The official "Ask a cop/deputy anything!" thread

[Murf993]

Originally Posted by Sedan_Clan

That brings back dildo memories.

While on patrol I observed a vehicle make an unsafe lane change, causing another vehicle to promptly brake to avoid a collision, so I conducted a traffic stop on the vehicle. While waiting for the driver to submit within a reasonable time/distance, I could see a lot of movement inside of the vehicle. My initial thought was, "I'm about to be in pursuit or I'm about to get a gun.......or both!" Once the vehicle stopped, I approached the vehicle and contacted the driver. During the course of my investigation, I determined the driver was unlicensed, intoxicated, had open containers of alcoholic beverages inside of the vehicle and had possession of a baton (...a felony stat under the circumstances). During an inventory of the vehicle, I found a dildo.......a recently removed/used dildo.......with remnants of the usage still present and fresh. My suspicion is he pulled it out prior to submitting to my authority and pulling over. Suffice it to say that I did not book that as evidence to his impaired/distracted driving.

Trying to stay with the "dildo theme". We were doing a search warrant at an apartment that was being used for drugs and prostitution activity. I remember finding a set of electric Ben Wa balls with a long cord and remote, I came out of the bedroom with these things on the floor in front of me vibrating them away, kind of looked like walking a couple of mice on leashes......the other coppers had a bit of a laugh over that.

[mahalom3]

Originally Posted by Murf993

Trying to stay with the "dildo theme". We were doing a search warrant at an apartment that was being used for drugs and prostitution activity. I remember finding a set of electric Ben Wa balls with a long cord and remote, I came out of the bedroom with these things on the floor in front of me vibrating them away, kind of looked like walking a couple of mice on leashes......the other coppers had a bit of a laugh over that.

On W1, an unknown trouble call for service at a local Motel 7, spoke to the RP, stated it was on the second floor room so and so. My partner and I knocked on the door, (WMA) a tweeker opens the door, we ask him what is going on, he said nothing, we ask for consent to check his room, the room was in disarray, checked the bathroom and found several large cucumbers laying inside the bath tub. Ran him for warrants, he is a 11550 registrant (Drug user).

[Murf993]

Originally Posted by mahalom3

On W1, an unknown trouble call for service at a local Motel 7, spoke to the RP, stated it was on the second floor room so and so. My partner and I knocked on the door, (WMA) a tweeker opens the door, we ask him what is going on, he said nothing, we ask for consent to check his room, the room was in disarray, checked the bathroom and found several large cucumbers laying inside the bath tub. Ran him for warrants, he is a 11550 registrant (Drug user).

Hmmm, cucumbers.

[Murf993]

My partner and I got a call to the HoJo on Bay at Avenue Road, this is in Yorkville which is a pretty wealthy part of downtown. The call was to see a couple of ladies of the evening in the lobby they were complaining primarily about a fare dispute with a client. He'd hired the two of them, and wanted to film the encounter and they were good with that. This was back in the early 2000's. Anyway during the dispute it got a bit heated and I think a minor assault had occurred. My parter and I took their info and told them to wait in the lobby. Went upstairs and did the door knock, the guy opens the door buck naked sees us and then trys to slam the door. We push our way in and he goes quite active. The whole thing was a bit surreal, a really nice suite with big windows and the downtown all lit up, there was a full size media style camera on a tripod with lights all directed at the bed. I remember when we went to ground him we landed on the bed and while we were both on top of the guy cuffing him I said to my partner I hope to hell that thing isn't recording.

I hate fighting naked guys.

We ended up seizing all the gear as it belonged to a national news outlet from out of province, he was in Toronto without permission to have taken the gear.

[Sedan_Clan]

I love the stories. It's great stuff.

[spazzyfry123]

Originally Posted by Murf993

I hate fighting naked guys.

Top five quote here, folks.

[Murf993]

Originally Posted by spazzyfry123

Top five quote here, folks.

It might surprise you but it's happened a few times.

[Littlebear]

Originally Posted by Murf993

It might surprise you but it's happened a few times.

As a lifeguard, we wrestled almost naked!
Luckily, only one guy wore Euro Briefs. The rest of us wore Ocean trunks.

[Sedan_Clan]

Originally Posted by Murf993

It might surprise you but it's happened a few times.

I remember having to deal with a naked 6'4", ripped transient/frequent flyer who was high off his ass on a combo drug.......his wang swingin' in the wind......hung like a horse.

[Murf993]

Originally Posted by Sedan_Clan

I remember having to deal with a naked 6'4", ripped transient/frequent flyer who was high off his ass on a combo drug.......his wang swingin' in the wind......hung like a horse.

You can't not look, and you sure as hell don't want to touch it. I remember arresting a transvestite hooker, the guy was like 6'6" and ripped, dark black wearing a red dress heels, the wig and whole shitaroo. I was glad he didn't want to fight because the abuse we'd have undergone no matter how it turned out would've been brutal. Released on an appearance notice for criminal court.

[mahalom3]

Originally Posted by Sedan_Clan

I remember having to deal with a naked 6'4", ripped transient/frequent flyer who was high off his ass on a combo drug.......his wang swingin' in the wind......hung like a horse.

Did you at least stayed inside the unit and watch him come running up to the driver side door and started rubbing up on your window? It happened to one of the deputy I work with, same scenario but he got on the radio and said " I have a naked guy running all over the intersection, I'm going to step out and make contact, oh no, I'm getting back inside my unit because he's headed towards me, he's now up against my driver side window and I can see his pee pee

[2000cs]

It is nice reading some of the humorous stories officers share, because we all know there are plenty that are not so funny and you all see some pretty disturbing stuff. It has to mess with your head over time.

I appreciate what you all do, and hope I never need you!

[Murf993]

Originally Posted by mahalom3

Did you at least stayed inside the unit and watch him come running up to the driver side door and started rubbing up on your window? It happened to one of the deputy I work with, same scenario but he got on the radio and said " I have a naked guy running all over the intersection, I'm going to step out and make contact, oh no, I'm getting back inside my unit because he's headed towards me, he's now up against my driver side window and I can see his pee pee

You just can't make this shit up.

[Sedan_Clan]

Originally Posted by Murf993

You can't not look, and you sure as hell don't want to touch it. I remember arresting a transvestite hooker, the guy was like 6'6" and ripped, dark black wearing a red dress heels, the wig and whole shitaroo. I was glad he didn't want to fight because the abuse we'd have undergone no matter how it turned out would've been brutal. Released on an appearance notice for criminal court.

Originally Posted by mahalom3

Did you at least stayed inside the unit and watch him come running up to the driver side door and started rubbing up on your window? It happened to one of the deputy I work with, same scenario but he got on the radio and said " I have a naked guy running all over the intersection, I'm going to step out and make contact, oh no, I'm getting back inside my unit because he's headed towards me, he's now up against my driver side window and I can see his pee pee

That is hilarious on both accounts.


In my case the dude was dancing on the intersection median..........bits flailing about.....sweating profusely.....at 0520. Half the station rolled because the guy is massively strong and amped up. We had a naked transient whisperer calm him down enough so that I could slap the bracelets on him while the fire department personnel tended to him; he was ultimately transported. Had he fought, it would've been a rough morning......and I was off at 0600, so I was really hoping things didn't escalate.

[Sedan_Clan]

Originally Posted by 2000cs

It is nice reading some of the humorous stories officers share, because we all know there are plenty that are not so funny and you all see some pretty disturbing stuff. It has to mess with your head over time.

I appreciate what you all do, and hope I never need you!

We appreciate that. Sometimes even a simple head nod from a citizen is enough to make my day.

[Murf993]

Originally Posted by Sedan_Clan

That is hilarious on both accounts.


In my case the dude was dancing on the intersection median..........bits flailing about.....sweating profusely.....at 0520. Half the station rolled because the guy is massively strong and amped up. We had a naked transient whisperer calm him down enough so that I could slap the bracelets on him while the fire department personnel tended to him; he was ultimately transported. Had he fought, it would've been a rough morning......and I was off at 0600, so I was really hoping things didn't escalate.

Lucky for you, not everyone has one of those on their shift. We were lucky if we could get a dog handler most of the time.

[Sedan_Clan]

Originally Posted by Murf993

Lucky for you, not everyone has one of those on their shift. We were lucky if we could get a dog handler most of the time.

Lol! Our dog handlers are always hours out.

[Murf993]

Originally Posted by Sedan_Clan

Lol! Our dog handlers are always hours out.

Same for us now, but in the 90's and early 2000's we only had a few to go around.

[ramman434]

These are great stories. Please keep 'em coming. They're making Friday morning even better.

[Sedan_Clan]

Originally Posted by ramman434

These are great stories. Please keep 'em coming. They're making Friday morning even better.

I wish I could upload my body cam video of the meth head who offered fellatio in exchange for his release. He said he'd gum me up real nice.




Do you want to hear the story about the woman with a .380 in her vagina?

[rebekahb]

Originally Posted by Sedan_Clan

I wish I could upload my body cam video of the meth head who offered fellatio in exchange for his release. He said he'd gum me up real nice.




Do you want to hear the story about the woman with a .380 in her vagina?

You can't make this shit up.

Please keep me entertained while I clean my house.

[Joekerr]

Originally Posted by Sedan_Clan

I wish I could upload my body cam video of the meth head who offered fellatio in exchange for his release. He said he'd gum me up real nice.




Do you want to hear the story about the woman with a .380 in her vagina?

Pass on the dude, but I'll hear the story about the woman! I'm dying to understand how that would be effective in a self defense situation.