I'll jump in here.
I have cheated in the past. First wife. It was a bad situation. We went without sex for roughly 6 months. I tried, she wasn't interested. I remained faithful for the first 5 years of our relationship. Something happened to her, clueless as to what it was as our communication was not the greatest. All I ever heard was "I'm fine" when clearly she wasn't. She stopped taking care of herself, gained quite a bit of weight, wouldn't work, wouldn't clean our home, wouldn't do laundry or cook. I worked two jobs and she did nothing to participate in our relationship or to assist with daily duties of our home together. A sprite young attractive female showed interest and I declined on numerous attempts made by her. After a pretty big argument with the wife I tried to explain to her the situation. As I recall I also made the statement that "If I'm hungry and I'm asking for something to eat yet you choose not to share your food, I'll go to McDonalds"......and so I did. Ultimately our marriage ended but not due to my infidelity. Had I been the man that I am now, I would have made better decisions. We live/we learn.
Second marriage, she cheated......a lot. Once I caught wind of this, I decided to give her a taste of her own medicine......
Quote:
Originally Posted by RAFiK - BMWClubUAE
It'll be interesting if you cheated on your present one with your prior, or vise versa!
An anonymous one perhaps
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Ahem....cough. lol. I cheated on the second wife with the first after learning of her infidelity. Let me just say that I am so glad that I am not the same person I was back then. Thinking about this makes me feel like a terrible person and I have a hard time believing I even did this stuff.
My view now is that communication is key. If you have an open channel of communication and trust, you'd be surprised at what is considered acceptable. If a person wants to have sex with someone who is not their significant other, it should be expressed. If the other person in the relationship is not ok with it, the relationship should be over. In the event that the other person is ok with it.....then this turns into some of my bedtime stories that have not been written as of yet. I personally feel that the human ego creates many problems in society. Cheating is hurtful yes, but why? Is it because you have done something behind the back of the person whom you are supposed to create a sense of trust with? This is the biggest problem in my opinion....the distrust. The act of sex or having sex with someone else is simply an act. Being hurt because someone has lied or has chosen to put their want/desires before your trust is a valid reason for being hurt. If it is simply the fact that the act of sex has been encountered with another person, this is where I feel the ego is the problem. A person confident enough in their abilities in the bedroom should not have to deal with this aspect of this scenario.
I will say that in my experience in being cheated on I was dually hurt because of the infidelity and then by the notion that the other person wanted someone else. It's human nature to be attracted to people. It' embedded in the genetic code for men to spread their seed just as it is embedded for women to want to nurture, this is why little girls like to play will baby dolls and pretend being a mother. It's who we are. With all this being said, it is completely natural to be attracted to people who aren't our significant others.
Personally I feel swingers are on to something here.
As for the question about swingers being considered cheating. In my opinion it would only be considered cheating in the event that it was not communicated with the other person. From what I gather of the people I know that are swingers, it's typically done with the other spouse in the room. Most of the allure is watching their partner being pleased. Something like watching porn, but in person, with your favorite porn star - your spouse.