Quote:
Originally Posted by zx10guy
Your situation is what the ideal marriage would be. So I'm happy for you and others that have this situation. But to put out the counterpoint to an ideal marriage and how things can go horribly wrong, here's what I went through.
Got married. Agreed that the wife would stay home after she gave birth to our daughter. That's where everything went downhill. I tried to help with all the baby duties but was met with verbal abuse and hostility. Everything she did was right and everything I did was wrong. She was studying for her nursing degree which I was funding 100%. She drove herself nuts studying and taking care of our daughter even though I tried to help. This led to further tension in our marriage. Eventually, she started to go hang out with her friends to the point where it was a regular weekly occurrence. She took our daughter and left our daughter with her mother to take care of when she was out clubbing. This was the start of the alienation between my daughter and myself. I got cancer for the second time during the marriage which I had to deal with by myself. She stopped going to the appointments and I had complications from the surgery which again I dealt with by myself. I kept paying the bills and even when I went out to shop for groceries, I would get things she needed. But I had to cook my own meals, do my own laundry, and do all the maintenance around the house.
Fast forward to the divorce which I initiated because I got tired of the whole situation. I wanted 50/50 custody of our daughter. The wife refused. Was advised by my lawyer that would be a long shot. Even if I tried, I would have put myself into financial ruin as the way the family laws are written, I had to pay for the wife's attorney's fees in addition to mine. So she knew she can wait me out. She ran off with a good chunk of my assets where she's been set up nice and pretty with a fully paid off car, a new career in nursing, a townhouse, and a good start with her retirement account. All courtesy of me. Yes, during the marriage my income is considered 50/50. But I can honestly say that she contributed zero to me earning that money.
BTW, the marriage on paper was only about 6 years. The only saving grace was that I only had to pay alimony for 6 months post divorce. But I did pay about a year and half of it during the separation along with child support.
Until family law changes where it doesn't give all the benefit and incentive to the woman in a divorce, I don't know why any male would consider marriage.
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Damn dude, that sucks. Curious how old your now ex wife was when you met and when all this went down. I ask because a lot of her actions sound very familiar to my 1st wife when things went bad. The hanging out with friends, leaving me to fend for myself when I had surgery then pneumonia, me paying all the bills so she could F off and have fun. No kids and no cancer in my story (thankfully), but many parallels to yours. I always chocked it up to age and immaturity. We were early 20s at the time.
Divorce law and family law are definitely 50 years behind the times. I get the need to look out for women who traditionally make less than men and traditionally are the ones who sacrifice the career to raise the kids. But women these days are not destitute if they don't have a man, like they were in the past. They also arent shunned by society for being a single mom. At the same time, dads are perfectly equipped to be as good or even better care takers of children. Times have changed and divorce and family law needs to catch up.