Dating - Good/Bad Experiences

[PshhhhhMW]

Originally Posted by Not_Judy

So you don't feel that I am being selfish? I feel this way because I don't deal with small kids and I don't stay for a week at a time at her house, etc.

I'm in the same boat as you at the moment. Great girl but just doesnt have her life together. Shes currently living with me and when she moved in all I wanted from her was to buy groceries about $3-400/month so she could save money.

Fast forward to this past week I come to find out she has nothing left in her savings because her work has been slow. Is panicking because she literally has not much left. Helping her find a new job now and I cant help but feel betrayed. Part of her saving was so we can get a bigger place of our own.

Before I asked this girl to move in with me, I had a couple of people warn me or advised me to find a woman at my level. Going to have a talk with her once the dust settles and she finds a new job. Having that convo now will probably just make things worse.

As far as your situation goes, a lot of people already addressed the lack of consideration on her part. Also, I'm always about keeping life simple which doesnt sound like what you've got going. Lastly, I'm going to have to tell you what my friends told me, you should look for a partner at or close to your level in life

[IllSic_Design]

Wow. I can see why it feels like your privacy was invaded, it is public but its also like a close knit group of friends and what we say here stays here kind of thing. I can see why she would be a little upset but it's not like you were straight putting her down or talking shit about her, just stating facts and your feelings. Shitty situation my friend, sorry.

[Turkish Pickle]

I'm at a loss for words wow

[bimmette]

Originally Posted by Not_Judy

Thank you everyone for the responses. I appreciate it more than you realize.

Now dig this. As I am going home from work today she sends a text message asking if she can come by. She was supposed to come stay the night with me anyway. She comes to my place clearly upset. She had been lurking on here reading this thread. I have to say that I'm a bit in shock. I asked about how she came to this thread and she stated that someone contacted her on facebook and told her to read it. Considering I know none of you personally and that none of you even know her name (I've been very mindful in never sharing her name on here) I find this extremely difficult to believe.

Long story short, she has been reading my posts on here and came by to let me know how upset she was before getting her things, handing me my garage door opener and leaving.

WOW!!!! Strange events transpiring within in an hour. I have to say this is a first for me to post my relationship on a forum and have the other party reading it as it unfolded. I'm sure she will be seeing this as well.

I must say that knowing she read all of this makes me feel like my privacy is somewhat violated. Yes, this is a public forum and anyone can see it but do any of your wives, husbands or girlfriend lurk on here to see what you have posted. Am I wrong for being upset by this. I can see from her perspective how she would be hurt by reading this but damn.....

Wow, I'm sorry this happened! You should feel violated but it's also a public thread so she didn't really do anything wrong if someone figured out who you were. I once had an obsessed ex who knew I was always on here and stalked me on here too. It's one reason why I'm careful what I post to this day since I'm not anonymous.

[PshhhhhMW]

Who's the white knight trying to break you two up?? Lol crazy!

[Turkish Pickle]

Originally Posted by bimmette

Wow, I'm sorry this happened! You should feel violated but it's also a public thread so she didn't really do anything wrong if someone figured out who you were. I once had an obsessed ex who knew I was always on here and stalked me on here too. It's one reason why I'm careful what I post to this day since I'm not anonymous.

I'd say its slightly different though... you have your insta linked in your sig


unless someone put in the effort to find him through his car, and not only stop there but figure out who mrs. not_judy was that's borderline creepy

[CTinline-six]

Wow that's pretty insane. I mean it has to be someone who knows your name, etc, to find you/her on facebook. Also someone douchy enough to show it to her.

That's a low blow whoever did it.


I think you are justified in how you felt. I haven't dated anyone with those issues but I had a friend like that. He is a great guy but smoking got in the way of life for him. He went from a great job/wife/daughter to now he works at Autozone, is divorced, and hangs out with some of the nastiest women I've ever seen who also smoke constantly.

She has young kids, and needs to get her life together, for both her sake and their sake. Nobody can fault you for feeling this way, even if she doesn't understand that right at this moment. Maybe this will be the wake up call she needs. If you care for her a lot, it might be worth saying that you want to be there for her but things can only continue if she gets her act together.

[******]

Pretty bizarre, but at least she now knows how you feel. I think if she upon reflection doesn’t see some responsibility on her part to help correct things, you might be better apart.

[Dogeeseegod]

Originally Posted by Herdalum

Pretty bizarre, but at least she now knows how you feel. I think if she upon reflection doesn’t see some responsibility on her part to help correct things, you might be better apart.

I was about to say the same thing. Getting this kind of perspective from your significant other would be hard, but would give true insight into the nature of your relationship and really provide some area for growth.

[******]

Originally Posted by Not_Judy

I don't feel that anyone here figured out who I am and contacted her. Her name has never been mentioned on this site and no one here knows me personally. Yes a few of the members here have my cell phone number but even those members have no idea what her name is. I feel like her stating that was a way to avoid the topic of the fact that she was and I hate to use the word stalking, but stalking me online. It's simply a lack of trust due to insecurity and I hate that for her.

You think she got here by snooping? Sounds like that may be it...

[******]

Originally Posted by Not_Judy

This is the only means I see. I hate to think that but there is no other option.

This may sound odd, but I wouldn’t actually hold that against her that much. Anybody who’s ever been cheated on probably has that deep down to want to trust but verify. But you’ve never said anything here to indicate you’ve been unfaithful in your relationship with her. I can see how she might not like your sharing this stuff with us, but, hey, this should be a wake up call for her imo...

[King Rudi]

Originally Posted by Herdalum

This may sound odd, but I wouldn’t actually hold that against her that much. Anybody who’s ever been cheated on probably has that deep down to want to trust but verify. But you’ve never said anything here to indicate you’ve been unfaithful in your relationship with her. I can see how she might not like your sharing this stuff with us, but, hey, this should be a wake up call for her imo...

The way I see this forum is that I came here to get knowledge on my car, then made some relationships with most of the OT posters. We all have a good understanding of each others personalities and I consider many of you "online friends" although we don't know each other personally. There are many things on here that I've posted that I would prefer her not to have read, much like how women discuss personal things with their close friends they would not like their significant others knowing. Quite frankly, if she were to look past the things that upset her about what has been posted, I personally believe that I have mentioned quite a bit of positive things about her.....aside from things that have frustrated me as of late.

I can see how someone reading my posts would get their feelings hurt, but I don't feel that I have said anything that wasn't true to how I feel. It's not as if I dogged her on here. I'm sure that she isn't happy about some of the more intimate details I've shared but it's not as if I mentioned her name or posted pictures of her. Aside from the recent posts I must say I would be somewhat flattered if the same were said about me.

[******]

Originally Posted by Not_Judy

She left a pair of shoes at my place so I called her to come and get them. I tried talking to her for a moment and she still swears that someone from here contacted her on facebook and told her to read this thread. She wouldn't say who contacted her as "it's irrelevant."

I still call bullshit.

Yeah, she just doesn’t want to admit it...

[IllSic_Design]

Have you shared your full name on this forum or with anyone on this forum? Someone would have to do A LOT of digging and searching to find out who you are exactly(if at all possible, not sure how much you share on the internet) if they didn't have your full name.

I'm having a hard time believing someone on here did it, but if so then they are exactly what's wrong with today's society.

[bimmette]

She could have been reading this thread for awhile and after today, couldn't take it anymore.
Also, hi girl, heard you're smokin hot! At least he said all that nice stuff about you! But seriously, sounds like you two weren't a good match. I hope you both find someone who makes you happy.

[******]

My two cents worth, if reading this makes her want to break things permanently, let her.

I think she’ll cool off and want back in.

[aozer]

lol damn i should probably change my username. seeing as how its just my first initial and last name it probably would be pretty easy to find me.

[Joekerr]

Originally Posted by aozer

lol damn i should probably change my username. seeing as how its just my first initial and last name it probably would be pretty easy to find me.

Ha ha - that's why I go by Joe Kerr - though my wife knows that pen name, so she could still find me if she wished, but nobody else, which is how I like it.

Jody - sorry dude....I'm not normally on here at night, but read the story on my phone and wanted to log in to express my sympathy. I know from reading your posts that there were some things that frustrated you, but that you really enjoyed being with her as well and really appreciated all the good she brought to your life and this relationship meant a lot to you...which is probably part of the reason why you were frustrated - you saw a lot of value and really wanted it to work.

But it isn't necessarily over either - maybe she only read a part of your posts, but haven't read them all...my guess is if she values you like you value her, she'll probably privately read the rest of your posts too and see there is a balance. And then you will both have to decide if there's something there worth pursuing, or whether that's really it.

I wish you all the best - and if you need to talk, PM me.

I'm with you on the facebook thing though...I really doubt someone could have drilled down that far to find her, and even if they did, why? Doesn't really make sense, can't understand what they would hope to gain.

[Turkish Pickle]

even if they knew your name it's still a great mystery as to who your gf could be
i'm pretty sure she isn't the only person you follow/follows you or your only friend on facebook etc
"hearing about this through facebook" as you said is an excuse to cover something up because i feel like you aren't the kind of guy to post a pic with your girl and tag her with a caption like "girlfriend appreciation post!!!!!!" so knowing your phone number isnt really going to help any of us find a girl that we don't know what she looks like or any "real" detail...


it's extremely bizzare and unsettling

[DETRoadster]

Well shoot. I've been off this thread for a while. Sorry to see you and your lady are having problems Not_Judy . That sucks.

From what you are saying it seems like she's a good person and you guys have fun together, but she's just in a different place in her life than you are. It seems you are viewing her more as someone to hang out with and have fun with and less as a partner. Nothing wrong with that of course, but it means that relationship has gone as far as you will allow it to. It's not going to get fundamentally better as you two are not going to get any closer. She has her kids and her life, you have your kids and your life. You two intersect in the middle somewhere when time, money, etc. allows. it seems you are hovering someplace between "friends with benefits" and "partner." If all involved are happy with that, then game on. But the fact that you are here sharing this and clearly disappointed by the state of affairs tells me you want more from a relationship, just not more from THIS relationship. Sorry man, but I think your options are: Status Quo, or move on.

[Turkish Pickle]

lowkey, it might be time to change your wifi password and maybe even activate the MAC filter on your router

im extremely paranoid about this kind of stuff and know a lot which just adds to the paranoia, but if you need any help making your network more "secure" by any means, in case you have any feeling of she might be sniffing around instead of just seeing the thread open send me a text/PM and I'll help you out

then again this is the ballistic option but you never know... i have two printers in my apartment for my network and for my roommate's computer/ps4 etc because of this reason hahah once you know what's possible it's hard to go back

[CTinline-six]

Originally Posted by Bayerische Motoren Werke

once you know what's possible it's hard to go back

Bingo.