Opened a Can of Worms

Our03z4 · 10-03-2020, 04:44 PM

I recently did the Ancestry Dna test primarily for the health side but also to see my heritage. Well because I also decided to make a family tree I now have found out I have 2 1st cousins that no one knew about. Today I had one contact me saying they were adopted and are trying to find information about their parents.

The question is how much info do I give? My parents believe that it's my uncle's child. My uncle slept around quite a bit coming out of the military. He had a hard time adjusting back to life due to the literal battles he was in so he was all over the place. He physically has many issues and we aren't sure he could handle this news, mentally he isn't all there on top of other things.

My thought is that the person has a right to know. Thoughts?

upstatedoc · 10-04-2020, 02:22 PM

put that information in the desk drawer and pretend you never saw it

Caduceus · 10-04-2020, 03:27 PM

Be alert to the possibility they may not be related at all and this may be the opening line of a scam. Just sayin’

RickFLM4 · 10-04-2020, 03:34 PM

So these ancestry companies just provide strangers a platform to contact you without your permission? That sounds ridiculous to me.

I would ignore it, but then again, I’m one who sees no benefit in providing my DNA to one of these companies.

309xi · 10-04-2020, 05:18 PM

You sound like you want to make it worse. Just my opinion..

Our03z4 · 10-04-2020, 08:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Caduceus

Be alert to the possibility they may not be related at all and this may be the opening line of a scam. Just sayin’

I saw the dna match a while ago but never contacted her. She contacted me through the actual platform which can only link if it's a dna match. I had already done my research on her and know she locally owns a successful business.

Our03z4 · 10-04-2020, 08:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 309xi

You sound like you want to make it worse. Just my opinion..

Sure.... Did I not ask a question trying to avoid that problem? I don't want to make oit bad for any one. My brothers wife had a similar situation, had no clue she was adopted but made sense since her parents always treated her different (horribly) than her siblings. She found her dad because he used one of the services too. He was thrilled to have her find him and now they have a great relationship. Made her a totally different person.

To be clear my uncle is in no relationship, she is in her 30s and needs absolutely no financial assistance.

I think I'm going to mention it to him and see what he would like to do. If he doesn't want to be known I'll keep it to that way. He knows he has a few kids out there so it honestly wouldn't shock him too much. Just not sure how his memory will be.

rebekahb · 10-05-2020, 06:25 PM

I would mention it to him. He can decide at that point what he wants to do with it. Now, this is just my own perspective.

My Mom is adopted. She knows she has an older bother and sister who her parents kept. It's jacked her up not knowing who her parents are and that she has siblings. My grandparents gave her a great life but she is disconnected and always has been. She did Ancestry and found a cousin match but the cousin wasn't really sure who it could be. NY has finally unsealed adoption birth certificates so she has sent a request for her original. My sister and I have been begging my Mom for years to find out more because we are curious. There is always the possibility of them being grade a losers but it would be nice to see if we resemble any of them in any way. It's just more curiosity.

floridaorange · 10-06-2020, 07:52 AM

I'd let it go

David70 · 10-06-2020, 08:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Our03z4

Sure.... Did I not ask a question trying to avoid that problem? I don't want to make oit bad for any one. My brothers wife had a similar situation, had no clue she was adopted but made sense since her parents always treated her different (horribly) than her siblings. She found her dad because he used one of the services too. He was thrilled to have her find him and now they have a great relationship. Made her a totally different person.

To be clear my uncle is in no relationship, she is in her 30s and needs absolutely no financial assistance.

I think I'm going to mention it to him and see what he would like to do. If he doesn't want to be known I'll keep it to that way. He knows he has a few kids out there so it honestly wouldn't shock him too much. Just not sure how his memory will be.

Makes sense to me, tell him what happened and see how he wants to deal with it. Could be a good or bad thing in his life, depends on him and the overall situation.

10-03-2020, 04:44 PM	#1
Our03z4 Captain 1770 Rep 694 Posts Drives: 2008 BMW Z4 3.0si Coupe, Join Date: Nov 2016 Location: USA iTrader: (0)	Opened a Can of Worms I recently did the Ancestry Dna test primarily for the health side but also to see my heritage. Well because I also decided to make a family tree I now have found out I have 2 1st cousins that no one knew about. Today I had one contact me saying they were adopted and are trying to find information about their parents. The question is how much info do I give? My parents believe that it's my uncle's child. My uncle slept around quite a bit coming out of the military. He had a hard time adjusting back to life due to the literal battles he was in so he was all over the place. He physically has many issues and we aren't sure he could handle this news, mentally he isn't all there on top of other things. My thought is that the person has a right to know. Thoughts?
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10-04-2020, 02:22 PM	#2
upstatedoc I'll get back to you 7535 Rep 2,132 Posts Drives: blue streak Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: not downstate iTrader: (2)	put that information in the desk drawer and pretend you never saw it __________________ 2018 Stinger GT 2009 E90 N51 /Active Autowerke Stage 2 tune/BMW Performance Exhaust/ Countermeasure enthusiast.
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10-04-2020, 03:27 PM	#3
Caduceus First Lieutenant 351 Rep 396 Posts Drives: 2008 135 (sold), 2017 M2 Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: Australia iTrader: (0)	Be alert to the possibility they may not be related at all and this may be the opening line of a scam. Just sayin’
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10-04-2020, 03:34 PM	#4
RickFLM4 Brigadier General 11842 Rep 4,873 Posts Drives: M4 Join Date: Jul 2015 Location: PB County, FL iTrader: (0)	So these ancestry companies just provide strangers a platform to contact you without your permission? That sounds ridiculous to me. I would ignore it, but then again, I’m one who sees no benefit in providing my DNA to one of these companies. __________________ Current: 2018 SO/SS F83 ZCP Gone: 2015 SO/SO F82
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10-04-2020, 05:18 PM	#5
309xi Private First Class 119 Rep 134 Posts Drives: 2011 BMW 328xi Join Date: Jul 2020 Location: 309 iTrader: (0)	You sound like you want to make it worse. Just my opinion..
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10-05-2020, 06:25 PM	#8
rebekahb First Lieutenant 3227 Rep 320 Posts Drives: 2020 X5 M50i Join Date: Nov 2018 Location: New Orleans, LA iTrader: (0)	I would mention it to him. He can decide at that point what he wants to do with it. Now, this is just my own perspective. My Mom is adopted. She knows she has an older bother and sister who her parents kept. It's jacked her up not knowing who her parents are and that she has siblings. My grandparents gave her a great life but she is disconnected and always has been. She did Ancestry and found a cousin match but the cousin wasn't really sure who it could be. NY has finally unsealed adoption birth certificates so she has sent a request for her original. My sister and I have been begging my Mom for years to find out more because we are curious. There is always the possibility of them being grade a losers but it would be nice to see if we resemble any of them in any way. It's just more curiosity.
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