Dating - Good/Bad Experiences

[upstatedoc]

Originally Posted by someguywithanm3

I believe it's been 3 years.

that seems like enough time to grieve but everyones different

[someguywithanm3]

She told me she still loves him.

She's pretty and is a genuinely nice girl, so I was wondering why she was available. I think it's because she hasn't been able to move on.

[bimmette]

Originally Posted by someguywithanm3

She told me she still loves him.

She's pretty and is a genuinely nice girl, so I was wondering why she was available. I think it's because she hasn't been able to move on.

That's so sad. I understand your frustration but can you imagine finding your perfect love and then having them die? I can not even fathom how devastating that is. Some people never recover.

[King Rudi]

Originally Posted by someguywithanm3

She told me she still loves him.

She's pretty and is a genuinely nice girl, so I was wondering why she was available. I think it's because she hasn't been able to move on.

I have a bad feeling you're about to break her heart as well. I understand where you are coming from though. Tough situation. I feel like she is really into you but may need some help with letting go. Is she in therapy or has she been? I think everyone has some shit they need to sort out and having another persons perspective on it, especially a trained one, really helps in most cases.

I really hate to see two people that genuinely clique not stay together over underlying issues. Good luck man.

[Turkish Pickle]

Lately I've been not feeling any vibes with a girl, especially the last 3-4 days, so I decided to remove myself from the equation. I can't say i feel bad about doing this, destroying a 228 day streak etc I literally don't feel any remorse about it. I have "ghosted" her as you would call it probably, i just stopped responding in general but I geniuinely felt like that was the only way out for me because it's not like we were in a position to "break up" since nothing was official really.

Odd how some stuff falls apart as time goes on, right?

[aozer]

Originally Posted by Bayerische Motoren Werke

Lately I've been not feeling any vibes with a girl, especially the last 3-4 days, so I decided to remove myself from the equation. I can't say i feel bad about doing this, destroying a 228 day streak etc I literally don't feel any remorse about it. I have "ghosted" her as you would call it probably, i just stopped responding in general but I geniuinely felt like that was the only way out for me because it's not like we were in a position to "break up" since nothing was official really.

Odd how some stuff falls apart as time goes on, right?

Yea I just recently did the same thing. She texted me after our second date and said we should do it again some time. I just deleted her number and never responded. After listening to her complain about her boring ass job for two hours while we were getting drinks I realized I couldn’t stand to see her again.

[Turkish Pickle]

Originally Posted by aozer

Yea I just recently did the same thing. She texted me after our second date and said we should do it again some time. I just deleted her number and never responded. After listening to her complain about her boring ass job for two hours while we were getting drinks I realized I couldn’t stand to see her again.

dude, with this girl i distinctly remember asking my mom if concussions cause people to talk a lot

literally the first time we ever went out, gave me her whole life story. i stuck around because she's fun in bed but she's completely boring; recently she got back with her ex too and even though they arent "exclusive" they were pretty much dating aka no sex for me. call it a shallow move but if i can't stand to hang out with someone in a friendly manner, nor do i get laid i don't see a reason to stick around...

met a cute girl over the weekend though, will see how that goes. she's a sophomore thinking of transferring into the school from a community college, got her number and we've been chatting; she even asked about the blockchain scene on campus...

[bimmette]

You guys that ghost are rude. How hard is it to text:
"Hey, look I don't see us going anywhere/ don't see you as more than a friend/ don't feel any chemistry, so I won't be in contact anymore. Best of luck to you."
You don't even have to do it in person or call. Be a decent person.

[G35POPPEDMYCHERRY]

Originally Posted by bimmette

You guys that ghost are rude. How hard is it to text:
"Hey, look I don't see us going anywhere/ don't see you as more than a friend/ don't feel any chemistry, so I won't be in contact anymore. Best of luck to you."
You don't even have to do it in person or call. Be a decent person.

i think ghosting goes both ways regardless of gender.

its fucking sick what dating apps have made dating become....

but maybe back in the day people got ghosted more, since no text/email?

[Turkish Pickle]

Originally Posted by bimmette

You guys that ghost are rude. How hard is it to text:
"Hey, look I don't see us going anywhere/ don't see you as more than a friend/ don't feel any chemistry, so I won't be in contact anymore. Best of luck to you."
You don't even have to do it in person or call. Be a decent person.

i dont think anyone can argue ghosting isn't rude, but sometimes it is the only way to go

like in my case, i wasn't in a relationship with the girl. sending a "hey i dont think we should see each other" would be out of place, just like "i dont want to be friends anymore" could be understood as me trying to get her into a relationship instead, potentially leaving me to be ghosted if she wasn't interested in that.


besides, she gave VERY shitty hugs. if you give shitty hugs you deserve to be ghosted

[bimmette]

Originally Posted by G35POPPEDMYCHERRY

i think ghosting goes both ways regardless of gender.

its fucking sick what dating apps have made dating become....

but maybe back in the day people got ghosted more, since no text/email?

Yes, of course girls do it too. It's cowardly and immature. Prior to texting, it was expected that people break up in person. Just a couple weeks ago, someone just asked my friend out for coffee to tell her he wasn't interested after a couple dates. In my opinion, that's just a waste of time for everyone. A simple ten-second text is all that's needed.

[******]

Unless you’ve made a commitment of exclusivity I don’t think giving notice is necessary. In a way it’s presumptuous imo. At least that’s how I always rationalized it when I just never called again.

[Turkish Pickle]

Originally Posted by ******

Unless you’ve made a commitment of exclusivity I don’t think giving notice is necessary. In a way it’s presumptuous imo. At least that’s how I always rationalized it when I just never called again.

precisely this is why i did what i did...

[Turkish Pickle]

side note: she's been sending me snaps since the morning but they're all "streaks!!" kinda snaps; until she sends something directed to me im not responding lol

if you can't even have the decency to ask "why did you kill our streak" i wont go out of my way to give an explanation...

[King Rudi]

Originally Posted by Bayerische Motoren Werke

Lately I've been not feeling any vibes with a girl, especially the last 3-4 days, so I decided to remove myself from the equation. I can't say i feel bad about doing this, destroying a 228 day streak etc I literally don't feel any remorse about it. I have "ghosted" her as you would call it probably, i just stopped responding in general but I geniuinely felt like that was the only way out for me because it's not like we were in a position to "break up" since nothing was official really.

Odd how some stuff falls apart as time goes on, right?

Barkin....my man....228 days? First off, you kept track of the days? Not sure what to say about that. Aside from the past 3-4 days, how long has the vibe gone down hill? Time will always wither away most anything. I feel like we need to know more here. Is she still contacting you and you just stopped replying at all? You know you could simply just tell her that you aren't feeling it and talk to her about it. Consistency is key my friend, whether it be with education, physical fitness, employment or relationships. If you weren't vibing with school would you just stop going? If work bums you out would you just not go anymore and ghost your employer?

Don't get me wrong here, not coming down on you at all. Just food for thought. I realize she may not be "the one" or something to be "committed" to, but being a gentleman means being a gentleman even when you don't want to be or feel like you need to be because of the situation or lack of vibes. Have a talk with her and explain what's going on in your head. Always communicate unless it causes problems for you. I've made it a point to leave every situation, whether it be a relationship, a job, etc. with explaining my end and why I've made the decision I have. Word of mouth is your best advertisement of who you are as a person. I've had ex-girlfriends talk to other women about me that ultimately piqued their interest in me.

With this being said, I have straight up ghosted some women myself, but this was because they were bat-shit crazy or expected something from me that I wasn't going to provide.....or they simply weren't worth the frustration of having the conversation due to issues on their end.

[cmyx6go]

Originally Posted by Now_Rudi

Don't get me wrong here, not coming down on you at all. Just food for thought. I realize she may not be "the one" or something to be "committed" to, but being a gentleman means being a gentleman even when you don't want to be or feel like you need to be because of the situation or lack of vibes. Have a talk with her and explain what's going on in your head. Always communicate unless it causes problems for you. I've made it a point to leave every situation, whether it be a relationship, a job, etc. with explaining my end and why I've made the decision I have. Word of mouth is your best advertisement of who you are as a person. I've had ex-girlfriends talk to other women about me that ultimately piqued their interest in me.

^ This. Treat people the way you want to be treated.

[King Rudi]

Originally Posted by bimmette

Yes, of course girls do it too. It's cowardly and immature. Prior to texting, it was expected that people break up in person. Just a couple weeks ago, someone just asked my friend out for coffee to tell her he wasn't interested after a couple dates. In my opinion, that's just a waste of time for everyone. A simple ten-second text is all that's needed.

I could see going out for coffee to end things in the event that this had been going on for a few months or sexual congress had been entered, but just a few dates. Yeah this seems a bit pretentious on his end.

I met a girl on a dating site years ago. She was attractive, smart, educated and the conversation was good...but I reek of "bad boy" and "trouble" to most women....it's an interesting mix of reactions from ladies; only those that can hang, do. This girl was an only child from a devout christian family. Church every Sunday, never smoked a cigarette, had only had a few drinks of wine total in her entire life. I'm covered in tattoos, my language could make a sailor blush and my life has been riddled with bad decisions but DAMN GOOD times. Obviously this wasn't going to work out but she was intrigued with how someone could ride both sides of the fence with being professional, well spoken, educated and yet the devil at the same time. The point of all this is that she did take the time to send me a message one day stating that she had been talking to someone else and there was a stronger connection there as he fit her lifestyle a little better than I did. Perhaps I should have taken this differently but I laughed about it. The point is that I greatly appreciated her honesty in stating this. She didn't make a big production about it, but it was short, sweet and to the point. I still applaud her for this.

Funny side story: I responded to her message with something to the affect of- "I can't believe you've done this to me. I was in love with you and wanted to spend the rest of our lives together." By the time I hit send on the second message that read, "I'm totally joking, I sincerely wish you all the best. Thank you for your honesty. It was pleasure getting to know you" she had blocked me. She honestly thought I was serious and blocked my ass! I still laugh about this sometimes.

[JP10]

Rudi, snapchat keeps track of the "streak". Essentially they just have to send each other 1 snap a day to keep the "streak" alive. Not saying hes not a psychopath, but at least not to that extent.

Younger girls love showing off their streaks an shit, gives them a sense of meaningness, hopelessness in my eyes, bogued down by pressure of falling out of the "social loop".

Not sure how to comment on OP keeping a streak to that extent alive for so long, shows tech has tight grip on your nuts lol.

[King Rudi]

Originally Posted by JP10

Rudi, snapchat keeps track of the "streak". Essentially they just have to send each other 1 snap a day to keep the "streak" alive. Not saying hes not a psychopath, but at least not to that extent.

Younger girls love showing off their streaks an shit, gives them a sense of meaningness, hopelessness in my eyes, bogued down by pressure of falling out of the "social loop".

Not sure how to comment on OP keeping a streak to that extent alive for so long, shows tech has tight grip on your nuts lol.

I did not know this. Not on snapchat so thanks for the explanation. I now officially feel old. I suppose I'm in a place in life where not being in the social media loop is cool.....to me anyway. Being disconnected brings an entirely new level of freedom, peace.....disassociation and risk of sounding old too apparently.

I'll now take my old ass to the corner and watch the youngsters talk about how relationships won't work for them as they ghost each other.

[Grumpy Old Man]

Originally Posted by Bayerische Motoren Werke

side note: she's been sending me snaps since the morning but they're all "streaks!!" kinda snaps; until she sends something directed to me im not responding lol

if you can't even have the decency to ask "why did you kill our streak" i wont go out of my way to give an explanation...

What language is this.....faulk I must be old and honestly have been with my wife for almost 15 years so really out of the loop.

My two cents, I think I have to side with Bimmette on this. If you go out with someone the least you can do is make a phone call or text I guess to say you don't see it going anywhere. I'm just trying to imagine what my response would be if I went out with someone, then sent them a text or whatever suggesting a second date and I got crickets. I think the golden rule should be adhered to.

I guess it's best I'm married.

[JP10]

Originally Posted by Now_Rudi

I did not know this. Not on snapchat so thanks for the explanation. I now officially feel old. I suppose I'm in a place in life where not being in the social media loop is cool.....to me anyway. Being disconnected brings an entirely new level of freedom, peace.....disassociation and risk of sounding old too apparently.

I'll now take my old ass to the corner and watch the youngsters talk about how relationships won't work for them as they ghost each other.

Haha no problem man, I'm not on many social apps(I get shit on all the time for not having facebook), but I do enjoy snapchat. Photos/videos have a time limit and when the limit is reach they're gone for ever, so it has its benefits which shouldn't need explaining.

It also has practical uses, doesn't require much data to send a photo/video that expires, my dad uses it when hes ocean bound and out of range. He can still send videos/photos even when he doesn't have mobile signal. It gets annoying when I get video after video from him, but regardless good to stay in touch haha.

The negatives: people know when you open the photo/vid, and the less muture are prone to getting aggrevated by this lmao. This girl will probably be bummed if that streak ends.

Explaining social norms of the current generation is rather difficult because like you said, being disconnected bring the feeling of freedom. The current generation is chained down by the constant "need" to stay in the loop, i.e. not free. It's actually sad.

[someguywithanm3]

Originally Posted by bimmette

That's so sad. I understand your frustration but can you imagine finding your perfect love and then having them die? I can not even fathom how devastating that is. Some people never recover.

I think it will take her a few more years to recover.

She told me yesterday that she considered us more than friends, but that she was afraid of falling in love with me.

I told her I had given up hope that anything would happen between us, but that I wasn't mad at her. I said I needed time to gather my thoughts and I left.

She text me that she liked me a lot and that she cared about me. First time she texted a heart emoji.

Poor girl, but she'll be fine with or without me. All it takes is time.