How do I have a conversation with my parents about taking a hold of my own life?

[DieselDiner]

Originally Posted by sygazelle

Well if that's the case then you have your answer about what to do about college. How you manage that situation with your parents so they get off your back is another matter.

Before you throw the notion of 2 more years of college out the window, please consider a couple of things:

Ask these GMs that told you a degree isn't important if they they got a degree. If the answer is no, I would question the validity of their advice for YOUR future.

Also consider that how cars are sold, both new and used, is rapidly changing. Just take a look at how its changed in the past 10 years. You want to be on the winning side of whatever changes are coming. An education could possibly give you an advantage.

Look, if you are dead set against investing a couple of more years in education, I would say don't do it just for your parent's sake. It's much easier to accomplish if you actually want it for yourself. I gave this advice to both my kids and they both decided on their own to get college degrees and they are doing great in their careers.

Whatever you do, best of luck!

x2

There are many facets of operating a business that getting those final 2 years could illuminate for you. It's always a good idea to have more credentials than those against whom you'll compete for a position. You'll have the advantage of experience, performance, and education.

Also: consider the possibility of perhaps one day wanting to own a dealership! You can consider classes in a management degree that will help you better understand financial management, etc..

I can't comment on the cultural aspect, other than to offer encouragement and say to pursue your dreams and aspirations. Your parents love you and want the best for you, but only you know how best to achieve that end goal for yourself.

[XutvJet]

Originally Posted by Mosaud1998

How do I sound immature?

It's not easy as an Asian to move out of my parents us just like that.

Read @wtwo3 comment.

Sure it is. Just freaking do it and break these insane and damaging cultural cycles.

Also, many of us lived on our own in our early 20s making a fraction of what you do. It's called renting and patience. You can't have everything from the start (i.e., a house, a new or fancy car, all the toys) and you have to start somewhere. You work your way up in life, your job, and financial status. Kids and young adults these days expect everything handed to them and have no patience.

[Mosaud1998]

Originally Posted by wtwo3

This is awesome advice and absolutely the proper way to evaluate your career. You want to be forward looking if you're going to select a certain career path.

That being said, it should also be mentioned that sales skills you earn on the job now are absolutely transferrable to other industries - with a bit of learning curve. But at that point you have to ask yourself - what is it about your current job that you love. Is it being around cars, or is it the sales aspect of it? And could you imagine yourself getting into sales in a different industry? These are the types of questions you should be asking yourself as you think about how you want your career to progress. More often than not, how a career progresses is part self driven and part by chance.

I love being around cars. That's why I love my current job.

I am thinking about getting into real estate or joining my friends in the BA field.

[ntg44]

Originally Posted by Mason Hatcher

Of course it is. You are making excuses and arguing with those who are trying to help you. Feel free to ignore the advice, but it is stupid to argue with us.

For those reasons, I'm out

I agree. This isn't unique to Asian parents. My parents are first generation immigrants from Europe and this story is exactly the same as mine.

The truth is OP as someone who's gone through this, you are the one holding yourself back, not your parents. I complained about the exact same thing until I finally just went and did it, although it was at age 26. However, I used the opportunity out of college to save as much money as I could to be in the position to do that.

At the end of the day, you can either bitch and live under your parents rules and safety net, or you man up, take the leap, and go out on your own. Once you are fully committed to sink or swim, that is what earns your parents' respect. Until then, you'll never be treated seriously.

I only know this because I struggled with this for a very long time during and after I graduated college. It took many years, and my parents used every tactic in the book to manipulate me into staying. But the truth is and always will be that the reason they control you is because you're letting them. And you can't make your parents happy all the time AND get respect from them. When I finally moved out, it took years for my mom specifically to not burst into tears when I left after visiting. And she never really got over it until about a year after I got married, and even now she still brings up my leaving.

At 23, I can't say I was prepared to jump ship like you. But if you feel strongly enough about it, the only option is to commit and to live your own life. Your parents won't be happy with you for a very long time. But you'll be happy, and they will respect you for it once you've proven you can make it on your own. As long as you're still under their roof, they never will.

[Mosaud1998]

Originally Posted by DieselDiner

x2

There are many facets of operating a business that getting those final 2 years could illuminate for you. It's always a good idea to have more credentials than those against whom you'll compete for a position. You'll have the advantage of experience, performance, and education.

Also: consider the possibility of perhaps one day wanting to own a dealership! You can consider classes in a management degree that will help you better understand financial management, etc..

I can't comment on the cultural aspect, other than to offer encouragement and say to pursue your dreams and aspirations. Your parents love you and want the best for you, but only you know how best to achieve that end goal for yourself.

Idk, I feel like if my parents stop pressing me to go to school I might go back and get a degree in management. I took a business management class at my community college and enjoyed it. I took macroeconomics and microeconomics and enjoyed those two classes.

I think I just need a few years away from school and see how far I can get here. If I can get close to a manager position in 2-3 years, I'll stick with this job.

If not, I'll take business management classes part-time and keep this job. That way I am not losing anything.

[Bonk!]

Sounds like you want it both ways - exert your adulthood but still stay attached to a financial umbilical cord. "My roof my rules" was my father's credo so I moved out after high school and put myself through college. Maybe you have to decide which is more important - independence or safety net?

[CTinline-six]

I'm 31, so probably a bit closer in age to you. While I'm not Asian, my parents were very strict growing up. In the end, they want what is best for you. The real answer of "what should I do?" is always somewhere in the middle between what they want and what you want.

While I laugh at those who chant "YOLO" before doing something regrettable, there is some truth to that. You only get one chance at life, make sure you are doing something worthwhile that you enjoy. I have known too many people who worked their whole life at a job they hated trying to plan for the future, only to die 2 years after retiring. The goal is to do something you don't hate, while also making enough to live a decent life.

My father always said it's good to have options in life. I've had many different jobs, and ultimately ended up working in the Technology field although my degree has nothing to do with computer science. I will say having the degree opens up more options down the road. It's 2 more years, and my advice would be to go for something in business, that way you can apply it to what you are doing now and your future in the automotive field. You don't have to quit your job and go back to school, there are plenty of options to do online courses, or do courses part-time while you work. If you love the field you are in, stick with it, and use the degree to further your career in that field, or as a back-up plan in case what you are doing now doesn't work out.

Knowing how my parents were, it's easier to have a conversation with them when you have a plan. If you decide to pursue business just say I love the field I'm in, it makes me happy, and these are my plans for the future and how I'm going to be successful.

[LuxoM3]

So... how about a perspective from a dad? An Asian dad. Like a dad who is your dad's age?
Parents are people too... and they have their own set of esteem issues. Culturally (old world) you either brag about your kid being rich or famous or having nothing to say at all.


I'm a Brand & Creative Director with a mid-size tech company in NorCal in my 50s. (People think I'm 30-ish. I ride BMX bikes, play video games competitively, listen to hard rock. Still harassed at stoplights to race).

I'm doing OK by CA standards. House with a low-mortgage, net worth over $1m, have 2 BMWs in the garage, kid in the middle of college (paid for), another in high-school.

Let me tell you what I DID NOT DO RIGHT per my folks:
1. Major in engineering or the med field (I did design/marketing)
2. Married a white woman.
3. Get a masters or PHd.

What I am doing right per my folks:
1. Still believe in God and raising my family to love/respect God, family and country.
2. Taking care of my family.
3. Giving financial advice to them.

Notice, there's nothing in the last three that mention jobs or bragging rights to their social circles. Here's why... TWO things.

ONE
In 7th grade I ended up in French class. I hated it. Two weeks in, I was getting a D and got a slip to drop the class... which my DAD needed to sign. But he said something to me that I will never forget "I'll sign this, I know it's hard, but doing hard things makes you better. I'll leave it up to you whether you want to stay in this class." Right there I told him, I'll stick with it. The next day he bought be a French dictionary. I brought that D to an A- by end of semester. The first time I ever enjoyed making a decision and working to make it happen. Big life lessons right there.

TWO
That same semester my report card was straight As. I worked my tail off for those grades because I was not (am not) one of those *smart* Asians. I showed my mom when I got home. She said, "What's this A- for?". I said it was French. She said, "This should have been an A." From that point forward, I vowed to myself to NEVER do anything to make someone else happy. I did the work, it was not for anyone to criticize. She put in zero effort into helping me with my homework or grades. Yeah no.

So what's this story telling all for?

ONE - you WILL always have hard decisions, but you never grow or get better or become anyone avoiding the hard decisions. And those decisions will involve loss, effort, and risk... for a short while.

TWO - you can't kill yourself working for someone else. You'll never be appreciated enough or fulfilled enough. Mom, dad, girl, love interest, a boss... until you do it for yourself... all the effort is meaningless.

My daughter's boyfriend in a similar life dilemma... either DEFY his mom/dad and make something of his life or stay... right now he's choosing to stay... and guess what... the gears are ticking in little girl's head... she doesn't plan on waiting...

You will lose more than ever gain by not moving forward.

And yes, finish your degree. Get it in marketing. There's plenty of Asians in marketing.
A degree isn't a guarantee you'll be a success, but statistically, you'll make about $100k more than anyone else without one. You can work and do the degree. Don't be lazy. :P

[F32Fleet]

Originally Posted by Mosaud1998

I don't think I'll be a salesman when I'm 30-35. I belive before I'm 30 I can become a sales manager. From talking to other Sales Managers from other dealerships (spoke to them on LinkedIn), you need about 2-3 years of sales experience to be a sales manager. I believe I can make a good Floor manager right now (floor managers close deals for salesmen). I just need to know the system we use in order to know what we have in each car. If that makes any sense.

Ya I was thinking the business in general. If I were going to go into the business I would look at working for a manufacturer rather than a franchise seller.

[Mosaud1998]

Originally Posted by LuxoM3

So... how about a perspective from a dad? An Asian dad. Like a dad who is your dad's age?
Parents are people too... and they have their own set of esteem issues. Culturally (old world) you either brag about your kid being rich or famous or having nothing to say at all.


I'm a Brand & Creative Director with a mid-size tech company in NorCal in my 50s. (People think I'm 30-ish. I ride BMX bikes, play video games competitively, listen to hard rock. Still harassed at stoplights to race).

I'm doing OK by CA standards. House with a low-mortgage, net worth over $1m, have 2 BMWs in the garage, kid in the middle of college (paid for), another in high-school.

Let me tell you what I DID NOT DO RIGHT per my folks:
1. Major in engineering or the med field (I did design/marketing)
2. Married a white woman.
3. Get a masters or PHd.

What I am doing right per my folks:
1. Still believe in God and raising my family to love/respect God, family and country.
2. Taking care of my family.
3. Giving financial advice to them.

Notice, there's nothing in the last three that mention jobs or bragging rights to their social circles. Here's why... TWO things.

ONE
In 7th grade I ended up in French class. I hated it. Two weeks in, I was getting a D and got a slip to drop the class... which my DAD needed to sign. But he said something to me that I will never forget "I'll sign this, I know it's hard, but doing hard things makes you better. I'll leave it up to you whether you want to stay in this class." Right there I told him, I'll stick with it. The next day he bought be a French dictionary. I brought that D to an A- by end of semester. The first time I ever enjoyed making a decision and working to make it happen. Big life lessons right there.

TWO
That same semester my report card was straight As. I worked my tail off for those grades because I was not (am not) one of those *smart* Asians. I showed my mom when I got home. She said, "What's this A- for?". I said it was French. She said, "This should have been an A." From that point forward, I vowed to myself to NEVER do anything to make someone else happy. I did the work, it was not for anyone to criticize. She put in zero effort into helping me with my homework or grades. Yeah no.

So what's this story telling all for?

ONE - you WILL always have hard decisions, but you never grow or get better or become anyone avoiding the hard decisions. And those decisions will involve loss, effort, and risk... for a short while.

TWO - you can't kill yourself working for someone else. You'll never be appreciated enough or fulfilled enough. Mom, dad, girl, love interest, a boss... until you do it for yourself... all the effort is meaningless.

My daughter's boyfriend in a similar life dilemma... either DEFY his mom/dad and make something of his life or stay... right now he's choosing to stay... and guess what... the gears are ticking in little girl's head... she doesn't plan on waiting...

You will lose more than ever gain by not moving forward.

And yes, finish your degree. Get it in marketing. There's plenty of Asians in marketing.
A degree isn't a guarantee you'll be a success, but statistically, you'll make about $100k more than anyone else without one. You can work and do the degree. Don't be lazy. :P

I feel like I'm doing marketing right now.

I'm marketing Fords products as a salesman.

[LuxoM3]

Originally Posted by Mosaud1998

I feel like I'm doing marketing right now.

I'm marketing Fords products as a salesman.

Not the same my friend. I'm 30 years ahead of you.
Even people who work their dream jobs eventually become tired or are fired.

At the director level at my company... I see the skills and talent difference with college grads versus those who are self-taught/self-made.
(As I also do hiring.)

Education - even as seemingly useless as a college can be - the dgree gives you more options, not less.

Look at it this way... you and another guy are 10 years into Ford... and there's a management position open. Both of you with the same work background, but one with and one without a degree. I'm telling you, from my experience, the degree guy gets picked everytime. Right or wrong, it happens everyday.

A friend of mine is a product manager at McLaren. Yes THAT McLaren. He didn't got to college. There you go. Easy right?
Just got into McLaren and now he's traveling the world doing F1 events and meeting celebrities.

NO.

He started at Ford after a tech school apprenticeship in fuel systems. Ford hired him to work on fuel systems. He worked his way up and eventually was designing fuel systems. Then the powertrain systems... then the car itself as a product manager... then 20 years later... Mclaren (and Telsa) asked him to join them.

Education is worth something. It opens more doors than brute forcing things. Heck I think about my marketing classes from college almost everyday. Synergy was a term I remember from class. But when you learned about it in class and have to make it happen on the job... it's easier because you learned about the pieces... and as a manager, it's a hell of a lot easier to make it happen when you have influence over multiple groups versus sitting in a silo that is a department.

But you have time...

[kwarden13]

You seem to still have a pretty narrow view of life and career. You need to move out of your parents and stand on your own 2 feet. Right now, college doesn’t seem in the cards because it doesn’t impact you, it’s your parents thing.

But you make $70k right now which is great at your age. However later if you add a wife and kids, that $70k doesn’t sound so great. To move up you will most likely need a degree, unless you get lucky. Basically you are boxing yourself in without a degree just like with the moving out thing. Also school is about networking, who knows who you will meet and what it will lead to.

[Mosaud1998]

Originally Posted by LuxoM3

Not the same my friend. I'm 30 years ahead of you.
Even people who work their dream jobs eventually become tired or are fired.

At the director level at my company... I see the skills and talent difference with college grads versus those who are self-taught/self-made.
(As I also do hiring.)

Education - even as seemingly useless as a college can be - the dgree gives you more options, not less.

Look at it this way... you and another guy are 10 years into Ford... and there's a management position open. Both of you with the same work background, but one with and one without a degree. I'm telling you, from my experience, the degree guy gets picked everytime. Right or wrong, it happens everyday.

A friend of mine is a product manager at McLaren. Yes THAT McLaren. He didn't got to college. There you go. Easy right?
Just got into McLaren and now he's traveling the world doing F1 events and meeting celebrities.

NO.

He started at Ford after a tech school apprenticeship in fuel systems. Ford hired him to work on fuel systems. He worked his way up and eventually was designing fuel systems. Then the powertrain systems... then the car itself as a product manager... then 20 years later... Mclaren (and Telsa) asked him to join them.

Education is worth something. It opens more doors than brute forcing things. Heck I think about my marketing classes from college almost everyday. Synergy was a term I remember from class. But when you learned about it in class and have to make it happen on the job... it's easier because you learned about the pieces... and as a manager, it's a hell of a lot easier to make it happen when you have influence over multiple groups versus sitting in a silo that is a department.

But you have time...

I think all I need is a break from college.

maybe I'll got back in a year part-time and get a bachelor's in marketing/management

[dreamingat30fps]

You make $70k you can more than afford to live on your own so move out. Problem solved.

If you don't have the cojones to just walk out then maybe come up with some kind of compromise. Like you will go to college, but only if you live on your own or something. Then take night classes for some business degree or something. Maybe some online school.

As for the degree IMO it depends on what you plan to do. I have a BS that I have never used or even been asked what kind of degree I had. Although my field is more about samples of your work and some places make you take some tests they setup. Now I have my own business and I also have never looked at what degree anyone I've contracted work out to has. Now if you want to be a doctor.... probably going to need a degree.

[JP10]

I'll offer a different opinion because I'm half jealous of your situation. Stay at your parents until they kick you out. Bank the money and invest. Just deal with their ridiculing, think of it this way - a place in Chicago is probably around $1200/mo at least - lets say they get on your ass about school and career once a week - you're essentially getting paid $300/bitch session just to sit there and take it in hahaha.

I'd finish your schooling if I were you - just separates yourself from the crowd.

My parents were very strict as well, not Asian, but that is what it is. As soon as I graduated my Dad said good luck, you're on your own - and no he didn't help pay for the education. And that was that. Boom kicked out, fully self sufficient since 21yrs old. Only a few years older then you now.

My advice is usually brief - reason being is there is no instruction manual for life. Make your own path, you'll figure it out. Often you need to fall to understand how high up you were.

[Mosaud1998]

Originally Posted by dreamingat30fps

You make $70k you can more than afford to live on your own so move out. Problem solved.

If you don't have the cojones to just walk out then maybe come up with some kind of compromise. Like you will go to college, but only if you live on your own or something. Then take night classes for some business degree or something. Maybe some online school.

As for the degree IMO it depends on what you plan to do. I have a BS that I have never used or even been asked what kind of degree I had. Although my field is more about samples of your work and some places make you take some tests they setup. Now I have my own business and I also have never looked at what degree anyone I've contracted work out to has. Now if you want to be a doctor.... probably going to need a degree.

I mean, my plan is to become a Sales Manager/Used car manager. No, not because I am young and want to be a manager or whatever. I believe I have the skills to be a good manager.

I'm always helping around and training new employees we hire. Explaining features to them and helping them with customers. I know there's more than that to a manager's position.

I believe I can make a well-used car manager also. I know about cars, I can price them right and make logical decisions when it comes to selling them and putting work into them to sell.

The current GM at my job kinda sucks. Recently, we sold a 21 Mustang Mach-E for 15k over sticker (MSRP $55k we sold it for $70k +TTL). The customer traded in a 2019 Ford F-250 platinum with 39k miles for the Mach-E. The GM gave the customer $72k for his truck. The trade-in value is around $65k. Retail is $70k. He gave the customers $5k above trade-in and $2k above retail. Just to get our car out.

Now the F-250 is priced at $78k. $8k above retail. If no one buys it within 90 days, we'll have to drop the price to around $67k to get any action. It's going to automatically be a loser.

He should've dropped the market adjustment on the Mach-E to about $5k and gave the guy around $60k-62k for his trade-in. That way, it's even on both sides.

Now we're going to be flipped on the F-250 and whoever ends up selling it after 90 days is only going to be making a mini ($100).

[Mosaud1998]

Originally Posted by JP10

I'll offer a different opinion because I'm half jealous of your situation. Stay at your parents until they kick you out. Bank the money and invest. Just deal with their ridiculing, think of it this way - a place in Chicago is probably around $1200/mo at least - lets say they get on your ass about school and career once a week - you're essentially getting paid $300/bitch session just to sit there and take it in hahaha.

I'd finish your schooling if I were you - just separates yourself from the crowd.

My parents were very strict as well, not Asian, but that is what it is. As soon as I graduated my Dad said good luck, you're on your own - and no he didn't help pay for the education. And that was that. Boom kicked out, fully self sufficient since 21yrs old. Only a few years older then you now.

My advice is usually brief - reason being is there is no instruction manual for life. Make your own path, you'll figure it out. Often you need to fall to understand how high up you were.

I'm thinking of going back to school in a year. Probably just going to get a Bachelors in Business Management or Marketing.

[M5Rick]

Originally Posted by Mosaud1998

I'm thinking of going back to school in a year. Probably just going to get a Bachelors in Business Management or Marketing.

You're just 23,go for it.

[Mosaud1998]

Originally Posted by M5Rick

You're just 23,go for it.

Maybe I just need a break. Hell, I'm starting to lose hair and I've got a few grey hairs already

[M5Rick]

Originally Posted by Mosaud1998

Maybe I just need a break. Hell, I'm starting to lose hair and I've got a few grey hairs already

It sounds that you are under pressure a lot of the time, you ''need'' take some time off, get off to the Seychelles,my partner is already drilling me to go there lol

[wren57]

Why not pursue an online finance degree while selling cars? You can stay in the same field as sales manager or finance manager, but if you have the finance degree then you have options long-term if you ever get burned out of sales.

[Alfisti]

I am not convinced more school is the answer right now, you don't sound up for it and that can be miserable. I DESPISED every second of university, worse years of my life other than the friends I made. I should never have went, or at least take a 2 year breather, but that is just me.