats me really well and I'm really lucky to have her.

It did take a long time for her to go from friend to something more though. That was a frustrating experience.

[FuzzyPeaches]

Originally Posted by Now_Rudi

Sounds like you actually have yourself a keeper. She's obviously a forward thinker as timing/her time/your time is a consideration and not an afterthought. I would simply let her know, that if you truly feel that, whatever time she can make for you is enough. In the event that she isn't using that as an excuse as not to get tied down then you should be good. Just continue to be considerate, warm, accepting and reassuring. Keep in mind that although you may be (or feel that you are) doing everything right while being patient, this doesn't mean that it will go the way you want. Resilience is key here. If it doesn't turn out the way you want, it doesn't mean that you failed and it doesn't make her a bad person. Funny things those emotions.

All good advice and exactly how I'm trying to respond to the situation.

Originally Posted by Now_Rudi

How long ago did her significant other pass? How long were they together?

He passed around 3 years ago. I'm not sure the exact amount of time, but I'm guessing near 15 years since the oldest would have been 11 when he passed.

She has also had a failed 1.5 year relationship in the time between the death of her husband and now.

Originally Posted by Now_Rudi

If she's spending any time at all with you it's good sign. Stay your path and keep us informed.

That's how I'm taking it. She did invite me over to her neighborhood pool over the weekend saying it would be nice to have me there with her. I'm not able to go to her house though, because she isn't ready to explain to her kids who I am.

[FuzzyPeaches]

Originally Posted by someguywithanm3

Am I that guy?

I'm currently dating one and I'm loving it. She does talk about her dead husband from time to time, but I'm ok with it. She treats me really well and I'm really lucky to have her.

It did take a long time for her to go from friend to something more though. That was a frustrating experience.

What's the time-frame for your experience? How long after she became a widow and how long did it take for you to move into the "more" roll?

I understand everyone is different.

[someguywithanm3]

Originally Posted by FuzzyPeaches

That's how I'm taking it. She did invite me over to her neighborhood pool over the weekend saying it would be nice to have me there with her. I'm not able to go to her house though, because she isn't ready to explain to her kids who I am.

Keep doing what you're doing and good luck.

[King Rudi]

Originally Posted by FuzzyPeaches

All good advice and exactly how I'm trying to respond to the situation.



He passed around 3 years ago. I'm not sure the exact amount of time, but I'm guessing near 15 years since the oldest would have been 11 when he passed.

She has also had a failed 1.5 year relationship in the time between the death of her husband and now.



That's how I'm taking it. She did invite me over to her neighborhood pool over the weekend saying it would be nice to have me there with her. I'm not able to go to her house though, because she isn't ready to explain to her kids who I am.

Interesting on the time frames. Both length of time with the deceased husband and the 1.5 year relationship after indicates that she isn't someone who demonstrates what I refer to as "monkey syndrome" (going from limb to limb to support her all while not letting go of one limb until she already has her hand on another). This is very much a good thing. Not common in today's dating scene. Also the lack of being able to go to her house in avoidance of the conversation with the kids as to who you are is noble as well. No guidance needed here. You already know what you must do, just continue. This could mutually beneficial.

[someguywithanm3]

Originally Posted by FuzzyPeaches

What's the time-frame for your experience? How long after she became a widow and how long did it take for you to move into the "more" roll?

I understand everyone is different.

She became a widow about 3-4 years ago. It took about 5-6 months (I think). It was a lot of work though. I gave up and that's when she reached out to me saying she loved me.

[someguywithanm3]

Originally Posted by Now_Rudi

Interesting on the time frames. Both length of time with the deceased husband and the 1.5 year relationship after indicates that she isn't someone who demonstrates what I refer to as "monkey syndrome" (going from limb to limb to support her all while not letting go of one limb until she already has her hand on another). This is very much a good thing. Not common in today's dating scene. Also the lack of being able to go to her house in avoidance of the conversation with the kids as to who you are is noble as well. No guidance needed here. You already know what you must do, just continue. This could mutually beneficial.

That reminds me, even though we are dating, I'm still not allowed to hug or kiss her around her daughter. I think that's a good thing.

[King Rudi]

Originally Posted by someguywithanm3

That reminds me, even though we are dating, I'm still not allowed to hug or kiss her around her daughter. I think that's a good thing.

That's a good mother and a good woman right there.

I couldn't tell you how long the girlfriend and I were together before we were affectionate in front her children. Wasn't really something that we discussed, just the way it was. Now that they are well acclimated with me they are not bothered with it. We do get the occasional "GROSS!" when they see it.

[Turkish Pickle]

now that school's out i'm pretty dateless actually - kinda figured it'd be like this but long hours on construction and suburbia isn't really treating me well. "breaking up" with that one girl that lives 15-20 mins away from me was a bad move but it is what it is

on the bright side, i'm putting in hella work and i'm getting paid pretty well because of over time.

I'm actually looking to buy an E46 soon